That Damn Happiness Clause
by Azure K Mello
Summary: Angel has issues in the very first ep, we know that, who helps him through it? Moreover what were Willow's feelings while resouling him? This is a What if fic that goes from first season on.If one things changed what else would have? AD, XS SLASH.
1. 1

Setting: Last Scene of the first Episode named "City Of." First conversation warped from that scene.  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Hell, I don't even own the shoes I'm wearing now.  
  
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Angel hung up the phone as soon as he heard her voice. He didn't know he'd called her in the first place. Maybe he needed to hear her, to remember why he couldn't love someone. He could only hurt people. Loving people hurt them when you couldn't be with them. Allowing himself to love was against the rules. Sometimes he just needed a reminder.  
  
And suddenly he was there, "What happened to Russell?"  
  
Angel looked up, "He went into the light." He said in a tired manner.  
  
"And yet you don't seem to be in a celebrating mood." Said Doyle confused by the man, wasn't this what he wanted to help people? Wasn't this why he, Doyle, was there?  
  
"I killed a vampire. I didn't help anybody." Said Angel filled with self loathing.  
  
"Are you sure about that? Because there is a girl upstairs that's as happy as can be." he asked with a smile. "I know you didn't save Tina." He said sitting down next to Angel sounding suddenly more serious. "But think of the countless, faceless girls you have saved by getting him gone. And hell, in a way you saved me because at least the mind breaking vision wasn't for nothing. You've doing something here, you're the champion of light, man. That must be worth something to you."  
  
"Do they hurt?" he asked apropos seemingly to nothing, "The visions." He added seeing the confused look on Doyle's face.  
  
"Only when I know I've failed to fix them." Said Doyle softly, pensively.  
  
"You said the visions were you penance, what do you have to atone for?" asked Angel watching the very innocent boy in front of him. Sure he was world wise but pure and noble none the less.  
  
"I'd rather not say." Said Doyle as though he was about to cry, "I'm not a good man. I don't deserve atonement."  
  
"And I do?"  
  
"That was your demon. I-" started Doyle but Angel interrupted him.  
  
"And that makes it ok? What's to say even that it wasn't your demon," he said becoming self-righteous on the boy's behalf. "Why do you deserve that?"  
  
"It made me realize pathetic, ridiculous, disgusting, and absolutely true things about myself that I never wanted to know. And it's made me a better man than I was, not much, but a little." Angel just shook his head. "By the way, while you were out The PTB left a message. They wanted you to know that Willow never meant it as a curse, she felt nothing but love, and so the outcome was just that. . . they thought you would get it. Do you get it?" he asked.  
  
Angel blinked for a moment in shock and said, "Wow. Wow. Are you sure?"  
  
"Pretty damn positive, man." Said Doyle not adding that the message was shown with vivid scenes from his and Angel's future. Why spoil the process? "Goodnight, Angel man, I'll see you in five to six hours for another fun filled day of eveil fighting." He said stressing the word evil like in all those old horror films.  
  
Then suddenly with vampiric speed Angel grabbed him and kissed him full on the lips in a bruising manner. Letting the boy go only when Doyle's need for air went to a dangerous place. "Are you sure?" he asked again but with a total different meaning.  
  
"Positive" said Doyle with a slight cock of his head. So much for the process.  
  
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A/N- continue? One off? You tell me. 


	2. 2

Setting: Story is between first episode of the first season named "City Of." And "In the Dark"  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Hell, I don't even own the shoes I'm wearing now.  
  
Summery: Angel/Doyle, season 1, slash  
  
Warning-SLASH but the rating is correct.  
  
Part two/?  
  
Dedicated to Jack for staying sober to talk to me when everyone else was drunk.  
  
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Doyle sat quietly at the computer the next morning. He was biting a nail while staring at the screen. Cordelia wandered in at eleven AM and stared at him. "Are you actually doing work or just looking at dirty pictures?"  
  
"I had a vision last night and it was vague. And it's left me looking up Greek mythology."  
  
"Oh, ok, I'm gonna make coffee." Said Cordy in a chipper tone not wanting to know anymore.  
  
"And by making coffee do you mean poison us?" asked Angel stepping out of the elevator.  
  
"No, . . . but it might work out that way."  
  
"Only if we're lucky, sweetheart," said Doyle not looking up from the computer. "And with my luck I'll just end up in hospital in large amounts of pain."  
  
Cordy rolled her eyes as she walked out to the foyer where the coffee maker was.  
  
"Whatcha doin'?" asked Angel looking over Doyle's shoulder.  
  
"Vision research." Answered Doyle without looking up.  
  
"Last night? Why didn't you call me?" asked Angel concerned.  
  
"It wasn't urgent, I knew it could wait 'til mornin'."  
  
"Are you ok?"  
  
"Fine, it was an average vision." Said Doyle with his eyes still on the screen.  
  
His eyes were brimmed with red as though he hadn't slept or had been crying. He wouldn't meet Angel's eye. "Are you sure?"  
  
"Yep." The fact was he'd had horrible dreams all night and due to a large amount of scotch in his blood at the time Doyle now could not tell what had been nightmares and what had been prophetic vision. His head pounded when he awoke more than just his average hangover, so at least two of them had been messages from the PTB. Which he was sure. hallucinations of young girls being torn limb from limb, Buffy being torn limb from limb, Angel with Buffy. On and on the prospects marched through his mind. Somebody whispering all the time, "he thinks he loves him? It's exactly like a Greek play. We should all be Greek." Something about the line had stuck with him and here he sat looking up Greek mythology. It seemed important somehow.  
  
Angel watched him for a moment before standing up and shutting the door blocking off Cordy. He walked back and sat in the chair next to Doyle's. He spun Doyle's pivoting chair around to face him, their knees bumping as he did so. Doyle cast his eyes down to his lap still not meeting Angel's eyes. "Doyle, look at me." Said Angel softly tilting Doyle's chin up. "What is going on? What's the matter?"  
  
"I had horrible dreams all night, and I was so drunk that I couldn't tell the differences between the visions and the nightmares. And now I just feel weird and out of it."  
  
"You weren't drunk when you left." Said Angel thinking back to the night before and the kiss.  
  
"I went out with Frankie Tripod after I left."  
  
"Ahh, and how is he?"  
  
"Cryin' o'er some girl."  
  
"And what's really bothering you?" asked Angel softly.  
  
"Nothing!" said Doyle a tad too quickly.  
  
"Then why won't you look me in the eye?"  
  
Doyle looked up slowly and asked finally, "When are you going back to Sunnydale, Angel?"  
  
Angel suddenly smiled. "I'm not going back to her, Doyle. That was very over long before I left and whether or not my soul is at risk is no longer here nor there. I can't go back there, that part of my life is done with." Doyle looked down again feeling rejected. Angel realized and lifted his chin again. "Nor would I if I could. I don't want to be there. I wanta be here." He saw that there was still some doubt in Doyle's eyes and he wondered not for the first time what had happened in the boy's past. "I want to be with you."  
  
"Really?" asked Doyle with a slight smile.  
  
Angel just nodded with his small lopsided smile. "So what's the deal with this vision?"  
  
"I don't know what was dream and what was prophetic, as I said. The only thing I know for sure was a voice saying, "It's exactly like a Greek play. We should all be Greek." And I knew the voice." He said it again imitating the voice as Cordy walked into the room.  
  
"Sounds like Anya." She said.  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Anya Jenkins. I went to school with her, she was a vengeance demon. Went to prom with Xander. Granted my wish that Buffy never came to Sunnydale. You remember, Angel, you were in that cage and Vamp Willow was torturing you?"  
  
"Oh yeah, I never thanked you for that experience."  
  
"Her power source got broken now she's just human."  
  
"Well I'd wager she's back in the game. What did you say her name was: Anya?" He thought for a moment. "Not, Anyanka? I used to run with her, nice girl, very mislead."  
  
"Nice? Do we need to worry?" asked Angel still sitting knee to knee with the boy.  
  
"Nice, don't get me wrong, but deadly. We worry. But hey! That's a nice little cryptic warning from the powers."  
  
"Was there anything else?" asked Angel.  
  
"Nothing of consequence." Lied Doyle. "The rest of it was just the wonders of my self depreciating mind." He added softly so only Angel heard him, though Doyle had not meant him to, he simply forgot of the vampire's hearing. Angel squeezed his hand.  
  
The action didn't go below Cordy's radar but for once she actually kept her mouth shut. "Well I know a lot of women scorned who would be right in Anya's cliental, so while I follow those leads you guys look up her possible reason's for being here and not say: anywhere else."  
  
"Was Cordelia just being helpful?" asked Angel after the girl flew out, a tornado of leather and Fendi.  
  
"I think she may have been."  
  
"Wow, if I had any money I'd give her a raise." They both laughed softly and then angel leaned into Doyle for a kiss and rested his forehead on the other man's. "Don't beat yourself up so much, you're an amazing strong man. And the only one who doesn't believe that is you."  
  
"We should be doing work, Angel man." Said Doyle softly not wanting to confront Angel's last statement.  
  
Angel sighed, his shoulders slumping. "Yeah, yeah we do."  
  
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Continue? 


	3. 3

Setting: "In the Dark", some of the conversation in this is a twisted version of conversations in the episode. This is becoming more and more AU, read this you'll see what I mean.  
  
Disclaimer- I don't own the shoes I'm currently dancing in what's the likelihood I own anything in Joss' universe? I own the original novels. . . I bought them in Borders, and I own the DVDs. I don't however make money off of this I just seem to spend a lot on it. I in no way intend to infringe copyrights. I'm just entertaining myself, honestly, I'm shocked that anyone's read it.  
  
Warning: SLASH Angel/Doyle. Don't like, don't read, don't flame.  
  
Dedicated to Jack for going to Vermont.  
  
Section rating: R  
  
Part 3/?  
  
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His heart fluttered as he saw the ring. Mouth dry, mind racing Doyle watched Angel for his reaction. The only sign the man was in anyway moved was a slight dilation of his eyes. But Doyle could smell the other man's chemical reaction that no cool demeanor could hide. If Angel's heart were beating, it would have stopped. He held in his hand the ring that rendered its vampire wearer un-killable.  
  
Cordy was whittering, while Angel simply stared at the ring in the palm of his hand. The subject of the Slayer was brought up and Doyle felt the sudden compulsion to change the topic.  
  
"Hey! Put it on, and I'll stake you it'll be fun!" he said trying to cut Buffy straight out of the conversation.  
  
"Maybe later."  
  
"What, are you out of your mind?"  
  
"I said maybe later." Said Angel with an edge like that of a father talking to his petulant child.  
  
"Yeah. . ." said Doyle softly, angry that Angel would speak to him thusly.  
  
"Doyle," said Angel finally looking up and seeing the hurt in the man's eyes, "I-"  
  
"I'm gonna go celebrate your good fortune." Said Doyle and booked in a fast retreat.  
  
Cordelia made some comment to the extent that Doyle was a drunk that neither man heard and followed him in the company of Oz. Left standing alone Angel held the ring. Decisions are often hard to make, however Angel was now faced with a simple one. Dropping into the sewers, he hid the ring under a loose brick. As he left the sewers he was confronted by a person sitting on his bed. Saying nothing he sat down next to the man. Doyle placed his head in Angel's lap.  
  
"I though you were going for a drink?" said Angel softly while running his fingers through black curls.  
  
"You were down there for a long time languishing. I've had three pints, cried enough to get sent home by Cordy, and ran back here."  
  
"So about forty minutes, then?" asked Angel good-humoredly.  
  
"Give or take." Capitulated Doyle.  
  
"I can't use the ring, I didn't mean to chide you off but I just can't. There is too much power there that I don't dare touch. I'm not that strong and I'd lose my way."  
  
Doyle sat up and pulled Angel to him for a kiss, "I wouldn't let you get lost. But if you don't want to use it, I won't blame you. I just want you safe and sound."  
  
"Thank-you for understanding, I know it seems childish but it scares me."  
  
"Only the brave admit to fear." Said Doyle softly. Angel rested his head on Doyle's shoulder. "Are we good now?"  
  
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The next morning Doyle woke wrapped in something heavy and while not warm, pre-say, extremely insulating. It took him a moment to remember the night before. There was a fight, and some drinking, and a resolving conversation. . . and now he was wrapped in his very own Angel. He smiled and relaxed into the position savoring the closeness of another being something he'd rarely had in the last four years. His own thoughts distressed him and he nestled closer still to Angel.  
  
Suddenly there was a loud noise, Doyle was scared momentarily before he realized what it was. Angel was purring. Slowly Doyle relaxed back into his prior location. Tentatively he stroked Angel's hair, something the man would have cringed at while conscious. However, in his current state he nuzzled closer to Doyle. Pulling the man closer Doyle placed a chaste kiss on his forehead. Angel's eyes fluttered open and he slowly smiled.  
  
He pulled Doyle to him for a kiss and asked, "What time is it?"  
  
"'Levenish, we should get up, Cordy 'ill be in soon and it sets a bad example if we're bunking off, she never come in on time again." He said but didn't make a go to get up.  
  
"One of us has to make a move." Said Angel and then he sighed heavily. "I'll go put some coffee on and we'll take a shower and enter the world of the living. . . or unliving, whatever."  
  
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"Hey," said Cordy as she walked in, her normal bundle of light and joy. "Where's the brooder?"  
  
"He's still doing his hair, give him another twenty minutes." Said Doyle looking up from a note about a girl named Rachel needing protection from her boyfriend that the law didn't cover. Apparently Angel had gotten him put away. He tried to stifle a yawn but it came out unfettered.  
  
"Tired?" asked Cordy. Doyle simply nodded. "This is why you should lay off the ale before you start quoting Angela's Ashes, crying like a baby man, and calling Oz 'my little Bambam'." Doyle merely shrugged. "Plus not staying up all night having sex with the boss helps too." She said parenthetically. Doyle's jaw dropped. "Oh please, I'm an actress: I can read people. Plus your portrayal of a drunken Doyle was slightly stiff. I'm glad you and Angel are happy but don't you dare make him too happy. Look I know you weren't around last time Angelus made an appearance so you don't know the whole deal. But I assure you, you don't want to know the whole deal. Let's just say he's more than a little grumpy and he goes for the person closet to him aka you. So don't break Angel or I'll be forced to hurt you, and don't underestimate me, I grew up on the Hellmouth and survived." She said in her "I'm Cordelia Chase and you will obey me" voice complete with its trademark head tilt.  
  
"That's sweet, totally unnecessary but sweet." Said Angel was he walked in from the stairs. "So what the address of that Rachel girl? It turns out scum does float to the top." he was apparently completely unfazed.  
  
"Am I the only one who's scared by that speech?" asked Doyle stunned.  
  
"Well she didn't threaten me, and it's not as though it's news. She's can't file, or answer the phones, or make coffee, why did you think I hired her if not to be my muscle?"  
  
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Angel walked out to the car followed closely by Doyle. He was listening to the man's footsteps when suddenly a beam hit his forehead. He smirked slightly. "Hello, Spike. Cup of tea? A scotch? I'm kinda busy."  
  
"I want the ring." Said Spike in an even but menacing voice. Angel just smiled at his peevish childe.  
  
"Spike, no I'm sorry but no. I can't do that. And we both know how an out and out fight will end so why don't you just go."  
  
"Oh please, throw the gauntlet down, old man. Ya know, I had a plan, but watching you, I got bored. You've gone linear. . . and proved with that statement: How many times have I heard that same speech? I've gone Sunnydale. Look, I did the research, I sired the help, I did the digging, didn't you always teach me to reap what I sowed? Well here I am, the reaper."  
  
"No, Spike. I can't give it to you. You could hurt yourself or someone else, you could become dependant on the thing and sloppy and one day you make the error that kills you because you became reliant on it. That's not how you should end."  
  
Spike just stared at his sire, "I'll be back, and I will get the gem." He looked over Angel's shoulder to Doyle who was watching the scene. He winked. "Hey there cutie." He said and ran off.  
  
"The prodigal son in all his glory." Muttered Doyle. "Peculiar, childlike man isn't he?"  
  
"I always knew how to pick them." Said a brooding Angel he bit into his lip and drew blood. "Would you get Cordy to your place and hide out 'til this is over? I don't really want you too see me deal with Spike, it's not something I'll be proud of. And I don't want you getting caught in the cross fire."  
  
"What about you, man. He'll be coming back before long." anxiously Doyle asked.  
  
"I guess I'll find him first. I'll be ok, he's a childe, my childe."  
  
"Don't hold back because you rather die than hurt your blood. Ok?" asked Doyle with resolve face.  
  
"Doyle, I-"  
  
"Don't lie, Angel. You know you would. But promise me, or I won't go."  
  
"I promise that if one of us must die, it won't be me."  
  
"Thank-you." Said Doyle and pulled Angel to him for a kiss. "If you die, I will kill you."  
  
"Careful, you're starting to sound like Cordy." Said Angel running his fingers through dark curls. "Just be sure to stay out of sight, I'll come get you. And while I'm at Rachel's try some of your, I use this term under duress, friends, maybe they know something."  
  
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"So what's the deal with Spike? Should I be sweating?" asked Doyle of Cordelia as they sat in his apartment. He'd made a lot of calls and was making some small headway.  
  
"No, no. . . sweat." Confirmed Cordy. "He's not good news. Even as bad guys go, he is hardcore and scary. I mean, Angel has nothing to worry about, you never saw him as Angelus, but believe me he will treat Spike as Angelus would even Spike, the Big Bad, can't stand up to Angelus."  
  
"He won't treat him like that, Cordy. Mark my words he's going to end up bloodied and bruised and Spike is going to walk out with only his ego hurt. He won't get the ring but that doesn't mean he won't win."  
  
"No, Angel is stronger-"  
  
"That doesn't mean he'll use that power. This is his childe and Angel views this as acting out and that worries me. I just hope playing father doesn't get him dead." Said Doyle waiting for the phone to ring.  
  
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"What do you want, Angel?" asked the torture demon sticking yet another poker into his side.  
  
"I want to get out of here, and go see a movie." Muttered Angel, "I hear The Matrix is good."  
  
"Spike's going to find the ring, if you just told me where it was I could make all the pain go away, I like you, I'd even let you live. All you need to do is tell me where it is and what you want."  
  
"I want forgiveness. Is that what you want to hear? I can say that, it's not entirely true but close enough. I want inner peace, that's what I want and the ring can't bring me that."  
  
"But he can, can he?" Said Markus as he pulled the poker back out, it's barb shredding Angel's body as he did so.  
  
Spike came in looking put out. "I couldn't find it but I've got the good people at Angel Investigations working on it."  
  
"I told them not to leave his apartment." Muttered Angel to himself. Clearly angered that his ward was capable of thinking outside of the pain Markus stuck another poker into him.  
  
Spike rolled his eyes." Markus could you give us a moment alone?" he asked and watched as the man walked away. "I don't like this Angelus, I don't like to treat you like this, you're my sire and this is just wrong. I didn't think you would really get hurt, I thought you'd just give it up." His eyes were filled with true remorse. "And I know what you're going to say when you get back to your friends, something about your childe acting out again. But this isn't acting out this is me being a through and through bastard. Your boy and Cordy are finding it as we speak, so why don't I just send Marcus away?" he asked softly, there were tears in his eyes. "I just want that ring. I need the ring."  
  
"Why does it matter so much to you? You never were a tanner in the first place and it's not as though anyone can touch you, not even the slayers." asked Angel.  
  
"I'm dieing, Angelus, I caught some mystical plague in Brazil and am dieing. The ring would stop that. I wouldn't even use it for evil, I swear to you."  
  
"Oh, Spike." Sighed Angel. "I can fix this without a ring." Spike's eyes lit up in hope. "Come here." He said and when Spike made no move he added, "I'm chained to a ceiling, I can't hurt you." Spike shuffled towards him and then rolled his eyes at his own stupidity and trepidation and walked to his Sire. "Tilt your head." Commanded Angel. Spike obeyed his Sire and sighed as he felt the needles piercing through his skin, it was like coming home. Angel drank long and deep, until Spike was clinging to him to stay upright. Angel could taste the poison in his childe's blood. He released Spike neck and tilted his head.  
  
Sire's blood, the cure for all that ails you. Here Spike was being offered that which all children dream of, their Sire willingly offering blood. "Are you sure, Sire?" he asked not wanting to have misinterpreted the action, for he feared the consequences if he drank unbidden. Angel laughed, he was chained the ceiling in the midst of being tortured and Spike was worried about a nip. Spike laughed too. "Thank-you, Sire, I'll never comprehend you're capacity for forgiveness." He said and bit tentatively into the other man's throat. He felt the raw power flowing into his mouth and felt even weaker than before. Angel smiled into his childe's hair as Spike kneaded his arm like a kitten kneading it's mother's tit. Spike pulled back afraid of taking to much. Heavy lidded eyes like that of a drugged man looked into Angel's, "I love you." He said softly. "That's why I hate you so fucking much."  
  
Angel licked Spike's neck testing his blood, "You're fine now. Could you maybe get these pokers out of me? Only they kinda hurt."  
  
"I'm sorry. . . funny, we're not supposed to feel guilt are we? So why do you bring out everything human about me?" he said as he unchained Angel's wrists and sat him down on the table his legs swinging off the side. He held each poker in place with one hand on the handle while with the other he broke off the barbed point so he could pull them smoothly from Angel. "God, I'm so sorry." Said again sinking down to his knees in front of the man. While kneeling he kept his head down and bared his neck to the man towering over him. It was the perfect demonstration of the typical childes' supplicant position. Angel rolled his eyes. Trying to get Spike to get up would be fruitless, the boy was stubborn and for some unknown reason he respected the old traditions, strange, as he thumbed his nose at almost everything. Angel pulled the boy into his arms and bit savagely into his neck knowing that the larger the scar the less guilt Spike would feel. Softly Spike started to cry not for pain but from frustration. "Why do I do these things? I love you. So why do I do all of these stupid things to push you away from me? I just want you to love me."  
  
"I do love you. It just-"  
  
Spike interrupted him, "He's beautiful, Angel. Innocent, pure, and sad: just your type. You don't owe me an explanation. Hell, I don't even deserve one. All you did was give me life, you have no dept to pay back. I owe you everything."  
  
"This has nothing to do with Doyle." Angel said as Doyle and Cordy walked in. Doyle grabbed her and quickly hid behind the doorframe.  
  
"Yeah whatever, but when the mortal mick mix dies look me up." He said he kissed Angel full on the lips.  
  
Angel broke the kiss off with obvious reluctance. "Spike I can't not in any way shape or form. The mortal mick mix as you call him is where it is for me right now. You need me I'm here, your sick I'll take care of you, if you need a place to stay I will give my bed but please don't ask me to do this to Doyle. I love you and I always will but I'm falling in love with him."  
  
"I can really stay with you?" asked Spike with hope in his eyes.  
  
"Of course you can, we need to get some meat on your bones. When was the last time you fed?"  
  
"I've been too sick to be interested in food."  
  
"Why didn't you just come to me?. . . stupid question, you really need to get over your pride." Said Angel with a laugh.  
  
Doyle let go of Cordy and they walked in. He ran over to Angel and faked consternation. "Angel man, are you all right?"  
  
Angel nodded slowly and wirily, "I'm fine Doyle."  
  
"What's going on?" asked Cordy slowly. "Spike said you were being tortured to death and here you are being all buddy buddy. And what about the ring?"  
  
"The ring doesn't matter anymore and Spike told the torturer to go away and took the hot pokers out about ten minutes ago. . . I wonder where Marcus went. Oh well, doesn't matter. Commo guys lets go home, Spike's gonna come too, he has no place to stay."  
  
"What!" shouted Doyle.  
  
"Don't fuss." Said Angel unenthusiastically, "I'll explain it in later. Can we just go home?" he started to stand but fell as his legs would not support him. With Demonic speed Doyle rushed forward and caught him. "Thanks for that." He said with a wry smile.  
  
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Angel was sitting on the roof's edge wearing the much coveted ring for the first and last time watching the sun set.  
  
Doyle slowly came up the stairs behind him, "So how long has it been between sunsets?"  
  
"200 years, give or take."  
  
" Well you got to be feeling pretty damn good then, huh? I mean this ring- changes everything, don't it? " he asked Angel didn't look away from the sun, "Yeah, it's spectacular, I know. But I do promise that there will be another one exactly like it tomorrow."  
  
"Not for me." Said Angel pulling off the ring with the last rays.  
  
"What are you saying? That the city will be hit by a meteor before tomorrow night or. . ." he said walking forward and sitting down next to Angel on the wall.  
  
"No." said Angel softly.  
  
"No. It's to horrible to say the other. I can't even bring myself to say the other."  
  
"I'm not going to wear the ring."  
  
"That was the other. - You got a real addiction to the brooding part of life. Anyone ever tell you that?"  
  
"Once or twice." Said Angel with a smirk. And then he handed it to Doyle. "Keep it for me."  
  
"It's like getting your pin" joked Doyle but then asked seriously, 'Care to explain? I mean this ring is your redemption. It's what you've been waiting for."  
  
"Nah, it just looks like it. Funny you say that actually, Marcus the torture vampire said you were my redemption. . . I don't know about you, but I had a nice day. . . You know, except for the bulk of it, where I was nearly tortured to death." He said as he snaked his arms around his boyfriend.  
  
"Yeah, well, you stood up." Said Doyle coldly thinking of what he'd seen of Angel's "torture"  
  
"Oh, god. I was this close to telling him everything. I mean, one more hot poker and I was giving him the ring, your mom, - everything. . . How is your mom?"  
  
"I love you, Angel," said Doyle seemingly apropos to nothing. "Thank-you for not making me fight for you, I don't want to lose you."  
  
Angel realized what he was talking about. "You won't, I love you too damn much to let you go."  
  
"Really?" said Doyle close to tears, "Because for a minute there I. . ."  
  
"He's my childe, but I'm in love with you and his sudden appearance isn't going to change that."  
  
"Can we just go to bed and forget about today?" asked Doyle in a downhearted voice with every emotion of fear and anxiety threatening to break through.  
  
"Yeah," said Angel but he started to laugh. "Spike's asleep in my bed. Commo, we better go to your apartment." He surveyed his tired boyfriend and pulled him into his arms as he jumped off the roof, he landed catlike and upright on the street below and they walked slowly into the night.  
  
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Review- should I keep going? 


	4. 4

Disclaimer- I don't own the shoes I'm currently dancing in what's the likelihood I own anything in Joss' universe? I own the original novels. . . I bought them in Borders, and I own the DVDs. I don't however make money off of this I just seem to spend a lot on it. I in no way intend to infringe copyrights. I'm just entertaining myself, honestly, I'm shocked that anyone's read it.  
  
Setting: I fall to pieces, some conversation stolen from said ep. And In The Dark.  
  
Warning: SLASH Angel/Doyle. Don't like, don't read, don't flame.  
  
Dedicated to Jack for going to Vermont.  
  
Section rating: R  
  
Part 4/?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"We need money, and for money, we need to charge." Said Cordy as she flipped through the bills. "And I need a raise."  
  
"You've worked here for a month. . . But you are right, and I do agree. Angel needs to start charging. He just hates bringing up the finances with the clients. He likes playing the hero, - walking off into the dark with his long coat flowing behind him in a mysterious and attractive way."  
  
"Is this a privet moment? Because I can leave you two alone."  
  
He rolled his eyes knowing Cordy meant no harm, "I'm just saying he's projecting a certain kind of image and asking for money isn't part of it. He's sensitive about that."  
  
"Yeah, well while he's being Mr. sensitive some of us need the heat to stay on, we're not all cold blooded."  
  
"Ok, yeah, no you have a point. Go out for a while, get some coffee, see friends, go shopping, whatever, I'll talk to him."  
  
"And by talk, I do hope you mean you'll fuck some sense into him." She said grabbing her bag and heading to the door.  
  
"Someday I'm going to teach you the art of tact."  
  
"My tact is reserved for losers who can't handle the truth." She said as she reached the door. She looked back, "And you're not a loser."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Doyle came down in the lift to where Angel was reading on the couch. He walked over and slumped down next to him. "The bills came. And Cordy wants a raise." Angel looked up with a smirk. "Look, bud, I know it's not your favorite thing, but you've got to do what's right." He said as he rested his head on Angel's shoulder.  
  
"You think its right to ask people in trouble for money?" asked Angel impassively.  
  
"No."  
  
"So we agree." Said Angel going back to his book.  
  
"No."  
  
"We don't agree." said Angel looking like a confused puppy.  
  
"Cordy's right in some ways. We need money, they're threatening to cut the heat, lights, and water. And you like your showers. It seems that it's either whore ourselves out or charge."  
  
Angel smirked. "I'm not letting you whore yourself out."  
  
"Aren't master vampires supposed to have money?" said a befuddled Doyle.  
  
"I do, but it's all ill gotten. It makes me feel slightly queasy using it."  
  
"Well, I don't know what to say, those are our three options, yeah?"  
  
"We'll muddle through, they're not gonna cut anything off power wise, I promise. Maybe I should promise Cordy too."  
  
"She's out."  
  
"She's out?"  
  
"I sent her out. Where's Spike?"  
  
"Out gambling for kittens." Leaning into Doyle for a kiss.  
  
"Oh, I used to love that game!" said Doyle filled with sudden elation and forgetfulness about his pervious intentions.  
  
"You gambled for kittens? I mean I know you're in for a good time, but kittens?" said Angel quirking one eyebrow.  
  
"A lifetime ago, I wasn't in it for the sport I was in it for the kittens. Not to eat." He added hastily looking at Angel's expression bemused smile. He shrugged, "I taught third grade and we would always have a few classroom cats."  
  
"You taught third grade? The one with children? That is so hot." Said Angel pulling the smaller man into his lap.  
  
"I didn't know you like kids." Said Doyle.  
  
"Love um, couldn't eat a whole one but there ya go." Said Angel with a wry grin. "Tell me about yourself, Doyle, I want to know everything about you but you always block me out. I love you, you can tell me anything, I want to know everything."  
  
"I sent Cordy out so I could get some Angel lovin' not so that we could have 'story time with Doyle the half-man'." He rolled his eyes at his own obstinacy. "Ya really wanta know? Allan Francis Doyle was born to a loving mother in a little town outside of Dublin in 1975. He grew up in a nondescript fashion, with his single mother and many aunts, and had his teaching credentials by age 19. He wanted to make a difference in the world." He said bitterly.  
  
"He's clean cut and filled with anticipation for the wonderful, meaningful life ahead of him. He met a lovely young girl while volunteering at a shelter, she wanted to make a difference too. Full of false and asinine ideals he and Harry were married. Young and stupid they started to plan a life together. Age twenty-one Francis sneezes and suddenly has green skin, red eyes, and blue spikes all over his face. It turns out his father was a demon and his mother never told him, hoping the genes would never rear their ugly green heads. Suddenly Harry thinks it might be best to not have the children they were planning. The two bicker over everything, and he eventually manages to push her away. Flash forward a few years to far too much drinking, and gambling, and other sorted affairs and the sweet young teacher has lost his job. He's living hand to guzzling drunken mouth.  
  
"One day a spiky blue man turns up at his house and wants Francis to save his whole family. Not yet ready to deal with his own life Francis tells the man to fuck off. Later that night he has his very first vision: the family men, women, and children have been slaughtered and it's all on his head. He runs hoping to escape all of his problems and he finds himself here in the city of lost angels. And he's not Allan Francis Doyle he just Doyle. And even though he's ran from it all, he's still trapped by his past and who he is. So that's the story of Allan Francis Doyle, aren't you glad you asked?" he said shying away from Angel with eyes bright from unshed tears. In his own mind he felt the need to get away from the imminent judgment and dismissal.  
  
Angel pulled him back towards him. "I love you, you're not going anywhere." He whispered, directly into his ear, seemingly reading the young man's mind. Doyle's body was quaking from the power of internalized sobs. "Shhhh, now calm down. You told me, and I don't hate you, and nothing's changed. . . except I might start calling you Francis." Doyle made to laugh but instead broke down and sobbed into the taller man's shoulder. Making no move to stop him, Angel sat silently rubbing his back in small soothing circles. Suddenly Doyle went rigid, he was having a vision. Filled with concern Angel held him tighter. "You ok?" he asked when Doyle stopped shaking.  
  
"Melissa Burns, works at Pardell Paper Products." He muttered.  
  
"You ok?" asked Angel again.  
  
"I'm fine, just go."  
  
"I'll be back as soon as possible."  
  
"Kay." Said Doyle and smiled weakly. "Thank-you. . . for not hating me."  
  
Shaking his head sadly Angel pulled the boy in for a kiss. "We'll talk more later."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"I scared her." Said Angel coming into the office Cordy and Doyle were looking something up on the internet.  
  
"Seems to me like she was scared to begin with." Said Doyle. "She's freaked as hell, Angel, something is seriously wrong, but you can't force her to be helped"  
  
"Am I intimidating? I mean - do I put people off?"  
  
"Well, as vampires go, you're pretty cuddly. Maybe you might want to think about mixing up the black on black look." Said Cordelia. Angel and Doyle both looked at her. "Well it can't possibly hurt."  
  
"If she wants us, she'll call." Said Doyle resolutely.  
  
The phone started to ring. "Please let it be a paying customer, please let it be a paying customer," begged Cordy. "Angel Investigations, we help the hopeless. . . come in right away." She said and hung up. "Melissa is coming in."  
  
"I've got to change my shirt."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
After a long discussion it was decided that Doyle would follow the girl until the situation of her being stalked was resolved. Melissa was nice a person who was easy to follow around.  
  
"You know you really don't have to stay with me all day." She said smiling.  
  
"Protect and serve. It's entirely my bag. As long as I'm not in the way."  
  
"Oh, no. I like it. As long as you're not bored."  
  
"No, no. I'm good. I have a word jumble right here. That should keep me occupied, sadly, for most of the day." He said with a rueful grin.  
  
"I do feel better having you all on the case. I guess Angel has handled a lot of cases like this."  
  
"Dozens. Hundreds. Dozens of hundreds." He said getting overly enthused.  
  
"Wow, it happens that often?"  
  
"Well, exactly like yours? Not quite so many. But protecting young women such as yourself? Yeah, there've been - ah - 4. And 3 of them are very much alive." She gave him a shocked look and Doyle felt the sudden urge to change the subject. He picked up a photo on her desk, "Is that you?"  
  
She smiled, "Ah, yeah. Bungee jumping."  
  
"I've always meant to do that, but I intensely don't want to, so I haven't gotten around to it yet."  
  
"It's fun. Scary."  
  
"You don't seem like the thrill seeker type."  
  
Melissa took the picture from Doyle, "Well, I used to.. - You know, I used to do a lot of things.. - before.."  
  
"Don't you worry. When Angel is finished with this case I can guarantee you'll be wanting to jump off a bridge again. Or rather-" he started to explain but Melissa just laughed.  
  
"What's the deal with Angel? What does he get out of all of this? He said it wasn't about money, I guess a lot of the work you guys get is pro-bono. So what does he get out of it?"  
  
"Angel is a do good-er if you can pay then yea, we get to pay the water bill if not it doesn't mean he won't still help you. It's just what he does, he's in it for the warm feeling inside."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Where are the white hats?" asked Spike as he walked into the office shortly after dusk. He deposited five kittens on the desk after producing them from his deep pockets and handed a sixth to Cordelia. "Here, Princess."  
  
"Doyle is walking a client home to protect her from her stalking doctor and Angel is out following some leads on the case. And I am painting my nails." Said Cordy as she gingerly stroked the tabby kitten with the palm of her hand. "Game go well?"  
  
"Beautifully, Princess. Seven kittens that's a nice pickings." He said throwing himself on the couch.  
  
"There's only six." Said Cordy.  
  
"I got snackish on my way home."  
  
"Ewww! There is such a thing as an over share and that was it." The phone rang. "Angel Investigations, we help the hopeless. . . hi, ok we'll come, eww detachable body parts? See you in a bit. Bye!" she hung up and turned to Spike. "Stalker boy turned up and went transformer with detachable hands and now we're wanted over at little Miss I'm-so-wounded- that-I-need-everyone-and-am-not-conciderate-enough-even-to-care-about- Cordilia's-nail-care-system-being-disrupted's place."  
  
"For someone who needs to breathe that was impressive." Said Spike with an awed expression.  
  
"You don't win bitch of the year by breathing, you need to get ahead of the game. Now put the kitten's in a cardboard box and let's go."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Kate Lockley was on the scene by the time they arrived. Talking to her was Angel, Doyle was standing with a shaken Melissa. Every once in a while Doyle would throw a furtive look at the pair while stroking Melissa's hair and talking in a soothing voice. Sidling over to the couple Spike took pity on the self-esteem challenged youth. "Who's the bitch with Angel?" he asked.  
  
"Detective Kate Lockley, and what makes you think she's a bitch?" asked Doyle not meeting Spike's gaze.  
  
"Just Angel's body language. He clearly hates her. Look at the way his hips are positioned away from her, it's like his body is trying to run away."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Oh yeah." Spike smirked and started adding a soundtrack to the pair's movements. "How can I thank you, you mysterious, black-clad hunk of a night thing? For saving the damsel when we, the police, are so incompetent? No need, little lady, your tears of gratitude are enough for me. You see, I was once a badass," he looked at Melissa, "guy, but love and a pesky curse defanged me. Now I'm just a big, fluffy puppy with bad teeth." Kate started to move towards him but Angel jumped back. "No, not the hair! Never the hair! But there must be someway I can show my appreciation." He said as Kate twirled her hair around her finger. "No, helping those in need's my job, say no more. Evil's still afoot! And I'm almost out of that Nancy-boy hair-gel that I like so much. Quickly, to the Angel-mobile, away!" he said throwing a hand up in the air superman style, he then acknowledged Melissa for the first time and put a hand out to shake. "'M Spike you must be Melissa, this is a dreadful business but we'll get it sorted. Kitten?" He offered pulling one out of his pocket and holding it out to her with a warm smile and lounged with the two against the ambulance. She took the calico with a look of bemusement and absentmindedly patted it. Angel was walking away from Kate and Spike said. "Go talk to the poof I'll wait with the girl."  
  
"Hey," said Angel as he reached Doyle. "How's she doing?"  
  
"Numb, did they get prints?" he asked as he straightened Angel's collar. "Then they can put him away for four seconds before he skitters through the bars. Fuck, this is messed up. Not to put a cowardly point on it. But he's killing everything that's coming between him and his obsession, that's us man, what are we gonna do?"  
  
"His parts can't survive without circulation. We need pumping blood and oxygen to stay alive. . . well not we as in me, but living things, which he is." He said awkwardly trying to correct himself.  
  
"So what are you saying? Break him down and box him up?" said Doyle tilting an eyebrow, "That's sounds practical." He said sarcastically, "Can't we just blow him up?"  
  
"Of course that's just a theory."  
  
"Hmm. What do we do in the mean time?" he said looking back at Melissa and Spike who were laughing at the kitten who was attacking an oxygen bottle in the ambulance.  
  
"Protect her."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
They had gotten Melissa settled in the apartment with a cup of tea. A phone call had been made and Angel had a meeting set up with the doctor about his "ill wife" for the middle of the night. He was just about to head out when Doyle grabbed him and dragged him into the stairwell for a conversation. Laughing Angel smiled at his boyfriend. Then he saw the angry and fear in Doyle's eyes and stopped. "What?" he asked defensively.  
  
"The part where Melissa stays here? Good plan. The part where you go and face psycho boy on your lonesome? Bad plan. The fact that he called five minutes after we stopped him from harassing Melissa doesn't seem odd to you? He saw you, man, he must have. This is a sting. He wants you to go there. You're playing right into his hands."  
  
"What else can I do, love?" said Angel bleakly.  
  
"I don't know. Nothing? You're not going into the lion's den alone, I'm coming with you."  
  
"Alright, say do you know where I can get some steel boxes this time of night?"  
  
"Yeah." Said Doyle Angel gave him a look, "What? You never know when you're going to need a nice strong box at four AM."  
  
"I don't want to know. You lead, I'll follow." He said as he gave Doyle a slight push towards the stairs.  
  
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The doctor and Angel had a short conversation wherein Doyle was proved right. Within twenty seconds Angel had been shot with a tranquilizer dart. Ronald made some speech about killing his wicked cheating fiancé also known as Melissa the girl he went out for drinks with once. Waiting outside the door, as Ronald, the evil doctor, walked out he greeted by Doyle and punched directly in the nose. Like a sack of bricks he fell to the floor.  
  
Leaning down Doyle did the most disgusting thing he could imagine. Pulling back Ronald's eyelids, he popped the orbs out of their sockets and placed them in a small metal box and dropped it into his pockets. After grimacing he repeated the process with both Ronald's hands, feet, and teeth. Upon entering the office he saw Angel lying in a heap. He pulled Angel up and sat him on the desk. After gently smacking his face a few times Doyle got Angel to wakeup. Smiling slightly he asked, "Ok, Angel man?"  
  
"Did he get away?" he asked crestfallen. Resting his head on Doyle's shoulder as a wave of vertigo flowed through him.  
  
"I left him out in the hall, so your guess is as good as mine. But I'd wager as I have his feet right here," he said brandishing the box, "No. I need your help getting apart the large limbs, it'll be dismemberment fun for the whole family." He started to move away but Angel clung to him.  
  
"You saved the day. We'd be fucked if you hadn't come." Said Angel.  
  
Doyle laughed, "Thank me later. Right now let's get chopping before he wakes up."  
  
"Oe late 'or tha." Said a lispy voice.  
  
"To late for that? Why is he lisping Doyle?" asked Angel.  
  
"I took his teeth." Angel gave him the look for the second time of the night. "Think of the black knight when he has no limbs left what does he threaten? To bite their knee caps off. And I don't know about you but I like my knee caps where they are."  
  
"You are an odd Irish man. Life is not Monty Python and the Search for the Holy Grail."  
  
"Hey you're Irish too!" said Doyle indignantly. "And while we're on the subject of race could you get Spike to stop calling me the Mortal Mick Mix and Triple M? Only Cordy asked me what type of a mix he meant by it."  
  
"I hate to interrupt," called Ronald, "But there are more urgent happenings going on here. And anyway I thought I killed you tranqu-boy."  
  
"No, it was rather ineffectual." Said Angel as he pulled off one of the Doctor's legs.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Laying in bed together later that night Angel was thinking over the days events. Slowly he pulled Doyle closer to himself. Running fingers through black hair he thought of what he was going to say when the kitten Spike had given Doyle jumped on top of him. He screamed like a girly man.. Erupting in laughter Doyle scooped the kitten off Angel's chest. "Did the scary, evil kitty cat scare you?" he asked.  
  
"Nothing is meant to be that agile: it's unnatural." Angel cynically himself.  
  
"Ok down you go, Felix, the big, bad vampire is scared by you." Said Doyle as he kissed the top of the kitten's head and put him on the floor.  
  
"I love you." Said Angel as a preface to whatever he was going to say.  
  
"But if we get attacked by a large cat you'll use me as a human shield?" interrupted Doyle with a smirk.  
  
"No. . . well yeah maybe." Conceded Angel with a laugh. "They play the snakes to my Indiana Jones." He shook his head, "But that's not the point. I love you. And whatever you did or didn't do in the past doesn't matter because a) it's done and b) you are a good man. . . no matter what you think. You did nothing you should ashamed of. You were scared and young that doesn't mean you were evil. You're amazing, you're beautiful, you're fucking effulgent. I wish I could make you see how magnificent you are." Doyle laughed. "I'm serious! I am physically hurt that you can't realize your greatness. It makes me feel ill that you can hate yourself so much when there are such wicked people out there who are so self-righteous." Angel was nearly in tears with the power of his conviction. "Why can't you see brilliance?"  
  
"I love it when you get indignant." Said Doyle as he cradled himself against Angel. "And moreover, kettle, I maybe a black pot, but you still win first place in the self loathing pageant. And you are far more righteous than I am. I had no choice in fighting the good fight you did."  
  
"Ok, well in the morning kiss Cordelia. The meeting between demon and human would transmit the visions to her. Then you can get out if this isn't your scene."  
  
Doyle stared at him angrily, "I'm not d-"  
  
"Exactly, you might not have chosen it, it doesn't mean you won't partake, you could get out and lead a normal life. I could never have that so why not submit? If I could get out, I would do it in a heart beat. I would get all of us out of this and fuck the rest of the world. So don't say I'm the moral one. I am not a good man, not with a soul and not without one. When I was alive, I was one of the worst examples of human kind. And when I became a vampire I lost all my inhibitions. The only thing that makes me a better man now is a ton of guilt. Without that I would still be a total dick. But you're not like that."  
  
"I-" started Doyle.  
  
"You know you're not like that right?" said Angel.  
  
"Yes," said Doyle dejectedly.  
  
"Well that's a step in the right direction." Said Angel with his lopsided smile and he pulled Doyle tightly to him. "I love you." He said one final time and then they both drifted into troubled sleep. 


	5. 5

Disclaimer- I don't own the shoes I'm currently dancing in what's the likelihood I own anything in Joss' universe? I own the original novels. . . I bought them in Borders, and I own the DVDs. I don't however make money off of this I just seem to spend a lot on it. I in no way intend to infringe copyrights. I'm just entertaining myself, honestly, I'm shocked that anyone's read it.  
  
Setting: Rm w\ a vu some conversation mangled directly from the ep.  
  
Warning: SLASH Angel/Doyle. Hints at Spike/Xander. Don't like, don't read, don't flame.  
  
Dedicated to Poison for being the fastest Beta I've ever had!  
  
Section rating: R  
  
Part 5/?  
  
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The bell over the door chimed and without looking up Cordy said "welcome to Angel Investigations. If you'd like to have a seat I'll be right with you."  
"Cor?" said Xander softly.  
"Oh my God! Xander! First Oz then you this is great! Oh and Anya. . . kinda . . . why are you here?"  
"Oh well, Sunnydale is quiet. I mean a house nearly ate us on Halloween but as I have no job right now I thought I'd come see you. Anyway Buffy wanted me to see that Spike hadn't gotten the ring."  
The three figures emerged from the elevator Spike smirking said. "No, pet, the poof won't let me have it. But it's ok 'cause he's letting me stay here."  
Xander let out an "eepp" at seeing Spike and then Angel said. "It's ok. He won't hurt you. He's behaving himself. Aren't you?" Spike nodded sullenly.  
Xander rounded on Angel. "You're evil!" he accused pointing a finger.  
"I'm not evil!" he then rounded on Doyle. "Tell him I'm not evil!"  
"Well you did run the tap while I was in the shower this morning." He said smiling. "I'm Doyle. And no, Angel isn't evil and Spike is making amends." He said shaking Xander's hand. "You're Xander? Cor, has nothing but nice things to say about you." Suddenly he went ridged. He would have hit the floor if Xander hadn't caught him.  
"He's having a vision." Said Spike who was closest and went to help Xander. Angel's eyes shone with thanks at the young boy for catching his lover. "How are you by the way? You look good. I didn't see you when I was in Sunnyhell."  
"I'm good," said Xander looking slightly stunned. "So you're really not doing the evil thing?"  
"Not currently. It gets boring and lonely." He said talking over the shaking Doyle.  
"I get that of course for me it was doing the right thing. So how long are you sticking around here?" Doyle stood up poured himself a drink and took two painkillers. He told Angel where to go but the man lingered. He pointed out that Anya was defiantly mixed in somewhere, not in the immediate sense but there nonetheless.  
"Donno, you?"  
"No idea I'm jobless. If I can get work here I might be in town for a while."  
Angel watched this all with unease. "If you want there is always need for help here. Pay wouldn't be much but I could get you an apartment."  
"How come I don't get an apartment?" asked Cordy whining.  
"Doyle keeps offering to get you one. Give in." said Angel turning back to Xander he said. "I mean I know you hate me-"  
"I don't hate you!" he said a bit too quickly. "I resented you. But I got over that after high school." He added silently that he had always wanted to jump the brooder's bones and had maybe over compensated for it a little too much.  
"So?" asked Angel. "I could get an apartment for you and Spike as you both freak out if no one's around. Problem solved."  
Xander though rather confused said. "Yeah, that would be. . . of the good."  
Spike smiled at him. Doyle looked at the two with a air of bemusement. Angel left. Turning back to Cordy he said. "I'll find you an apartment."  
She sighed heavily. "Nowhere with bloodstains on the carpet. If you get my drift."  
"All above board I swear."  
"Fine. Xander, wanta go out for coffee."  
"Sure, my fine work associate."  
"You are such a dork."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"What's the deal with you and the boy?" Asked Doyle while Spike read the newspaper. Spike sat inhumanly still, a talent that scared Doyle when exhibited by the restless impatient vampire.  
He lifted his eyes so slowly it hurt. "There is no deal." He said coldly.  
"Oh, please! There's something goin' on in those uncomfortably/comfortable silences, mate."  
With brutal, unnatural speed Doyle's face was crushed into the desk. "There is nothing going on, mate. Drop it." Said Spike with a warning note as he let go of Doyle's neck. Doyle righted himself and sat on the desk. "At least not on his part." He said and went back to the paper. "'A string of grisly murders reek havoc in LA', that awful." He said with mock horror underscored by his smirk.  
"It's not one sided, man, he practically sagged with relief when he heard you weren't in the game."  
"Because I won't break his neck. He's not in anyway interested."  
"Which is why he's staying here with you as a roomy. I'd kill myself before willingly becoming your roomy. Look even I could sense it and I was on the floor twitchin'." Spike swept his legs out and kicked Doyle neatly off the desk. Doyle just laughed. "So why is Mr. High school loser getting you hot?"  
"You. Don't. Know. Him." Said Spike coldly. "You know nothing about him but what Queen C has told you. And that is nothing."  
"Then inform me." Said Doyle getting to his feet. Why wasn't he more afraid of the livid vampire he was currently baiting?  
"He is the strongest person you will ever meet."  
"Yeah? So how do you know this?"  
  
"I was trying to kill his best friend and someone once told me to kill the target destroy her family. I made it my business to know."  
"And by someone you mean Angel."  
"Us. Don't leave off the us. Angelus taught me everything I know and then some."  
  
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Much later that day the foursome were sitting in the living room. On the phone Angel was trying to find an apartment for Spike and Xander. "So it's got sewer entrance and an underground car park? And you're sure it's strictly human? Thanks, Carl." He hung up. "Got it." He looked at Doyle who'd been twitching all day and he had a fairly good idea why. "I've gotta go meet a guy." He said and walked up the stairs. He waited a few moments and then called down. "Doyle, There's a big guy here to see you. I'll tell him you'll be right up, yeah?  
"Oh, that's great," he called back  
Angel quickly walked to the back door where the second stairway let out. He met a running Doyle.  
"You know it's not nice to trick people!"  
"You're going to tell me what's going on?"  
Doyle sighed, "All right, look, here's how it works: I owe some people - other people owe me. I do a favor for some guy and the debt goes away. It's a system of checks and balances."  
"And some of your checks didn't balance." Said Angel with a nod it was a statement not a question.  
"Well, it'll work out. It just takes a little diplomacy- the kind of thing you're so good at, actually. Say, maybe you wouldn't mind taking a crack at it?"  
"You know I will." Said Angel running a hand down Doyle's face. "I just wish I didn't have to."  
  
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Angel looked at the demon he was currently beating up. The thought that this guy even touched Doyle made his dead blood run even colder. " I can get Doyle to pay you the money. You have my guarantee." He said between gritted teeth. It was taking all his willpower not to kill the guy. But if he killed him, Griff, it wouldn't make Doyle's debt go away.  
Griff laughed slightly not realizing the danger he was in. "I saw what I saw, right? - You're a vampire." He said meaning the moment Angel's face had glimmered when the ambrosias noise of Griff's breaking fingers hit his ears. "How come you're helping some little demon half-breed?"  
Angel pulled his head back and then slammed Griff's head back into the wall. "It's a good offer. You should take it. On the other hand you're making me want to fight some more. You get lucky you might last ten minutes. Really lucky and you're unconscious for the last five."  
The demon looked sort of scared then. "You get Doyle to pay, and he's safe."  
Angel smiled a cruel smile "Thanks. - Good meeting." He said as he walked away. Thoughts in his mind swirled around in turmoil. The guy had said that he wasn't there for the money, that he was there to kill Doyle as a message to others that might not pay. That scared Angel, that he could so easily lose the man. Forget about mortality, he could only live to next month if he kept living this way. Of course Angel knew that Doyle had survived before he met him, that Doyle could get by on his own. That didn't stop him from dreading what could happen if he didn't protect the boy, his boy. Oh god, he wasn't already getting possessive was he? That was the thing that most reminded him that he was not that different than Angelus. I viewed loving someone as owning someone. There was a thin line between the two but his mind was cloudy as to where that line laid.  
As he walked in he heard the emptiness of the office and the sole heartbeat. Doyle was sitting nursing a cuppa. "Where is everyone?"  
"The great apartment I got Cordy? Yeah, it's haunted. Xander and Spike thought it was time to earn their paychecks. Or rather, Xander thought it was time to earn his paycheck and Spike was getting stir crazy so he tagged along. So how'd it go?"  
"You have three weeks to pay."  
"I have to pay? Man, I should have just handled this myself. I mean, I don't have the money. And you can't get blood out of a stone."  
"They can get blood out of you. - There's a price on your head Doyle, they weren't even looking for money any more. Anyway the money isn't an issue."  
"Thanks man, - you probably saved my life." Said Doyle looking up at him.  
"Can I ask you something? - Why do you live like this?"  
"Why not live like this? I mean, what's wrong with it?" Angel just looked at him waiting for him to go on. With a sigh he said. "Yeah, well, I guess, it's the kind of life that keeps your expectations from getting too high. Seems like you'd understand that."  
"I do."  
"Yeah."  
"I just don't know why that's important to you.- This kind of life - sort of picked me. You don't have to do it this way." He said softly sitting down next to the boy. "I get your past as much as anyone who hasn't lived it, but has lived for some 200 years, can. I get that you feel some need to repent, or that maybe you feel you don't deserve a good life. But that's bull shit plain and simple."  
At that moment Spike and Xander came in through the sewer entrance. They appeared to be covered in some sort of dust/plaster substance. "How'd it go? Do I need to start house huntin' 'gain?" asked Doyle dropping the heavy conversation completely and adopting his easy- going face.  
"There was a creepy old lady who tried to get Cordy to kill herself. And she says, "hang yourself, bitch" and Cordy goes, "I am a bitch!" knocks down a wall, finds the woman's dead son and now the old lady's gone but the son is sticking around as a roommate." Said Xander.  
"Do you normally have more of that making sense thing goin' for ye? 'Cause right now, you don't." said Doyle.  
"The bitch. . . the dead one that is, is gone." Said Spike. "And Cordelia has a man to boss around. . . albeit a dead man. I think we've put in a day's work. I'm taking the whelp home, he's got a wound that needs seein' to."  
"You got hurt?" asked Angel filled with concern.  
"Not badly." Said Xander trying to play it down. Spike rolled his eyes and pulled Xander's shirt up roughly. The movement made Xander hiss. There on his abdomen was a three inch deep six inch wide gash.  
"Psycho bitch, again the dead one, sent shit flying around the room. A pencil, or glass, or a knife must have caught." He said clinically  
"You sound like a doctor in a lecture hall doing an autopsy." Said Xander in a flippant voice. The wound must have hurt like a bitch but the boy was blowing it off. Doyle started to understand what Spike had been saying before. Or, at least, he thought that he understood.  
"Do you do workmen's comp, Angel?"  
"I pay medical bills, I pay your rent, and buy your blood. Does that count, Childe?"  
Xander snickered as Spike's eyes narrowed. "Can the bleeding party be excused? Only, I'm starting to see spots?"  
Spike looked back at him taking his eyes off Angel, his worry apparent to everyone who wasn't Xander. "Maybe we should take you to a hospital."  
"You said nothing vital was hurt." The childish turn of phrase made Doyle smile at Angel but Angel was still sporting pensive face. "I hate hospitals."  
"Nothing was, pet, but you've lost a lot of blood." Said Spike soothingly.  
"I just wanta go to bed."  
"Commo then." Spike went to take his arm but Xander recoiled.  
"I can walk." He said. Spike quickly masked his hurt with a sneer.  
"He's fallen bad." Said Doyle with a sigh when the pair had left.  
"If anyone can fix him it's Spike."  
"I didn't mean wound-boy. Spike, he's going crazy."  
"Spike is crazy, it's a thing of mine to get them crazy and then turn them."  
"Soul-boy, you're clueless. Spike is falling for the boy so hard it almost hurts to watch."  
"Oh, that's no new news. When he first came to Sunnydale I tried to convince him I was evil by offering him Xander. He declined and said he could sense my soul, and maybe he could. But that wasn't why he didn't take Xander. He'd been keeping tabs on Buffy and her friends long before he got to the scene, reconnaissance if you like. He knew Xander Harris while I had been with the boy and didn't know Jack about him. It wasn't until I lost my soul and went back to him and Dru that I learned the real Xander, Spike told me everything about the boy. And I knew then and there why he hadn't killed Xander and I taunted him for it."  
"What is so special about the boy?" whined Doyle. So he didn't flinch at pain big deal. Why was everyone in awe of the scrap?  
Angel looked at him for a moment thinking and then shrugged. "He's a strong person." He said laconically but with definite respect in his voice. "Let's go over to your place, it needs fixing they ripped the place apart."  
"It's gotten to the point where I rarely put it back anymore." Said Doyle without think then he saw the worry in Angel's eyes. "I got this far." He said softly but with a warning. He wasn't to know he was voicing Angel's earlier thoughts.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"There. Safe as houses." Said Doyle to Angel over his shoulder.  
"You're going to live like this?"  
"I don't see adding a deadbolt having a huge effect on my lifestyle." Said Doyle with forced mirth as he slid the blot into place.  
"You know what I mean." Said Angel coldly.  
"Yeah, there might be - misunderstandings. That sort of thing." Said Doyle trying to ease Angel's worry as he pulled him closer.  
"You know I'll help you out."  
"For which I'm grateful."  
"You can show that gratitude by getting out. Let me get you out. Please, I hate to pull the mother hen thing but I'm worried sick that I might lose you."  
"I will, ok? - Just - give me time." He sighed, "The past, she don't let go, does she?"  
"Hmm, she never does."  
"How do you do. . . everything?" said Doyle his meaning obvious.  
"I tell the past to fuck off." Said Angel with a smile and then shrugged. "Then you go home and I sit in the dark and brood."  
"I'll give my hair shirt to Goodwill if you'll do the same?" offered Doyle. Angel just smiled a real genuine smile and kissed him.  
"Now I've got to do that poultry thing again-"  
"But you want me to grab anything I really badly need or want and spend a few days at your place."  
"Would you?"  
"Yeah. Just don't make this a habit. Me mam does enough worrying after me without you doin' it too." 


	6. 6

Disclaimer- I don't own the shoes I'm currently dancing in what's the likelihood I own anything in Joss' universe? I own the original novels. . . I bought them in Borders, and I own the DVDs. I don't however make money off of this I just seem to spend a lot on it. I in no way intend to infringe copyrights. I'm just entertaining myself, honestly, I'm shocked that anyone's read it.  
  
Setting: somewhere between Rm w\ Vu and Sense and Sensitivity I don't really think that's an issue as I don't really plan on sticking to cannon any more. Hell, I've already got Angel turning Spike and as you'll see this is totally not cannon.  
  
Warning: SLASH Angel/Doyle. Spike/Xander. Hints Discussion of Xander/Jesse. Don't like, don't read, don't flame. Also rather heavy mentions of child abuse. Extreme angst.  
  
Thanks to Poison for being the fastest Beta I've ever had!  
  
Section rating: R  
  
Dedication- to all the people who's lower lip quivers. Don't you just hate how young that makes you look? And it somehow weakens your case for crying when someone goes, "OMJ that is so adorable I didn't know anyone did that in real life!" I feel your pain for I share in it.  
  
Notes: you have no idea how long it took me to figure out how to spell fallatio. My roommate Jack tried to help me but he couldn't figure it out either. And I have it on good authority that he's good at it. He's gonna kill me if he sees this. Where was I. . . fallatio is a funny word. My beta, Poison asked me to include a definition because I guess no one uses it anymore. Fallatio is the technical term for the act of oral sex performed on a man. Maybe I just know it because Jack's always telling me to stop performing fallatio on *his* couch. For anyone who doesn't know: Jack was my legal guardian when I first lived in the city without my parents. I as 13 he was 26. Now that I'm 20 and he's 33 he's less of an authority figure.  
  
Part 6/?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Buffy . . . yeah ok . . . ok, yeah, really I got it . . . But I'm some good here, I help . . . Ok, I'll come back . . . yeah . . . ok. Bye." Xander had his back to Spike. He watched as the boy's shoulders fell.  
"How's SunnyHell?" asked Spike from where he sat at the kitchen table. They had been eating a late dinner when the phone had rung.  
"Buffy wants me back there."  
"Why you've only been gone three weeks. Why is she calling you back already?"  
"She needs me."  
"For what her errand boy?" Spike asked, angry at the notion that he could lose his roommate to that stone cold bitch.  
"I am not the errand boy," Xander said quietly.  
"Yes. You are." The slight anger on his behalf was directed at Buffy.  
"I'm not the fucking Zeppo, Spike!" Xander stepped forward and towered over the sitting man.  
"I know that," Spike said gently, "I don't think you do though. Certainly Buffy thinks of you thusly. She sees you as one of her "Scoobies" and you're so much better than that. Don't go back, Xander, you're doing good here. Back there you're just a sidekick."  
"I have to go." Xander suddenly found that the floor was endlessly fascinating.  
"Because the bitch wants you there?" Spike asked with quiet anger. That the chit snapped her fingers and this beautiful boy asked how high she wanted him to jump so that he was good enough for her.  
"No there's other stuff," Xander muttered while he counted the floor tiles.  
"Other stuff? Is Red ok?" Spike asked standing up.  
"Yeah, no, she's fine. My mom is in hospital." His lower lip trembled. Spike fixated on the movement, he had never thought anyone did that in real life. In a hundred years of making people cry he'd never seen it. The boy comprehended the topic of Spike's gaze and bit hard into his lip. So hard in fact that a bead of blood rolled off his lip. Spike's nonexistent breath got caught in his throat. Xander stepped away conscious of the gesture but not realizing the cause.  
"Is she ok? What happened?"  
"Um. She told Buffy that she fell down an outside stairway. She's covered in scratches, and um bruises, and black eyes, and - and well she has a pretty bad concussion."  
"Oh god, Xander-" started Spike but the boy cut him off.  
"Maybe Buffy's right, maybe I'm more needed there."  
"Xander."  
"I could help my mom - make sure . . . she doesn't fall anymore."  
Spike stepped tentatively forward. "Xander, listen to me. You've tried to stop her . . . from falling down stairs before. She always chooses to go back."  
The boy looked up, wide eyed at the fact that clearly Spike had some idea of what was going on and was trying to be kind. "I can't just let her . . . fall down stairs."  
But then Spike snapped suddenly. "Using yourself as cannon fodder so that he doesn't hit her isn't fair to you! I don't want you to do that again! You tried to get her out. I mean, fuck, the minute you got your license you stun-gunned your own mother and took her to your pen pal's house in Mexico to get away from the bastard. And you had told the pen pal everything, there was only one other person who knew." Xander flinched at the reference to that "other person". "But you were desperate so you told him it all. What you did? That was so brave fucking brave. And how does she repay you?"  
"Spike, shut up." His voice was cold and distant.  
"I won't! She beat the shit out of you and went back and let him have a turn at your hide too. You were sixteen! And you just wanted to save her."  
"Shut up, Spike!"  
"No! I don't want you to go back there! You don't deserve that bastard's drunken wrath."  
"And she does?" Xander demanded quietly. His voice hitched as though he were close to tears.  
"She had a choice in the matter. You couldn't chose your father but she chose her husband," he said as he ran his hands over the silver/white scars on the boy's arm. He was covered in them and all over his chest and legs. Spike had no idea how long they'd been there. From the colour and stretch of them he would wager they'd been put there when Xander was too young to remember. Did it please him that the lad had no recollection of the incident or did it just piss him off that the bastard had hurt Xander when he was so young? Xander had worn long sleeves and pants even in the hottest weather. How could those people who called themselves his friends have never noticed? How could the fucking watcher, who prided himself of being the "father" of the group, have never taken note? The laughing happy boy had so obviously been drowning - not fucking waving.  
"How do you know all this?"  
"Master Vampire. It's my business to know."  
"But as you said, the pen pal knew and I know he didn't tell and . . . he - the other - he promised me he would never tell Willow."  
"And Jesse never broke that promise, he wouldn't have told anyone. I have ways of knowing, people with ears all over the place. But never from him," Spike said softly.  
A tear ran down Xander's face at Jesse's name. "So if you know all this how can you even l-"  
"Oi! Don't you dare finish that sentence, boy! I'll rip out your fucking tongue! I can look at you because you did nothing wrong. You never earned his punishments. He was the loser, not you." Xander looked away and Spike shook his head angrily and pulled the boy in for a hungry kiss.  
Xander was stunned and still. The taste of him made Spike want to recoil all bitter, and anger, and self-loathing, with unhealthy amounts of fear on the mix. But he didn't pull back instead he tried only to siphon everything he felt into that one desperate kiss, assuming that at any moment Xander would pull back and hate him. He tried to make Xander feel how much need and love and respect was there. Silently he prayed to every deity who listened to evil soulless monsters to please let him hear this. He tried to prove how *not* disgusting and reviled the boy was to him. He ran his tongue along the boy's lip expecting no response but just wanting to taste them, just this once if it was all he would get. He felt Xander tense and then slowly he opened his mouth and granted Spike entrance. Near tears, Spike pulled the boy closer as fingers locked in his white hair. The pair only broke apart as Spike realized Xander's need to breathe.  
Words poured out of Spike's mouth in a current so quickly that only Xander Harris would ever understand. "I just want to give you this. I wanted you to realize how *special* you are." He spat the word out. "Special, fuck. I've never been eloquent, bloody awful poet. You are special, amazing, so, so strong. I just want you to see! Let me make you see? I want to help you so badly. You can do anything you want with me. I just . . . I don't care if this means nothing to you. It wouldn't matter how you felt about me, all that matters is that you grasp how fucking wonderful you are. You refuse to see that and you hide it from everyone and you shouldn't. While I was stalking Buffy it pissed me off to no end to see the way they treat you. So special and they act like you're dirt 'dependable old Xander, hey! we can walk on him, he won't mind' and you just let them because for some reason you just don't realize that you don't deserve that. There's that word again *deserve* it's all so fucked up. I wish I could make you see what I see. What all the world would see if you let them. Your stupid friends are so fucking blind. It hurt to watch you. You're so fucking . . . you're beautiful and I just . . . God! Why can't I say this right?" His words suddenly slowed. "I just wanted you to see. Wanted to help you see."  
Xander said nothing. Spike waited expectantly for his metaphorical staking. Still the silence stretched and then, so slowly it was almost painful Xander rested his forehead on Spike's shoulder and burst into tears. Whatever Spike had been expecting, this wasn't it. Xander knew he must have seemed unhinged but he just want this so bad. He melted into Spike's embrace and it felt so good to know that Spike knew it all. Somehow it made him feel cleaner. And as odd as it all was, it felt so right when Spike started to rock him. How long had he wanted this? For someone to know. for someone to notice him. for Spike to take care of him? God, how long? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
He woke up slowly and tried to figure out where he was. This was not his bed . . . this was Spike's bed. Why was he? . . . Then suddenly it all came back with a powerful punch. A rush of fear and embarrassment swept over him. What had he done? Well, Spike had done pretty much everything, but still, what had he let happen? Spike would surely kill him when he woke up! Though currently, said future killer had his head rested on Xander chest directly above his heart. Oh God! Oh God! What had he done?  
"Pet, though I love waking to the scent of panic and anxiety I don't like it on you. Calm down and go back to sleep," Spike said without opening his eyes. He ran his fingers over the boy's body, memorizing it and mapping out his territory. God, he was as bad as his poncy sire, always so fucking possessive. Hadn't he promised the boy that it could mean nothing - that it didn't need to be real just so long as Xander benefited? He had told him it didn't matter, that he could use him. Most likely the boy was going to never think about it again and Spike lay there planning a life around the whelp. Mind-blowing fallatio didn't change anything, not for Xander. Right? In his mind he kept chanting "don't tell him you love him, it'll fuck it up further." Then he said out loud, "Go to sleep, pet."  
"I'm supposed to be on my way back to Sunnydale," Xander said. All the emotion banished from his voice but not his scent, which was steeped in fear. He got up and started pulling his pants on and then realized with a heavy sigh that they had been ripped when torn off his body.  
Spike growled as he sat up and watched the dark seraph. "I thought I said that you weren't going ba-"  
"Come with me?" Xander asked softly pausing in his actions. "Please?"  
"Yes. Why?" Spike asked.  
Xander just shrugged. "Why are you coming?"  
"Because I love you." Oh fuck! It slipped out even though he'd warned himself not to let it. He'd never had any preservation instincts. "Sorry, forget I even-"  
"Ya do?" Xander asked with unabashed wonder in his eyes. How could Spike want him? Maybe in a physical 'any port in a storm' sense, sure, but actually want him? No, never. And love? Well damn.  
Spike considered it. Should he be honest and just spill? Or should he have let Xander dictate where it all went. "With everything I am, pet." And then Xander was crying. "Oh god, don't cry. I take it back! This is nothing! It means nothing to me! You're just a nummy treat and I couldn't resist a taste! Just don't cry, please, Xander, I don't wanta make you cry."  
"When I was seven my mom told me she loved me. She'd never said it before and she's never said it since. And I was so happy I cried. And she hit me so hard I lost a tooth and said that good boys didn't cry. And - and-"  
"If you don't want to say it, don't. I already know," Spike said, softly standing and placing a hand on Xan's arm.  
Xander nodded put went on anyway, he wanted Spike to hear it from him not some "unnamed informant". "Jesse loved me. More than anyone had or has, nor do I think will I ever be loved in that way again. He made me feel so fucking *special* as you say. We were only kids, fifteen, it was that pure innocent type of love I thought you could only read about. It was all innocence and there were none of the wind-up games that generally go hand in hand with being with someone. I was actually really happy, and I had never realize life could *not* suck before." He laughed dryly. "God, we had so much fun. We played such stupid games. Like who could chase the most girls without getting any action, he won. But he cheated he went for Cordy who clearly would never go for him." He paused lost in thought and Spike believed he was done speaking. Spike wondered if that was the reason Xander had later courted the lovely Miss Chase. Suddenly Xander said. "Buffy says that when you're turned you aren't you anymore. And I believed her at first. She was the slayer and I was just a guy. I think she said it to make what she was doing into a public service and not murder. But when I put that wood through him I could see from his eyes that it was very much Jesse. My Jesse. Changed, sure, but still Jess. I still loved him and in his own new way, he still loved me. I felt forever dirty, like everyone could just look at me and see . . . everything. I killed him, I killed the only person who ever really loved me." He fell silent.  
Spike felt ill. No one had told him that Xander had staked the boy. That Jesse had been turned, that Xander had seen him and had seen him killed. That he knew. Those three things in and of themselves were bad enough. But add on top of that the guilt and grief of having dealt the final blow . . . Spike didn't like to think of that. He touched Xander's chin and met his gaze. Xander's eyes looked cold as though he were beyond showing his emotion or possibly beyond feeling them. Spike knew it was a front.  
"I am so sorry . . . I didn't, well I guess my sources aren't as wonderful as I thought. Did he hear Buffy say that?" Xander nodded slightly unshed tears making his brown eyes warm and glassy. He bit into his lip again to still the quivering, it opened the wound. "He knew. He knew you thought you were saving him. He knew you still loved him. And though I don't know this for sure, he probably loved you even more for staking him as in a way it was your way of protecting him and showed him just how much you loved him. But I assure you, no matter what he loved you with his last . . . well, not breath," he said with a shrug.  
"Why are you so sure?"  
"Because I am. Now let me ask it again. Why? Why do you want me to come?"  
"I need a friend there. and you might just be my last real friend left. I want you to come. I don't want to do this alone. I've done too much alone as of late."  
"You don't need to be. You shouldn't be. Ok?" he asked desperate that the boy should see this. Xander nodded but in his heart and mind he still held it to be true that his actions had more than merited everything he got. Spike saw this in the boy's eyes and kissed him fiercely. "Love you, pet, always here when you want me. Now grab a bag and put whatever the hell you want in it."  
"I have six changes of clothes here and that's it."  
"We'll get you more. This should feel more like home." Spike packed the bag but miraculously keeping a hand on Xander the whole time.  
"It already does," Xander said softly. The statement was greeted with a wide, factual smile that nearly made him cry in its sincerity. 


	7. 7

Title: That Damn Happiness Clause  
  
Writer: Azure K Mello  
  
Question: has anyone read a slash story wherein Buffy *wasn't* a bitch?  
  
Disclaimer- I don't own the shoes I'm currently dancing in what's the likelihood I own anything in Joss' universe? I own the original novels. . . I bought them in Borders, and I own the DVDs. I don't however make money off of this I just seem to spend a lot on it. I in no way intend to infringe copyrights. I'm just entertaining myself, honestly, I'm shocked that anyone's read it.  
  
Setting: somewhere during the Bachelor Party, some conversation is mangled out of said ep. This has nothing to do with Buff's time line at all.  
  
Warning: SLASH Angel/Doyle. Spike/Xander. Don't like, don't read, don't flame. Also rather heavy mentions of child abuse. Extreme angst.  
  
Thanks to Poison for being the fastest Beta I've ever had!  
  
Section rating: R  
  
Part 7/?  
  
Dedication: to my bf, Isaly, who just joined the group! Chain smoking, throwing stuff at *her* house in the summer, stealing shit from school, Planned P-hood, hating our parents, screaming about intolerance in Friendly's, being scared by the KGB, hot-boxing the apartment with fags. . . and this is only this week.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Who was that on the phone?" asked Angel pulling on a robe. Cordelia was out on a date and Doyle had just had a vision about a nest of vampires.  
"Spike. He and Xander are goin' to Sunnydale."  
"Sunnyhell isn't safe for Spike! Or Xander, come to that."  
Angel's causal use of Spike's slang for the dale attested to his fear. Smiling gently Doyle said. "Spike said they'd be gone three days at the most, would lay low, and avoid that rat-fucking bastard. He seemed to think you would know what that meant."  
"He better fucking avoid him."  
"Ye gonna share wit' the class?" asked Doyle but regretted it when he saw the remorse in his boyfriends eyes. "Right, this is another secret that makes up the enigma that is Xander Harris."  
"This isn't my tale to tell. Xander doesn't even know Spike told me."  
"But he tol' Spike?"  
"No, Spike just stalked him."  
"Oh that's right he tol' ma. What's up with Vampires and stalkin'?"  
"It's not Vampires. I mean yeah we all get a kick out of toying with the prey. But actual stalking is something we rarely indulge in. It's more a clan of Aureleus thing."  
"Tha's comfortin'." Angel smiled but the fear was in his eyes. "The'll be fine."  
"Yeah I know. I just don't like. Buffy's out for blood. Why are they going?" he asked more to himself than to Doyle but an answer was still supplied.  
"Xander's ma's in hospital. The boy wanted to see her. She fell down a flight of stairs." He saw the look on Angel's face. For a man with so few expressions he should could express a lot. "Or. . . pushed? Abusive da?"  
"Abusive? No. . . he just has the same loving view of childcare that I do when I lack my soul. . . rat-fucking bastard."  
"Ah. So that's why everyone tinks he's so strong?" Doyle couldn't keep the slight edge off his voice. Yes, the boy was strong but many had gotten through it.  
"No," said Angel his voice angry but not directed at the smaller man. "He's strong because his mother is just the same and so is his uncle and no one's ever noticed. I didn't even notice. There's so much that, God, I wish I could tell you. So you could understand but I just can't. Talk to Xander sometime. Ok?"  
Doyle nodded. "Are ye ok?"  
"I just, I feel sick when I think about Xander and how I react to his life. And then I think of Penn, and Dru, and Will and I realize that I've done even worse things to them. And it just burns." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
"Xander, would you stop fidgetin'? You're making me car sick." Said Spike as he drove the 1957 Fire Dome 8 DeSoto back to the place he hated most. He had the one good thing to ever come out of Sunnyhell at his side.  
"Maybe we should go back. Maybe I should go on alone. Buffy is not going to be colored happy to see you."  
"That's not true. She'd love to see me. . . turned into dust." His joke didn't get a laugh and so he said. "Look, I'll just lay low when you go to see Smutty. It'll be fine."  
"I want you there though. That's the scary thing. As much danger as I know you'd be in I still want you there when I see her. It's so fucking selfish and cowardly."  
"No, god no. If you want me there, I'm there."  
"How?" said Xander looking pale.  
"When we got to the motel you call her and tell her that you brought your roommate, Spike, and no, you're not a vampire and she can call Angel if she likes."  
"You think it'll work?"  
"Sure." They were crossing a big cool gothic bridge and Xander touched his arm.  
"Pull over for a sec? I can't go over this without doing something first." Spike stopped in the dead center of the bridge. Xander climbed out with Spike following his lead. He pulled a bag out of his jacket pocket. "Ever heard of Cutco?"  
"The company that sells knifes?"  
"Yeah, they make a pair of scissors that can cut a penny in half." He said as he pulled out twelve silver coins that had been halved so there were 24 pieces. "It's kinda a joke. Old, forget what it even was. Something about inflation or something and how Judas only got half of the going price for Jesus' head. I don't really remember." Spike watched as the boy dropped twelve halves into the water and put their matching pieces into another pocket. Having only a slight idea what was going on Spike held his tongue. If Xander didn't want to inform him that this was where he'd dropped Jesse's ashes he wasn't going to ask. And if that were the case than it made it that much more painful to watch. Xander turned back to him. "Ya ready?"  
Spike nodded silently. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Angel held the young boy they had just saved. When Doyle had shaken off his demonic visage half way through the fight Angel had been confused. "Doyle, you're stronger when your demon, right? So why did you shake it off?"  
  
Doyle sighed softly, "I just don't like to fight like that."  
  
"This isn't a spelling bee. Nobody expects you to fight fair."  
  
"It's just not my style, that's all." There was a soft desperation in his voice begging his lover to understand. And Angel did, all too well. He put the rescued boy on the floor and slammed Doyle into the wall.  
As he kissed him he ran his hands all down his body. "I love you, Doyle. You have nothing to be ashamed of. It's who you are. You're beautiful. Stop blaming yourself for the past. You're too damn good for that so stop." Doyle turned as if to prove a point. Horrified Angel realized the boy expected him to pull back. Instead his hands trailed over the blue skin. The green spikes stopped at his the junction of his neck and shoulders. Angel investigated this side of his lover that he rarely saw. His blue skin was surprisingly cold and smooth it was sweet and slightly acidic under his tongue. Doyle didn't taste of his usual whisky and salt instead he tasted of power and lust. Doyle's lips were hot in comparison to the rest of his skin. And as Angel rested his forehead against Doyle's own he looked into red eyes. "So sexy. Let's get him home and go to bed?"  
Doyle smiled. At least he'd gotten Angel's mind off his wayward childe. He nodded and rested his hand on Angel's hip as they walked.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Within an hour they had checked into a motel and were sitting about in the car, the engine idling. "What do you want to do?" asked Spike.  
"I want to go to the house and get my stuff while Dad's at work."  
Spike nodded and drove out. He went straight to Xander's, not even feigning ignorance as to where it was located. As they pulled into the driveway he turned to the boy. "You sure?"  
"It's now or never."  
"I can get money. You don't need this stuff."  
"I want some of it. Ok?"  
"Commo then." He said as he slid out of the driver's side door. "Let's do this quick, yeah?"  
"Oh I'm right there with you. Believe me."  
Like a well trained swat team the pair grabbed anything of consequence in the basement. Finally when everything Xander wanted was gone he stepped back and looked at the room.  
"What is it, pet?" asked Spike standing behind him and putting a comforting hand on Xander's hip.  
"It was the way I left it."  
"Yeah?" asked Spike confused by the statement.  
"I was just wondering if they were hoping I'd come home and didn't want to touch it. Or if they didn't realize I'd gone."  
"They were never good enough for you in the first place." Said Spike in a low growl.  
"Are you here with me?" asked Xander in a childlike whisper.  
"Of course, pet." Xander turned and kissed him full on the lip.  
"I don't know how I can thank you." Said Xander as he slipped his hands beneath Spike's waistband.  
Spike's smile vanished. After swallowing twice he stopped Xander's hands from their exploration. Shaking his head slowly he pulled Xander's hands away. "You don't need to, Xander."  
"You don't want-" There was hurt in Xander's eyes.  
"I don't want you doing something you don't want to do. I don't want you doing this because you think you have to in order to keep me as your friend. I want to do it because you want to. And I really don't want to do it here as this place sets me on edge. What I really want, while here, is to kill anything with Harris blood that isn't you." Spike looked around the room. A room he knew damn well had had too much sex in it. Xander studied him and wondered if he knew about all the times he'd been raped here. If the cold sheen in Spike's eyes was anything to go by then the boy would bet he did.  
"Yeah. I get that." Said Xander softly suddenly desperate to leave the close, muggy room. "Let's go." He slipped his hand into Spike and squeezed softly as they walked up the stairs abreast each other. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Cordelia had been uneasy around Angel all day. Of course the fact that he was growling, and muttering, and pacing did nothing to help Doyle's claims that the man was fine. After a few hours of her squealing every time Angel let out a growl Doyle sent her home. Her fear was feeding his worry. What the fuck could be going on in Sunnydale to upset the vampire so? For a while he simply sat and watched the other man march about but after a few hours he could bare it no more. Angel did not still when Doyle stepped in front of him. At the last minute Doyle captured the taller man, slipped into his demon form, and bit into his throat. He snarled, shocked at the pain but stilled as Doyle licked the wound gently. A soft purr rose from Angel's chest as Doyle stepped back. The purr disappeared the moment Angel lost physical contact with the man, he whimpered until Doyle took him back into his arms. Sighing Doyle rocked the larger man. He sat down on the desk, Angel stood between his legs growling and keening softly. Doyle hushed him softly while stroking every piece of available skin.  
He heard the bell over the door and said without turning. "This is Angel Investigations. But there's a bit o' a situation right now. If ye could come back in ten minutes tha' would be just great."  
He heard the woman swallow, "Hey, Francis."  
  
Sighing heavily he turned to his wife, "Harry." He movement made Angel cry out and growl threateningly at the girl. Trying to ignore Angel Doyle said, "Uhm, - where've you been?"  
"Around. Uhm -Kiribati - Togo - Uzbekistan - a few spots that were a - little less touristy." She said trying to follow his lead. He could hear in her voice that the scene confused and scared her. "I'm sorry about the surprise. I would've called first but I was afraid.."  
  
"I'd run off? That's not my style, remember?" said Doyle completely fine with the tableau he and Angel presented. He was far more worried about Angel than what Harry was seeing.  
  
"But it's mine?" said Harry sounding hurt, "Is that what you're saying? Do you want me to remind you who fired the starter pistol? - No, let's not, okay? Let's just hug and be happy to see each other."  
"I can't hug you. If I let go of him he's likely to rip out your throat." He heard her step back with a gasp. "So why don't you come back in ten minutes?"  
Harry sighed unwilling to leave, "You look good."  
  
"Yeah, you, too." Said Doyle still facing Angel.  
  
"You're still living it up? You know that drinking's no good for you."  
  
"Yeah, you know me. I'm a fun-loving guy." He said sarcastically. Did she think he was holding the vampire for his health for Christ's sakes? What did she think was going on here. "So, shall we go on to why you're here exactly?"  
  
"Maybe we could talk alone?"  
  
"Yeah. We could but as I said, I let go and he kills you." He said As Angel rested his head on Doyle's shoulder. The younger man couldn't help but smile at the action. "So you'll either have to say it or come back."  
  
"I should just say it." The door opened and Doyle heard a man walk into the room, a demon of some type, he could tell from the breathing. " Oh, I thought you were going to stay in the car?"  
  
"I know, but I admit it, curiosity got the better of me." He looked at the two on the desk and called "Hey, Richard Straley. I've heard so much about you." He turned to Harry, "Say, why is you're ex growling?."  
  
"He's not." She said looking confused at the scene.  
  
"Oh, no, he is! Really."  
"That's not Doyle."  
  
"Oh, - that's more like it." Said Richard taken aback that he had assumed she'd been married to the crazy growling man. "Ah, forgive me, I'm not quite myself. What with the wedding only a few days off now."  
  
Doyle laughed at the ridiculous scene. It was suddenly making sense. "There's a wedding?"  
"I'm sorry I- I didn't want you to hear it that way." Doyle just sighed trying not to laugh. Harry misinterpreted it. "I didn't come here for your approval."  
  
Doyle started to laugh, "Then why? To see my face when I found out? To see if it would cut?" he assumed it sounded bitter though really all it was, was that he was tiered, He's lover was having a mental freak- out, and the fact that she'd come to tell him she was getting married just made it all into a bad joke.  
  
"Of course not. I would never.. - I just, I need you to sign these." She said handing him a folder by reaching over angel's form and holding it out to them.  
  
"Divorce papers." He said with an unbelieveing smile.  
  
"It had to happen. I mean one of us.."  
"Gimme somethin' to lean on and a pen, yeah?"  
He could feel her shock. So what it was ok for her to want this but not for him to be ok with it? She handed him a pen and a book Angel had been reading. Signing it was complicated as he was holding a large Angel upright at the same time. He laughed suddenly. "The funny thing is for all I know, I'm buying an ostrich farm."  
As he handed them back to her she said, "It's good to see you again, Francis. I'm sorry it was so inconvenient." She went to touch his arm but Angel grabbed her hand with lightening fast reflexes.  
"Come another time and we'll talk, yeah? It's jus' now's not such a good time." Said Doyle. He sensed her nod and turn to leave. He turned back to Angel and laughed at the new husband "Can I get a side of *bland* with that bland?" he asked and captured Angel's lips, hushing him with silent comfort. "So that was Harry, the woman you were so anxious to meet. Will you remember this, I wonder." He led the vampire to the elevator. "Let's get you into bed where ye can sleep this off."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Xander sighed outside the shut door. Worried Spike studied the boy's face. "Do ya want me to come in with you?" he asked softly.  
"No, I better do this myself." He said giving Spike a sad smile.  
"If you want me I'll be listening with vampiric hearing. So just ask your mother if she's heard from Charlie recently."  
"I don't know a Charlie."  
"Exactly, pet. I'll be in like a shot." Xander nodded. He pulled Spike to him for a desperate kiss. "You'll be fine, luv, just think tha' this time 'morrow we'll be in LA." Xander nodded again and ventured into the hospital room where his mother was currently residing.  
Upon turning back Spike was met with the scene of a confused red head. "Xander needs a minute with his mum. Leave it a sec." He said sitting on a broken plastic chair.  
"You're! You're."  
"Spit it out, Red. I'm what?"  
"You're using Xander to get to Buffy!"  
The laughter could not be contained. Lighting a cigarette he gave an orderly a frightening glare. "I have absolutely no interest in even seeing the slayer. Xander didn't want to come alone, I didn't want him to come alone."  
"So what the-"  
"He's my roommate." He cocked his head. "And I just got called so excuse me." He got up and walked into the room closing the door behind him. Weakly he smiled at Xander. "Willow's outside. Hey, Mrs. Harris, how are you?" said Spike coldly. He laid a hand on Xander's arm. A casual gesture but he felt Xander melt into the touch.  
"Who are you?" she asked.  
"I'm Xander's roommate in LA."  
"You're living in LA? For how long have you been living in LA?"  
"Three weeks. Where did you think I was?"  
"I thought you were with your little friend Willow."  
"No, Mom."  
"I'm sorry, Mrs. Harris, we have to go in a minute. We need to go back to LA. We have work in the morning."  
"You work."  
"For a detective agency." Said Xander sounding proud that he had a good job for once.  
She started to laugh, "Who the hell would hire you?"  
Spike growled and grabbed Xander's arm. "Goodbye, Mrs. Harris." Xander nearly fell when Spike let go of him outside the door. "You ok?" Xander nodded mutely but could not stand under his own steam. "Hey, it's all ok. We'll go see Buffy tonight and be in LA by first light. Ok? Sound good?" Xander nodded and captured Spike's lips. "It's all gonna be fine, Pet. I promise." Xander rested his forehead against Spike's.  
A cough sounded from behind them and Spike wheeled around. There stood Buffy and Willow. Xander instantly stepped in front of the slighter man, protecting him from the slayer's wrath. "Hey, Willow. Spike said you were here nice to see you called reinforcements. Buffy." He said nodding to the blond carrying the stake. "Would you kindly put that away?"  
"What's going on Xander."  
"My mother's in hospital, and I brought my roommate with me."  
"Spike's your roommate now?" said Buffy sarcastically. "So what He's on a leash?"  
"Hey!"  
"Spike, shut up."  
"Yeah, he is. And we're both working for Angel."  
"What?" she asked angrily.  
"What, "what" are you asking about?"  
"You're working for Angel? Why?"  
"Because the pay is good and it's something I know. Would you please put the stake away?" she gave him a look. "I have a pulse. I'm wearing a cross." He threw her his cell. "Angel's number two on speed dial. Cordy put herself first because she programmed it."  
"Cordy? Cordelia is working there too?"  
"No, she's whoring herself out on the pavement outside." Said Spike sarcastically. "Not that I don't enjoy a public row but could we take this elsewhere? Only Mrs. Harris is only next-door."  
"Buffy, why don't Spike and I meet you and Willow at your house? Where we can talk calmly."  
"No I think I'd like to settle this now, Xander." Said Buffy coldly. "It's a very simple issue really. It's all about loyalty and where yours lays."  
"Buffy-" said Willow from behind her knowing this was a bad idea.  
"You can't be serious?" asked Spike his jaw dropped. "How can you be that cruel? Did you have to choose once? How could you do that to someone else?" he asked in reference to her parents divorce wherein she had been forced to choose whom she would live with.  
"This isn't like that, it isn't a hard decision." Said Buffy curtly.  
"Buffy, I can't even begin. . . don't make me do this."  
"Oh I think it has to be done." Replied Buffy sounding every bit like her cheerleader self. "It's not that hard, Xan."  
"You have no idea. Do you? There is no choice, Buffy, I love him." 


	8. 8

Title: That Damn Happiness Clause  
  
Writer: Azure K Mello  
  
Disclaimer- I don't own the shoes I'm currently dancing in what's the likelihood I own anything in Joss' universe? I own the original novels. . . I bought them in Borders, and I own the DVDs. I don't however make money off of this I just seem to spend a lot on it. I in no way intend to infringe copyrights. I'm just entertaining myself, honestly, I'm shocked that anyone's read it.  
  
Question: what a mobile called in the USA? I can never remember it and since I've been living here since I was 13 that's just sad. Sometimes I know it, but I'm really tired right now.  
  
Setting: somewhere during the Bachelor Party, some conversation is mangled out of said ep. This has nothing to do with Buff's time line at all.  
  
Warning: SLASH Angel/Doyle. Spike/Xander. Don't like, don't read, don't flame. Also rather heavy mentions of child abuse. Extreme angst.  
  
Thanks to Poison for being the fastest Beta I've ever had!  
  
Section rating: R  
  
Part 8/?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"What?" asked three voices in unison. Buffy's eyes were angry. Will's confused. And Spike's were filled with disbelief and hope.  
"I love him."  
"You're under his vampire thrall. You don't love him. Your place is here." Said Buffy with that "I am the Slayer my word is law," look she sometimes got.  
"No, I do love him, there is no thrall. Moreover my place was never here. Not with you anyway. If it had been my place I wouldn't have been so miserable."  
"Xander, if you leave you can never-"  
Laughter cut off her statement. "Of course I can come back. You don't own this town, Buffy. You may be the Slayer, and it's graveyards may be your playground. But I was born and dragged up right here. You're not going to stop me from coming back. The only thing you can do is make it so that I don't talk to you. But have no fear, I have no intension of ever seeing you again." He took his mobile from her. "But if I want to come see my mother there is nothing you can do about."  
"Xander, I thought I said no more coming back to see Mummy Dearest."  
"Shut-up, Spike." Whispered Xander.  
"Why don't you want him seeing his mom?" asked Willow.  
Spike snorted, "Shut-up, Spike!" said Xander again warningly but then softer. "Commo, let's go. I wanta be home before dawn."  
Spike was English, the English don't use the term "home" they say house or apartment or whatever sort of a place it was. "Home" is such a Hallmark/American word, it felt sickly in his mouth. But somehow he found the expression so warm when Xander said it. The boy's use of the term "home" in front of the girls sobered Spike. He saw the hurt in Red's eyes and the anger become solidified in Buffy's. Spike wondered if they knew the treasure they had just pushed away. Somehow he doubted they did and that made him angry. While they had lost their Zeppo/scapegoat they had no idea who it was they'd been wiping their feet on all along.  
He smiled sadly at the boy and just nodded. "Let's go." He said softly as Xander wrapped an arm around his waist. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
They packed silently. It burned in Spike. He was desperate to scream, to ask Xander if he'd meant it, to rage about Xander's mother, and Buffy, and how could Red stand there silently! How could she? He felt like his cold skin might explode at any moment. Before he even thought about it the words were out of his mouth in a torrent. "Look, I get that you said. . . what you said, because you needed to protect me against Buffy. And I'm really thankful, mate, honestly. So let's just forget any of it happened ok?"  
Slowly Xander looked up at him with tear burdened eyes. "I can't. I've just given up everything I know for you. And I can't forget that. You're the only thing I have left and I won't pretend I didn't mean it. I can't lose you. I love you so much that I just threw away all the familiar things in my world. And I'm not willing to pretend it didn't happen."  
"You love me?" said Spike his tone incredulous.  
"More than anything."  
"Why?" said Spike truly confused. Why would the seraph lower himself.  
Xander laughed bitterly. "Because you're kind to small children and animals. Because your funny and smart and you give a damn about your own little causes. And you say I'm strong, but you're stronger. And you make me feel safe and beautiful. And while you're so busy trying to prove that I'm not a loser you still manage to convince yourself that you are. You're childlike in your glee for killing and causing confusion. I think you would have just as much fun convincing Cordy that her shoes weren't in Vogue but were on sale as you would killing half of Europe. And we have these talks about things that matter, the other day that fight over the death penalty was heated and then we step back and we're discussing the coolest carebear. I love the way you leave blood in the sink. I love the fact that you know everything about me and you still love me. I love the way your hair falls into your eyes when you don't gel it. You're forgiving and fierce and you are such a good man though you're not. . ." he trailed off.  
"A man?" supplied Spike.  
"Well I wasn't going to say it. I love you so much it hurts. I can't bare the way you think about yourself. I hate that you know everything about me while I know so very little about you. I want to make all of that pain and hate leave your eyes because it aches inside of me that your so sad. All I want is to make you happy."  
"You do, pet. You make everything ok. And I don't know *everything* about you. I don't know your favorite movie or your ice cream of choice, both of which you know about me."  
"Coffee ice cream with blood and chocolate syrup is not a flavor. And who doesn't love "The Search for the Holy Grail"? That doesn't count." Said Xan sullenly while resting his head on Spike's shoulder.  
"Ask me sometime, not now, and I'll tell you whatever you want to know."  
"Really?" asked Xander with doubt in his eyes.  
"I'm yours. Your very own open book."  
Xander gently then kissed Spike. The gentle kiss progressed to something so much more desperate and needy. Hands started to wander beneath shirts and a voice in the back of Spike head was screaming that this wasn't productive to getting home. And as if to prove a point the phone rang. Breaking away to breathe Xander picked up the phone. "Hello?" he panted.  
"Xander, look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean any of it." She said oblivious as always as to what her friend was doing.  
"No, Buffy, you did. You meant it all. What you mean to say is that you were bluffing expecting me to choose you. You bluffed, I called end of story."  
"Xander, I'm sorry."  
"You made me choose. But as I said there was never a choice."  
"You've proved your point: I'm a horrible person for making you pick. And the fact that you chose Spike wasn't real, right? You just did it to teach me a lesson, right? Ok. So, now come over here."  
Shock could not explain what Xander felt. A dry laugh escaped his lips as he said. "No, in fact, Buff, he's the *only* thing that's real. And I have no interest in coming anywhere near you. How does it feel to know that you've driven away yet another person who loved you?" he asked and hung up. He turned to Spike his voice cold and rough with emotion. "We go?"  
"We go, pet." Said Spike pulling the boy close to him. "Love you."  
"Love you too." Said Xander tiredly leaning heavily into the other man. "Wanna get home now."  
"Umhum. So do I." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
The ride back was largely silent. For the most part Xander either napped against, or snuggled with, Spike. Two hours and they were home just as the sun came up. Xander sat up and yawned widely. Instantly he missed the physical contact and cuddled back into *his* vampire. He was as possessive as something. . . really possessive. He was to tired to think or do much of anything. Spike picked him up and carried him into the apartment. He laid Xander down on the bed in the whelp's room.  
"I'm gonna go get the stuff out of the boot of the car. I'll be back in a mo'." Xander nodded sleepily and Spike craned over to kiss his forehead. "Go to sleep, pet, I'll be here when you wakeup."  
"Wanna watch you." He said with a yawn.  
Spike just smiled. "Do whatever you like."  
Within five minutes everything was out of the car and the room and apartment were vastly redecorated with objects from Xander's life. Only a photo album had no home. Spike waved it at Xander wanting to know where to put it. Eventually Xand just slipped it under his bed and pulled Spike back to him. He pulled Spike's shirt over his head and drew the blond near. Hot skin on cold. Xander sighed. "Just stay with me?"  
"Always and forever." Said Spike as Xander placed his head under Spike's chin. "I land myself a nuzzler."  
"Does it bother you?" asked Xander moving away. "A lot of people value personal space."  
Spike dragged the boy back to him. "No fucking way. My personal space belongs to you. Use it as you see fit, and I like this use for it." Xander rubbed his face into Spike shoulder. Spike let his fingers run over the boy's back, part of his chattels he had yet to explore. When his fingers ran over scrapes and bruises he stopped. The marks were just under the boy's armpits. He looked at the for a moment and then said softly. "No more of this, ok?"  
"What?"  
"You don't have to play innocent and you don't need to explain just no more of this. I don't want to see any more of this."  
"I have no idea what you're suggesting."  
"Fine I'm a moron who's just thinking this is what I think it is, fine. Ok? It's not what it is. But as it isn't, what I think it is, it will heal and there won't be anymore anyway." Fire burned in his eyes. He wanted to kill everyone who had hurt his boy who had led him down a path were he thought it was necessary for him to do this to himself. He ran his thumb over the wounds that were maybe two days old. He swung his leg over the boy. "I'm yours but in return, your mine. And I won't let you do this to yourself. Understood?"  
"It's not something I do so much as it gets done and I don't really remember. Sometimes I just need to check that I'm actually alive. And I can't be dead if I'm bleeding right?" said Xander not meeting his eyes but cuddling as close to Spike as he could with burrowing into the vampire.  
"I'll make you feel alive without you having to bleed." He said stroking Xand's bare skin. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
"Ther' back, Angel." Said Doyle replacing the phone on the cradle.  
"You said I "lost it" to Xander." Angel said coldly. Like a child screaming they're *not* tired.  
"And you did, Angel man. What the hell happened, ye lost it. Do ye even remember meetin' Harry?"  
"I remember that there were two entities here. One female and one demon. And I remember that I was completely willing to kill either one of them if they came too close to you."  
"But no, you didn't loose it." Said Doyle sarcastically.  
"Maybe a little."  
"I've left this bed only to piss and eat for the last 48 hours."  
"Sorry."  
"Don't be. I might never be able to sit down again but that's hardly your fault. Well it is, but I won't hold you accountable. Can I take a shower now?"  
"Can I come too?"  
"I was actually planin' on getting' clean."  
"You're no fun."  
"I'm sore in all the right places but I really need to wash."  
"You smell good: you smell of me."  
"I shouldn't smell of you for work. Which, by the way, we should go to today. Cordy's been holdin' the fort down on her lonesome."  
"So are Spike and Xander going to make an appearance?"  
"I don't think so, Spike said they needed to sleep. And that there was a lot they needed to talk about. And I think They're kinda gonna be busy fecking each other int' the mattress."  
  
"What! Did he say that."  
"Yeah, no, but from the way he was talking I would assume that ther' very much together."  
"Well what did he say?"  
"He just kept using "Xan" and was talking about the "unholy chosen bitch"."  
"I wonder what happened."  
"I'll paint cha' a picture from what I know, shall I? Buffy seems like a very possessive chit from all I've heard. Now the way Spike sounded both angry and saddened by her I would say tha' mebe she made the boy choose? I would also say from the way he spoke of the mother that things did not go well there either. So let's safely assume that Xander was crying on the shoulder that we call Spike and then Buff made him choose and here we are."  
"That actually sounds eerily right."  
"How was it exactly tha' ye fell for her?"  
"She was blond?" hazarded Angel, he shrugged. "She was a slayer it seemed kinda poetic. And she was innocent: very naïve, everything was very black and white to her. But in the end it just got annoying. She was very much a little girl and I was a very old vampire. It was a very bad idea from the beginning and it was more the forbidden fruit aspect that got me off rather than Buffy herself. And it sounds like I used her, which. . . I did. But in her own way she used me too. I was tall, dark, and brooding: I fit the mold. She never really cared who I was."  
"I get the feeling from what I know of her she wouldn't like you if she knew the real you."  
"Oh, Christ, I'd have been staked long ago. If I had not over done the whole "I hate myself," thing I would be ashes."  
"Why would she want you like that?"  
"Pet vampire for the slayer. I was her exception to prove the rule that: demons are bad, must kill."  
"I don't like her and we've never met."  
"Hell, I don't like her." 


	9. 9

Title: That Damn Happiness Clause  
  
Writer: Azure K Mello  
  
Disclaimer- I don't own the shoes I'm currently dancing in what's the likelihood I own anything in Joss' universe? I own the original novels. . . I bought them in Borders, and I own the DVDs. I don't however make money off of this I just seem to spend a lot on it. I in no way intend to infringe copyrights. I'm just entertaining myself, honestly, I'm shocked that anyone's read it.  
  
Note: As I said to Poison just the other day, I thought this was going to be pure fluff. In fact I thought it was going to be my very first fluffy series. It turns out I was wrong.  
  
Setting: somewhere during the Bachelor Party, some conversation is mangled out of said ep. This has nothing to do with Buff's time line at all.  
  
Warning: SLASH Angel/Doyle. Spike/Xander. Don't like, don't read, don't flame. Also rather heavy mentions of abuse. Extreme angst. So extreme I'm crying, but I've had a little to much White Zinfandel.  
  
Thanks to Poison for being the fastest Beta I've ever had!  
  
Section rating: R  
  
Part 9/?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Tell me a story?" said Xander as Spike wrapped himself around the boy. They were just in that place before sleep wherein one can feel their whole body with superhuman keenness.  
"What would you like to hear, pet?"  
"Who were you before you turned? Who turned you? Angel right? And while you're telling the story can I interrupt?"  
"Sure you can. But are you sure you don't want a fluffier tale this one's kinda miserable?"  
"I want to know if you want to tell me."  
"Ok then. Long time ago, 1856. I was born William James Theodore Idol."  
"No, Stop it, Spike. You aren't saying you're Billy Idol. . . are you?"  
"Yes, but that comes later. At this juncture in time I'm just the oldest son of a lord. But anyway, my two sisters and my brother died when we were young, consumption didn't care if you were rich. As the last child living my parents indulged me. They both loved me more than anything. I wanted to be a professional student for the rest of my life. I went to Oxbridge." Spike said all of this in a posh accent, Xander wasn't sure if Spike even noticed.  
"Oxbridge?"  
"It means Oxford/Cambridge."  
"So which did you go to? Or can you not remember? How long ago did you say this was?"  
"I went to both. Oxford Law and Cambridge Medical. I wanted to be too educated to have a real job and I was fast on my way there. This was. . . well, I was turned in 1880 and I was 24 at the time. But anyway. Yeah, so I'm well on my way to being too erudite for words and I'm a complete swot but I impress myself. And life was grand. I can stop here if you like that was the cute nice tale of me. "  
"Go on."  
"Ya sure? Ok. So my Mum gets TB and Daddy is afraid to be anywhere near her thinking he might become ill. So I spend all my time with either her or Cecily Addams. This lovely girl. And I was pretty sure I had TB but I hadn't told anyone so I thought the best way to deal was to get rip roarin' drunk. So I went down to a pub."  
"I thought pubs were for lowlife?"  
"Pubs are for *everyone* the bloody Queen's even frequented a few. So I go to this pub and on the way back I meet this guy. Beautiful creature, of course I didn't appreciate it at the time."  
"Being turned made you gay?" said Xander with a smirk.  
"No, it's not like that. We can't ever reproduce via sex and so sexuality becomes null and void."  
"So all vampires are bi?" asked Xander raising an eyebrow.  
"No not even that. It not that we are attracted to both sexes it that we're attracted to neither. We honestly don't think sex first person later. Does that make sense? And I'm not saying there is no libido or whatever, it's just that we aren't attracted to the sex? And I kinda get the feeling you're extremely vampiric in that way. Did you ever care. Was Cordy girl first and girlfriend second? God I don't know if I can make this clear."  
"Actually I think I got it and I think I might agree on the whole vampire-esque me thing."  
"Ok, so I'll go on. So this guy, to make a long story short, rapes me. And no matter where I go or what I do he still finds me, every night. It seemed like he could smell my scent. And I hated him because no matter how much he said he loved me it didn't stop the fact that it was rape plain and simple."  
"Spike, if you don't want to-"  
"S'ok, pet, this is a long time ago. It doesn't hurt anymore." Xander could see from his eyes it was a lie but if Spike wanted to tell him he wasn't going to make the man stop. He ran his fingers in comforting patterns over Spikes body. "So yeah, one night he says to me he's gonna make me see a whole new world and I tell him that I love Cecily and, unless he is willing to physically force me to stop seeing her, there was no stopping it. We'd been going out for a while though in those dates a date was a date and holding hands meant everything." He said sarcastically. "She didn't want to tell all of her friends just yet. She wanted to see where it was leading first. And I said this to him and he said, fine go to her party and ask her to marry you if she says yes I'm gone. So I go to the party and she tells me in front of everyone that I'm beneath her. And after that I practically ran to Angelus just wanting someone to love me no matter how fucked up it was."  
"How could you?" Xander's words trailed off and he just stopped.  
"There is a large difference between being raped and having sex. You of all people-" he stopped seeing Xander go ashen. "I'm sorry, that was so fucking out of line. I shouldn't have said."  
"I know you know everything about me, I shouldn't be shocked when you point out that my father whored me out to half the men in my family. And, hey, incest is funny right? Well I guess our fathers are more similar than I would have said." he lapsed into silence and held Spike painfully close. "There's no point in pretending that you don't know everything about me."  
"I don't, luv, I don't know any of the real important stuff. I don't know you, I know your life story. That's not the same."  
"Yeah?" asked Xander doubtfully.  
"Not in the least, pet, wanta know everything about you: favorite movies, why we brought that stuffed hippo with us, why you're here."  
"Because I love you, the Hippo's name is Norbert and you better give him his props, and the Power Ranger's last movie was highly under rated."  
"Oh dear, I've found myself a PR freak."  
"VR Troopers was way better but since they took that off the air I've made do."  
"You are so fucking cute." Said Spike kissing a soft line down Xander's chest and back up his jaw.  
"Thank-you."  
"For what?" said Spike looking into his eyes.  
"For taking this slow. I know you must want-"  
"I've had enough sex to last me 'til I'm dead. Most of which was either unwelcome or meaningless. What I want is you, forever and ever. So when the moment's right it'll happen until then this is perfect." He said licking Xand's shoulder. "Go to sleep now, we already called Triple M and he knows we won't be into work. So go to sleep to dream."  
"Always the poet, my William."  
"I was a poet, a bloody awful one."  
"I know."  
"How?"  
"Your father published all of your work post mortem we read it in sophomore English. William Idol. It wasn't that bad. You didn't know?"  
"No. Do the Sunnydale guys?"  
"They have no idea. I liked some of it. It might not have been fluid but it was heartfelt."  
"I never killed my father. I tortured everyone at the party except Cecily, she was so hurt that she became the demon Halfrek. I turned my mother to save her but she was so mean to me that I staked her meself." He said finally slipping back into his cockney voice.  
"And when did you pick up the street urchin accent?"  
"Within the first five years. I was sick of Angelus referring to me as "My lordship"."  
"But you're real voice is so pretty." Said Xander playfully.  
"Yeah?" asked Spike with a smile. "Ya think so?"  
"Yeah, Will." He said with a smile.  
"Go to sleep, you dolt." Said Spike but his words were warm and affectionate. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Waking with a start Spike sat up causing Xander to moan at the lose of contact. Slowly the boy opened his eyes and looked up at the blond. "Whassa matta?" he asked sleepily.  
"Drusilla was prophetic, she had the sight and I always had visionary dreams, I assumed it was from sharing her bed for so long. Xander, I don't mind being your rent boy but I'd like to be in the know about it."  
"Spike, I'm very not awake. But I can assure you that you're not my whore. Love you. Picked you."  
"It doesn't matter. I'm yours, ok? But I just want to know the deal."  
"I am just as much yours as you are mine. What was the dream?"  
"You were a vampire groupie and you wanted me to bite you and I wouldn't because I was afraid I would drain you. So you left me for Penn!!!" he burst into sobs.  
"It was a nightmare, nothing more. Biting would hurt-"  
"In a good way." Interrupted Spike.  
"And anyway. Who the hell is Penn?"  
"He's Angelus' golden childe."  
"That's nice. Angel can have him because the only golden boy I see is right here in my arms." His words were warm but his eyes were cold. Spike knew however that the coldness was not caused by a lie: it wasn't for him. His Xander loved him. "We should go to work. But you look really fucked up and kinda crazed, so why don't you get sleep and I'll be back in this bed as quick as a Jack can."  
"Sounds really good, luv."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Hey," said Xander as he walked through the door. "What's the what?"  
"There's nothin' goin' where's the blond?" asked Doyle.  
"Home, sleeping. Where's Mr I'm-so-evil-let-me-brood-over-it-while- doing-my-hair?"  
"He's doing his hair." Replied Doyle with a smirk. "How was the 'dale?"  
"Hell, remind me to never go back again."  
"Oh? How are your friends?"  
"They're not. . . my friends. I'm a people person who keeps his own company by default. Uhggg. Why can't there be something to kill?"  
"No vision, no walk ins leads to naught to kill."  
Xander threw himself in a chair and picked up the book he'd been reading for the past few days. It was all about the psychological development of languages both human and demonic. It was surprisingly interesting. And he thought he was done with the book reading. But being with Spike made him feel under educated when faced with the learned man.  
Angel walked in and smelt the tension in the air. Upon observing the boy's crumpled and edgy stance he nodded to Doyle who quietly left. "Hey, Xan, what's the matter? Why are you so angry?"  
"I'm not angry at *you*."  
"I never said that. Is Spike ok?"  
"Why would you care, Angel?"  
"Oh, so what did he tell you?" asked Angel softly.  
"What are you going to deny it!?"  
"No, I'm sure he cleaned it up for you. He must have made me look a lot better than I am because if he told you the whole truth I would be dust by now."  
"Yes, I'm sure that's true. You say you were cruel but I don't think you realize just how much you hurt him. I can't be angry at you. You're not him, or you are but you can at least hold back. But the next time I hear you even joking insult him I don't know how angry I *won't* be."  
"Does he still?" An angry laugh interrupted Angel's question.  
"You made him. You're his father, his creator, his captor, and his god, his eternal mate. And you're about to ask me if you still matter to him? If you still captivate his mind? Is whatever the fuck beat or raped into him still the god's honest truth to him? Shame on you. I'm not even a vampire and I understand that a sire is something sacred. You think a few years lost and then some pleasantries can fix all you've done? Nothing I can say or do can help him. There is a place inside of him that I can't touch because you own the key. And you threw the key away because it just wasn't good enough or important enough for you. I don't even think you can help him. It's done. I just hope that you and *Penn* had a good time breaking him in because that's all the positive that's come out of it. No matter what angle you look at it from." He got up so quickly his chair fell over. "You threatened Cecily, didn't you? No one would ever push cute, human, innocent, loving William away. You gave her the whole vampire spiel and she ran. He still believes it, that she just hated him. He still believes it because you told him it was true. And if you said that it was true, well then it had to be. I'm not going to point it out. What good could it do now? You're not the same person. He's a part of you yes, but you're still you. So what good could any of it do? There is no way for you to invalidate this past. And no number of saved innocents can redeem you for this. And maybe that is so selfish to say, that what you did to another soulless creature was your biggest sin. Fuck I don't know, all I do know is that a childe is supposed to be special not some toy for you and your prodigal son." He exhaled noisily, angrily and shrugged a tired shrug. "You know where we are if we're needed." He said and fled the office.  
Doyle who hadn't gone far wandered back in. "You didn't stand up for yourself. You just let him say all those awful things."  
"He didn't even get close to awful. Whatever he knows about Spike's past with me is, I assure you, the tip of the iceberg. In some ways you're very lucky because at least your past faults aren't still walking around, still trusting you not to hurt them, though you already have." Angel got up and reached for his coat.  
"Where are you going?"  
"To talk to Spike."  
"Angel, I hate to play the bastard role. But if what you say is true and what Xander says is true then this is just too little too late. Let the boy be with him. I don't think he realizes just how good for Spike he is. Now do you want to tell me the nitty-gritty details?"  
"Do you want to hear them?" asked a bewildered Angel.  
"Not really but you need to tell someone and I'm your someone."  
"Are you sure?"  
"That I'm your someone?"  
"That you want to hear. It's just it's not good. We did so many horrible things to him. God, I scouted him out. All he was a pretty face and a pure soul to fuck with. I was his sire, that's not how it's supposed to work."  
"Yeah, what's the thing with the sire/childe thing Xander went on about?"  
"Just as he said. A sire is the world to their childer. And while the childer love and revere their sire their sire is supposed to love and protect them. It's a special bond, the only type of love that's accepted in vampiric circles. That's why it's such taboo to kill one's sire and why if a vampire gets "out of hand" by vampire standards it falls to the sire to dust them. Minions can be made, they have so very little of your blood. And you can use them and belittle. But a childe is sacred. I made sure I feed William enough of my blood to make him my childe. Minions' emotions are stunted, you could hurt them physically or scare them into obey but emotionally they didn't get hurt. And I wanted someone who would be completely dependent on me for their happiness, someone with all the feelings of a full fledged vampire. So I made William so beautiful, and pure, and happy, I made him because he was perfection and what is better to sully than perfection? He was nothing but an animal to me. I didn't see him as my childe though I always called my sweetest childe, I never loved him. And while I didn't see him as a childe he saw me as his sire. He loved and obeyed me, he believed blindly in me. I would leave him for days sometimes weeks with his *loving big brother* I haven't seen Penn in ages. He was a puritan when I made him. You have to respect my grasp on irony if nothing else. I would come home to a boy with no skin laying in a salt bath. And I would laugh. One time we left him chained to a tree in a park no one ventured into. The tree was nice and leafy, no chance of him becoming dust. Ten days later I went to get him. All of his skin had bubbled off with his sun burn. It was followed by another salt bath. He hated me so much but he wouldn't leave, he loved me, and I made damn sure he was too scared to. And when I got him just well enough to walk I would throw him out of the house and tell him he displeased me and that he was no childe of mine. He would grovel and beg to come home. Made him swear on a bible that he would be good. He lost all the skin on the palm of his hand. The things I did to him. And worst of all, when I got my soul, I just left. No thought for his welfare. I left him with *Penn* and he stayed for sixty years before realizing I wasn't coming back for him. I made him so that he couldn't be alone and then I left him. Xander's right, nothing else I did compares with what I did to William accept maybe turning Drusilla so that she would forever be torment with the sight. But at least Dru never knew what had happened to her. Nothing I did to humans compared because at least they could die."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The coolness of Spike's skin made Xander shiver but he just snuggled closer. Spike smiled when he felt the boy. "You smell good, all angry like you're spoiling for a fight." He said softly nearly purring the words.  
"Just been brooding."  
"About?"  
"You, you dolt."  
"That's not a very nice thing to say to the man you're cuddling to death."  
"Why did you let him do it all to you?" said Xander tracing scars on Spike that were vary too reminiscent of the ones all over his own body.  
"I know it's hard for you to understand. But he is my sire, and he loves me."  
"Now, yes. Then, no."  
"Please, Xan, this is my sire we're talking about. He always loved me. He just had a really hard time showing it. He always called me his sweetest childe."  
"Did he have a hard time showing it with Penn?"  
"That's low, Xander."  
"I love you so much it hurts, Spike and I just wish that you would realize that what he did wasn't fair. That you are better than Angelus. Fuck, you're better than Angel! And I just wish." His words tapered off. "You're the most amazing person in the whole world."  
"Yeah?" asked Spike with a smile. "So d'ya yell at Angel?"  
"Oh yeah."  
"Make ya feel better?"  
"A little."  
"That's good."  
"When was the last time you ate anything real?"  
"Not pigs' blood? Few days ago, mugger, didn't kill him. Why?"  
"Just wondered." Said Xander as he ran his teeth roughly over the cut in is lip. He tasted the blood and kisses Spike. Spike gasped. A tongue darted out to taste the life liquid on Xander's mouth. They broke apart when Xander needed to breath. "That," he panted, "was to stave off the nightmares. See you stopped."  
"You are so odd. In a good way though. You sure you have a pulse and aren't one of the undead?"  
"I just wanted to give you something. A gift of blood given freely. Isn't that something? I think I read that once in a demony book."  
"It's a pledge." Said Spike softly as though in awe he looked away from the boy but Xander saw the tears in his eyes.  
"A pledge?"  
"You belong to me." Said Spike looking up at him with a smile. "You're mine." 


	10. 10

Title: That Damn Happiness Clause  
  
Writer: Azure K Mello  
  
Disclaimer- I don't own the shoes I'm currently dancing in what's the likelihood I own anything in Joss' universe? I own the original novels. . . I bought them in Borders, and I own the DVDs. I don't however make money off of this I just seem to spend a lot on it. I in no way intend to infringe copyrights. I'm just entertaining myself, honestly, I'm shocked that anyone's read it.  
  
Setting: somewhere during I Will Remember You, some conversation is mangled out of said ep. And in Buff's time line it's at the thanksgiving ep.  
  
Note: Bannoffee is not a flavor in America much to my brother's chagrin bannoffee is banana toffee flavor. I don't like banana but for some reason bannoffee rocks my world.  
  
Warning: SLASH Angel/Doyle. Spike/Xander. Don't like, don't read, don't flame. Also rather heavy mentions of abuse.  
  
Thanks to Poison for being the fastest Beta I've ever had!  
  
Section rating: R  
  
Part 10/?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Yours?" Xander asked with a smile. "Don't be silly I already was."  
"Well now that's obvious to everyone. All it is at this point though is a pledge. This doesn't have to happen if you don't want it to."  
"What do I have to do to make it happen?" Spike said nothing but vamped. He looked away from Xander shamed by his inhumanity. The boy took his face in his hands and kissed him thoroughly. He examined all the planes of Spike face with his lips and tongue. His lips left slight hints of blood on the vampire's face. As Spike pulled back slightly he bit into the base of his thumb with razor like teeth.  
He held out the digit to Xander. "All you need to do is drink. Realize now that this is forever. We don't need to do this if you feel in any way uncomfortable."  
"I was yours before we even met," Xander said as he eyed Spike thumb. "This isn't going to turn me is it?"  
"God, no. Don't you think I'd warn you if it did that? Like, 'oh, hey Xanpet, just a little note.' This won't change you in anyway. I wouldn't let that happen."  
"You mean you wouldn't want?"  
"Fuck, no! I want you, pet. You are my custom made perfect mate. Any other you just wouldn't be the same. And if you got really badly attacked and there was no time to get you to the hospital, then yeah maybe I would turn you because I couldn't bear to have you die in my arms. But I love you all heat filled and innocent."  
"I'm not innocent!" Xander said. Spike just smiled as he held his thumb out. Xander rolled his eyes but sucked hard on the digit. The taste was pure magic: heat and power, love and anger, pain and grievance all mixed together with a touch of metal and salt. He pulled away when Spike tugged a little.  
"Anyone who sees you will know. And if they see me they'll be envious as hell cause I've got your name all over me and they'll know there is no point in trying to seduce you."  
"Anyone?"  
"Well not the normal pedestrians but anyone the least bit other worldly will. Witches, demons, watchers; everyone in the know."  
"Would Cordy? Would the Scoobies be 'in the know'?"  
"Cor would probably just feel slightly weird around you. She'd know there was something different about you, but she'll most likely decide you got new shoes." He saw the look in Xander's eyes. "A slayer would know, but I don't know if *Buffy* would she's clueless and she never received the handbook." He smiled gently.  
"It wouldn't matter if she could," Xander said as he slid back into bed. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
"So wait. Let me get this right," Doyle said slowly. "I had a vision 'bout Buffy and now you're gonna go save 'er? Can't you jus' give 'er a ring and tell her to watch 'erself?"  
"Because we don't just call people when you have a vision. The Powers want me there. If it makes you feel any better I won't see her at all. Though it doesn't matter as the only person I want is right here."  
"I know, it's just . . . she's really pretty, Angel. I saw 'er in the vision."  
"You're right she's very pretty, but I love you and nothing can change that or threaten that."  
"I know. I'm just scared for you. The vision wasn't fun. Indian ghosts, only hurt by their own weapons."  
"I'll be home by tomorrow night," Angel said, his hands running down Doyle's arms. "If Xander and Spike come in, I know they don't really need to be here, but they've had two days off and they must be going stir crazy. Maybe you can find them something to do." Angel kissed the boy softly as he picked up his bag. "Home soon, promise." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
The alarm went off and Xander tried to kill it. As he thrashed it into silence he rolled over to Spike and winced, sore from the night before. He smiled at the memory of feeling loved and completed and safe in the arms and body of another person. Sighing he kissed Spike's neck. "We should go in to work."  
"Do we have to? Can't we forgo it as a post coital act?"  
"We could but as we haven't really gone to work since we got back from Sunnydale three days ago we should make an appearance."  
"Good point," Spike said, making no move to get up. He ran his fingers over Xander's stomach and felt the strained muscles that he knew weren't there purely from sexual exertion. "What's wrong, baby?"  
"Weird dreams. Are we married now? I died in the dream and you were the only person to know and Buffy came and she couldn't remember me and you got so angry and you screamed, 'My mate and husband is dead and you don't remember his face?!?' and it was odd. No one remembered me. More unsettling than scary."  
"Hey people would be upset if you died!"  
"Yeah you." He said it seriously with no malice or anger in his voice, the lack thereof upset Spike more than it's presence would have.  
  
"The Sunnydale crew would care. Not as much as they should, but that's their lose. And yes, I would mourn you - in fact, I wouldn't be there because I'd have staked myself. I would grace your body with my ashes and feel as the last of your heat ebbed away. And even though you don't realize it, all of Angel Investigations would mourn you. They like you, Xander. They would like you even more if you let them know you. I know it's hard not to guard yourself from others, but they're not the folks from the dale. Cordelia likes you. She sees you the way no one back there ever did. Maybe because you guys dated or whatever, maybe just because she wasn't so busy worshiping the goddess that is Buffy like the rest were, I don't know, but she does. And Doyle, while I make fun of him, is a nice boy. He wants to be your friend; I think he's another guarded individual. Doyle isn't that much older than you, he's still a boy and maybe there's a dark past but, honestly, who in our little group is completely unscathed? And hell, we must need some friends. I mean, Christ, I know he loves the man but can you imagine how hard it is to live with broody? And finally Angel, the patriarch of our little group likes pretty much everyone, he likes you, Xan, he always has. He thinks you've got spunk, my word not his. But yes, I guess we sort of are married; as much as a vampire can be. But it's more permanent than marriage. Are you freaked?"  
"No, kinda, but not in the way you think. Does it scare me that I'm 19 and married? Not in the least. Am I freaked because it's you? Fuck, no. It's just, what happens when I die? How permanent are we talking?"  
"Well it all depends. If it is allowed to, the connection between us won't let you die until I do. You won't age beyond thirty-ish but you'll still be human. Um. but if you don't want that or it scares you it won't happen. You'll age and die just as any other human would. It's not an issue really. You don't have to decide or anything, subconsciously your body will decide what you really want and act thusly."  
Swallowing hard Xander wandered what the next three hundred years or so would bring, he had every intention of seeing them. More over he never want Spike's ashes to "grace his corpse feeling his heat ebb away" he couldn't bear to do that to this man. He would not leave him alone. "I do hope you realize you've just won yourself a Xander Harris in the ring throw game that is eternity." Spike beamed. Xander hated that smile because it was just proof that Spike didn't expect him, Xander, to be willing to spend that long with him. Standing he peeped out of the curtain and whistled, he threw the blinds back and there the window framed a gloomy LA day, there was no sun and very little light. "This is good. I wanted us to walk to work because I wanted to stop at a pawn shop."  
"You want to pawn something? Is to get money to start our life together with?" Spike asked in a false shrill voice.  
"No I want to buy something. What's your ring size?"  
Spike opened his mouth, his jaw hanging open. "You're buying wedding bands from a pawn shop? That's so . . . me. We can get them somewhere real if you want them."  
"No, listen up, Mr. Poet, I just . . . Well every dream I ever had got stolen until I came out here. So why can't the perfect symbol of my changed luck be stolen? I think there is some poetic justice, or injustice depending on the angle at which you stand."  
"I think it sounds fucking brilliant. But we should ask the guy to only show us stuff he's had for over a year. 'Cause what if some poor young girl pawned it to pay for her husband's heart transplant and then couldn't get the money to get it out of hock? But if it's been there a year, she's left hubby and aint comin' back for the ring."  
"I want one that has something inscribed in it. The more personal and cryptic the better."  
"That's a little sick, Xan. And I'm the mass murderer." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
The devious duo walked in at about eight. Angel had been gone for and hour and Cordy wouldn't be in for another. At the desk he sat playing with Angel's clock and brooding. He smiled as the guys came in, anything to get his mind off the Dark Avenger. Xander sat down next to him. Doyle looked at him looked at Spike and then back again. "Congrats," he said and went back to the clock after glancing at the ring on Xander's left hand. He watched as Spike nodded and walked stiffly to get coffee. "Long night?" he asked Xander with a leer.  
The boy just smirked. "Where's Angel?" he asked amiably, keeping in mind what Spike had said about the boy's lack of friends.  
"Sunnydale."  
"That sucks, poor Angel! He'll be home as soon as possible, I assure you he won't stay a moment longer than is absolutely necessary. Been gone long?"  
"Hour." Doyle said, slightly surprised at the boy's interest.  
"And you've been alone? Oh, then it's time to go have some fun. Strip club or pancake joint? It's up to you. I know two very fine establishments."  
"I'm over liquor."  
"Wendy's House of Flap it is then."  
"It's a dry strip joint?" asked a confused Doyle.  
"Flap as in flapjacks. Wendy can do amazing things with a skillet. Grab a coat, it's kinda drizzly." Doyle stood there and looked at him open mouthed. "Doyle don't look at me like that, looking at me like that says you're thinking: wow, and normally he's such an asshole. Angel's out of town, there is nothing to kill, and I just got married all of these things lead to copious amounts of syrupy goodness."  
"You just got *what*?" Cordelia asked from the door where she stood at the shockingly early time.  
"Married, isn't that great?" Spike said, wrapping an arm around her waist. "Now he's wearing a ring that has 'forever in the darkness and always with you 1984' carved into it."  
"Why?"  
"We found it in a pawn store and liked it. It's very us don't you think?" Spike asked jovially.  
"You angry, Cor?"  
"Well I would have liked to have been in the know. I mean you didn't even have a service! I have shoes that would be great for a wedding."  
Spike just laughed. "Wanta come get breaka with us?"  
"No, I'll stay and do the phones. We might get a paying customer. Where are you going?"  
"Wendy's House of Flap," Xander supplied.  
"Oh! Would you bring me back some of her caramel walnut pancakes? Those are amazing." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
The three sat in comfortable silence passing syrup and cutting bites. "See," Xander said finally, "wasn't this worth leaving the office for?" He cut into his chocolate, chocolate chip, chocolate sauce covered waffles.  
"Hell, this is worth sending Angel to Sunnydale for. God if we could come here every time I had a vision, I would force 'em," Doyle said, eating bannoffee flavored hotcakes.  
Spike's mouth was too full of coconut-honey French toast to comment clearly. "Ho ow fi we plac?"  
"How'd I find this place?" Xander translated for Doyle who wasn't quite so used to the vampire's speech when distorted through fangs and food. Spike had vamped out at first bite and seemingly forgotten to change back. "Um, I ran away with Jess summer between eighth grade and high school, we planned and were prepared and we rented the upstairs room here. I don't know if it could be considered running away though as we went back a week before school and no one had noticed we were gone except Willow." He laughed, as did Doyle. Spike looked puzzled. "It's a human practice to laugh at awful childhoods in hindsight. Honestly, join us, Spike, it's fun. Anyway it was a great three months and I gained fourteen pounds living upstairs. This was always a favorite of mine," he said pointing at his plate.  
Spike nuzzled his neck with his nose. "How can you enjoy that? Isn't it a chocolate over load to your palate?"  
"The batter is milk, the chips are bittersweet, and the sauce is dark: it's a medially. And you know it, you're just wheedling for a bite without having to actually ask," he said, cutting a bite for Spike. He made an offering gesture to Doyle who just shook his head and sipped his coffee.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Much later that same day they sat around the office. Cordelia had gone home complaining that they had not one call all day. "Let's go clubbing," Xander said suddenly. "We might explode if we don't do something soon."  
"Xander a word?" Spike asked. He nodded to Doyle as he dragged the boy into the adjacent room. "Being friendly, yes, that is good. Spending an amount of time that could be considered incestuous is not. I have no interest in being a trisexual."  
"Would you want to be alone if I were in Sunnydale?"  
Spike groaned but had the decency to look slightly repentant. "That's not fair, Xand."  
"No you're right, it's not fair: that Angel had to go there. Stop being a child Spike; this is forever. How's one night going to change that? Anyway, I like him. He's nice. And you love clubbing."  
"Yeah," he said shaking his head as if to dislodge thoughts. "You're right. Where are we going?"  
"It's a place I like."  
Shaking his head he said, with a laugh, "Commo, then." They walked out into the foyer. "So after much debate we're going to a place Xander likes."  
"Why don't you guys just go? I'm kinda tired."  
"No," said Spike, "We won't take no for an answer. Go get your kit on and let's go." He gave Xander's black baggy jeans and gray t-shirt a look. Yep, he was fine to go clubbing. Spike wanted to redress the boy, strip his wardrobe bare and start anew successfully ridding the boy of all things Sunnydale. He was planning on doing this slowly so Xander would not balk at the sudden change. He ran his fingers down his lover's arm. His mind was in turmoil and maybe some clubbing would do him good.  
"Doyle," Xander called after the dark haired man who had just gone down in the elevator. "Bring ID. They're kinda strict about drinking age . . . I'm gonna be sporting a minor stamp on my hand."  
"Wow, that's gonna be such a turn on," Spike said, "What about me? I have no ID."  
"You tell them you lost your wallet in Sunnydale. They'll be very understanding."  
"Demon joint?"  
"No but everyone one is welcome there. I think there's an antiviolence spell or something because there is never any trouble. You'll like it."  
"Sounds like I might, yeah." He kissed Xander on the nose. "How's my husband?"  
"God, I love you," he said looking into Spike's eyes. "You have no idea how much."  
"Nope, probably don't. But you can prove it to me later." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Dark, cool, and loud the club was almost a larger version of the Bronze. Doyle and Xander were on a couch that was positioned under the stairs leading up to the second floor. They nursed their coffees. Spike stood behind them at the bar chatting up some girls.  
"That doesn't bother you?" Doyle asked.  
"No. Should it?"  
"I guess I'm just the jealous type. That wou' kill me."  
"No, I mean at the end of the night he's gonna be laying with me. And if you ever watch him he never once touches one of them. It's all words. And all the words are bullshit."  
As if to prove the point Spike's voice floated over the lull in the music. "So I said to him I'm a lawyer not a doctor!" The statement was accompanied with the girls' laughter.  
Xander made a gesture as if to say: see. "Did you ever read Armistead Maupin?" Doyle shook his head. "Amazing writer. Best books ever. He says two things that I think rule my life. That you'll be fine without a lover if you have five good friends, which I actually think with or without someone everything in life is better if you have five good friends. And secondly that you can have a hot lover, a hot apartment, or a hot job but never all three at once. And I'm just waiting for the apartment building to burn down because Spike isn't going anywhere and it's not as though AI could get anymore broke."  
"I hope I'm one of these five good friends," Doyle said with a laugh.  
"Oh God," Xander said.  
"What?"  
"This is just like the book." He looked up. "I think you might be three of them." Doyle laughed loudly. "Look can I ask you a question?" Doyle nodded. "You're a demon right?"  
"Did Spike tell you that?!" Doyle asked sounding shocked.  
"No I just assumed. Look sorry. Just forget it."  
"No, honestly, it's ok. What was the questioned?"  
"How long will you live? I was just wondering if it was only vamps that live forever."  
"I won't live forever, but I don't know. I could live anywhere from five to eight hundred years. I won't age much over forty. It should be twenty but I'm human on my mother's side."  
A beautiful girl walked over and sat down next to Xander. "Hi," she said. "I hope this doesn't seem to forward, I'm Jane by the way, but would you like to buy me a drink?"  
"Hi, Jane. I'm Xander. And I got married just last night. I'd love to buy you a drink but your time might be better spent on someone else."  
"Why are the hot one's always married?" she asked Doyle who shrugged. "Well it was worth a try," She said as she got up, and walked away.  
"You just got cruised by possibly the best looking woman in the place and you just sent her away with a flea in her ear."  
"Well," Xander said jokingly. "Unlike Spike. I have no intention of talking to anyone who I'm not trying to bag."  
"Well what about me?" Doyle laughed.  
"Who's to say I'm not trying to seduce you but you keep bringing Spike up?" They both laughed.  
"You always get the good looking people."  
"That's not true and hey, look at Angel. He's not half bad."  
"Oh please, 'it's not true', have you ever dated someone even normal lookin'?"  
"Well, Cordy, Anya, Willow, Jesse, Faith." He counted on his thumb. Then he smiled. "Nope, all lookers, Willow in a cute sorta way, but pretty nonetheless."  
"Anya? Not Anyanka?" Xander just nodded. "And Jesse? The guy ye lived above the diner with?"  
"I took Anya to Prom. And yeah, the same Jesse." He smiled at the memory. "That was my first serious relationship. Damn that sounded juvenile."  
"Ye're nineteen, ye are juvenile."  
"Hey! I'm married!"  
"Oh please! A) I'm divorced and B) yer married to Spike who is the most immature hundred plus vamp out there!" They both laughed. "So what happened to this Jesse?" he asked having heard the Willow tale of woe from Cordy already. "Do ye ever see him anymore?"  
Xander laughed. "No. Um. He's dead."  
"Oh God, I'm sorry. How did he.? I mean if ye don't mind me askin'?"  
"I rammed a piece of wood through his heart." Xander laughed he wasn't sure what he thought was funny.  
It was slowly dawning on why everyone thought the boy was stronger than most, he was. "So Spike wasn't the first vampire ye-"  
Xander cut him off. "Jesse wasn't a vampire until the last day of his life. He was the first vampire I ever staked. Buffy told me that he wasn't Jesse and I believed her. He's what made me hate Angel."  
"Angel, did he?"  
"No, Angel didn't turn him. Darla, Angel's sire, turned Jesse. I don't even know if Angel ever saw Jesse. I just hated him because he got to live, Buffy got to keep *her* vampire. It took me years to realize that it wasn't Angel's fault that Buffy didn't kill him. The only one responsible for Buffy's hypocrisy was Buffy. God and now I'm feeling guilty for all that shit I laid on him the other day."  
"He knew you didn't mean it. That you were angry and that if you couldn't stake Angelus why not yell at the man who wears his face. He forgave you before you asked for it. What's goin' on with ye and the slayer?"  
"Nothing. Nor will anything happen with her ever again."  
"Don't ye tink that's a bit rash?"  
"No, it's been coming a long time. God, I'm depressing the whole scene. Wanta come dance with me?"  
"You're not depressing the whole scene. Commo then," he said standing. "And where the hot girl failed, I have succeeded," he said with a smile as they walked to the dance floor. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
"'Ello," Spike said to the girls. "Would you do me a favor?" The pair nodded slowly. "You see the really cute brunette over there?" They nodded again. "Would one of you kindly go chat him up?"  
One girl looked confused. "What's the deal? Is he some type of murderer? Why are you scouting for him?"  
"He'd kill me if he knew I was doing this, actually. Oh wait the music's getting soft. He's gonna hear me. I'm going to say something odd. Just laugh ok?" They nodded bemused by the blond. "So I said to him I'm a lawyer not a doctor!" They laughed he continued, "It's just you see, he has really low self-esteem and he doesn't think anyone would want him."  
Both girls gasped at the poor kicked puppy dog aspect of the situation. "But he's a hottie."  
"I'll thank you for not saying that," Spike said. "So one of you'll do it?"  
"I'm there," said the brunette.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Spike wandered towards them a little while later. "I'm bored. I've run out of money and personalities. Can we go home? Triple M, why don't you stay with us tonight? It's late and then we can all go to work tomorrow."  
"No. that's kind of ye, but I want to go home to me own bed. Or rather Angel's own bed. I should really stop paying the rent on the apartment. Anyway I'm off. I'll see you crazy kids in the morning. Had a fun time tonight." 


	11. 11

Title: That Damn Happiness Clause  
  
Writer: Azure K Mello  
  
Disclaimer- I don't own the shoes I'm currently dancing in what's the likelihood I own anything in Joss' universe? I own the original novels. . . I bought them in Borders, and I own the DVDs. I don't however make money off of this I just seem to spend a lot on it. I in no way intend to infringe copyrights. I'm just entertaining myself, honestly, I'm shocked that anyone's read it.  
  
Setting: somewhere during I Will Remember You, some conversation is mangled out of said ep. And in Buff's time line it's at the thanksgiving ep. Keep in mind that I am a strong believer in the fact that one little thing can change the course of history, hence cannon gets meddled with.  
  
Warning: SLASH Angel/Doyle. Spike/Xander. Don't like, don't read, don't flame. Also rather heavy mentions of abuse.  
  
Note: Armistead Maupin is the most amazing writer ever. Jon and Michael Mouse are the most perfect couple ever. The man knows how to make you cry and laugh and feel. He's amazing. If you think hey! I'll read that. Listen to this piece of advice read More Tales of the City Before Tales of the City. If I had read them in the other order I never would have read the rest because Mary Ann is such a bitch in the first book, and Brian is so shallow, and Mona is so cold. But they are defiantly the best books ever. Plus, Jon is described as a white blond who'd look gorgeous in an aerial photo and Mouse is a thin brunette who thinks everyone hates him so clearly every time they break up I'm like. "No, Xander. . . I mean Mouse." And "How could you Spike! Jon, I mean: how could you Jon." Anyway that's enough ranting.  
  
Second note: sorry this took so long to get out to you all. My father just got fired and he felt now would be as good a time as any to go to England to see my grandfather who's on his last legs. At the same time as this Dad's house is under serious construction (new kitchen, three bedrooms, billiards room, two bathrooms, pool, four car garage and movie theater: he's going to be working until the day he dies) and was flooding and having power outages up the wazzo. My step mother was kinda freaking out and so Isaly and I have been in Jersey a lot this week taking my two younger brother (8 and 4) out so that she would have time to go running and write her letters of solicitation in peace, (she organizing her church's fund raiser. Can you say social climber debutant?). Actually I really like my step mother I just enjoy making fun of her. I've also been busy entertaining my other grandfather who, as y'all know, has been staying with me.  
  
Thanks to Poison for being the fastest Beta I've ever had!  
  
Section rating: R  
  
Part 11/?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Hey." said Angel walking into the office. Cordy had gone home a few hours earlier. Spike and Xander were curled up asleep on the couch. "What do I pay them for?"  
"You pay 'em to turn up so that you can have a look at 'em and make sure they haven't done anythin' stupid to their persons. Anyway, they're sleepin' off the effects o' yesterday."  
"Yesterday? What did I miss?"  
"Fucking amazing pancakes and a nightclub."  
"And again I wonder what I pay them for."  
"How was Sunnydale?"  
"Hot, muggy, dull. I crashed in the mansion and I swear to god someone is throwing massive orgies in my house."  
"I'm sorry. Ye ok?"  
"Yeah, I'm fine. And we saved Thanksgiving so what could be better? Any big bads here? Any leads on Anyanka?"  
"No big bads, well, except Spike who my ice cream that was in the fridge. And the boy took Anya as he called her t' the Prom."  
"You're kidding." He looked over a the pair on the couch and then it dawned on him. "What were you thinking?" he roared waking the couple.  
Spike rolled his eyes. "Bugger off, Sire. I was havin' a nice dream. I was in Bermuda at a bar on the beach at night."  
"Have you got any idea what you've done?"  
"No, please, Angel, explain it to us." Said a sarcastic sleepy Xander. The yawn that followed the statement made Spike pull an "aww" face. "We're not idiots."  
"No, I know you aren't. But you're both so young and, and: I'm the sire, I have to be responsible. And now I have to be responsible for you both."  
"We can take care of ourselves. And I hardly think you're responsible for me." Said Xander starting to sit.  
"No , he's right, pet. Your mine, and I'm his childe. So yeah that makes him responsible for us both." Spike spoke softly not looking at his sire.  
"And if I say that this." Said Angel pointing at them both. "Doesn't happen then it *doesn't* happen."  
"I belong to Angel first and foremost." Said Spike looking down at his chest. "So if he doesn't give us permission the whole thing is null and void."  
"That's nice. Let's go home." Said Xander with cold anger as he watched his lover fold into himself. "You can tell us your *decision* in the morning." He smiled a brief sad smile at Doyle. "See ya in the morning, sleep well, man." And they were gone.  
Looking at Doyle Angel saw that same cold anger. "Last night at the club Xander said he felt real bad for hating you for something that wasn't your fault. You do this and he'll never have to feel bad for hating you again."  
"You think I should let them do this?" he asked angrily. "They're both children."  
"I don't know, I'm not the sire." He said sarcastically. "All I know is that it's been real nice to see them so not miserable for the last two days. Spike will always be a child, there is no getting around that, and it's not as though one morning Xander's going to wake up and make a run for it or vice versa. I know that if one of them left it would literally kill the other. But that won't happen. And if you say no it won't change anything, they won't have the title but they'll still be together. The only thing your disapproval will do is push them away from you. And they're your family so that would suck. It'll just reinforce all Angelus ever said about Spike being nothing more than an object for you to possess. You have to relinquish your ownership of the boy. You have to let Xander have him if you don't you'll lose Spike anyway."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
As he sat down on the couch the silent vampire started to shake. He hadn't said a word the whole walk back to their building. Silent tears started to fall down his face. Xander stroked his arm but Spike shied away from his touch. "He hates me. He always has, I always tried to believe that somewhere deep down he loved me. And you wouldn't let me and I hated you for it. I know, I know. But I never thought he would sink this low. I belong to him and he barely would look at me when I was so desperate to be his and now he won't let me go. I'm not yours. And you're not mine." He said softly.  
"Bullshit. I might get the title but you are no less mine then you were an hour ago."  
Laughing through tears Spike said. "No, you see if he says that this is nothing I'll lose you to old age. You won't be able to exist purely on the will we share. The connection'll be gone. You'll die and I'll be alone."  
"No you won't. I promised you I would there with you. You won't be alone. I promised. I will find some other way to be with you even if it means making a pact with the devil. I keep my promises."  
Spike sniffed hard and crawled into Xander's lap finally allowing the boy to touch him. "I don't want to be alone."  
"You won't be."  
"But I'll never be yours."  
The words hurt and Xander had to bite his lip to stop it from quivering. "So what? Wow, Angel can keep an unwilling canary in its cage, bully for him. That doesn't change how I feel about you." And he prodded Spike's arm. "See no alarms go off when I touch you telling me to get away from *his* property. The whole ownership thing squifes me out if it isn't mutual." He pulled off his wedding ring the tears flowed down his face freely while he tried to keep the anger and fear out of his voice. "This was bought in a pawn store, it's cute and symbolic: it's not real. Being married to you was the happiest 48 hours of my life. And if he says that this isn't real, well he's a fucking liar. Because this is the only thing that's real. I don't need a fucking ring to tell me that and it certainly won't be disproved by a jealous father. To recap this is the real thing not some intangible bond between you and him."  
"Really?"  
"Yeah." Said Xander with a laugh at Spike's childish hope. "And we don't need to worry yet, he's at home getting yelled at by Doyle who will hopefully make him see the light. Then he'll call and apologize."  
"Actually." Said Angel popping his head around the door. "I walked over. Because I felt my arsehole level needed a face to face apology." Xander looked up and smiled gratefully, thank god for Doyle. "I'm sorry. It just, this is very serious as you both know and to walk in and be confronted by my childe and his husband was more than I could deal with. And I over reacted and said awful things that I shouldn't have. I am responsible for you both, which means that I should be trying to ensure your happiness not rule you with an iron fist. And I'm really happy for you because I know that you can be really excellent together. So again I'm sorry and you're both entitled to ignore this defense and hate me for as long as you like but just at sometime come back to me. Ok? I love you both. And I would hate to lose you because I made a mistake."  
Xander got up slowly and hugged the man. Angel stood rigid dew to shock. "Thank-you." Said Xander, "You have no idea how much this means."  
Angel kissed the boy's forehead, he was family now. "I guess you won't have to make a pact with the devil." He said with a soft laugh. Angel's eyes shone with appreciation, though he said the words flippantly he had openly stated that Xander would do anything for his childe.  
"How long were you eavesdropping?"  
"A while I needed to wait until one of you brought up the possibility that I wasn't evil so that you wouldn't tear me apart the moment I walked in. And it took a long time for you to get to that point." Xander just smiled as the older man brushed the hair away from his forehead he hugged Angel tightly again. "Put your wedding ring back on, ya melodramatic dolt." He looked over Xander's shoulder. "Are you ok, Will?"  
"Is this real?"  
"Yes."  
"You take it back?"  
"No."  
"Thank-you." He never looked the man in the eye and Angel just nodded and gave a resigned sigh.  
"I'll go." He said and left silently.  
Turning back he saw that Spike was in a near catatonic state on the couch. As he dropped down to his knees he laid his hands in the front of his face. "How is my husband?"  
"Fine."  
"Mine." Said Xander taking Spike's hand in his own. And when the blond looked up he said. "Yours."  
Spike smiled full watt and then went solemn. "I have to tell you something. It can't be ignored now that we're eternal." Xander felt his skin prickle in fear and anticipation for what was about to be said. "I suck my thumb when I sleep."  
"Left or right?"  
"Left." Said Spike with a bemused look.  
"You are so fucking cute."  
"Shut-up." He said with a sullen smile. "So commo I need a secret of yours so that I have blackmail to ensure that my thumb news goes no further than the two of us."  
"You know all my secrets." He said but Spike just cocked an eyebrow. "I chain smoke when I'm really upset, or when I'm bored, or by myself, or drunk."  
"So what you're saying is that you're a closet smoker. I knew it! I smelled it on you but I just assumed it was me! I thought I was going crazy." Xander just laughed and stood up pulling Spike with him. "I was so scared, Xander. I was so fucking scared."  
"I know, babycakes, I know. I was too."  
"But you were so calm."  
"Because you needed me to be calm. I was wiggin' on the inside."  
"Yeah?"  
"Completely." He said with a tired smile. "Let's go to bed. We can figure all this out in the morning." Slowly he ran a finger down Spike's cloth covered chest. "Right now I want you, and only you and I don't want to think too much about what that means."  
"You want me?" he asked. Xander nodded. "Well that's nice but I *need* you." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Nervously, Doyle pulled all of the skin off his fingers while Angel was out. He was worried about the vampire, about his feelings getting hurt or that he might hurt the others. He sat humming Danny Boy, he hadn't been drunk in a long time, the thought hit him as he usually sang the song loudly and cried even louder while intoxicated. A drink would be really welcome right about now. He drummed his fingers on the table of the little kitchen praying to his Catholic god that his vampire lover would be home soon. In the eyes of Catholicism the fact he was with Angel was wrong and the fact that Angel was a vampire was even wronger- not a word but it would do as his mind was falling to pieces as he waited for him. He went back into his thoughts, if there was a god then he couldn't possibly hate Doyle. He was Catholic with the capitol C. There had to be a god, right? He thought of Angela's Ashes: there are some things worse than a poor childhood, a poor Irish childhood for one, and a poor Catholic Irish childhood was the worst. Looking back his mother really over did the repentance thing, he always thought that was how normal Irish woman acted but in hindsight he figured it was just contrition for his father. Time dragged and finally Angel came into the room. He was smiling.  
"Hey, you."  
"Is everything ok? What did you say?"  
"It's all ok. I just told them I was sorry, and that I wouldn't stop them, and that I was happy for them. That's right. Right? I just- I wanted to do what was best and they're so very young and I'm so very scared for them. And I thought that if I could just say, "No, Spike's mine" I could control it."  
"Don't lie," said Doyle softly, "ye didn't tink. Ye just acted and when ye just act ye do an awful lot of things tha' remind me of Angelus. Ye got freaked and ye got possessive because Spike is *yours*." He felt a lump in his throat and tried unsuccessfully to swallow. "The kindest ting ye can do right now is just let 'em be."  
"I love you with everything I am, Doyle. What I feel for Spike is what any father feels for his son. Yes, I get protective and worried for him, but that's like any normal father when his son gets behind the wheel of a car. What I feel for him in no way negates my need and love for you. I love him I'm in love with you."  
"Yeah?"  
"God yes." Said Angel pulling the boy up from his chair and into his arms. "Love you and need you more than anything or one in the world. Don't doubt that for a minute."  
"Love you too. So what happened in Sunnydale?"  
"We stopped the Indian ghosts, sorry, Native American ghosts. Oz got funny syphilis. Giles yelled at me for not letting Buffy know I was there. And When I left they were having a nice Thanksgiving diner."  
"Oh yeah, it's Thanksgiving init?"  
"Yep," said one Irish man to the other. "Let's go to bed?" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Spike had his head resting on Xander's chest. His eyes were heavy lidded as he chewed his thumb. Partially sitting Xander was sucking down a fag and running his fingers through Spike's hair. Smiling Xan said. "You have no idea how good this feels."  
"Nicotine rush, pleasantly sore, or smoking in front of someone else?"  
"All and none. I just meant that it's so nice just laying here and doing nothing and being with you."  
"You sound like Mouse Tolliver."  
"You read those books?"  
"Armistead Maupin's books were my bible for a while. I read them when they first came out in the seventies. Met him once, didn't eat him it was before Sure of You came out and I had heard that there was going to be another book so I couldn't off him."  
"I love those books." Said Xander as he stubbed out the dog-end. Pulling Spike closer he slipped down into the bed. "Night, babycakes."  
Reaching out to turn off the lights Spike said. "I always hated Jon for hurting Michael."  
"I could never hate Jon even when he was mean to Mouse."  
"Why, Dr Jon Fielding is an arsehole?"  
"Because I always cast you as the good doctor."  
"Since when?"  
"Well. . . when did we first meet?"  
"God I love you." He said as he played with Xander's wedding ring.  
"I think if anyone was at fault it was Mouse: when they finally got it all together he kicked Jon out because he got bored for Christ sakes!"  
"Don't be mean to Mouse." Said Spike softly.  
"Why not!"  
"Because you always played the part in my mind." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Watching the married couple sleep on the couch was getting to be a daily activity for Doyle. Angel was asleep down stairs. Wonder at the biorhythms of the undead. Xander was quickly adapting to Spike's sleep patterns. Doyle was ashamed that he was so jealous of the boy. It wasn't that he wanted Spike or anything, he just wanted his own lover to be that committed. He sighed heavily feeling lost in his own morbid thoughts. Carding his fingers through his hair he sat on the desk and watched as Xander turned over in Spike's arms. Cordelia stormed into the office, smiled at the pair, and looked up at Doyle.  
"He home yet?"  
"Yep."  
"And?"  
"Ah, he seemed fine."  
  
"He saw Buffy. He was in Sunnydale for three days, tracking her and that thingymagiggy you saw in your vision. So he wasn't scowling?" He shook his head. "Where is the crabby scowl, the morbid gloom?" she asked her self and then said in a resolved tone. "This just means that it cut deeper then usual. Batten down the hatches, here comes Hurricane Buffy."  
  
"You think? Maybe he's over her." He said sounding both hurt and exasperated.  
  
"I'm sure he is. He loves you but Buffy and he don't get on when their talking, if their glued at the face it's all fine but if they try to talk. . . You have so much to learn little Irish man."  
"He didn't even talk to Buffy."  
"What, he avoided her? How very adult."  
"He's not the child, Cor, I am. I didn't wan' him to see 'er."  
"Did you say that?"  
"Not in so many words. . . I'm a total prat ok? Drop it."  
Smiling she kissed his forehead. "You aren't a total. . . well I don't want to say that word 'cause I'm pretty sure I know what it means. You aren't. You're right he's over her. But as they hate each other I sure it wasn't fun."  
"He seemed more upset about Spike and Xander getting married and missin' the three of us bond."  
"I'm really glad you three are finally friends."  
"It's nice." He said and looked away from the pair as he heard the elevator.  
Stepping out of the elevator Angel smiled at Doyle. "You made me shower alone." Then he saw Cordy and started rambling. "Not that, ya know- you would usually shower with me or-" He then saw Spike and Xander on the couch. "Remind me again?"  
"Ye pay 'em to turn up so that you can have a look at 'em and make sure they haven't done anythin' stupid to their persons. And so that they don't see their paychecks as an allowance from their da."  
"That's right. Thank-you."  
"It's not there. Check the counter. Well it has to be somewhere. How do you lose a Great Dane?" said Xander as he nudged Spike closer to the edge of the couch. The three of them made "aww" faces.  
"God I hope I'm here when Spike falls." Said Doyle with a smirk.  
"Hey." said a voice from the door. Doyle looked up and was confronted by the blond from his vision. She saw Xander and Spike and grimaced.  
"Buffy! - Buffy's here - in town. - What brings you to.." Cordy said in a false happy voice.  
  
"I came to see my father." She looked at Angel. "Thought I'd stop by."  
  
Cord laughed a nice hearty false laugh, "What a surprise!"  
  
" Cordelia how are you?"  
  
"Good. I'm good. You?"  
  
"I've been better."  
"Uh-huh. - Well, this is Doyle. And he gets visions of people in trouble." Spike suddenly fell off the couch.  
"Bloody buggering fuck!"  
"And this is us leaving. Commo, Xander. Time to go get those pancakes you so adore."  
Xander opened his eyes, saw Buffy, and was immediately alert except for in one way. "Did you find the dog?" he asked clearly thinking his dream was real.  
"Yep. Come on!"  
Angel and Doyle's eyes met and Doyle smiled slightly to show he understood. The four were going down stairs to use the sewer system when Angel, as an after thought called out. "Love ya."  
Doyle just smiled as the elevator sank bellow the floor. Once out of sight he practically swooned. "Pancakes?" he asked.  
"Pancakes." Three voices replied. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Angel fidgeted wishing that his friends and family were behind him and not so far away. "Well, umm, it's good to.. Can I get you anything?"  
"How about - an explanation?" She said coldly. It took all his will power not to roll his eyes. "Who do you think you are coming to my town and following me around behind my back? And what the hell is up with you telling Cordelia you love her?"  
  
"I'm sorry. And I wasn't talking to Cordy."  
  
"So what is this? Some new torment you cooked up just for me? And who the hell were you talking to?"  
  
Angel ignored the last question. "No, I don't want to torment.."  
  
"What is it? You can see me, but I can't see you? What are we playing here?" she said angrily, Angelus was screaming in the back of his head to slap the stupid self-centered bitch's face.  
  
"We're not. I'm not playing anything. I wrestled with this decision.."  
  
"Which you made without me."  
  
"I tried to do what I thought was right. We've moved on, the both of us. Riley looks like a real good guy for you. I didn't want to dredge up the past while you were getting it together. It's complicated how this all happened, Buffy, you know? It's kind of a long story."  
"You're new sidekick had a vision, I was in it, you came to Sunnydale?"  
  
"Okay, maybe not that long." He said with a shrug. He wanted Doyle there and Buffy gone, or better yet, never there.  
  
"You didn't feel that I was important enough to even tell me that you were there."  
  
Angel had to hold back the heavy sigh, 'yes,' he thought, 'that's exactly it, Buffy'. But out loud he said, "I'm trying to explain. It's because I felt that you're important that I didn't tell you."  
  
"I'm a big girl now, Angel. I'm not in High School anymore. A lot has happened in my life since you left."  
  
"I know." In his mind he added that a lot had happened to him. "I respect that."  
  
"And I don't need you skulking around, trying to protect me. Unless, of course, I'm in some gigantic fight to the death, which- I was last night. That was you, helping me, wasn't it?"  
  
"I was in the neighborhood - skulking." He said softly trying to put the sound of being hurt into his words. He really wanted Doyle. He figured that they'd gone to the pancake place that they all seemed obsessed with. He liked pancakes. How fast could he get Buffy to leave? "I'm sorry if I handled this wrong. I mean, what else was I supposed to do?"  
  
"I don't know. - I just know that when you're around, whether I see you or not, - I feel you - inside - and it throws me."  
  
"Throws me, too." Lied Angel smoothly.  
  
"So let's just stick to the plan. We keep our distance until a lot of time has passed. Given enough time we should be able to.."  
  
"Forget?" said Angel trying not to laugh.  
  
"Yeah. - So, I'm gonna go - start forgetting." She said and as she was about to leave a huge green demon jumped through the window. "Angel!"  
Angel sighed heavily and elbowed the demon hard in the forehead, the force broke a red gem in its head. It dropped to the floor dead. "It's a Mohra demon." He explained. "Doyle was talking about them the other day."  
"What does-did- it do?"  
"It likes violence. And salt. The most notable thing about it is that it's blood have regenerative properties." Buffy looked blank. "It comes back from the dead. Oh! And if it touches an open wound on a vamp it makes them human. Basically, they're a world of badness."  
"So it would make you human?" she asked swallowing hard. "And that would be bad?"  
It took him a moment to realize why she sounded so hurt. "Buffy," he said slowly. "Even if things were different. . . we've both moved on. Right? I mean- we couldn't just pick up where we left off."  
She looked hurt. "I've moved on. How have you?" she asked getting mean. "I mean it's not as though you can be with anyone *right*? Which leads back to why you told Cordelia you loved her."  
"Things change, Buff, you said that yourself." He said his temper rising. "So move on. I mean even if I was as human as the day is long: you have Mr. Corn-fed back home."  
"You love Cordelia."  
"I wasn't talking to Cordy." He wanted out the room was getting smaller by the minute. He wanted his family and laugher. His family? Spike and Xander sure, but Doyle? He wanted the man there was no doubt but he didn't want to scare him away with the intensity of his feelings. He wanted him forever. Of course becoming human was bad, Doyle was almost immortal and would be even more so if Angel would just get up the guts and claim him. Fuck Buffy's feelings. She wanted to be treated like an adult. Fine.  
He was silent for too long. "Finish the thought, Angel. Who were you talking to if not Cordy? Not Spike or Xander as they're together to a disgusting extent. I can't believe you condone that relationship." She spat the words out. He was nearly growling. "The Irish guy?" she said with a dry mean laugh. "What makes him special? And what about your soul?"  
"Ok. Let's do this one thing at a time. Spike and Xander were made for each other and are happy together if you could have gotten over your own bullheadedness you would have realized that and you wouldn't have lost Xander, which you most certainly have. And I don't even think you realize how much you meant to the boy. But none of you have even called him. Secondly, Willow never cursed me she gave me a gift. I can't lose it. And most important of all, I love him, Buffy. This isn't about his being *special*." She threw herself at him and kissed him harshly. He pushed her away with equal fervor. "Desperate is not a good look on you. Nothing you can do will change my mind. If a hundred years in hell taught me anything it was that what we had was wrong, I would go so far as to say it was even depraved. I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt you. But honestly what choice did you leave me with?" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The repetitiveness of the sound of his fork tapping the table was calming Doyle. It was pissing everyone else off, though. Xander reached out and covered his hand. "He'll be here as fast as he can."  
"She's pretty."  
"She's also a self-righteous bitch." Said Cordy in a soft manner but with venom pointed towards Buffy.  
"I feel like the other woman." He said bitterly.  
"He told you he loved you right in front of her." Said Spike through a mouthful of raspberry pancakes.  
"Yeah I guess."  
"We here at the weather station have your continuing coverage of hurricane Buffy. As you can see on the monitor, we are now in the eye of the storm. Right about now everything has deteriorated into name throwing and possibly violence. Most likely he's screaming about loving you while she stands there looking hurt so that he'll feel guilty although I'm sure she's fucked everything in a ten mile radius and shouldn't be hurt that he's moved on." Said Cordy, pretty much entirely in one breath. Angel slid into the both next to Doyle he handed her a twenty dollar bill. "What's this?"  
"I came into view before Spike could say, 'how much do ya want ta bet?'." He said in a pretty good imitation of his childe. "I figured as both of you are perpetually broke you would have wagered twenty dollars." He squeezed Doyle's thigh. "That was hell. I kept thinking about pancakes and she caught me not listening. . . it went seriously down hill from there. Hurricane Buffy at it's best."  
"You know about Hurricane Buffy?" asked Cordy.  
He sighed and spoke as though to a child. "I told you that joke, Cor."  
"Oh, I guess I just use it so often I forgot."  
"I really want pancakes."  
"You don't eat." Said Cord.  
"Yeah, that kind of a self flogging thing. I'm really not in the mood to hate myself right now, Buffy's doing enough of that for us both." He said as he ate of Doyle's plate. "This is really good." Doyle reached out slowly and touched Angel's face. Angel looked up his smile gone in its place are eyes filled with need. The need to be held, the need to be loved, the need to be accepted. Doyle pulled him close for a desperate, need filled kiss. A faint smile played on Angel's lips. "We need to have a chat later." 


	12. 12

Title: That Damn Happiness Clause  
  
Writer: Azure K Mello  
  
Disclaimer- I don't own the shoes I'm currently dancing in what's the likelihood I own anything in Joss' universe? I own the original novels. . . I bought them in Borders, and I own the DVDs. I don't however make money off of this I just seem to spend a lot on it. I in no way intend to infringe copyrights. I'm just entertaining myself, honestly, I'm shocked that anyone's read it. Nor do I own Franken Berry in any other way than that I have a box of it in my kitchen. And I certainly don't own the fifties.  
  
Setting: Hero, some conversation is mangled out of said ep. Keep in mind that I am a strong believer in the fact that one little thing can change the course of history, hence cannon gets meddled with because life took a different path. .  
  
Warning: SLASH Angel/Doyle. Spike/Xander. Don't like, don't read, don't flame. V. little happens in this chapter it's all build up.  
  
Thanks to: Poison for being the fastest Beta I've ever had! And Isaly for getting out of my hair so I would have some time to write.  
  
Section rating: R  
  
Part 12/?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"I'm the Dark Avenger?" said Angel disbelievingly as Cordelia told him her idea for a commercial.  
  
"I know, it's perfect! We can do it ourselves on High 8. I'll charm a post-production house into doing the effects and. . ." Angel got up giving her a blank look. "Look, I know a little something about self- promotion, Angel, and I'm telling you one commercial like this could get us out of the red - or the black - or which ever one means we're broke, because that's us." Angel ignored her as he walked into the elevator, "So what? Buffy blows into to town and puts you into a permanent funk and I'm just supposed to stand by and watch our business go belly up?"  
  
"He's not entirely wrong, you know? Look, all I'm saying is advertising a superhero that can't really go out in the daylight might raise vampire suspicions, not to mention our pesky lack of an investigator's license."  
  
"And who needs a license when we have no clients?"  
  
"We'll manage, princess. We always do."  
  
"We will if we project the right image. And now I'm suddenly thinking that Angel is all wrong for this commercial! He is a larger-than- life character, way to Braveheart for Joe-Couch-potato to relate to. We need someone who's - average," she turned and looked at Xander, "run of the mill, ordinary." She smiled widely. "You're perfect."  
"Fuck off, Cordelia." Said Spike with a smile. "He's anything but ordinary and he's not lowering himself to this level." Xander said nothing but smirked at his protective lover.  
  
"Doyle, Come over here into the light, and let's see if we can create some cheekbones."  
  
"Cordelia, I'm not the photogenic type. Plus I get dry mouth.'  
  
"Excuse me?" she said in that perfect cold Queen C drawl. "This is not a negotiation. This is a necessity. Our boss, your boyfriend, is in a funk. You *know* that he's only happy when he's fighting evil. Now let's drum up some!"  
"There are *other* things that make Angel happy." Said Spike helpfully while leering at Doyle.  
"I don't know what we need evil for when we got you right here." Cordelia walked out. "And her. We're already over run."  
  
"I heard that!" called Cor. As she walked back into the room she said thoughtfully. "Maybe if we get him a costume!"  
  
"A costume?" sneered Xander.  
  
"Well, the guy is a bona fide hero, would it kill him to put on some tights and a cape and garner us some free publicity?"  
  
"I don't see Angel putting on some tights. . . Ah, now I do, and it's really . . . It could work for him."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Hey." said Doyle, "Is this a private catharsis or can anyone watch?" he said as he watched Angel pummeling a punching bag  
  
"What do you want?" Said Angel coldly.  
  
"Well, there's a girl upstairs who's not quite sad enough to cry in may arms, but keep up the dark cloud. I might get lucky."  
Angel looked up and fell into a normal stance. "I'm sorry."  
"Is this about Buffy?" said Doyle softly.  
Angel roared with laughter. Tears fell out of his eyes as he tried desperately to get air into his long dead lungs. "You think this is about Buffy? Jesus, you and Xander should start a club for guys who don't realize their own worth."  
"This moroseness is caused by me?"  
"Doyle. . . do you know how much I love you? I want you so badly. And I don't mean physically. Vampires, we're very tactile creatures, I think it's because we're so like cats. But we need to be owned and to own. I had to come down here because I can't bear looking at Xander and Spike. Because I want that so badly. And I know that it's way too much to ask of you to commit yourself to me for forever. We haven't even been together for that long. And I know you probably hate me for putting this on you. Because now you're gonna feel like an arsehole when you say no. I didn't tell you this to pressure you into it. I just told you because I love you too much to keep it from you. Now I'll shut up and you can forget I've said any of this. Why are you smiling?" Doyle reached above their heads and pulled harshly on the hook holding up the punching bag. The force cut his finger deeply. He held the wounded Digit up to Angel. "Wait, wait. Are you sure."  
"I'm offering myself to ye fer eternity and ye're askin' if I'm sure? After that little speech I think it would be rude to deny me what I've wanted fer so long."  
"Are you just saying that to make me feel better."  
"Angel man, Xander and I'll start the club but you have to be our charter member." He said as he placed the digit on Angel's lower lip. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
"If you need help. Then look no further. Angel Investigations is the best! - Our rats are low." Said Spike with a smirk.  
  
"Our rates!"  
  
Spike smirked and pointed at the signs behind her. "It says 'rats'. I'm saying what you said. - Our rates are low, but our standards are high." He said throwing his arm up in the air like a superhero. "When the chips are down, and you're at the end of your rope you need someone that you can count on. And that's what you'll find here - someone that will go all the way, no matter what. And we're very discreet." He said winking. "So don't lose hope. Come on over to our offices and you'll see that there's still heroes in this world."  
  
Cordelia sighed. "I think that won't work."  
  
Doyle smiled at them as they stepped out of the elevator. "I don't know. I think people will be pouring in as soon as they hear about our low rats. Why did you do it in the first place, Spike?"  
  
"She promised to stop whining." Said Xander who was reading a book. He looked Cordy up and down. "I don't think it'll happen." He said with a smile as he smirked over at Doyle then it hit him like a brick to the face. "It's about damn time. If I had sat around in this cloud of angst any longer I would have asphyxiated. That's a Spike word." He added to himself.  
Spike smiled at Xander and said. "Commo, Cor, we're gonna go get some dinner and call it a night." He kissed Doyle's cheek as he walked by and scowled when Angel gave him a "we're such a happy family" smile.  
Xander pulled Angel into a hug and smiled at Doyle. "Congrats. Call us if you need us." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
"Pacey, just tell the girl you love her!" screamed Spike sitting on the couch naked, eating a bowl of cereal.  
Xander looked up from the book he was reading. "Why do you watch this? Here's what will happen: Pacey gets the girl. Dawson becomes rich and famous and that Andy girl will die."  
Groaning, Spike turned off the TV. "Thanks a lot, pet. Why have you been reading so much as of late?" he said in an angry voice.  
"Just because I didn't go to college it doesn't mean I won't further my education."  
"Are you sure you didn't just see the title and think it was porn? Of Human Bondage?"  
Xander just rolled his eyes and dog-eared his page. "Spike, do you trust me?"  
"There are handcuffs in the left bedside table if that's what you're getting at." Said Spike with an appreciative leer at his husband's near-naked body.  
He looked thoughtful for a moment as though weighing the choices. "Maybe later. I just meant do you trust me in general?"  
"Of course I do, pet. You know that right, Xander?" said Spike suddenly worried about the boy's ego. "What is it? You can tell me anything?"  
"It's nothing big. Stop wigging. It's just I want to redecorate the apartment. And I want you out while I'm doing it. Consider it a surprise. I just can't deal with the vibes of this place. It's like our "furnished" apartment was, at late, the home of an old couple who sold everything off bit by bit to pay for prescription medication. It's really fucking depressing."  
"I hate you." Said Spike. He saw the look of hurt on Xander's face and instantly amended his statement. "Why do you get the tongue of a poet? I'm the supposed poet."  
"You're the published poet." Reminded Xander. "So was that a yes?"  
"Why not? I don't live here." The joke was cheep.  
"It's a good thing I'm 19 or else I'd find your humor juvenile." Said Xander with a smile as he went to sit next to Spike. "Are you sure you're ok with this?"  
"Just so long as you promise no kinetic art. Look, Xand, ya know how I always make fun of you for saying "home"?"  
Nodding Xander said in a poor imitation of his lover, "Crass Americanism."  
"Yes, well. You are home." Xander nodded looking confused. "No, not as in: you are here with a big arrow. I mean, you're *my* home. We could live in a total hole and I would be happy."  
"We do live in a total hole." Said Xander waving a hand at the empty 50's pre-fab apartment.  
"Exactly, so if it's as ugly as a soght demon after a rainstorm, I probably won't even notice. No kinetic art. Oh and if you can do this I get to buy you a new wardrobe."  
Xander thought about it. "Fine but Cordy has to be consulted on at least 70 percent of it. Deal? Good. Go to work now 'cause a truck full of stuff will be here in twenty minutes. And take Cordy dancing tonight because the paint'll need time to dry."  
"What would you have done if I had said no?"  
"Pouted and bribed you with sex."  
"To bribe you would have actually had to withheld it."  
Confusion broke over Xander's face. "That's a good point I never thought of that." he put a spoonful of Spike's cereal in his mouth. Suddenly it dawned on him. The cereal was not Franken Berry or any other type that would dye the milk red. Nor would a red dyed cereal taste so strongly of iron. "Please don't tell me I'm drinking blood." His words were muffled for he would not swallow.  
"Ok." Replied Spike.  
"I'm drinking blood aren't I?"  
"A little, yeah. We only had whole milk and I don't like the taste of whole milk so I used some to mask it." Xander grimaced as he swallowed gagging at the taste. Smirking Spike pulled the boy into his lap and licked the inside of his mouth clean.  
"Why is your blood not like that?"  
"Why is my blood a nummy treat while that disgusts you? Well my blood isn't really blood. It looks, smells, and tastes sort of like blood. Just like your body changes what you eat into tuff you need, mine does too. It's not like I have hollow fangs that pull blood into my veins. I drink it goes to my stomach. We drink blood because it's life. To survive the way we do we need to leech off the living, literally. And what finally gets into my bloodstream is power and life and all those delicious emotions. Some blood is always in us and doesn't get washed away and as we get older our own power and strength gets held in that blood. I'm a master, Xan, of course my blood is amazing." He bit his tongue and kissed Xander, plundering his mouth and filling the cavern with blood.  
"Why doesn't this turn me?" He panted.  
"Well. . . ya know how I said that this connection is purely based in the mind? Um, just as an example, if you believed that my name would appear branded on your ass it would. Say 'ello to the power of suggestion. What stops you from being turned is my will. I won't let you be turned, I don't believe it can happen, so it can't. No matter how much blood got exchanged. And just say another vampire tried to turn you it wouldn't work. You would sick up their blood and then you would lay there a bloodless animated corpse until I got there and fed you some of mine. My blood is your blood now. It can't hurt you because it's already ingrained in you. Hence the fact Angel is pulling the father act because his blood views you as his childe as surly as it views me. I better go pull on clothes and leave so I don't ruin the surprise for you. What should I tell Angel."  
"He knows: who do you think sponsored this little endeavor?"  
Spike smirked as he disentangled himself for the boy and went on a search for clothing. He opened the closet and called over his shoulder. "And if you get any time today would you throw away all of the clothes in here? You can save what you have emotional feelings for, otherwise chuck it out." He came back into the living room pulling a shirt on over his head. "Don't you dare save things that you think are salvageable. Everything goes, socks and underwear: all of it. Cordelia is going to have a ball with Peach's credit card." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
"Angelus, spill it." Said Spike walking into the office.  
"Good morning, Will. And I'm sorry I can't. I promised Xander I wouldn't."  
"Since when do you keep promises."  
"He's already told me what he'll do if I tell you and suffice to say, I'm rather attached to my liver. I mean some of the stuff he said . . . well even as Angelus I never would have thought of some of this shit."  
"Fuck you, I'll do worse." He saw that Angel wasn't about to give in. "Just answer me this: will I be able to live in it?"  
"You weren't a punk until the seventies. Of course before that you were just a punk waiting for the word to be invented. . . I don't know. You'll be able to live in it. I think it's cool in an intrinsic dorky kind of a manner."  
"It's going to be less bland than it is now but will it be more kitsch and crass?"  
"No actually the plan is to make it more kitsch." Said Angel dryly. "What do you think, Spike?"  
"Fine. May I have your credit card. Cordy and I need to go shopping."  
Cordelia was already grabbing her handbag. "What are you buying?" asked Angel skeptically. "Last time I let Cor have the credit card they thought it had been stolen dew to the amount put on it in four hours."  
"He was allowed to do the apartment if he promised no kinetic art and that I could get him a new wardrobe."  
"That's good." Said Angel contemplatively. "No childe of mine should be dressed the way he is."  
Spike rolled his eyes. "How typical, you think of how it reflects on *you*!" Angel handed him the small piece of plastic.  
"Please keep it to four digits." Said Angel pleadingly as they walked out he picked up the phone with a sigh. "Hi. My name is Liam Angel . . . My mother's name? Darla. . . Yes, a few weeks ago there was a sudden influx of use on my card and you thought it was stolen . . . Well I just sent my kids out with it so within the next twelve hours expect just under 10,000 dollars to be put on it. . . thank-you."  
Doyle just smiled at him as Angel rubbed his forehead. "Ye're such a good dad." Angel gave him a look. Doyle smirked. "And ye were worried about the heating bill. Wanta help me move all the stuff out of me apartment before tellin' the super tha' I'm gone?"  
They were walking back through the sewers ten hours later when Doyle dropped a box. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
At ten that night a knock came on the door. A bleary eyed Xander opened the door only partially. He was wrapped in nothing but a black bed sheet. Smiling he saw Spike on the other side. "You knocked?"  
"Well I wasn't sure if I was allowed in."  
"You are on the condition that you don't throw me up against a wall. They're still wet."  
"Why would I. . . " his words trailed off when Xander fully opened the door and he saw what the youth wasn't wearing, his nonexistent breath caught in his throat. "My very own Grecian god complete with black toga."  
"You make me sound like an action figure. Stop gawking at me and look at the damn room." Said Xander sternly but a smile played around his eyes.  
Spike looked up and saw the living room they were standing in. "Holy Fuck! Angel wouldn't tell me anything because you scared him and I asked if it was going to be kitsch he was all sarcastic and said yes. He wasn't lying."  
"Well I figured," Said Xander as he stood behind the blond he put his arms around his waist and hooked his head over Spike's shoulders, "that we have an ugly fifties apartment and there was nothing we could do to mask it. But what we could do was heighten it to a point wherein it was beyond crass and had become a cool parody of itself."  
The whole apartment was completely decked out in fifties and sixties furniture and colours lime green and puce were sided right along with that robin blue. There was an old green Westly House radio set in the corner, the four unit long set up had speakers and a vinyl player, tape deck, an eight-track, and radio with two empty cupboards at the end.. A TV complete with bunny ears antae was sitting on a Formica table that was complete down to the splayed, tapered, metal legs. On the walls there were huge blown up versions of old magazine adds. On featured Spike's pride and joy: The '57 Fire Dome * by DeSoto. It featured a woman in a hat saying that the power steering made it so that even women could drive it! There were advertisements for Keds- the footwear of tomorrow, and the "new" Kitchenaid mixer, and Marilyn. The couch was bright blue and low to the ground it was boxy with wooden splayed legs. A chair next to it looked like it was straight out of the Jettison's. In front of them was a glass and mirror topped coffee table: kidney shaped of course, with a tin of Lucky Strikes on it next to a huge ceramic ashtray. There was a bar in the corner with a Formica top just waiting for cocktail hour and it was accompanied by white high-backed stools. All this was situated atop a huge black rug decorated with harsh geometrical shapes.  
Spike gapped at everything. "This is so odd. Angel told me to say I liked it if I hated it; I practiced my look of joy for if it was really ugly: I'm to shocked to do it now."  
"Good shocked?"  
"This is so odd. Angel described it as cool in an intrinsically cool way, or maybe it was the other way around, whatever it was he was right. Where did you get all this?"  
"Down in the antique district in the only store to admit that it was junk and not antiques. Do you like it?"  
"I fucking love it. I'm just not sure I can live here." Xander pulled him past the kitchen which was complete with a kidney shaped table that had a swirlly pattern of puce and blue squiggles and matching metal chairs that had vinyl seat cushions and backs. There was an old stove and oven, a large toaster oven, and an old refrigerator. There was black and white china and coloured Pyrex with etched in sun bursts.  
He pulled him into the bedroom. "Believe it or not I prepared for you saying that." He said as he opened the innocuous door that had the Marlboro Man posted on it in life sizes. Behind the door was Spike's haven from the odd apartment though, quite frankly, it was odder. Painted in a dark (almost black) red, with a black bed frame for a king sized bed which was covered in black bedding. The lighting was provided by long, cylindrical, bright white. neon bulbs lining the wall against the hardwood mahogany floor. There was another one across the top of the bed for reading. In the corner there was a large TV. "I figured you'd freak if you couldn't see Pacey's newest hairdo in full colour. Oh, and I cheated. In the Westly House set up hidden behind the doors is our old TV and a CD player and the DVD player and our phone: I'm no good at the rotor dial. And I redid the bathroom." He said nodding to the door, "It's all black and green." There were huge bookcases already lined with most of their books including their two complete sets of The Tales Of The City series and three books of Spike's published works. "You like?"  
"Ho-ly Christ, Xander. Do I like it? I feel like Barbie in the fucking Dream House!"  
"That's nice." Said Cordy from the door. "I need you to help me bring up bags." She said placing four down on the floor. "You'll never guess, Xan, Angel called the credit card company and put a limit on it. We had to leave DOLCI & GABBANNA, I've never been more mortified."  
"Stingy! I mean hell he only paid to totally rehaul this place, in a day no less I *only* hade ten guys helping me." He said sarcastically, he felt like he was taking Angel for a ride. He knew the man wanted to help them, wanted them to be happy, but was this a bit much? "So what was the limit?"  
"Ten thou'. Can you believe that?"  
Xander went ashen. "You spent the thousand dollars on me?!?! Why?"  
"You needed a new wardrobe." Said Cordy simply.  
"Do you realize that I've never had any clothes that weren't Kmart, Salvation Army, or handed down? There was no need to-"  
"That's exactly why we spent it. It's high time you had some nice clothes." Said Spike softly.  
"Nice yes, ten thousand nice, no. Angel's going to be livid."  
"No he won't he would have set the limit way lower if he hadn't wanted us to spend it. He let the two of us out with his plastic he knew what was going to happen."  
"Besides we didn't spend it all on you." Spike was into full on pacification mode.  
"Ya didn't?" said Xander calming down.  
"Nope I bought six black tee shirts, four pairs of black jeans, and a new pair of Doc's."  
"And they were Guess jeans and Tees." Said Cor helpfully.  
"We gotta get the bags, love. Get back into bed and stop hyperventilating: tell yourself it was Angel's investment as you looked scruffy around the office before."  
Xander stopped counting the bags once he realized there were more than thirty. The phone rang and he reached for the one on the new bedside table. "Yeah? Hi, Angel." 


	13. 13

Title: That Damn Happiness Clause  
  
Writer: Azure K Mello  
  
Disclaimer- I don't own the shoes I'm currently dancing in what's the likelihood I own anything in Joss' universe? I own the original novels. . . I bought them in Borders, and I own the DVDs. I don't however make money off of this I just seem to spend a lot on it. I in no way intend to infringe copyrights. Nor do I own Carry. I'm just entertaining myself, honestly, I'm shocked that anyone's read it.  
  
Setting: Hero, some conversation is mangled out of said ep. Spike says the sock puppet of love's line out of "The Prom". Oh and a misused quote from Rm w\ a Vu. Keep in mind that I am a strong believer in the fact that one little thing can change the course of history, hence cannon gets meddled with because life took a different path. Also The Halloween Ep. of season four Buffy is mentioned, my cannon is not Joss'.  
  
Warning: SLASH Angel/Doyle. Spike/Xander. Don't like, don't read, don't flame. V. little happens in this chapter it's all build up.  
  
Thanks to: Poison for being the fastest Beta I've ever had! And Isaly for getting out of my hair so I would have some time to write, of course she so busy screaming about the "fecking Prot's" that she doesn't notice.  
  
Section rating: R  
  
Part 13/? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
"You ok?" asked Angel as he held the smaller man.  
"I tink, 'm gonna be sick."  
Angel smiled sadly, if the boy could talk he wasn't too bad off.  
"Anyanka and the Scourge. Oh god, Angel, there's so much fear." He leaned over and vomited. It landed squarely on the toe of Angel's shoe. "Sorry."  
"Don't worry about it. Let's get you home and we can work this out. Ok?" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
"Doyle had a vision: we're needed." Said Xander as he put the phone down. And looked down at himself. "Spike, please tell me you bought pants."  
"Of course, pet. Did you throw all of your pants out?"  
"I have no emotional ties to pants."  
"Good lad." He said throwing a pair at the boy.  
Xander paled. "Cordelia!! How could you let him buy these?"  
"I picked them." She said looking pleased.  
"Out, Cor. Xander needs some privacy." He said practically slamming the door in the girl's face. He slinked over to Xander like an over sized cat stalking its prey. "Please, Xander, for me?"  
"I can't wear these, Spike." Said Xander holding the black leather pants. "It'll lead to major mockage." He said with a childish pout.  
"Please! Wake up and smell the hottie that is you!" called Cordelia through the door."  
"Cordelia!" shouted two indignant voices.  
"Please, pet. You need to break them in anyway." Said Spike biting into his lip and causing a small drop of blood to appear. Xander was in no state to argue.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
"Nice pants." Said Angel handing Xander a cup of coffee.  
"Sire, kindly stop eyeing up my lover's ass. . . that goes for you too, Doyle."  
"Xander?" asked Doyle, trying to break the conversation before it got started, as they sat around the table trying to come up with a plan. "How long were ye and Anya together?"  
"Who's this Anya? Is she prettier than me?" said Spike in a high- pitched, girly voice.  
"We went to Prom." Said Xander touching Spike's arm softly for, what the others perceived as sarcasm, he knew was jealousy.  
"There was more than tha'? You must know somethin' about 'er?"  
"There was a very, very brief affairette. A Week, maybe less. We were kinda together on a very, very superficial level and then she got her powers back at a Halloween party and went kinda Carry and I came here."  
"Wait." Said Angel with a sudden look of interest. "She didn't kill you?"  
"No, she always had a crush on the Xan-man." Said Cordy looking up the Scourge.  
"Why didn't I know about this?" said Spike looking all hurt.  
"I don't know: maybe you were too busy elsewhere, being with Harmony elsewhere."  
"Oh God. Don't remind me."  
"Harmony Kendall? My Harmony?"  
"Yes, that Harmony." Said Spike with a pained sigh.  
"Who is this?" asked Doyle to the group they ignored him.  
"Why was she with you?" asked Cordelia sounding disgust.  
"I think- uh- I think she is one of Cordelia's group. People called them the Cordettes. A bunch of girls from wealthy families. They ruled the high school. Decided what was in, who was popular. It was like the soviet secret police if they cared a lot about shoes." Said Angel to Doyle softly.  
"She got turned at graduation. I met her while I was back in Sunnydale."  
"Ok. Granted. Better question." Said Cordy pointing an accusatory finger at him. "Why were *you* with an airhead like Harm?"  
Spike shrugged. "Any port in a storm?" he offered.  
"So," said Doyle feeling much like he did when teaching third grade and fighting to stay on topic. "So Anya still feels her heart beat irregularly when she thinks of our young friend, or rather. . . well does she have a heart beat?"  
"I don't know. I don't think that's the point though." Said Xander shaking his head as if to clear it. "So what you guys want is for me to do the whole: please, Ahn, don't do this, bit and for her to go : well ok.? I don't think it'll work."  
"It's worth a try." Offered Doyle. "We need to find them. They're hiding."  
"I know the place." Said Spike with an odd certainty in his words.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Pretty low rent, even by demon standards." Looking around the dump on an apartment.  
  
"You said they were hiding. It's a good place for it." Said Spike he inhaled deeply. "Smell that, Sire? I haven't smelt something that good in ages."  
  
"Lasagna?" asked Xander.  
  
"Not food. Fear." Said Angel as he kicked the rug aside to reveal a trap door. He pulled it open and shone a flashlight down towards a group of up turned faces. "Don't be afraid. It's okay. We're here to help."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"We were trying to leave." Said a tall demon man, David, who seemed to be in charge. "We gave all out money to a man who promised to get us passports and safe passage on a ship. We didn't know. It was stupid of us. He disappeared with our money and the ship never came."  
Angel nodded. "That must be very hard. I can see how it would happen." He inclined his head to the kids and Xander got the message.  
"Hey guys! Let's go play charades while the adults talk." He said lead the eight children into the next room. A girl about sixteen followed.  
"The Scourge are. . ."  
"Death." Said Doyle softly.  
"But we know a girl who is on the inside. And a captain on one of the ships owes me money. So we can get you out of here."  
"Angel? A word?" asked Spike softly as he nodded courteously to David. He pulled Angel aside and in a vampiric whisper said. "The Scourge? You let Xander and Doyle come along while we're fighting an army of pureblooded demons? Excuse my insubordination, Sire: but how fucking dare you risk their lives? What in bloody hell were you thinking? Were you thinking? Let me illuminate it up for you: they have a big hate-on for us mixed heritage types. Very into pedigree. They hunt us down like animals. Ok fine, that happens to us everyday. We're vampires. But what about Xander? A human even dirtier than we are. You've put my boy in danger. And no one has ever won against them."  
  
"No one fights back?"  
  
"I didn't say that. Sure they do. They fight back all the time. You can kill them, but these guys believe in what they're doing. They're ready to die for the cause."  
  
"Hard to fight fanatics."  
  
"More like impossible. And you've put the whelp and the half-breed right in the thick of things."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"I like you pants." Said the girl as she sat down next to Xander. "They're shiny."  
"My friend bought them for me. Do you really like them or were you making fun of me?"  
The girl laughed. "I'm Annie."  
"I like the way you avoided that, very smart. I'm Xander." He said and they smiled at each other.  
Doyle popped his head around the corner. "Got a mobile on ye, man? Gotta call Cordelia an' tell 'er to book these people a boat."  
Ten minutes later Cody was walking into the building ready to give Doyle the run down on the ship. It was then that she saw David. She gasped and reached for her pepper spray holding an aerosol bottle in front of her. Then she read the label. "While this may look like a - popular brand of breath freshener, it really a cunningly disguised demon repellent!" She sprayed the air in front of her.  
  
"Wintergreen?" asked David  
  
Doyle heard her voice and had entered just in time to witness the scene "Cordy, it's okay. We're here to help them."  
  
"Oh. Oh, hi!" she said suddenly smiling at David. She turned quickly to Doyle. "Where's Angel?"  
  
Doyle smiled trying to calm the girl. "He's trying to secure documents to get them out of the country. Did you get the truck?"  
  
"Yes! It's out front. Hey, Doyle, you did notice that these folks are demons."  
  
"Yeah, I know that. That doesn't make them bad people."  
  
"Excuse us a sec?" she said to David she grabbed Doyle and pulled him around a corner. "Mission statement check: aren't we supposed to be battling the forces of darkness?"  
  
"They're not forces of darkness. They're half-human, and they're in trouble. Not all demons are bad you know."   
"I mean, hell." Said a young boy who came around the corner. "Your friends are demons."  
Doyle paled as Cordy said. "Oh Angel and Spike are different."  
"Well what about him?" asked the boy nodding to Doyle. "Do you think he's evil?" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Angel grabbed Spike's arm before they walked into the office. "Don't speak until told to, got that, *childe*?"  
"If you really wanna scare this guy why not have your crazy offspring completely out of control?"  
"Because we need him scared but competent. If he's wetting himself with fear the scumbag is of little use to us."  
Spike nodded. "Fine, but he's a snack later."  
Angel said nothing but nodded. "How does Xander?"  
"He doesn't mind, we don't talk about it. He knows I don't kill."  
For a second time Angel nodded. "He's rather vampiric in some ways."  
With a wily smile Spike said. "I tell that to him all the time."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
"I could get into a hell of a lot over trouble over this." Said the harbor master once Angel had outlined his *proposition*.  
  
"Not as much as if you don't." said Angel looking at his nails.  
  
"Big Randy is my brother. I look the other way once in a while on some of *his* shipments. It's because he's family. It's not because of the money."  
  
"Family is important. This is my son, William." Said Angel pointing to the angry and intimidating vampire.  
  
"You're not going to pay, are you?"  
  
"I'm not going to pay." Confirmed Angel.  
  
"So this is just extortion."  
  
"Big Randy told you about me, right? You know what I am."  
  
"He said you bit him?"  
  
"No, I never bit him." Said Angel with a frightening, manically friendly laugh.  
  
"So you don't..."  
  
"I wasn't hungry. Will on the other hand is always hungry."  
  
Swallowing the man asked, "So, what do you want the documents to say?"  
  
"Certify that the ship is carrying an inspected cargo of medical waste. No one looks inside that ship or stops it from leaving harbor. - If they do, - I'm going to feel that it's your fault. Then look for me to get a little bit puckish and for Will to get ravenous."  
  
For a moment the man froze and then quickly came to terms with the situation and wrote the documents as quickly as possible. "Have a nice trip." He said handing them to Angel.  
Angel nodded to Spike who lunged at the man after only eight gulps he let the man slide out of his grip and sown to the floor. "Will." Said Angel softly and then to the man said. "Fuck with us, tell anyone, and Will wont stop his hunger from running the show." 


	14. 14

Title: That Damn Happiness Clause  
  
Writer: Azure K Mello  
  
Disclaimer- I don't own the shoes I'm currently dancing in what's the likelihood I own anything in Joss' universe? I own the original novels. . . I bought them in Borders, and I own the DVDs. I don't however make money off of this I just seem to spend a lot on it. I in no way intend to infringe copyrights. I'm just entertaining myself, honestly, I'm shocked that anyone's read it.  
  
Setting: Hero, some conversation is mangled out of said ep. Keep in mind that I am a strong believer in the fact that one little thing can change the course of history, hence cannon gets meddled with because life took a different path. Also The Halloween Ep. of season four Buffy is mentioned, my cannon is not Joss'.  
  
Warning: SLASH Angel/Doyle. Spike/Xander. Don't like, don't read, don't flame. V. little happens in this chapter it's all build up.  
  
Note: did anyone else notice that in "Something Blue" he's Ta'Hoffren and the next ep he's in he's D'Hoffryn?  
  
Thanks to: Poison for being the fastest Beta I've ever had! And Isaly for getting out of my hair so I would have some time to write, of course she so busy screaming about the "fecking Prot's" that she doesn't notice. Sorry this is taking so long but I'm afraid of fucking up "Hero" ya know?  
  
Section rating: R Part 14/?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Angel?" said Doyle approaching the man as he and Spike returned to the new hideout. "The Scourge are going to that apartment building we found them in. Anyanka's with em."  
Mouth tightening for a moment Angel thought of a plan. "You and Xander come with me. We're gonna go infiltrate." He said and then quickly out lined his plan.  
Softly growling the hair at the back of Spike's head rose up like a dog's hackles. "If he gets anywhere near them I'll have your bloody guts for garters." He said to his sire as he pulled Xander into a corner. "You be careful, and if someone has to die it better not be you. Love you."  
"Calm down, Mother." Said Xander with a smile. "It'll all be ok. I'll see you at the boat." He wanted to kiss Spike but something in the action would have made it seem like a goodbye and not a simple "see you later" parting. "I fucking hate you for these pants, they're so damn tight. I want to get home and out of them as soon as possible."  
"Thanks, Xan, you leave me with a raging hard on. You're supposed to be the good guy in this unnatural relationship." Xander just smiled and kissed Spike's cheek.  
"I'm sure you'll keep." Whispered Xander the breath so hot in Spike's ear. The man trembled, damn 19 year old mortal. God, Spike loved him. "Think of this as payback." He watched as the boy walked oozing sex inadvertently as always.  
Ten minutes later they were standing out side the apartment building. "Ye stay out o' sight until they're gone, yeah?" said Doyle touching the boy's face to focus his attention. "I'll come down get ye or send the bint down."  
Just as the pair were about to enter the apartment, Angel tugged on Doyle's sleeve to get him to stop. They listened for a moment. Vamping out Angel waited for his queue. He ran his thumb over the back of Doyle's hand. "Don't be scared." He mouthed. He spied around the corner. "She's here." He mouthed.  
  
"Keep looking." They heard someone in charge say and that was their queue.  
  
Angel rounded the corner, "For what?" he pulled Doyle round the corner roughly, Doyle was wearing his demonic visage. "For this?" a foot soldier stepped towards him. "Back off! It's my kill."  
  
"Vampires don't feed on demon blood."  
  
"Oh please! I wouldn't eat this. He reeks of humanity." He smiled to himself as he thought of The Judge, a demon Spike had risen who said the same thing about his childe.  
  
"You're one to talk, vampire." Said the head soldier who was clearly in charge. Yours is the lowest of all the half-breeds."  
  
"You think I don't know that?" said Angel bitterly sounding like Angelus when one of his plans doesn't work out. "You think I don't smell the humanity inside me day and night - polluting me?" he said looking down at Doyle.  
  
"Please, please don't!" shrieked Doyle.  
  
"Shut up!" screamed Angel as he broke the boy's neck.  
"A half-breed who murders other half-breeds. Always charming."  
  
"I know who you are. I want to join you." Said Angel.  
"Join us? You wish to die?" asked the man with a laugh.  
  
"I need to be cleansed and only you can show me the way. You can kill me if you want you'd only be freeing me. But I can kill half- breeds for you and believe me I can do it faster and better then anyone you got. I know their minds, where they hide, how they think. I can help you."  
  
"Maybe you can." His men each grabbed one of Angel arms as they walked out of the room. Anya stayed looking at her nail.  
"I think I hated that plan." Said Doyle as he twisted his neck back around with loud cracking noises. Letting his face fall into its human form. He turned to Anyanka. He smiled. "Why di' I agree to tha'?"  
"Probably in hopes of future orgasms." Said Anya without looking up.  
"So what's the deal? They made a wish to kill the half-lings and they're so strong that Ta'hoffren didn't wanna let 'em down? You are one of Ta'Hoffren's girls right?"  
"Have you been following me?" she asked with a look of disgust.  
"They'll kill you too."  
"There's no humanity in me, I'm pure."  
"Of course you are, by the by, Xander, I think that's his name, he's out side, he wants a word."  
"Oh my God! Xander Harris?"  
"No, you're in no way touched with humanity."  
"Was that just a trick?" she asked with menace.  
"No, he's really there." He said with a smile.  
She nodded and just before she left she said. "They have an informant, you know. Heads up." Doyle was left with his mouth hanging open. He flipped out his mobile as she left.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Xander?" called Anya. "Your blue and spiky friend sent me down." Xander stepped silently out of the shadows. Anya gasped, "Hello, salty goodness."  
"Anya, it's really good to see you. I missed you." He said kissing her forehead.  
"You look great!" she said taking in his new clothes and confidence.  
He smiled. "So do you, Ahn."  
For a moment she looked at him, cocking her head to one side "You're mated to William the Bloody?"  
Blushing Xander said, "Is it that obvious?"  
"It's all over you, that's great, Xander. Whatever happened surely suits you. So what are you doing here?" she said like old friends meeting in a book store as apposed to a dark ally in a hideous part of town.  
"I'm fighting The Scourge. Friends of yours I heard?"  
"Xander, you can't be here when it all goes down. I'm not even going to be here."  
"Why, Anya, what did they wish? What's the plan?"  
A pained looked crossed her face and she sighed before telling him everything, against her better judgment. "They wished for a way to wipe out huge quantities of people at a time. I gave them a light, called the beacon. It burns anything with any touch of humanity. The first mate on your ship mutinied: it's already on that boat. And it's going to be detonated in about thirty minutes."  
"You can't take it back? It's going to kill so many innocence. I can't believe you. I thought you stood for vengeance of the righteous, there are children on that boat. There's a fucking little girl who complimented my pants for Christ's sake."  
"They're nice pants."  
"You're missing the point. Is there anyway to turn it off, once it's started?"  
"You'd have to pull a lot of wires. It would take too long."  
"Well, that's great. Anya, you have the blood of the innocent on your hands, you have my blood on your hands. Because I have to go back: William the Bloody, my mate as you said, is on that ship along with all the other people you signed over to death." He saw Doyle coming, "Goodbye, Ahn." He said as he and Doyle got in the car. "Speed, we have to get to the ship now. Can I have the cell phone?"  
"The battery's dead."  
"Fuck!" screamed Xander pounding the dashboard so hard Doyle thought the airbag might have gone off. He quickly explained the situation to Doyle. Then he asked, "What happened to Angel?"  
"He got in, they believed it."  
"Are you ok?"  
"Yeah."  
"He didn't mean anything he said."  
"I know."  
"He loves you."  
"I know. I know. I guess it's just been a long day." Xander just gave him a look. Doyle averted his eyes from the boy's gaze. "Xander, ye should have seen the way she looked at meh. Like I was somethin' she scraped off the bottem of 'er four thousand dollar moccasins."  
"She loves you: she'll get over it, Doyle. This is nothing. She more hurt that you didn't tell her, I'm sure. Cordy likes to pretend she's shallow, she likes to pretend she's mean. The fact it, she's scared of letting anyone get close to her because then they can hurt her. She's not the bigot she pretends to be; it's just armor."  
"Well I got close to 'er and I hurt 'er. Seems like she 'as good reason to not let people close."  
"This is nothing, I cheated on her. She forgave me. This is a secret. You didn't lie, you just didn't disclose. Cordy isn't angry at you, if she's angry at anyone she's angry at herself for making you feel like you couldn't be honest." They arrived at the dock and ran on board.  
Speak of the devil. There on the deck stood Cordy. "I wanted to tell you. I was afraid. I thought if I did, you'd hate me."  
  
Cordelia crossed her arms. "So, you're half demon. Big Whoop! I can't believe you'd think I'd care about that. I mean, I work for a vampire! Hello? Hell I watch Passions with Spike, for Christ's sakes."  
"It's true. I just..."  
  
"What do you think I am, superficial?" she saw Xander snickering and gave him Queen C dirty look. "So you're half demon. That's so far down the list, way under 'short' and 'poor'! - Is there anything else I should know about my supposed close friend?"  
  
"The half demons thing is pretty much my big secret."  
  
"Good. That's out. It's done. Take me to lunch and your forgiven for not telling."  
"That's so heartwarming there's a big light below the deck that should kill us all in five minutes, maybe less. Shall we get moving?" asked Xander sarcastically. Suddenly He was knocked off his feet by a white blur. "Oh, Honey." He said softly. "It's nice to see you too."  
"Oh god, I was so worried. Stop being so fucking flip. You have no fucking clue what we're fucking with. I was so fucking scared." He babbled into the top of Xander's head as he cradled the boy. There was a hitch in his voice which scared Xander, Spike wasn't prone to crying as a rule, and *never*, *ever*, *on pain of death* in public. Clearly Spike was scared to a point where he didn't care.  
"Ok, calm down I'm here now. But there is a big fucking light under the deck. That's going to kill us in about two and a half minutes. Anya said we can disable it by pulling wires."  
"Is that so?" said Angel as he drove up the gangplank on a motorcycle. "Well then let's get down there 'cause The Scourge is upon us. We don't have time to get them out. They wanted to here it click off when it shut off. That'll still happen right?"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The five stood on a balcony looking at the light. It was seemingly too late to save the day. The light was already burning them. Angel made to jump much to Cordy's horror. Doyle put his hand on Angel's arm, "The good fight, yeah? You always say it and - You never know until you've been tested. - I get that now." He said. Angel leaned towards him for a goodbye kiss and as he did Doyle clocked him on the chin hard enough for Angel to fall into the cargo pit with the demons. Doyle made to jump. The scene unfurled as though time had slowed down, for as Doyle watched in horror Xander jumped the banister and landed on the light's frame. They watched as he pulled wires quickly, they could see the blisters already rising over his skin.  
Angel was quickly climbing the ladder to get back up to where they stood. He was in no way shocked when his idiot childe jumped the banister only moments later. Shaking his head he jumped upwards off the ladder. His fingers wrapped around the bottom of the light's frame and pulled himself up. "You two are fucking dead if we live through this." He said as he started ripping wires off as well. Spike nodded in emphatic agreement with his sire in Xander's direction. As the boy started to pale instead of redden Spike picked him up by the scruff of the neck and threw him into the pit.  
The frame shook as another landed on it. There stood Doyle with a wry smile. "I couldn't let ye three have all the fun." He said as he pulled wires. "Damn there are a lot of these fecking thin's." Spike pulled a grey wire and the room was thrown into darkness just at the same time as the blond vamp blacked out and fell into the pit. There was a loud click from the light and it heralded The Scourge's departure. Gasping for unneeded breath Angel grabbed his boy who was burnt worse than himself due to his mortality. Still, the boy didn't have a patch on Xander and Spike. He pulled the boy to his chest, kissed his forehead, and held him tight as they fell to the ground. Angel landed on his feet. 


	15. 15

Title: That Damn Happiness Clause  
  
Writer: Azure K Mello  
  
Disclaimer- I don't own the shoes I'm currently dancing in what's the likelihood I own anything in Joss' universe? I own the original novels. . . I bought them in Borders, and I own the DVDs. I don't however make money off of this I just seem to spend a lot on it. I in no way intend to infringe copyrights. I'm just entertaining myself, honestly, I'm shocked that anyone's read it.  
  
Setting: After Hero. Keep in mind that I am a strong believer in the fact that one little thing can change the course of history, hence cannon gets meddled with because life took a different path, my cannon is not Joss'.  
  
Warning: SLASH Angel/Doyle. Spike/Xander. Don't like, don't read, don't flame.  
  
Thanks to: Poison for being the fastest Beta I've ever had! And Isaly for getting out of my hair so I would have some time to write, of course she so busy screaming about the "fecking Prot's" that she doesn't notice.  
  
Section rating: R  
  
Part 15/?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Opening his eyes hurt. The scent of pain was strong in the room, to the point where even his human nose smelt it. He started to sit up but a gentle hand was laid on his chest. He smiled at the touch though it hurt him physically. His Spike was next to him though he was having trouble seeing much right now. "I want a drink," he said trying to remove the hand.  
  
"You can't walk, pet, you have heat blisters all over the soles your feet," Spike said as he gave him a drink of water with a straw. "Slow now, you don't want to make yourself sick." His voice was completely devoid of emotion. "Lay back down, pet, you need to heal."  
"What's the matter, how long was I out?"  
"Four days, three hours, forty-seven minutes, and 27 seconds," Spike said still in that cold tone of voice. He saw that Xander was about to touch his face and grabbed the boy's hand. "I know your face hurts, pet, but you can't touch it: it's covered in Vaseline."  
"I'm fine, Spike, you don't have to baby me."  
"Fuck you!" screamed Spike the first emotion he had shown. He calmed down and then said in that cold voice, "You're not fine, Xander. You have third degree burns that would kill a normal person. Some places you were burned right down to the bone. Thank god you were wearing leather pants, they offered the most protection to your body. You're not fine. I sat here for four days waiting for you to die. As for my "babying" you, well I'll treat you the age you act. What the fuck were you thinking? Were you thinking?"  
"Someone had to act, I didn't think just jumped."  
Spike laughed a dry laugh that scared the shit out of Xander. "The other's might believe that. But you and I both know that it's bull."  
"Spike-"  
"Don't interrupt me, Xander. You jumped because you'd planed to jump. You had considered the whole situation and decided that you were the weakest link and that this was a good way of helping. You could die for the cause and save the real fighters. Don't cry, please," he said, completely monotone as a tear fell from Xander's shiny cheek. "I'm not angry at you, pet." His voice broke and he was sobbing. "I'm angry at that fucking bastard for making you think that you're not good enough." He voice through his sobs was upper class British: his monotonies voice and his bad boy drawl forgotten in the face of such emotion. "Death is too good for you're a father. And there are so many things I'd like to do to that man; do you know why I don't? Because I love you and you for some reason still love him, so I don't touch a hair on his head. But god help me I want to!"  
"I'm sorry."  
"You have nothing to be sorry for, Xander, you're a white hat through and through. Of course you'd die to save your friends and the cause. You're so good and pure, that a part of why I love you. Keep this in mind though, you die and so do I. Now, I can see you doing a mental eye role if you were well. But I mean it, you die and so do I. No, not in some emotional sense and no I wouldn't kill myself: I wouldn't have to. You get to live as long as I live but in return I get to live as long as you live. Not that I care, of course; if you die I wouldn't want to live. You're the only reason I do it in the first place, without you I'm the wandering boy with no point or life. And if I must die I'd almost like it to be you to do me in. You love me, you know me. If you stalked me there'd be a damn good reason: hate or mercy. That would be so much better than dieing at the hands of a slayer who neither knows nor cares about me. But if you kill me, please kill me out right. I can't watch you die, Xander. I was so fucking angry at you when I brought you back here, and I couldn't figure out why. Then it dawned on me: you had lied. You promised me I would never be alone, that you would be with me forever and in the minute between your dieing and my own you would have proven yourself a liar and I would have hated you. I cried on you in a public. In *public*, Xander, and you were still willing to leave me all alone. That's the one thing you should be apologizing for. Nothing else. Maybe you don't think you're as good as the rest of them, but are you willing to kill me too? Sit up a little," he instructed. As Xander did Spike brought the straw to the boy's lips. "Fuck actually dieing, I was so scared that I was going to lose my boy. Promise me you won't be so brave and righteous ever again?"  
"I promise," he said with a smile. "Can you just hold me now?"  
"God yes," Spike whispered as he crawled beneath the sheets he ghosted cool fingers across hot angry new skin. "I'm not angry with you. You know that right? I'm never angry with you. I can't, 'm not capable of it."  
"I know," Xander said with an indulgent smile. "Why am I not dead? Why am I healing so fast?"  
"Because you're linked to me and get all the perks of being a vamp without the draw backs. Haven't you noticed how well you've fought as of late? How good your balance is? How silently and swiftly you move? Sense of smell improved? Can you smell my fear? The room is rank with it. Did you realize that you could see for miles even in the dark? Hummm? Have you? Welcome to my world, babycakes. Face the slayer now and there is no doubt in my mind that she'd be dead. You get stronger all the time, there's so much power in you: all that Xandery goodness mixed with vampiric supremacy. How did that Anya girl react to you?" he asked with a laugh. "The link between us wants you to strive, it realized what you needed: confidence. That was all; this is a fucking feather for you to hold while you fly under your own power. It was always in you, Xander."  
"Really? So I'm not the Zeppo?"  
"You never were."  
"What happened after I passed out?"  
"Angel and Doyle got into the act while that girl who had a crush on you couldn't stop screaming. She was sure you were dead, it was the most painful thing I've heard in a while."  
"Girl?"  
"Annie?"  
"She didn't have a crush on me, she just liked my pants."  
"There goes the confidence theory. Why do you always rag on yourself? How can you not see that half the world wants you and the other half is jealous? How many times do I have to call you special before you believe it? You're fucking effulgent. You're funny, good looking, smart-"  
"Which is why you're shocked when I pick up a book."  
"I just didn't think you were a big reader. You know, Xan-"  
"Don't you dare tell me I don't have to change for you! You think I'm doing this for you? God, Spike, and I thought your sleuths sleuthed up everything. I thought you just never wanted to talk about it because you realized that it was solely mine to keep," he said and rolled away from his mate. Hissing as his new skin touched the bed. His face burned from the lines of salt rolling down his face.  
"Shhhhhhhh, love. It's only yours. I'm sorry for prying. Love you. Want you happy I'd even go domestic and join a library if you asked," Spike said, gingerly placing a soothing arm around Xander's waist. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. How's Of Human Bondage going?"  
"Philip just went back to London to study medicine," Xander said softly. Clearly his mind was in turmoil but Spike had been forgiven. Xander pulled the arm more surely around his waist. He laid his hot back to Spike's cool chest. "My own personal Spike shaped icepack."  
Spike nuzzled Xander's less burnt shoulder. "And you're my hot water bottle with a Xander like slipcover."  
"I used to have one with a piglet cover. I loved that thing," Xander said softly. Spike smiled into the boy's hair. Suddenly the boy turned over with a wince. "Did you ever wonder why I missed so much school? Why, while I'm so "intelligent," I was a "D" student who never gave a damn?"  
"You don't have to tell me, Xan, it's yours to keep."  
"And I'm yours so you own it too. I used to miss a lot of school because I couldn't walk or was unconscious or too badly beaten up. I would miss weeks on end. My mom would call the school and always had some excuse. That's why Buff and Will were so protective of me they thought I was delicate. I always really liked school. But that, coupled with the fact that I missed so much, would look odd so I feigned to hate the whole thing. I worked hard for my near failing grades. I was never there to learn what I needed. And even if I could have made the grade I had to fake my ignorance because it would have looked weird. No one looked into the matter because it was Sunnydale and you never want to look at anything to deeply in Sunnydale. For as long as I can remember I was missing school. Even when I was tiny, and I always played the fool so people wouldn't cotton on. I spent literally months and months maybe, probably, years in that basement. No one ever came. My friends avoided the place and my mother didn't want to incur the wrath of my father by giving a damn about me. The only thing that kept me sane was my mother's college books. She has a Masters in English and she had a lot of books from college and she used to be a real avid reader. They were all down there with all the other relics of her somewhat successful life." He laughed. "So I read for days on end. I loved books, they weren't my life and whatever problems there were, they weren't mine. I could completely escape this world and burrow safely into the next. I don't know, even now that I'm out, it's nice to know that if anything goes wrong there's always an exit for me. Keep me here?" he asked finally looking up into Spike's eyes, which were a mass of emotions.  
  
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"Is it normal to be sore all over one's body? Thin's ache tha' I didn' know I 'ad," Doyle asked, still bed ridden after being conscious for nearly 24 hours.  
"I'm not sure, sweet. Can I do anything for you?" Angel asked as he came in from the office where he'd checked in with Cordy for a few hours about work, something none of the men had done since the run in with the beacon. He slid out of his shirt and climbed back into bed.  
"Don't attempt to jump next time, yeah?"  
"Doyle, I-"  
"Look, I get the mission here but what good is the champion if he's dead? I care about the world, I do. But if it's you or them I'm savin' the one person who actually matters. Maybe that makes me a bad half- man. I'm a selfish prat who's goin' to hell. But I don't want to be left here alone."  
"I jumped to save you four, fuck everyone else. If saving the world coincides with saving you; well bully for the world," Angel said, giving his lover a dirty look for doubting him.  
"You die and so do I," Doyle reminded him softly.  
"What? . . . oh God, I never even thought of that. Christ. My first instinct-"  
"Was to save the li'l lady? Yeah I know. I had the exact same gut reaction. I was ready to jump. It wasn't until I saw Spike's face while he watched Xander jump tha' I remembered."  
"This is all so fucked up. Why can' we just decide that we're going to be happy? Fuck, all four of us. and Cordy too. Why can't we say: "fuck this, I'm going on holiday"? Does it ever get easy?" Angel asked as he held Doyle close to him.  
"The good fight, yeah? At least we aren't alone. If anyone of us had jumped or even just two we'd all be dead. We need each other. It's why we're family. Even Cordy is, maybe not in blood but in ever other way important. Can ye imagine trying to fight this alone? We always like to joke: Cordy can only make coffee and not well, the boys we pay for no reason but to pay them, I'm good at getting headaches, and you're muscle. It's all bullshit we need each other for this t' work. We all bring something to the table. And tha's what matters, yeah?"  
"Was that a nice way of saying that we can't go to Bermuda?" asked Angel with a wry smile.  
"Yes, let's go to Bermuda, I've always wanted to be married to a big pile of dust," he said sarcastically as he laid himself against the broader man.  
"Oh, Francis, you're such a romantic," Angel said in a high- pitched voice as he leaned in to captor the boy's lips.  
As they broke for air, Doyle went and spoiled the mood, "How do you think Xander and Spike are?"  
"What?" Angel panted. He shook his head trying to think of an intelligent answer: one that *didn't* consist of a moan. "Xander woke up fifteen hours after you. Apparently Spike and he had a big fight mainly, it seems, Spike was shouting and Xander was sitting mute and trying to apologize. Then there was another fight, I think, wherein Xander was the one who needed the apology, the account of that was vague so let's assume one of them brought up childhood trauma."  
"You've been spending way too much time with Cordy."  
"You were out like a light for over three days. And while I was by your side Spike was sitting vigil with Xander. Unlike my childe I can't hold conversation for hours with the unconscious, that's a skill he learned from Dru." The phone rang and Angel leaned over to get it. "Yes? Sure, he's right here." He held his hand over the receiver. "Some woman," he said as he handed Doyle the phone.  
"Hello? . . ." His face fell slightly as he sighed. "Hi, Harry . . . really? Hey, tha's great congratulations! Tha's grand . . . oh um are you serious? . . . Well then, are you mad? . . . No, God, no, I'm sorry but no . . . Can I think about it? . . . thanks 'll get back to ye in a few days." He hung the phone up. And turned to Angel. "Meh ex-wife's havin' a baby. Tha's great. I'm glad honestly I fecked up everythin' she should have some happiness. I'm happy, why shouldn't she be?"  
"So why the long face?" asked Angel.  
"She's getting a divorce from the father and wants to know if I would step in as father. I said no, but then she asked if I would be its God Father. I don't know what to do. The days I spent with her were another life; a life I have no wish to revisit."  
"Then don't do it."  
"Does tha' make me an arsehole?"  
"I don't know but I don't really like the idea in the first place. It's just another road to get to you in my eyes. She figures that you say no now but somewhere down the road you give in."  
"Angel, I would never-"  
Angel just smiled at his lover, a contented sure smile, as he placed a thumb beneath the boy's chin and raised his face so that he could look at his beautiful boy. Looking into his eyes Angel said, "I know you would never leave me. I didn't doubt that. I'm just saying that maybe it wouldn't be fair on her. Maybe you don't want to raise her hopes for naught."  
Doyle nodded and then seemingly apropos to nothing said, "I want you."  
"I was thinking that exact same thing," he said and then asked, "Are you sure you're well enough?"  
"I don't know, Doctor. Why don't you give me a through examination?" he suggested with a smirk.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"I'm home," Spike called as he kicked the door shut behind him. Xander was laying on the couch much to the vampire's chagrin. "I thought I told you to stay in bed."  
"My book was out here," Xander replied. "How was the supermarket, Martha?" he said in a "Leave it to Beaver" style voice. This was a running joke as the apartment was so very fifties.  
"Oh just swell, John," Spike said in a high-pitched voice as he put blood in the fridge. "How's your evening newspaper?"  
"There's been a killing spree. I wouldn't know anything about that would you?" Xander asked.  
"The bastard was over charging for blood," Spike said, still in character. He looked up and saw Xander smiling at him. "What?"  
"Nothing, I'm being dopey and Hallmark don't make me voice it. I'll feel like less of a man." Spike just smirked as he sauntered over to the boy, his stance practically oozing sex. He stood in front of Xander.  
"I told you not to get out of bed, pet, at least lay back down." Xander obeyed with his back against the couch back. Smiling Spike thanked the god of fads that the fifties had favored long sofa seats. He lay down in front of the boy and placed Xander's arms around his own hips. Laughing Xander propped himself up slightly and watched his lover with a questioning look. "What, don't look at me like that, this a highly recommended position for healing mortally wounding third degree burns. I swear."  
"I actually feel great," Xander said.  
"Oh, I'm well aware of that, love," he said with a leer. "So what did you do while I was out?" he asked, the boy's pulse had been high when the vampire had first entered the room.  
"Not much, read." Spike saw that there was a movie stopped in the video player while the tv was off. He was putting his money on dirty, dirty porn. Slowly he rubbed himself against the boy a plan forming in his head. Xander moaned softly and Spike knew his eyes were shut. In that instant he lunged for the telly clicker and hit two buttons. The movie started to play while the tv turned on. "Hey," said Xander, "No fair, you can't use sex against me."  
"Why, you have?" asked Spike with a smirk while the picture and sound came into focus. When he saw what it was he dropped the clicker as his jaw fell open. "I thought it was gonna be a porno." Xander lunged for the clicker but Spike caught it and held it high above his head. "Nope, you'll have to live down this infamous moment. Stop struggling, you're ruining the movie." Xander was a deep red from blushing. "It's ok, pet, we all have our perversions." He kissed Xander's cheek. Then looked up and sang along with the movie. "Have you heard. There's a rumor in St. Petersburg? Have you heard. What they're saying on the street? Although the Czar did not survive, one daughter may be still alive! The Princess Anastasia! But please do not repeat!" he sang in a Russian accent and sighed contentedly when done. "Can we rewind it? I like the bit where little Anya and the grandmother sing."  
"You like this movie? Anastasia? You know the words?"  
"I have a thing for John Cusack. And the soundtrack is catchy. Drusilla liked it," Spike said, justifying it in that "I'm righteous. . . and lying" voice of his when he was embarrassed. Xander pulled the blond down on to him and hit the rewind button. "Thanks," Spike said softly. Laughing, Xander ran his thumb against Spike wrist. The doorbell rang and Spike cursed softly. "This better be good. You, stay," he said as though talking to a dog.  
"Woof," Xander replied.  
"Yes?" said Spike opening the door.  
A man in his mid to late thirties was standing there. "Hi," said the man. "A girl at Angel Investigations said Xander Harris lived here?"  
"Who wants to know?" said Spike coldly sizing up the man. He was gorgeous in an odd familiar way. An old lover of the boy's?  
"Sphinc?" asked Xander suddenly sitting up. "Wow, Sphinc," Xander said, rushing over to give the man a tight hug. "I haven't seen you in so long!"  
"It's been a while, Alex." Who was this man and why was he calling Spike's *mate* Alex? 


	16. 16

Title: That Damn Happiness Clause  
  
Writer: Azure K Mello  
  
Disclaimer- I don't own the shoes I'm currently dancing in what's the likelihood I own anything in Joss' universe? I own the original novels. . . I bought them in Borders, and I own the DVDs. I don't however make money off of this I just seem to spend a lot on it. I in no way intend to infringe copyrights. I'm just entertaining myself, honestly, I'm shocked that anyone's read it.  
  
Setting: After Hero. Keep in mind that I am a strong believer in the fact that one little thing can change the course of history, hence cannon gets meddled with because life took a different path. Plus I've meddled with School Hard my cannon is not Joss'.  
  
Warning: SLASH Angel/Doyle. Spike/Xander. Don't like, don't read, don't flame.  
  
Thanks to: Poison for being the fastest Beta I've ever had! And Isaly for getting out of my hair so I would have some time to write, of course she so busy screaming about the "fecking Prot's" that she doesn't notice.  
  
Section rating: R  
  
Part 16/?  
  
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"Sphincter, This is Spike. Spike, This is my brother Sphincter."  
"Alex, no one's called me Sphincter in about 15 years."  
"Well no one's called me Alex in about the same."  
"You two are brothers?" Spike asked incredulously.  
"Half brothers," Sphincter said. "Same mom. Different dads."  
"Lucky you," Spike said coldly. He had never heard of an older brother. Why hadn't this man taken care of Xander? Why had he left his brother there?  
"Spike, I've heard so much about you over the past few yea-" Xander elbowed him hard while trying to be discreet. "Months," the man amended quickly.  
"Yea-months huh?" Spike said with a false smile. Xander was standing apart from him. Spike was an expert at body language: that stance said that there was nothing between them. But if the brother had heard so much about him then wouldn't he know?  
"Spike's my-"  
"Roommate," Spike finished for the boy. This way he gave Xander a way out without forcing Xander to lie and feel like he'd hurt Spike.  
Xander gave him an odd look. "Husband," he finished his sentence. He raised his hand to Spike's face. "Are you ok?"  
"Yeah . . . I'm fine, love. Ummmm . . . yeah, no I'm fine." He shook his head to clear his thoughts, nothing happened.  
"Now I hate to say it. But if you hurt my little brother I'll be forced to kill you."  
"Well it's nice to see someone with Xander's blood giving a damn anyway, I can't hurt or leave the boy I'm-"  
"Mormon," Xander said quickly. "Spike's Mormon and his mother gave us a whole speech about not getting a divorce."  
"Yep, and having a lot of kids."  
"She was ok with you getting together but not getting divorced?"  
"She's a cool lady meh mum."  
"I was seriously wigged when she started giving us adoption agency names," Xander said.  
"Yeah she's real big on grandchildren," he said smiling at Xander's brother. "Xan-pet, a word? Have a seat we'll be right back," he said nodding to their bedroom. Smiling again at Sphincter he followed Xander to their bedroom. "Gringo?" asked Spike in a whisper, Xander shook his head. "Xenophobe?" Xander nodded. "Fuck."  
"I'm sorry for making you lie."  
"I wasn't lying I have every intention of getting you knocked up." Xander smiled slightly and that made Spike smile. "I'm a soulless killer, lying to someone I don't know doesn't upset me." He smiled softly. "I tried to cover for you: I thought he was just a bigot." Xander smiled and rested his head on Spike's shoulder. "Yea-months huh?"  
"Shut up, honey."  
"So, how much does he know?"  
"He came to graduation, he's been a part time demon slayer ever since. I tried to tell him it wasn't black and white. Then he had a talk with Buffy who conveniently never mentioned Angel. I told him that not all vamps are bad, he said I was being hoodwinked."  
"You did it because of Jesse?" Spike asked, trying to figure it out. Xander gave him a blank look as though Spike were a total moron. "You did it in case we ever got together." Xander didn't say anything. He looked down at the floor waiting to be mocked or belittled. Slowly Spike lifted the boy's chin and claimed his lips in a gentle yet firm kiss, which lasted only a minute. As hands started pulling at shirts Spike said, "Have I told you how cute you are today?"  
"About five times."  
"Damn straight." He lifted the hem of Xander's tight black tee- shirt when hands stopped him.  
"My brother's right outside."  
"So?"  
"He's the authority figure in my life."  
"You've done with Angel and Doyle right outside."  
"Yeah, but you know they'd do the same if the opportunity arose."  
"Don't use that word when you're telling me to stop." Xander smirked at Spike's pain; he licked a line up Spike's neck as the blond asked, "So he knows everything?"  
"Yep, but not about Angel and you being foreign."  
"Wanta have some fun?"  
"Always. Not too mean though, he is my brother, he's just misled."  
"Follow my lead?"  
"And again I say always."  
"What's his name? I can't call him Sphincter."  
"Brian: he who ascends and Alexander: the defender of mankind. Our parents had great hopes for us."  
"You are the defender of mankind, ask The Scourge. And Brian is up on a high horse. And hell I'm really stubborn so it all works out."  
"William means stubborn?"  
"Determination, strength, resolute defender. In other words I'm bullheaded."  
"It's the perfect name. They left out the fact that you have the attention span of an eight year old."  
"That's a purely Spike thing," he said kissing Xander's nose. As they walked out of the bedroom Sphincter went to raise from the Jettison's chair. "Don't get up, Brian, we'll join you. Would you like a soda? We don't have anything stronger, what with being Mormon and all."  
"I'm fine, thank-you."  
"Did Xan ever tell how we met?"  
"No."  
"It's a good story. He's in the know, right?" he asked Xander. "How 'bout the slayer?" Xander nodded twice. "Ok so it's parent/teacher at Xander's school. It's also the Feast of St. Vigeous this is like Christmas to vamps. Apparently Buffy, being Buffy-esqu, has no idea of this. I'm wandering through town to see some family. I look at a calendar, start making preparations when I see the date, I hear there is a school function just before it where *the slayer* will be. I hadn't met our little Buffy and I figured it would be a hot spot, so I tag along. Naturally vamps turn up: mayhem ensues. I saw Buffy fighting and she looked more like a fledge than a slayer and she thought the same of me. So we're going at each other both thinking the other is a vampire and suddenly I get hit in the head by the wide end of an axe blade and I hear 'get the hell away from my friend.' And there is your little brother towering above me."  
"Angel told me that night that you were 'goal-oriented,'" Xander said with a soft smile. He could only see Spike, Brian wasn't in the room.  
"I got you didn't I? As I said that night some things don't change."  
"Wow that is a great story. So I'm guessing you and Buffy aren't close friends?"  
"No one with half a brain is 'close friends' with that bint," Xander said softly with a laugh. "How are Marcy and the kids? How's New York?"  
"New York is fine. And from what my boss says Marcy and the kids are settling nicely in his penthouse apartment."  
"Holy fuck."  
"Xander, language. That's awful; do you need a place to stay?"  
"No, I just came out to see my father and I heard the bad news this morning so I came to offer you a ride home, Al."  
"News? What news? Ride? Why ride?"  
"Oh god. I thought he would have called you."  
"Who?"  
"Your father . . . I don't know how to say this, Alex, oh God . . . um."  
The pulse was rising in Xander's body. The best way to deal with this, thought Spike, was fast. Never sugarcoat it because it'll still be digested the same way. "You're Mum's dead, Xander," he said as he pulled the boy into his arms. Rocking the now shocked near crying boy in his arms he looked with disgust at the boy who deserved to be called Sphincter. The man couldn't even have the balls to tell his brother their mother was dead. He looked away from the man-child and down at his lover. He mumbled soothing things that made no sense into his boy's ear. Once the boy had finally calmed down a bit, Spike looked up at Sphincter. "Go back, tell them we'll come tonight?" Sphincter just nodded and left in a bemused daze. "Pet, hey? You ok for a minute? Can I call reinforcements?"  
"Reinforcements?" asked Xander with a sniff, holding back tears.  
"Well if we're leaving tonight Cordy needs the rest of the day to pack. Plus Angel and Doyle need to have a fight, drink a cuppa, and shag."  
"You think they'll come?"  
"They're your family and they love you, of course they'll come. There's no question."  
"Spike, if the funeral is in the day . . ."  
"Doyle wears the Gem of Amarra on a chain around his neck like his boyfriend's signet ring . . . I'm sure he'll be only too pleased to lend it to me. We'll make an excuse for Angel." He held the boy in his arms silently for a few minutes. He mused that he would never enjoy the smell of pain again. Whenever that slightly acidic smell would hit his nose he would be brought back to this moment. "What are you thinking?" he asked softly when he smelt the emotion turn to that of anger.  
"That day in the hospital I vowed I would never let her upset me again. You're right, I am a fucking liar."  
"Hush, pet. You're not a liar, just human," Spike said as he rocked the boy back and forth. "Everything's going to be ok. This is just a part of life."  
"You're dead."  
"Which makes me an expert on grief. Why don't you get some sleep and I'll make the call."  
"Will you be here when I wake up?"  
"Always."  
  
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The ride to Sunnydale was largely silent. Angel, Doyle, and Cordy sat in the back. No one had raised a fuss about letting Spike drive them in his Fire Dome. Xander sat close to the vampire with one of Spike's arms around his waist. Thank god for bench seats. The silence was that comfortable silence of good friends with nothing to say. Xander chain smoked all the way back. Cordelia had tried to make a fuss just to make the situation seem more normal but she couldn't muster the enthusiasm. And when eventually everyone in the car excepting her were smoking she didn't say a word. The ride was two hours of pained contemplation. Xander had been silent since he and Spike had gotten out of bed. What was it about bereavement that led to copious amounts of sex? Was it just spitting in the eyes of Death? Fuck you 'cause we're still living? That would make a lot of sense if his lover wasn't been dead and their couplings could actually bring life into the world. Did that bother him- that he would never have kids? He always thought he'd be a good dad. His thoughts were a mess about fatherhood and childhood and hating the woman whose funeral they were attending, hating her and missing her. Sensing the tension in his boy, Spike nibbled Xander's ear softly in a way that was far more comforting than sexual.  
"So what're ye gonna do when we get there?" asked Doyle finally.  
"Find a place to hide?" offered Xander with a smile.  
"I know a great motel. A good friend o' mine recommended it," Doyle replied with a smile as he stroked the boy's shoulder. He exchanged a worried look with Angel. Neither felt competent in the situation. Angel squeezed his lover's thigh, they were there and that was as much as they could do. All they could do was try to be of some comfort to the boy in any way they could. "Cordy, you gonna see yer parents?"  
"Yeah, I will once we get to the motel and get our bags out," Cor said with a yawn.  
Spike looked at the black sky and at his watch. It was late enough to carry out his plan. "Sire, that thing we discussed?"  
"We'll do it once we get the boys set in," Angel said with a gentle smile at his childe's impatience to get the job done.  
Xander perked up. "You're doing something illegal, aren't you?" he said in a gently chiding manner. "You promised that you would obey the law while here to avoid the wrath of Buffy."  
"It's purely blue-collar crime I promise, pet."  
"It might not actually be illegal," Angel said contemplatively. "I mean is it private property? Does it belong to it's tenet?"  
"You may be right," Spike said with a wide smile. "See, Xan- pet, totally law abiding."  
Xander shook his head with a rueful smile. "Don't get caught," he said as he kissed Spike's cheek.  
Five minutes later they were checked into three rooms at the same motel Xander and Spike had stayed in while visiting Xander's mum in hospital. Spike kissed the whelp's forehead and then motioned for Triple M to follow him out in the hall. "We'll be gone an hour, hour an' a half tops. Do *anything* you can to help him," he said. Doyle thought he caught the innuendo but wasn't quite sure. Spike couldn't possibly want him to . . . "*Anything*, Doyle."  
"Are you asking me to seduce yer lover?" Doyle asked, somewhat mystified.  
"No, I'm asking you to console your younger brother."  
"By seducing him?" asked the Mick, he didn't want to step over a boundary and incur the wrath of William the Bloody.  
Spike rolled his eyes and sighed heavily, "Yes." He saw the look on Doyle's face and laughed. "He needs to be loved and comforted. I'm going out. He loves you and needs you to be there for him. Just, please, make him see that you love him? He didn't even think any of you would come because he didn't think you would care. He's got the confidence thing down pat but he still thinks he's meant to be alone because of a stupid mistake."  
"Jesse," guessed Doyle shaking his head at the tragedy. His thoughts flickered to Angel for a moment. The man wouldn't care he wanted Xander happy almost as much as Spike did. Odd vampire sexuality. "I'll do it."  
"You'll do it?" asked Spike incredulously. "All that convincing I did and it was that simply. I almost wrote notes before this chat."  
"Well ye know. It's not everyday ye get asked to sleep with a beautiful teenager who you love, oh and by the way, his lover is totally fine with it."  
Smiling Spike said, "Thank you." Then he tacked on an after thought. "Leave no marks."  
"What ye'll be jealous?" Doyle asked with a smirk.  
"Not in the least but if the slayer sees him with bruises and bites I'll be stalked."  
"Got it. No visible marks. Ye gonna tell me what ye're doin'?"  
"I can't: you'll tell Xander, he's very good at using sex as a way to get what he wants." Doyle laughed, Spike smiled at the boy and kissed his forehead before turning and walking to the car where Angel was waiting. Angel smirked. "Do shut-up, Sire," Spike said as he got into the driver's side.  
"Remind me why we're doing this?"  
"I don't think it's illegal," Spike said, repeating his sire's words.  
"Oh please, Will, of course this is illegal."  
"Since when did you start following the laws? Anyway, we're doing it to make Xander happy. Which you want almost as badly as I do."  
"No I don't. I want him to be happy. I love him dearly. But I don't want him happy anywhere near as much as you do. It's killing you."  
"I'm already dead," Spike said coldly, keeping his eyes on the road. What did his sire want to play happy family? No thanks.  
"I'm sorry, Will," Angel said softly, "I'll shut up."  
"I'm sorry," Spike said upon hearing his sire's tired tone. "It's killing me. I don't remember human grief. Ours isn't the same in any way. And I'm hurting because he's hurting and I don't know what to do. All of his emotions are just so complicated, and he's listless, and I can't read him. I could always read him! I'm the only one who can so if I can't what's wrong with me?" He felt a single tear fall down his face. Damn his vainness, now he would have a black streak of eyeliner on his face.  
"You're doing your best. Just be there for him. You're his whole world," Angel said in a distant, businesslike tone looking out the window and pretending not to see his childe's tears. "You have no idea how good you are for him."  
"He's too good for me," Spike said as they parked.  
"Shouldn't we be parked *not* here?"  
"No one's awake. And if they are, it's Sunnyhell: no one will investigate," Spike said with a sneer at Angel's fear.  
They quickly and silently walked to the back of the building. Silently Spike broke the window. Standing back he gestured for Angel to go first. Angel shook his head. Confusion washed over Spike's features; his sire always wanted to go first. Again he signal for Angel to lead. And again Angel shook his head. "I can't fit though that hole," he explained.  
"Broad shouldered poof," Spike muttered as he dropped through the window into the basement of the building. He fell into a crouch knees bent, fingertips on floor. He scanned the room quickly and determined that no one was there.  
Straightening up he heard Angel reply to his snarky comment. "This isn't my problem. I could leave you here and you would have to walk back."  
"Idle threats get you no where, now shut up and help me and we'll be done in moments," he said as he passed the goods they were pilfering out through the window. They filled up three big cardboard boxes and were done with the place. Angel reached down a hand to help his childe. As he gave the man a dirty look, Spike pulled himself up under his own steam. 


	17. 17

Title: That Damn Happiness Clause  
  
Writer: Azure K Mello  
  
Disclaimer- I don't own the shoes I'm currently dancing in what's the likelihood I own anything in Joss' universe? I own the original novels. . . I bought them in Borders, and I own the DVDs. I don't however make money off of this I just seem to spend a lot on it. I in no way intend to infringe copyrights. I'm just entertaining myself, honestly, I'm shocked that anyone's read it.  
  
Setting: After Hero. Keep in mind that I am a strong believer in the fact that one little thing can change the course of history, hence cannon gets meddled with because life took a different path my cannon is not Joss'.  
  
Warning: SLASH Angel/Doyle. Spike/Xander. Don't like, don't read, don't flame.  
  
Thanks to: Poison for being the best Beta I've ever had! I do hope you feel better soon, hon.  
  
Dedicated to Leo, the best cat a girl could ever have, who I had to have put to sleep today. You gave me the best fourteen years of my life and you will always be my best boy.  
  
Section rating: R  
  
Part 17/?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Doyle walked back into the room and smiled at Xander. "How ye holdin' up?"  
"I'm not dead."  
"That's a plus," Doyle said as he settled down on the bed next to Xander. Xander rested his head on the man's shoulder and Doyle wrapped his arms tightly around the younger man. "Hey, it's gonna be ok, yeah?" Xander looked up into Doyle's eyes and Doyle took the opportunity to kiss the boy. When he finally broke away he cursed. "God, What am I thinking? I'm sorry, Xander," he said ducking his head in a coy manner. "I love you and I shouldn't be trying to get in your pants."  
"Doyle, you don't have to apologize. It's ok," Xander said with a smile. Taking this as an invitation, Doyle plundered the boy's mouth. Both were shocked at the heat. Dead lovers make for cool mouths. This was fire.  
"I want you so badly, Xan. Please?"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"There's one more place I want to go before we go back," Spike said. "Stop by The Alibi Room?"  
"This is no time to get drunk," Angel said with a smirk. "You have to go to a funeral tomorrow."  
"I have no intention of drinking, *Sire*, I just want to ask dear Willy a question." At the sound of his childe's request Angel smiled wickedly and pulled into the parking lot.  
"Allo, Willy," said Spike as he threw the doors open.  
"Spike," squeaked the man, "Angel. Umm, what can I get you fellas?"  
"No, we just came for a talk," Spike sneered.  
"I aint heard nothin'. I'm outta that business."  
"Easy now, this is just a talk between friends. How did that Harris woman die?"  
"I heard about you and Xander. That's great. I'm so happy for you. Really. That's great."  
"How did you hear?" Spike asked, getting pissed that the man never gave straight answers.  
"The slayer and the witch were talkin' while patrollin'. One of my customers heard. Wanta place a bet on how long it'll last?" he asked turning to Angel.  
Spike cut of his sire's words. "Such sweet girls. So how'd she die, Willy?"  
Willy looked confused at the question. "It weren't nothin' odd. She fell down a flight of stairs. Had an aneurysm from repeated blunt trauma two hours later."  
Nodding Spike slapped sixty dollars on the bar. He received an odd look from the barkeep which he ignored and instead punched a hole in the faux marble bar top. "That'll cover the damages?"  
"Yeah."  
"Good. Angel?"  
"Yeah we'll go. Thanks Willy," he said, leading his near comatose childe out of the bar. "What are you gonna do?" he asked as he drove them, not trusting Spike's "mad skills" at the moment.  
"I can't do anything." He saw the look his sire threw him and added. "He had a nightmare, I made him tell me. But he made me promise I would never hurt the bastard. And it's not out of love. He still fears the rat-fucking bastard," Spike said with venom. "But I promised," he added sounding tired, "and I wouldn't break a promise to him. Not ever."  
Angel nodded. "We haven't had this conversation. We did not go to Willy's. We do not know how she died. And I don't know anything about that promise. Ok?" Spike nodded. "Don't worry, ok?" he said as he turned off the car outside the motel rooms. "It's gonna be fine," he assured his boy as they walked into Xander and Spike's room. He cocked his head at the scene in front of them. "Aww, they're so cute." The boys were sprawled over the bed. Smiling, Spike crept over to the bed. "You're not going to wake him are you?" Spike just grinned. "You're as impatient as a child with a present."  
"I am a childe with a present," Spike said. Kneeling next to the bed he ran a hand over Xander's shoulder blades. "Xan-pet, wake-up."  
Xander just moaned. Opening one eye he fleetingly wondered if his lover would be upset but his fears were pacified as he smelled Spike's arousal. "Why?" he asked petulantly.  
"I need you to come out to the car. Only quickly but I need to show you something."  
"Can't you just tell me? What is it?"  
"The spoils of our blue-collar crime." Xander rolled his eyes but got out of bed and reached for his ruined leather pants. Angel watched appreciatively as the boy dressed. The pants while cracked, stiff, and charred from the beacon had become Xander's favorites. He figured they had to be lucky - they'd saved his life. So while they were falling apart he had still worn them for the trip back praying good fortune.  
He followed Spike out obediently though still half asleep. Spike handed him the trunk keys and stood back. Suddenly he said sounding more alert, "Please tell me that there is no one bound and gagged in here. I'm too fucking tired."  
"Maybe next time, pet. I told you: this was blue-collar, completely pedestrian." Xander just shook his head. He was learning to respect the fact that Spike *would* get what he wanted.  
Resignedly he turned the keys and popped the boot. First confusion swept over his face. He picked up a book from one of the boxes. "Oh god, you stole mom's books for me." he said, his voice flat.  
"Is that bad? I thought you would like them. I just thought-" he stopped when Xander turned to him. The moon caught the tears falling down the boy's face making him look inhuman and god-like. "Did I do good?" he asked suddenly confused.  
"No, this isn't good . . . This is fucking amazing. Spike, I can't believe . . . Thank-you so much. I don't even . . ."  
"Well then don't say anything," he said with a smile. "You're not angry?"  
"I'm never angry at you. This is wonderful. I never . . . this is the kindest, most random, and thoughtful act ever."  
Spike beamed, one of his rare real smiles. "Let's go to bed, love. You're tired. Tomorrow's gonna be long."  
Xander nodded and turned back to the boot of the car. He sorted through some of the books, found what he was looking for, and shut the trunk with a thud. He had a very old copy of Winnie the Pooh in his hand as he walked back into the room. Angel and Doyle were gone and they were alone. He pulled the blonde into bed with him shucking the leather pants as he did. Spike wrapped himself protectively around the boy. "Hey, Spike?" said Xander through the darkness. "Don't let me cry tomorrow? No matter what. 'Cause I don't wanna cry in front of *them*." He said the word with so much pain and frustration.  
"Check," Spike said, "I'll beat you bloody before I'll let you shed a tear."  
"I love you."  
"Always, pet."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The morning dawned obscenely bright. Xander looked out the window with disgust as Spike straightened the boy's tie. "It should rain on funerals," he said absently while playing with the ring on Spike's finger. Doyle had given it to the man an hour before. Jokingly the man had held out a phonebook and made Spike swear he wouldn't do anything "bad and/or evil" while wearing it. Spike had asked why the phonebook and not a bible. Doyle had told him that he didn't want him to turn up at the cemetery with a red, angry palm: it looked sketch. Spike had laughed.  
He kissed Xander's forehead. "Pray hard and maybe it'll bucket down." Xander smiled slightly. "Remember that we're going home *tonight* if this is bad. Ok? Don't worry and if things go to shite in our hands: well, we're leaving," he said. Xander nodded and walked to the bed. He sat Indian style uncaring for his mourning suit. He picked up the book and flicked through the pages until he found what he was looking for.  
"Dad can't read and when I was little he didn't like Mom reading to me. I guess I over compensated, 'cause I read this to myself when I was five. Mom and I used to write notes in the margin to each other. I would ask her what words meant and tell her what parts I liked. Every night I would look forward to seeing what she'd written back . . . She wasn't a bad person; she was grossly neglectful and afraid of her husband. She was an awful mother, but only by default. He beat her down to a point where she wouldn't fight back for anyone not herself and not me . . . She drank a lot and she was a mean drunk but I can't fault her. I had my books she had liquor . . . Now she's dead and I hated her. She died while I hated her and wasn't even talking to her. I was supposed to protect her from him. I wasn't even here." His voice hitched as tears fell down his face. Of course Xander knew his father was to blame, he was intelligent. He hadn't been planning on telling the boy, but he was stupid to think Xander *needed* to be told. "What have I done?"  
"Nothing, you did nothing wrong. It wasn't your job to take care of her when she didn't want it. It was her responsibility to protect you. What you're feeling? That's grief, plain and simple. It sucks. But it's what makes you human. That aching inside? You feel like you swallowed an apple whole, and it's sitting in your throat? That'll go away. Embrace the pain. You loved her and she knew that damn well. One doesn't need to tell their mother that they love her. She knows already, it goes with the territory: have a kid get a admirer- free." Spike felt so much better; at least Xander was talking to him. That was good. The healing could start now, right? He wished he remembered human grief better. A knock came on the door. "That's Cordy, should I let her in?"  
"Yeah," Xander said, scrubbing his face in his hands. "Keep your promise?"  
"Of course, Xan-pet."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Rain started to fall as they walked into the graveyard. "Good job, Xander. Next I'll have you ask god for a box of chocolates and a red bicycle," Spike said with a laugh. He saw someone across the way. "Go ahead you three I'll be right behind." They gave him bemused looks but walked on. Moving like light, Spike was across the cemetery to the other gate in only moments. "Allo, girls," Spike said to Buffy, Willow, and some blonde chit holding Willow's hand. "Look, we're not throwing down, do you hear me?" Willow nodded fervently. Buffy stood coldly. "This is a funeral and you will respect that and not use this as some sort of platform to attack Xander. And that means you will be courteous to everyone with him. That includes me. I would love to throw down with you girlies right here and now but I won't because of *him*. This is his mother's funeral. Slayer, you *will* be polite. If you can't manage that: go home. If you can't say something nice in a warm tone and a smile in your eyes then leave. If you so much as breathe at him in a way I deem inappropriate I will have no qualms in ripping your tongue out."  
"Is that a threat?" she asked with a fighter's edge.  
"No, it's a pledge." Buffy looked at him, looked down at his ring, practically growled as she left the graveyard. Willow gave him a weak smile. She unlike Buffy had noticed the ring that *wasn't* the gem. She was going to be nice if it killed her. "Hello, Red. You are?" he asked.  
"Tara."  
"Pretty name," Spike said as they walked to the fresh plot together. He smiled at Xander when he got there and stood close to his boy.  
"You are?" asked Mr. Harris.  
"He's Alex's roommate, Will," Brian said quickly.  
Sunnydale was most likely the most homophobic and bigoted town on the whole west coast. A guy could barely touch a guy without getting lynched. It had happened once while Xander had been in freshman year. He and Jesse had discussed moving that very night. It had been just about then that the game "Anywhere But Here" had been invented. Spike had a theory on the mass prejudice of the town. They couldn't accept that Little Billy had been eaten by a beastie that then walked around wearing his face so they said, "Well hell, let's blame it on the fags." Cute. He fucking *hated* Sunnydale.  
"Hi," said Willow tentatively. "Buffy was really sorry she couldn't make it. She had a thing. She said to send her regrets. She's gonna try and swing by the house later." Xander nodded. "I'm so sorry, Xand." He just nodded again with a sad half smile.  
The service started and he was saved from having to find something to say to his former best friend. The service was brief, solemn, and few were in attendance. Spike managed to keep a furtive hand on his boy at all time. A calming force seemed to sweep through the boy as he sank back into Spike's touch. The day dragged, there was an unknown, unaccountable time space between the service and going to the Harris'. In that time they had changed out of suits and into plain dark clothes. Xander was back in the ruined leather pants. The group mingled with other mourners  
Darkness fell and Angel arrived at the same time as Buffy. He nodded curtly to Spike and Doyle and pulled the girl to a corner. It seemed their conversation consisted of naughty little words being thrown back and forth. She shot a dirty look at Xander and Angel grabbed her chin and forced her to look him in the eye as he spoke. Spike took this as his queue. He walked over to where Xander was talking to a woman and looking sadly at Buffy.  
"Are you one of the caterers?" the woman asked Spike.  
"Yes, do try the nibblies." he said warmly in his rather posh accent. "Now I'm sorry, I must steal Mr. Harris away for a moment." He practically pulled Xander from the woman. He steered them past Xander's father, he waved, into a back hall. Spike shut the door behind them and kissed Xander. "You've done so well today. I'm so fucking proud of you," he said, his lips ghosting across his husband's. He sat down on the stairs behind them. "Does anyone come back here?" Xander just shook his head and sat a few stairs below Spike, resting his head on the vampire's thigh. "Ya wanta play that game you love so much?"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Willow had seen the pair walk into the corridor. She followed quietly hoping to get to say something to Xander, anything, just to let him know she still loved him. She paused at the back door to the corridor; there were three that lead into it. It was slightly ajar when she heard the words fall through it.  
"Smothered in chocolate sauce and whipped cream." She heard Xander say. Thank-god it's physically imposable to swallow one's tongue without biting it off first. Oh goddess, she had just walked into a very dirty conversation she never wanted to hear.  
"Sounds nummy, pet." Oh Dear God! Willow felt like she was about hyperventilate into unconsciousness.  
"So where would you be if you could be anywhere but here?"  
"I'd be in the pancake house with you. Though I would forgo the death by chocolate. I could go for bacon."  
"You and breakfast meats!"  
The statement was met with a soft chuckle. "And I'd want that syrupy stuff to dip it in."  
"I thought that was a 'disgusting bloody American' thing to mix meats and sweets."  
Again Spike laughed. "Well it is, Xan, but you got me hooked." They fell into silence. Willow couldn't see them but heard after a moment, "Pet, don't cry." A soft reprimand from Spike's lips. Then a little harshly he said, "Xander, stop crying." That made her angry. If her friend wanted to cry then he should cry. This was his mother's funeral! His lover of all people should respect that! "You made me promise I wouldn't let you cry while *they* were around. Don't mug me, I'm sure the witches and the slayer are still out there. So don't cry. Just wait until we get out of here and you can fall into my arms in an endearing yet manly fashion. You didn't want to let them see you hurt, so don't let them." Oh, God, what had she done wondered Willow. How could she have hurt him that *badly*? She heard a shuffling and peaked through the crack of the open door. She watched as Spike picked Xander up and cradled him in his arms. "Remember what I told you to remember?"  
"That we can be gone by tonight. Well, now is tonight. This is hell, can we just go?"  
"Sure, but you have to tell Angel. If I do he'll yell at me for not being supportive." Xander laughed softly and made to move but Spike held fast. "Give me a few minutes? Just let me hold you a while?" Xander nodded.  
"So Whatcha think of that ring?"  
"Neat gadget: I didn't freckle."  
"You gave it back to Doyle?"  
"The minute we got out of light. Were you scared I'd go power trippy?"  
"No, I just wondered . . . Thank-you for being here. I couldn't have done this alone."  
"There's nowhere I would have rather been . . . well that's not true I'd have rather been *anywhere*. But not if you were here. If I could be anywhere but here . . . well I don't know really. Said the diner . . . but that's because that's where you were."  
"Can we go to Canada?"  
"Canada?"  
"They have 165 gun related deaths a year. Compare that with our 11,127. Let's just go somewhere nonviolent for a few weeks. Could you cope?"  
"My legs might cramp but I'll deal. So Canada it is. Though if you really wanted to avoid violence marrying a vampire wasn't the best move."  
"It was the *best* move I ever made." 


	18. 18

Title: That Damn Happiness Clause  
  
Writer: Azure K Mello  
  
Disclaimer- I don't own the shoes I'm currently dancing in what's the likelihood I own anything in Joss' universe? I own the original novels. . . I bought them in Borders, and I own the DVDs. I don't however make money off of this I just seem to spend a lot on it. I in no way intend to infringe copyrights. I'm just entertaining myself, honestly, I'm shocked that anyone's read it. The quote from Romeo and Juliet is from said book by Shakespeare, but honestly I think that's obvious, I mean hell Leo delivered them so well. Shakespeare is a screenwriter, right?. . . that's a joke  
  
Setting: After Hero. Keep in mind that I am a strong believer in the fact that one little thing can change the course of history, hence cannon gets meddled with because life took a different path my cannon is not Joss'.  
  
Warning: SLASH Angel/Doyle. Spike/Xander. Don't like, don't read, don't flame.  
  
Note: I don't know how children with alcoholic parents would react to Doyle's suggestion, so I went with my gut. My step-mum is a socially acceptable drunk but it's not the same. She goes to bed every night hammered off her ass on amoretto and that somehow makes a difference.  
  
Thanks to: Poison for being the fastest Beta I've ever had! I hope you feel better soon! And to Annie for always being there.  
  
Section rating: R  
  
Part 18/?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
It was safe there in Spike's arms. He held Xander and rocked the boy. Humming old tunes softly. For ages they sat and Willow simply watched: transfixed. It was doubtful, in her mind, that Spike didn't see her. But the pain wafting off of her most likely pleased the vampire. She deserved his hatred and to feel this pain. He looked up then and nodded in her direction, maybe her scent betrayed her guilt and he was simply agreeing: yes, she was in fact a horrible person. At the other end of the hall the third door opened and the small Irish man she'd seen earlier walked in.  
"How di' I know ye'd be here? This is the mos' depressin' funeral I've ever attained," Doyle said. Willow was shocked that the scene in front of him didn't befuddle the man, as Spike sat coddling the boy. Maybe it wasn't odd to him. But for her to be viewing her best friend being held by someone she thought of as pure evil was strange. Maybe he wasn't a bad guy, or maybe he was but loved Xander. No matter what he *did* love Xander. It confused her, she didn't know what to think anymore: whether to hate Spike for taking Xander from her or to love and thank him for it. The Xander that had walked into the necropolis that day had been mourning but he had been more whole and happy looking than she could ever remember. He looked more confident, less afraid, more sure of his place than he had since before Jess's death. She felt so torn and again Spike looked up at her, now his eyes held a gentle sympathy and empathy yet at the same time they told her not to fuck with him and to not try anything stupid.  
"Tell me about it," replied Spike.  
"Let's the five o' us go to the pub down the street and hold a real Irish wake an' not mourn her but celebrate her life, yeah?"  
"I'd like to be drunk," replied Xander with little enthusiasm and not lifting his head from Spike's shoulder. " il n'y a pas d'infection ici. What a lie. There is nothing but infection here."  
"That's the spirit," Cor said, walking in. "I'll be the designated driver. If you want to get gone well leave tomorrow night, I promise you won't remember tomorrow. I've seen Spike hung-over."  
"That's the nice way of putting it," Angel said with a laugh as he rounded the corner. "We go?" he asked.  
"We go," came the chorus.  
"Maybe I should say goodbye to my dad," Xander said hesitantly.  
"Don't bother, pet, he's pro'ly drunk already. Call 'im when we get home," Spike said softly as he met Angel's eye. The older man nodded slightly. Xander didn't move to vacate Spike's arms. "Well be right along. Princess wanna drive?" asked Spike tossing her the keys, the others got the message and left. "Do you not want to go, pet? Wassa matta?"  
"I don't know. I just feel odd drinking to her; when she died due to, in part, drink. Is it wicked to be toasting her with the murder weapon?" Willow gasped softly neither noticed, or rather Xander didn't and Spike paid no attention.  
"I don't know, luv. I'm pretty much wicked through and through. But you aren't. You're a good man, Xander Harris, so I think that whatever you want to do will be fine with god an' yer mum. If you wanna go have a few drinks and toast the woman and hang out with your mates then I'm sure she'd be happy 'bout it," he said as he picked the boy up off his lap and carried him out the backdoor to the car. With a large sigh of relief Spike noticed his sire was in the driver's seat while Cordy was pouting in the back. "Don't worry, Princess, you drink and I'll drive. That way you can have a nice night and not worry about little, old, hung over me." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
The night went much as Spike had planned. The humans and 'breed got nice and plastered while he and Angel cast each other furtive looks. He had no idea what his Sire had done, but the man had assured Spike that he would take care of the mess and he never lied. They had gone to the Fishbowl hoping to see no one they knew, they had been rewarded. Xander lay against him: inebriated, and happy, humming softly: Early One Morning.  
He had sung it to the boy while he cried one night after he had a nightmare about killing his Jess. Spike had rocked his lover for an age and promised he wouldn't let go. Here and now Xander clung to him smiling faintly and humming near tunelessly save at times. Warm fingers ran up the vampire's cool spine. "Don't ever let me go," Xander begged sleepily.  
Doyle smiled at the scene and met Spike's eye who then pretended he wasn't doing the "aww" face. Doyle was not drunk, though he went along with the others, he'd barely touched his drink and upon getting a second round had gotten a coke instead. He had shrugged when Angel had given him a look and had settled next to his husband with a self-aware grin. He ducked his head avoiding looking at Angel who was smiling gently in this "I'm so proud" way that *shouldn't* have made a grown man blush. He had never been an alcoholic or a drunk: he was Irish. The Irish were never considered drunks just good healthy Irish lads. And while he'd never been a drunk he felt somewhat cleaner going to bed knowing where and who he was. He had never been addicted nor would he have ever become so due to his demon blood, therefore he didn't feel he was denying himself anything but a hang over.  
Much later they had left the bar, just before sunrise in fact. Spike had half carried half guided the boy to the car. Stone cold sober, Spike had speeded back to the motel worrying about the approaching dawn, no cops tried to stop them. The men in blue knew damn well not to stop a car with blacked out windows in Sunnydale. After carrying an almost comatose Xander to the room, he whispered to his lover that he was going out to the parking lot for a fag and a brood, that he'd be back before dawn, and that the boy better stop smirking. He said that he meant brood as in thinking not as in, "allow me now to hate myself and consider the world's problems and how I might fix them with hair gel."  
The sky was a dark blue as apposed to the black it had been an hour before. He sat down on the curb next to the car. Lost in his own thoughts it took a moment before he light a cigarette. After only one puff the fag was hit out of his mouth when a boot clad foot slammed into his face. The force of the projected appendage caused the blond vampire to fall backwards and hit his head with a load crack on the concrete path. "It's a good thing I'm dead, Slayer, or Xander would be very angry right about now," Spike said calmly at the same time as he groped for his dropped cigarette. A smile stretched across his face when Buffy kicked him hard in the side of his rib cage, dirty move from an even dirtier slut. "I won't fight you, pet," he said while ignoring the pain, "for some reason Xander still thinks kindly of you so I won't hurt a bleached hair on your head."  
A cold laugh came from above him. "What, so you're a good guy now?"  
"I prefer to think of myself as the cool antihero," Spike said, finally standing up. "I'm not playing here, bit." She went to hit him again; he blocked but did not fight back. "I won't lower myself to your level. You won't rile me into doing something stupid that would hurt him. I won't give you a reason to stake me. I haven't eaten anyone since before I came here for that damn ring. Haven't killed a soul, have I. So shoo, go find some threat to kill," he said, all the while fending her off.  
For over an hour she would not leave, thank the PTB it was a cloudy, dark day. Spike never threw an offensive move into the mix. All the while, she assaulted him with insults and injury. No matter how old and powerful he was, Spike couldn't stand up to a slayer while not actually trying. His lack of enthusiasm, willingness, and interest was a great hindrance. Slowly but surly she backed him up against a wall. Most likely she thought he would lash out like a cornered animal, which was the flaw in all slayers. Slayers think that their opponents aren't smart, are somehow less human than themselves. No matter what she did Spike would not fight back.  
"Act evil, Spike. Stop playing!" she screamed punching him hard in the gut.  
He laughed softly, "'Tybalt, the reason that I have to love thee doth much excuse the appertaining rage to such a greeting: villain am I none. Therefore farewell. I see thou knowest me not.'" She laughed and kicked him as he fell, his knees giving out below him. "'I do protest,'" he continued, "'I never injured thee, but love thee better than thou cans't devise. till thou shall know the reason of my love. And so good Capulet who's name I tender as dearly as mine own, Be satisfied.'" He said morphing out and looking up at her. His features were disfigured because of his broken nose and jaw. "Be satisfied." She laughed again dropped her shoulders and stormed off clearly angry that he hadn't risen to the bait.  
He watched her back, spat blood from his mouth and picked his long since burned out dog end up off the pavement and looked at the waste with disgust. Limping he walked back to the room, he started to strip off in the dark and paused when he heard Xander gasp. The scent of blood must have sobered the boy up and horary for that new improved night vision, Spike thought bitterly. "It's not as bad as it looks, pet."  
"That's good because from where I stand you look like you're half a step away from being dust," Xander said, standing easily and walking to the vampire. Another perk of his link to a vampire, the odd ability to sober up when needed. He ran warm hands over cold flesh. "Jesus, honey." He looked up and saw Spike quickly look away and all the pieces fell into place in his mind. He had seen wounds like these inflicted before and he knew damn well who'd inflicted them. "I'm gonna go have a word," he said coldly in a tone not even Spike would dare to argue with.  
He started to move away but Spike held on to his wrist. "Stay with me 'til I fall 'sleep?" he asked quietly. "Need sleep to heal, need you to sleep." Xander said nothing but pulled the man to the bed and laid him down gently.  
Xander wrapped himself around the smaller man in a comforting protective way. "I'll be here when you wake up," he said softly. "And as you said earlier, I was really proud of you today." 


	19. 19

Title: That Damn Happiness Clause  
  
Writer: Azure K Mello  
  
Disclaimer- I don't own the shoes I'm currently dancing in what's the likelihood I own anything in Joss' universe? I own the original novels. . . I bought them in Borders, and I own the DVDs. I don't however make money off of this I just seem to spend a lot on it. I in no way intend to infringe copyrights. I'm just entertaining myself, honestly, I'm shocked that anyone's read it. The quote from Romeo and Juliet is from said book by Shakespeare, but honestly I think that's obvious, I mean hell Leo delivered them so well. Shakespeare is a screenwriter, right?. . . that's a joke  
  
Setting: After Hero. Keep in mind that I am a strong believer in the fact that one little thing can change the course of history, hence cannon gets meddled with because life took a different path my cannon is not Joss'.  
  
Warning: SLASH Angel/Doyle. Spike/Xander. Don't like, don't read, don't flame.  
  
To my kittens. . . who are destroying my couch.  
  
Section rating: R  
  
Part 18/?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
He pounded on the door. Rage poured through his veins like hot blood. "Just a minute," she called from the other side of the door. She opened the door and smiled widely. "Xander! Hey what can I do for you?" she said with bright eyes. She saw he face and said. "Is something wrong?"  
"Don't play coy, Buff, it doesn't go with your complexion."  
"Whatever he said, Spike's making it up."  
"Spike didn't tell me anything. I saw it." Lied Xander knowing fool-well that it was all true, as Spike hadn't even needed to tell him.  
"Oh, it's not what it looked like."  
"It's exactly what it looked like," said Xander getting anger.  
"So what if it is?" asked Buffy squaring her chin. "What are you gonna do about it? He's not right for you. He's evil, I'm sorry you can't see that but as the stronger of the two of us I made the decision."  
Silently he stood for a moment before asking, "Why do you think your stronger than me? You always thought I was the Zeppo, but did you ever think that it might not have been the truth?"  
"What?" she asked looking truly confused.  
"Where's your mom?"  
"Out," she said.  
He nodded and punched her squarely in the jaw she fell back from the force. "I wouldn't want Joyce to think less of me, you see, when I beat the shit out of you. I know that she won't believe her when you tell her and I don't have a scratch on me."  
"How?"  
"I was never as weak as you chose to believe me to be," he said with a sneer as he started to throw random punches at the slayer.  
"But?"  
"But what?" he asked by this point they were in an all out street fight.  
"You were my friend."  
"Yes, I was your friend but you were never truly mine. I was always there to be your doughnut boy and the one to bolster the troops but you were never in my corner. You never could be bothered to find out who I was beyond dear, sweet, reliable, pathetic Xander. You cast me in the role so well in fact that I forgot it was a part I played and not who I was." He punched her again in the face and she hit the stairwell and fell back on the stairs. He kicked her hard in the chest, a few ribs cracked loudly. Perusing his work he smiled, his nose and knuckles were bleeding. Buffy had four broken ribs, a broken wrist and nose, a cracked scull, and she was bleeding badly internally. "So, *friend*, stay the fuck away from me and mine or I will have no qualms killing you. You don't have any idea what I'm capable of, so I suggest you give me a wide birth. I love you, Buffy, and I always will even though you have never given a good damn about me. But if you push me, well I can bend for a little but I will snap. So just stay out of my world and don't expect me to call in for tea." He turned and walked out of her house slamming the door behind him. Five minutes later he was crawling back into bed with Spike.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
He knelt down in front of the tub and opened a garbage bag. He poured sopping wet blood covered clothes into the bath. Running sticky fingers through his hair he lit a match and dropped it on the pile. A small inferno raged while the liquid boiled and popped. "What happened?" asked Doyle softly behind him.  
"I forgot how much blood rushes out of a human when you slit their throats," he said in a soft whisper. "So much, foul, disgusting blood." Tears fell down his sculpted face. "What have I done?"  
"What have you done?" asked Doyle somewhat confused. "Are you ok, baby?"  
While his shoulders shook he still managed to nodded and shrug. "I fucking hate this world. Why do we save any of them? Why shouldn't we let them lay in the beds they make? They deserve nothing better."  
"Not everyone. You saved someone today."  
"He's already lost, the bastard already got him."  
"I don't believe that. He's right next-door safe and sound and happy and you just made sure that it could last a little longer."  
"I was too fucking late. I should have been her a good 15 years ago to help him."  
"You've done nothing wrong, Angelman, you take good care of him, you take good care of everyone."  
"Take care of me?" he asked desperately looking at the slighter man. Doyle simply nodded. "Take me to bed and make me forget?"  
"I can do that." said Doyle with a smile as he picked his lover up with slightly superhuman strength.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The vampire licked dry blood from the boy's knuckles. "So beautiful. She hurtin'?"  
"What do you think?"  
"Didn't I say that you could take the slayer?"  
"How are you?" asked Xander softly examining his lover's still very pronounced wounds.  
Spike sigh heavily, "Am I a wossy if I say it hurts?" Xander said nothing, simply kissed Spike's shouldered and traced a cut. "Well am I?"  
"No, baby," said Xander with a dry chuckle. "She's the woss because she couldn't bear to let things change. You were really brave."  
"I really fucking hurt."  
"I know, she's a slayer and you didn't fight back. And I know that your pride must be hurt, you let a slayer take a poke."  
"And she didn't even think I was evil enough to kill, for Christ's sakes! I'm evil right? I may have been slightly domesticated, but so fucking what?"  
"Hush, of course you're evil. If it weren't for my presence you would kill everyone in this godforsaken town. But as it is the strength you show in controlling yourself is scary in and of itself."  
"Yeah," he agreed as he cuddled closer to Xander. The statement was slightly undermined as Xander stroked the back of Spike's head and the blond purred gently. "Oh right there, pet." He stretched contentedly in Xan's arms.  
"So when was the last time William the Bloody got bruised?"  
"You should know, you were there," said Spike with a suggestive leer.  
Xander blushed deeply. "Well before that, then."  
"I guess when that Bitch dropped that church organ on me."  
"Oh, honey, what me to beat her up some more?"  
Smirking Spike sat quietly thinking. "But then again I was trying to kill Angel at the time."  
"No you weren't, you were acting out and curing Dru. If the bastard hadn't left she wouldn't have gotten hurt or if she had he would have fixed it." Spike's smirk widened. "What?"  
"You are the most vampiric human I've ever met."  
"I'm taking that as a complement."  
"It was meant as one." Spike went quiet again. "I don't know, I guess, in fact, Angelus was the last person to hurt me this badly, after he and Buffy bumped uglies."  
"Want me to beat *him* up?"  
"It's not him. I don't get off on it half so much when Angel's hurtin' as I do when i's Angelus."  
"Yeah, I actually really like Angel against all my better judgment. I tried so hard to hate him, as it turns out I just wanted him to pay me more attention than he did Buffy."  
Spike laughed, "Did you see him and Buffy going at it in the corner? You're his *childe*, she's just some bint." He laughed again and shook his head ruefully. "Is it dark yet?"  
"Yeah, we should go in a minute, go back to the Ranch as it were."  
"God, yes. . . you haven't slept at all," he said with sudden concern.  
"Yeah, but I have this great big Spike-shaped pillow to sleep on in the car." A knock came at the door and rolling his eyes Xander called out, "Who is it?"  
"It's me, Willow."  
"Come on in, Will."  
The door swung open and Willow started talking not even looking at the couple. "I cannot believe you! I cannot believe what you did to Buffy. I mean holy god, Xander, what the hell were you?" her words tapered off as she saw Spike. "Oh. Ummm, good god, Spike. Buffy did all that?"  
Spike turned away without saying a word. He hated being hurt in front of a human. "What were you saying about Buffy?" asked Xander coldly. From the look on Willow's face he could tell that he hadn't over reacted to Spike's injuries.  
"Nothing, just that you licked her real good." She said as she came to sit down on the edge of the bed. "I do love you Xander."  
"I know, Willow. I know, that's not the issue anymore."  
"I tried to get Buffy to call you but she just said I was pulling gay pride."  
"What?" asked a confused coloured Xander.  
"Oh," she blushed, "Tara's my girlfriend."  
"Oh, that's nice. She seemed. . . nice. We were just planning on rounding up the troops and leaving."  
"I see. So you're leaving so soon?"  
"Yeah we're going home." He stressed the word slightly as he started packing.  
"I guess I'll call you later to see that you get home ok?" she asked timidly.  
"Don't put yourself out."  
"Why are you being so mean?"  
"I'm not being mean, Willow. I don't need a cheerleader. When I did need you, you weren't at my side, you were at Buffy's. I mean, hell, you tried to get her to call? Well what the fuck was stopping you from calling?" She made no move to respond. "Hummm?" he asked and when she again made no move to speak he said, "I better go get everyone up." And with those simple words he left.  
She stood gapping, dumb and shocked. "Don't worry, pet," said Spike softly. "He's just hurt, he'll get over it." She again gapped, this time it was directed at Spike. Why did he care if she was hurt, she wondered.  
Five minutes later Xander wandered back into the room. Willow was long gone and Spike was still laying in bed. His joints had swollen from bruising and he could barely move. The ceiling seemed to be extraordinarily interesting as Spike was staring intensely at it, but then Xander realized he in fact couldn't bend his neck. "You ok?" asked Spike. Xander couldn't help but laugh at the question. "I'm *fine*, Xander." Said Spike touchily seeing the cause of Xander's amusement. "Come sit next?" Xander nodded and settled down next to his mate. Strong fingers ran through white hair. A soft purr was all the noise in the room. Another, softer, knock came at the door. "It's open, Sire," said Spike softly.  
"Hey," said Angel who seemed skittish. He appeared haggard yet wired all at once. "Let's go. I fucking hate this town. Went out for blood, saw Buffy, nice job." He said to Xander as he examined Spike and forced a sachet down the younger vampire's throat. "Liked the broken ankle, it's nice to see that girl on crutches." He said with a soft laugh as he ran his fingers through Xander's hair. "You ok, Xan?"  
"Yeah."  
"Good. Let's go home," he said with a soft smile as he grasped one of Spike's elbows Xander took the other and they successfully got him out to the car where he lounged with Xander in the back. The pair slept fitfully while Angel and Doyle threw furtive worried looks at the pair. 


	20. 20

Title: That Damn Happiness Clause  
  
Writer: Azure K Mello  
  
Disclaimer- I don't own the shoes I'm currently dancing in what's the likelihood I own anything in Joss' universe? I own the original novels. . . I bought them in Borders, and I own the DVDs. I don't however make money off of this I just seem to spend a lot on it. I in no way intend to infringe copyrights. I'm just entertaining myself, honestly, I'm shocked that anyone's read it.  
  
Setting: Parting Gifts! A new episode yea! Keep in mind that I am a strong believer in the fact that one little thing can change the course of history, hence cannon gets meddled with because life took a different path my cannon is not Joss'.  
  
Warning: SLASH Angel/Doyle. Spike/Xander. Don't like, don't read, don't flame.  
  
Section rating: R  
  
Part 20/?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
As they packed the phone rang, "Please don't answer it," Xander begged Spike. "I want to get out of here as soon as possible." Spike nodded as he folded a shirt: he was folding clothes, dear god, he really had been domesticated.  
  
The answering machine kicked in and they stood waiting for the message, "We're in Canada," said Spike's slightly distorted voice, "If this is really important call Angel he may give you the cell phone number. . . but he's in a bad mood so he'll probably tell you to feck off."  
  
The noise of Xander pulling Spike away heralded the end of the message, "And here's the beep," the boy said brightly just before the beep.  
  
"Xander? It's Willow. . . This is really important so pick up. I already tried to get your number from Angel but he told me that you where in Canada and that I could feck off. Look if your there pick up. . . Xander, this is really important. Fine: don't pick up see if I care. Sit down because I need to give you some bad news. They found your dad in a back ally apparently he went out during the reception at your house and everyone had just thought he had turned in for the night. But I guess he went for a walk. The cops think he was mugged. He's dead, Xander. Someone cut his neck. I'm really sorry, Xand." BEEP.  
  
Spike caught the boy just as he fell. "Oh, god, oh god!" He wept into Spike shoulder, "I, I, I."  
  
"Xander, breath." Spike was gentle but commanding as he steered his lover onto their bed. He ran cool hands over the boy's hot face. He hated to see the boy so upset, he was confused to see the boy so upset.  
  
"I can't believe." Xander was muttering, "I can't believe Angel killed him!"  
  
Spike was shocked as to how quickly the boy had figured it all out. "Xander," he said slowly, "why do you think Angel did this?"  
  
"Oh, please! He was missing for a large amount of time during the party, then he came to get us and I never said goodbye to Dad. He killed him!"  
  
"Xand, calm down."  
  
"Spike, hand me the phone."  
  
"Sweetheart?"  
  
"Hand me the phone." His tone was so cold it scared Spike. "I want a word with our sire."  
  
Xander dialed the number, hitting the keys like they were his worst enemy. "Angel?"  
  
"Xander?" asked a rather pathetic voice at the other end of the phone, "I need help."  
  
"You killed my father!"  
  
"I. . . really did," came the sad reply, Angel sounded peculiar and haggard. "If you want to yell and hate me you can, I won't apologize but feel free to rage. Ok? But, Xander, I really need you right now. So can you please not hate me for five minutes? Or at least make it a tolerant hate?"  
  
"And why should I do that?"  
  
"Doyle's been kidnapped, Cordelia's freaking out because she didn't get a role, and Wesley is here being a rogue demon hunter."  
  
"Wesley the watcher dog? Wait, what's a rogue demon?"  
  
"Yes, that Wesley. Look, I'm sorry for not telling you about your father, but could you help me right now? If not for me than for Doyle? Please?"  
  
"We'll be there in five minutes." Xander hung up the phone mutely and turned to Spike.  
  
"You didn't yell," Spike stated sounding mystified.  
  
"He was too close to tears to yell."  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"A guy from the Watchers' Council is playing super hero on Angel's last nerve, Cordelia failed an audition, and oh yeah- Triple M's been demon-napped."  
  
"Oh," said Spike sounding sad, "Cor didn't get that commercial she really wanted it!"  
  
"Focus, honey."  
  
"Ok, so we going over there or what?"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"So the guy said he was running from Wes, but Wes was hunting the guy that was running from the first guy that was really hunting him?" Xander asked Cordelia trying to clarify the situation.  
  
Angel wrinkled his forehead, "Right. . . I think."  
  
"I wasn't asking you, Angel." Said Xander looking anywhere but at his sire who was driving the Cadillac to the hotel where Doyle was being held captive. "So he was abducted to be sold in an auction?"  
  
"Yes," Wesley answered, "It's a auction of magic: they wanted the abilities of a seer."  
  
"So they'll sell him as a slave?" asked Cordelia who looked genuinely worried for her friend now that she had gotten over her failed commercial audition.  
  
"No, pet, they'll cut his eyes out," Spike said gently as though speaking to a child. "What I don't get is why you trusted a guy called Barney in the first place," He asked the back of his sire's head, "I mean doesn't that sort of reek of evil?" He watched Xander's shrinking posture as though trying to seep into the seat. Pulling the boy close he kissed the back of his head. Wesley saw the action and gave him an odd look, he had been uneasy with the fact that William the bloody had walked into Angel Investigations with the mortal in the first place. Out of the corner of his eye Spike saw the glance Wesley gave him and morphed out. The ex-watcher gave a *very* manly shriek.  
  
Hitting him in the arm Cordy said, "Be nice, Spike, Wes is the one who figured out what the situation with the auction was in the first place." Spike rolled his eyes and just as he opened his mouth to reply Cordy cut him, "I'm evil." Her voice was a rather good imitation of the blonde's. "Get a better excuse, William, that one is so old."  
  
Spike sulked but brightened when he saw that Cordy's words had cheered Xander slightly. The threesome was crammed into the back of Angel's car while the watch dog was sitting shot gun. Xander and Cordelia were nudging each other with their elbows. Spike's husband was such a child. "Angel, I hate to sound non-sympathetic to your cause. No one wants Doyle safe more than I," Wesley snorted Spike ignored the man and continued on, "we'll save him: we've never lost anyone yet. But I would like to point out that Xander and I are supposed to be at the airport in two hours."  
  
"I know, childe," Angel said softly sending an understanding smile over his shoulder. "We'll get Doyle lickity-split, and I'll drop everyone off and take you and Xand home." Spike gave him an imploring look and Angel read it instantly and shook his head: don't tell the boy you knew I was killing his father: it will do nothing but make you feel better. "We all need someone to trust sometimes, even if they have to hide something from us to ensure that we trust them." The words seemed hollow when stated aloud but Spike nodded. Xander let out a sarcastic sigh reading a completely different message. Cordelia and Wesley looked confused but Angel didn't really care; this moment was between only him and his childer. "I had to make a judgment call. I'm the adult here so I made the decision. I'm sorry that you're unhappy with it but if we had to go back I would do it all exactly the same." The minute the words were out of his mouth he knew he had made a mistake. The boy ashened and Spike's eyes widened a fraction, which was as much of a reaction as he could expect around the humans.  
  
"If you had to go through the day again *knowing* how upset I would be you would still kill my father?" asked Xander disbelievingly, "Thanks a fucking lot, sire. It's nice how you can simply disregard anything anyone else feels by playing the sire card." He took the dark vampire's lead and was ignoring everyone else in the car. "God, and I so enjoyed having a sire. It was so fucking warm to have someone in a paternal capacity giving an actual damn about me. But really this was just another of your possession fantasies. You're not my sire: you didn't turn me and you don't have that power over me. If you really want that much control in my life and expect me to accept it laying down, then you will have to turn me first. And Christ: you made a decision? What was it: Xander's dad is mean therefore he deserves to die. If that's your process to making judgment calls please remind me to take your keys off you every time we go for a drink. I can't decide if you're a thoughtless asshole or a manipulative bastard."  
  
"What?" asked three voices as one. Spike shook his head after asking the question and just pulled the boy closer.  
  
"What's going on here?" asked the ex-watcher pushing his glasses up his nose trying to take control of the situation. From what Xander said it seemed that Xander was somehow bound to the dark vampire. Would he need to step in on the boy's behalf.  
  
"Shut-up, Wesley," said four voices together.  
  
"You killed his father?" Cordy asked sounding like a frightened child.  
  
"Xan-pet," Spike said softly trying to soothe the boy but Xander cut him off.  
  
"Are you about to side with him? Typical, fucking typical."  
  
"No, Xand, always on your side." Spike said the words softly clearly hurt by Xander's cutting tone. "Only ever on your side. But I'm sure Angel did whatever he did out of the goodness of that stupid confused heart of his." He shot his sire a look and the man nodded: yes it's fine to insult me to comfort him.  
  
Sighing heavily Angel looked out over the road as he drove. Tonight was going to be awfully long and his love wasn't at his side to make it any shorter. 


	21. 21

Title: That Damn Happiness Clause  
  
Writer: Azure K Mello  
  
Disclaimer- This disclaimer is in honor of the PSAT's that I had to hear all about from my young, whiny friends. Here's a typical math problem: If I were Joss Whedon, then Spike and Xander would join a circus and fall madly in love. Assume the sentence you just read is accurate. If Spike and Xander are not in love:  
  
a) I am not Joss Whedon.  
  
b) I don't own anything.  
  
c) I'm very sad.  
  
d) all of the above.  
  
I'm just entertaining myself, honestly, I'm shocked that anyone's read it.  
  
Setting: Parting Gifts! A new episode yea! Keep in mind that I am a strong believer in the fact that one little thing can change the course of history, hence cannon gets meddled with because life took a different path my cannon is not Joss'.  
  
Warning: SLASH Angel/Doyle. Spike/Xander. Don't like, don't read, don't flame.  
  
Section rating: R  
  
Part 21/?  
  
Find the rest here: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The car pulled up outside of a classy hotel. "Everyone play it cool and follow my lead." Said Angel as he went over weapons and hid them on his person. He turned to his youngest childe, "Xander are you ok to fight?"  
  
"I'm fine," Xander said coldly.  
  
"I don't want to send you to Canada with open wounds."  
  
Xander laughed softly, "I'll be fine, Angel." Angel nodded and thought for a moment on how to best proceed. Suddenly the older vampire pulled the youth to him for a gentle, nearly chaste kiss.  
  
"We'll talk all this out when we get home, alright?" he asked softly. Xander nodded. The Watcher gave the pair a confused, slightly disgusted look and charged ahead with the cheerleader.  
  
"Why is he here?" asked Spike callously as he carded his fingers through the youth's hair.  
  
"I felt kinda badly for him. Plus if it weren't for me Buffy never would have fired him as her watcher and the Council wouldn't have fired him."  
  
"Fine, but if he so much as gives me a sideways glance I'm killing him," said Spike with feigned indifference. Xander could feel the strain in the muscles of Spike's stomach, they were practically humming with fear and anxiety. "I fucking hate watchers." It had been a watcher who had given him the scar on his eyebrow while trying to bag his third slayer. He was an soulless vampire, there was nothing to stop the ex-watcher staking him to gain some brownie points with the higher-ups.  
  
"He's incompetent, pathetic, and a wuss when it comes to pain," said Xander softly as Angel walked into the hotel ahead of them, "But if you give him half a chance you might actually find you like him. . . I don't but then again last time we met he was trying to get into my ex- honey's pants."  
  
"Cordy?"  
  
"Yeah, you ok?" he whispered.  
  
"I just feel like I've got creepy-crawlies going up and down my spine every time he looks at us."  
  
"You are so fucking cute when you're vulnerable. He's not gonna hurt us, I promise." He kissed Spike's nose, "Now let's go kill something!" he said cheerfully and whistled as he pulled Spike along with him towards the hall where the auction was being held.  
  
Within minutes they had ripped the "Tulip Room" apart. Blood was everywhere. When they had first walked in the scene had enraged Angel. Doyle was bound and gagged on the floor while a man stood over him trying to pull his eyes out with salad prongs. The sight had pushed everyone over the edge. Apparently Doyle's eyes had been sold to Wolfram and Hart and the law firm could find no use for the rest of him. Lilah Morgan had bought his lover for 30,000 dollars and Angel was pissed. He was sick of the law firm messing with him and his people. They had been meddling with him ever since he first arrived in the city. Sometimes they were in the background and then they would rear up the minute he dropped his guard. They were above the law, hell they had rendered the police force incapable with a well placed charm. No matter what Kate Lockley and her cronies at the LAPD did the evil law firm kept on going. The company scared him as much as it pissed him off. They had crossed a line this wasn't business, this wasn't the fight of the Powers' this was his life. Nothing moved in the room by the time Angel was done. That Morgan bitch had escaped but everything else, demon or otherwise, was dead. Angel was too busy having a mental freak out to actually help Doyle. Slowly Xander undid all the binds and rubbed Triple M's wrists to get circulation back into his hands.  
  
"Quite a scare you gave us," he said smiling at the Irish man. "You ok?"  
  
"Yeah, kinda tired." How typical, thought Xander, for the smaller man to take it all in his stride. "Shouldn't ye be in Canada?"  
  
Nodding Xander said, "We need to be at the airport in an hour and a half." He pulled the man to his feet, "Can you walk?"  
  
Doyle nodded and then saw Wesley and groaned, "He's not still 'ere? Feck. Angel's gonna give 'im a job. Ye realize that don't ye? He feels guilty fer getting' the man fired. . . but that doesn't mean we should have to deal wit 'im." Xander just smirked. It was nice to see that being kidnapped and nearly having his eyes gouged out did nothing to damage Doyle's spirit.  
  
The six of them walked out to the car. They dropped their weapon's into the boot of the car and stood there: exhausted and covered in all different types of Demon-y liquids. The sky was starting to brighten. "Everyone in." This was easier said than done. The six fully grown adults had to find a way to squeeze into the Cadillac. It ended up With Angel and Wes in the front and Spike sitting on Xander's lap with Cordy half draped over Doyle. Wesley smiled at the couple as they bickered.  
  
"Angel?" asked Cordelia, "All night fighting evil equals what exactly?" she asked as if it would win her argument with the Irish lad.  
  
"Breakfast generally. I'm really fucking tired though can I cook instead of going to the House of Flap?"  
  
Doyle just groaned. "I want to go to sleep."  
  
"You can," said Angel he looked into the rearview mirror and meet his lover's eye, or would have had he reflected therein. "Climb into bed when I drop you guys off and then I'll drop Xander and Spike off. Once everything's cooked I'll wake you." They pulled up outside of the office. "See you in a little bit."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Xander, I apologize for not telling you sooner but I didn't want you to know." He said as they walked into the boys' apartment. The bickering hadn't ceased since the other's had left the car.  
  
"Wow! That's fucking big of you, Angel!!" shouted Xander. He was getting steadily more mad.  
  
And Spike was pretty sure he'd realized why but he couldn't believe it. There was just something in the boy's eyes that scared Spike. He didn't like all this yelling it reminded him of Darla and Penn at each other's throats. "Xander," he said softly the boy didn't break off his glaring match with Angel. "Xander, love, this isn't your fault." The boy suddenly looked back to his husband the anger seeped out of his eyes and all that was left was a scared little boy, "You never told Angel to kill him. You never even told Angel that you had problems with the man. Angel did everything he did because he wanted to. This has nothing to do with any of your actions." He saw the boy sag slightly and grabbed him with vampiric speed and held Xander close. "You're not to blame." He felt the warm tears on his shoulder and made soft shushing noises.  
  
"But I wanted it so badly, and I was so fucking happy. . ."  
  
"Just because you reveled in his death doesn't make it your responsibility." Spike just stroked him and spoke in soft tones. "And how many times do I have to tell you tha' you're a white hat before you believe it. You're a good person. He was scum, you're allowed to be pleased he's dead. And knowing the poof his death was very *humane*," he spoke the word with disgust. "If I had gotten my hands on him the man would still be alive for at least another week. He wouldn't have gotten off half so easy. So you can be relieved. You told me not to touch him so I didn't. You saved the bastard from an extremely painful and well deserved death. You saved him, Xander."  
  
"I assumed you would be pissed as hell, Xand, and I did it in spite of that. I did this to protect my childe." Angel stood back watching them and spoke softly but he suddenly found himself holding a large mass of teenage boy. "Shh, it's ok, honey, calm down." The boy was whispering and Angel could just make out the thanks and the apologizes held therein. "It's ok. I know that this is hard and I know I should have talked to you. But it's all ok now. That's all over and now you get to go to Canada (though why you want to I don't know) you're fine."  
  
"What about the funeral?" asked the boy looking so much more like a child than a demon hunter.  
  
"Do you want to go?" asked Spike.  
  
Xander just shook his head as he walked back to his lover's embrace. "No I don't want to go."  
  
"We never got the message we were out all day until we got on the plane." Spike's tone was that of one stating the obvious. He saw Angel's face and said, "Thanks, Angel. I know you must want to get home."  
  
"Will you be ok from here?" he asked clearly reluctant to leave if they needed him yet feeling the tug of being away from Doyle.  
  
"Go home, Angel, thanks again." Xander didn't meet his eyes but clearly meant his words. 


	22. 22

Title: That Damn Happiness Clause  
  
Writer: Azure K Mello  
  
Disclaimer- Nothing is mine, not even my soul  
  
Setting: Somnambulist! Keep in mind that I am a strong believer in the fact that one little thing can change the course of history, hence cannon gets meddled with because life took a different path my cannon is not Joss'.  
  
Warning: SLASH Angel/Doyle. Spike/Xander. Don't like, don't read, don't flame.  
  
Section rating: R  
  
Part 22/?  
  
Find the rest here:   
  
~~ indicates starts and ends of flashbacks  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
As they piled their bags into the car Xander watched his husband. "Are you all right?" he finally asked, "Only, you don't look alright."  
  
"I'm fine, pet." There was no need to alarm the boy and then he said as it sudden;y occurred to him, "We've made a huge mistake." He laughed suddenly. "It's daylight, pet! Why would we fluy in daylight? These tickets are for six pm, *not* am!" He laughed again. "We're about to try to get on a plane in daylight! This is a good fucking idea! See? This is what happens when you get all excited and buy plane tickets the night before. We need to thinking things through." Xander looked crestfallen as it made sense to him. He had been too eager to think logically. "It's ok, love, it's only a two hour and forty-eight minutes. If we get on at six we'll be at the hotel by nine! And then we can see Vancouver's night life!"  
  
This was good, it gave Spike time to figure out what was going on. For the past few nights he'd been having dreams. He was hunting, he found people, followed them, seduced them, gotten them to trust him. And then he had cut a cross into their faces just to scare them and make the blood taste that much better. It had never been one of his tactics though. He had never cut a cross into anyone's face. Angel and Penn had small thimble like things made for themselves. They were tiny metal knives that fit over their forefingers. And when they had hunted together they had always worn the weapons and marked their prey. Never once had William been invited to go on one of these hunts: he wasn't good enough. Why then was he dreaming about things he had only heard of? Was he still so desperate for Angelus' approval that he wished to imitate his "loving big brother"? Was he truly that pathetic? And what would Xander think? How would the boy feel when he realized that his lover still wanted it all so badly? The death, the mayhem, all that fire and life: he still wanted it so badly. The boy had said before that he knew that Spike only held back for him, that he was proud of the vampire. It was after that whole debacle with the slayer. He thought back to the conversation.  
  
~~"And she didn't even think I was evil enough to kill, for Christ's sakes! I'm evil right? I may have been slightly domesticated, but so fucking what?" "Hush, of course you're evil. If it weren't for my presence you would kill everyone in this godforsaken town. But as it is the strength you show in controlling yourself is scary in and of itself."~~  
  
Had the boy simply been placating him? Did Xander really understand what his mate was capable of? He couldn't lose the boy. Xander would never leave Spike, he couldn't, his very existence was dependant upon his staying with the blonde. But he could become distant, he could grow to hate and abhor Spike. And then where would the vampire be? Alone standing right next to his husband.  
  
Maybe Angel could help him. His sire wouldn't judge his weak thoughts: he was too caught up in his own. Maybe Angel would know what Spike could do to avoid the dreams. He wanted to keep having them, wanted to live in them. But not if it was at the cost of losing his dark seraph. And he didn't like the fact that they centered around a relationship that he was never a part of. Far too voyeuristic for his taste. He wanted to be having dreams about fucking Xander into the floorboards, or having Xander inside of him, not fantasizing about a glorified version of the past. Dreams of a past that didn't belong to him.  
  
He grabbed Xander as he turned around. Quickly he pulled the boy close. Xan, being Xan, just laughed. He had no idea what was going through Spike's head. How was he to know his lover's mind? These thoughts were fucking up the blonde's day. "It's two hours and forty-eight minutes? Only you, baby." Xander kissed his hyperactive husband's nose. "We haven't slept. Wanta go to bed?"  
  
"Do we have to sleep?" asked Spike raising a scared eyebrow, thinking of the dreams and his oh-so warm pet.  
  
"Hell no!" said Xander with a laugh.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Cordy felt like prying her eyes out of the socket's. She was bored. After they had gotten back Doyle had crashed while she made small talk with Wesley. He kept saying that if she wanted to sleep too that he would be fine alone until Angel got home. It had all sounded odd, as though he were giving her his blessing or something. As she liked having her head attached to her shoulders she figured she would stay out of Doyle and Angel's wedding bed. Angel was an easy going person. But it had been a long night, his lover had nearly gotten his eyes ripped out, and she had a feeling that he wouldn't appreciate her being curled up with his husband.  
  
After breakfast she had gone home and curled up for a few hours and now she was back. . . and so was Wes. He was saying something about comparing the sitch on local evils. She had gotten four hours of sleep and he wanted to dish? And then he left and Angel and Doyle came up. It was like a bad farce! But maybe they had heard and had the good sense to stay downstairs. Angel looked awful! Unlike herself he had done nothing to cover the bags. Maybe it was the sever lack of sleep, neither he nor Doyle were standing or sitting comfortably. Say hello to the joys of post-near death situational sex. Of course those two didn't need an excuse, and good for them. They were both such brooders. But when they were together they were happy, content even. Were they in the same zip code, yes, then expect to find them in bed. . . or in that one unfortunate incident on Angel's kitchen table. There was a memory she would keep forever!  
  
He was flustered and odd and talking about going to Kate, the cop, for help with something. Kate's name made Doyle's face darken. Surely he didn't think there was anything between his man and the woman?  
  
Finally Cordy felt it was her duty, as his friend, to point out Angel's short comings, "Are you sure you're okay? I mean for a guy who's 200 plus, you're not usually," She pointed to her own eyes, "with the bags." Doyle smirked while Angel gave her a somewhat haunted look.  
  
"I'm fine," he said finally when Doyle nudged him. Suddenly they turned at the sound of the elevator. Standing there Spike had an arm around Xander's waist and was sporting a look quite a bit like his sire's. "Canada?" asked Angel.  
  
"Got the tickets wrong. Flying tonight. Figured we'd come see you." Spike pushed the boy gently towards the couch where Doyle was sitting. "How are you sleeping, Peaches?" he asked taking a good look at his sire's face. Maybe they were having some sort of mind meld, Angel always had links with his childer and maybe something was going on subconsciously.  
  
Angel took one look at him and said, "You aren't still having nightmares are you?"  
  
The blonde vampire wasn't buying that the older man had no idea what was going on, "Nightmares? No more like reminiscing over things that I was never a part of. How 'bout you, mate?"  
  
On the couch the two humans exchanged looks, yes their bedmates had been sleeping roughly. What of it? Why would they be having the same dreams? And why were they both so freaked out? Neither of them were upset in their sleep: restless, yes, but upset? No. If anything the pairs dreams had been sweet to witness. Sleeping with the undead was unsettling. It was nice to see them fidget in their sleep, it reminded their lovers that they weren't dead. One night Xander had a nightmare and upon waking he had seen Spike unmoving chest. In a half dazed state he tried to give the vampire mouth to mouth. . . and then Spike erased the memory of the dream.  
  
"Downstairs," Angel said simply and they walked down the stairs in a silence that could only be accomplished by the walking dead. Gospel the apostles vicious 


	23. 23

Title: That Damn Happiness Clause  
  
Writer: Azure K Mello  
  
Disclaimer- Nothing is mine, not even my soul  
  
Setting: Somnambulist. Keep in mind that I am a strong believer in the fact that one little thing can change the course of history, hence cannon gets meddled with because life took a different path my cannon is not Joss'.  
  
Warning: SLASH Angel/Doyle. Spike/Xander. Don't like, don't read, don't flame. MPREG- I know it offends some people. I love the people who get angry and say, "It is impossible for a man to have a baby!" and get all uppity, it's also impossible for vampires to exist and take mortal lovers, but that isn't what they focus on.  
  
Section rating: R  
  
Part 23/?  
  
Find the rest here:   
  
~~ indicates starts and ends of flashbacks  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Wesley was confused. The boy and the vampire were together? Spike had been holding the child when they had come in. Then why had Angel kissed Xander? Why would the boy get involved with the soulless creature? Didn't he hate vampires? Didn't he *really* hate Angel? What was the situation? Why had he called Angel his sire? He had stated that he was breathing so Angel had *not* turned him then why was the boy so pale? And what was going on between Cordelia and her boyfriend? Had they had a fight? He knew that the boy had spent the night at Angel's. Had the girl kicked him out? He hoped it was nothing serious, they seemed to be the most well adjusted pair in the whole group.  
  
Xander and Doyle watched as the pair left the room, twin looks of worry marred their faces. What the hell was going on with the vampires? Why were they so out of sorts because of some dreams that had seemed to be pleasant? This was all too fucked up for their tastes. For Christ's sakes Spike and Xander were meant to be in Canada, not sulking in LA. Xander looked at the other man and nudged him with his foot. "Can I speak to you in private?"  
  
Doyle looked towards Wesley and nodded with a smile at his "younger brother", "Bathroom?" he asked. They walked with silent grace out of the room. They were all too aware of the English eyes trained on them. "What's up?" he asked as he sat on the sink counter with the sink.  
  
"You can't laugh when I ask you something."  
  
"Of course I can," joked Doyle but when he saw the look on Xander's face he said, "I won't laugh. Ye know I wouldn' really."  
  
"Ok, but if you laugh I will kick the shit out of you. . . Do you think I've gotten fat?"  
  
Doyle couldn't help but laugh.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"You've been having them too?" he asked calmly pouring two mugs of coffee.  
  
"What the fuck are they, Angelus, Are you just projecting your memories!? I mean fuck, man, I wasn't there so how can I be dreaming about what you and Penn did?!"  
  
"I don't know, Spike. But do you know what I do know?" he asked and threw the newspaper at his childe. "I know I dreamt of killing those people!!" he said jamming his finger into the crime scene photos on page one.  
  
"So did I," Spike said softly. "Did we do it? Could we have sleepwalked?"  
  
"No we couldn't have. Xander and Doyle would have known. I don't know about Xan but my boy is a light sleeper. There is no way we did this. We're just dreaming about it."  
  
"Oh tha's just great!" Spike shouted sarcastically. "We're not responsible we're just getting off on it! Honestly, this is your fault!"  
  
"You say that about everything." Angel was trying to not lose his slim hold on his composure.  
  
"That because it is all your fault! You made me, Penn, Dru. Therefore anything we do is your fault. These are not my dreams! These are not my memories or fantasies. Clearly these dreams are being astroprojected out of your poofy mind and into mine."  
  
"That's ridiculous!"  
  
"Is it? You always had a link with us, your childer. These are not mine! I don't have these memories and here I was obsessing over the fact that maybe I was just being jealous of Penn!! Do you know how fucked up I felt I was? I thought I was jonesing over some fucked up link between the two of you! But I was never as fucked up as you two. I wasn't evil enough for you! So maybe you are just having a pleasant little retrospect, but leave my mind out of it."  
  
"Spike," Angel felt bile raise in his throat, "I don't miss Penn. I don't, I wouldn't-"  
  
"Whatever. I don't bloody care." As he spoke Angel could see the pain in his boy's eyes. "It doesn't matter. The whelp and I will be gone come sundown and then maybe I can get away from your mind."  
  
"Maybe he's here."  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Penn, you said it yourself: we were all connected. Maybe this is him and I'm dreaming about what he's doing and your dreaming because I'm already projecting via him. I don't miss him, I don't want him home, I don't want him period. So maybe this is his doing. His kills, and I feel them because we're still linked. I don't want him here, you're the only childe I want here."  
  
"It doesn't matter," Spike said looking away.  
  
"It does. I'm sorry we hurt you so badly, there is nothing I can do to make it up to you. But I swear if he is here he will be dead."  
  
"You don't need to prove anything to me." Spike looked down at his boots. Why did he give a damn anymore? Why was Penn still an open wound on his otherwise intact body? "I know you care about me."  
  
"Not well enough, childe." Angel stroked the boy's face. "Xander was right, nothing else I did compares to the wicked things I did to you. You are my childe. I treated you so fucking badly. What I did was inexcusable."  
  
He looked up from the floor, "My Xan said that?"  
  
"He's a smart boy. Spike I-"  
  
"Don't say it, Angel, You don't love me so don't lie." His eyes reverted to the floor. "It's fine that you don't. Just don't lie about it. You turned me because I was a pretty face to break. That's fine. And now you keep me here out of guilt and a sense of duty and honor, and I think you do give a damn about me. But please don't call it love, it negates the true emotion if you call the fondness you feel for me by that name."  
  
"I do love you, no joke. I love you. It's not anything but an unconditional parental love. I don't want you, as such, but I want you by my side. You make me so proud and I do love you." Angel said it in a tone that Spike couldn't ignore. "You are my perfect childe, I just am so glad that for whatever wrongs I did I got you right. I may have loathed you as Angelus but as just me I can't help but love you. You are the one thing I did right, but I don't think that I caused you to be you. You are what you are *in spite* of all that I did. I know I fucked up so badly, I know that, but do you honestly think that I changed you? Do you think a creature so pure as Xander could love you if you *were* all those things that I told you you were. You are a good man and I only thank god I found you."  
  
His sire was glad he had been turned. Well that's brilliant, of course the fact that Spike himself wished he had never tasted immortality was here neither here nor there. If he had a choice in the matter he would have died that night. The time he had spent in the loving care of his "family" was something he could wish upon no one, not even Xander's father or the slayer. As it turned out things had turned ok, but what if they hadn't? What if he had never found Xander? When all things were considered Spike would have chosen death that night over the things that came after. And he didn't want to here these things from Angel. He didn't want to believe that this incarnation of his sire could love him. If Angel could love him then Angelus would have been capable to do so as well, they weren't that different. He didn't like to believe that there was any chance his soulless sire gave a damn about him, that made it more painful. And what if Angel lost his soul? It had happened before. What if he lost it and loathed Spike again? Spike couldn't deal with it, not after finally having the dark vampire love him. So he said nothing on the subject but asked instead, "Do you really think he's here?"  
  
"I do."  
  
"And you're going to kill him? You won't try to get him to redeem himself? Or at least curb him into being house-trained."  
  
"There is nothing that could stop Penn from being Penn. I can't throw a pretty mortal at him and say, 'now if you aren't good he won't love you.' And I can't threaten to not let him stay because I wouldn't let him stay even if he was good. I don't like him, he's grating and offensive and outside of a flair for killing there is nothing in him that stands out. It doesn't matter that he's family, he's gone beyond any point of saving. I'll kill him. And it won't be hard. He's not my golden boy anymore."  
  
His tone left no question as to who *was*. Spike smiled. "Thank- you, Angelus. Do you need Xander and I to hang around?"  
  
"No go on your honeymoon. Have fun. Don't think about any of this and come home ready to work again."  
  
"Hey! It is a honeymoon!!" said Spike who had never considered it as such. He laughed and Angel smiled and kissed his forehead. "Love you too, 'Gelus." Spike turned away after using the nickname he hadn't said in years and walked upstairs to find his lover. "Oh and hey," he called over his shoulder, "don't call my baby a pretty mortal. For one he's not a mortal anymore and for two he's *mine*." 


	24. 24

Title: That Damn Happiness Clause  
  
Writer: Azure K Mello  
  
Disclaimer- Nothing is mine, not even my soul  
  
Setting: Somnambulist. Keep in mind that I am a strong believer in the fact that one little thing can change the course of history, hence cannon gets meddled with because life took a different path my cannon is not Joss'.  
  
Warning: SLASH Angel/Doyle. Spike/Xander. Don't like, don't read, don't flame. MPREG- I know it offends some people. I love the people who get angry and say, "It is impossible for a man to have a baby!" and get all uppity, it's also impossible for vampires to exist and take mortal lovers, but that isn't what they focus on.  
  
Section rating: R  
  
Part 24/?  
  
Find the rest here:   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Wesley had come back. After stealing- borrowing- Angel's paper he was unnerved. There on the front page was an article about murders that looked like they had been dealt out by Angel's own hand. He didn't know what to think and decided he was just going to bite the bullet and ask Cordelia. "What is going on?"  
  
She looked at him blankly and then went back to work. He had come in time to witness everyone leaving the room. Didn't he know what was going on? "Angel and Spike are freaking out over dreams and Xander's just pulled Doyle into a bathroom. . . I wonder if they're making out. I so, so would not put that past them." She said not looking up from her filing and seemed to be talking more to the paper than the English man.  
  
"What?" He asked getting steadily more confused he had been asking about whether Angel was evil and she brings up the fact that her boyfriend was snogging Xander Harris? "No I meant what is going on with all of this?" He threw the paper at Cordy and she read it carefully.  
  
"Third body found in alley. So? Not exactly front-page news." She said laying aside the paper to look at her nails.  
  
"Actually that is the front-page, but still, note the modus operandi? The mutilation of the corpse with a religious icon?"  
  
Cordelia looked at him blankly, why couldn't he just state his point? "I'm against it?"  
  
He took the paper away from her and gestured to the couch. "I think you better sit down. While executing my duties as Watcher in Sunnydale," He pulled out a manila folder, "I did extensive research. Specifically on Angel, given his uncomfortable proximity to the Slayer."  
  
"He looked pretty comfortable to me."  
  
Wes sighed and started pulling out papers from the folder, "When I saw this story today it rang chillingly familiar. So I reacquainted myself with certain facts, confirming, I'm sorry to say, my grim suspicions. In the late 1700s it was Angelus' custom to 'sign' his victims by carving a Christian cross into their left cheek." He handed the folder to Cordy who flipped idly through it, "He liked to let people know he'd been there."  
  
Standing Cordy handed him the file back, "Okay, you get to leave now: you're not gonna come in here and accuse Angel like this."  
  
"Cordelia."  
  
"No! I don't care how many files you have on all the horrible things he did back in the powdered wig days! He is good now. And he's my friend. And nothing you or anyone else can say will make me turn on a friend!" She gestured to his stake, "Out! There is no questions about his moral compass. Don't ask just accept it." She said not wanting to go into her friends business if they wanted the watcher to know they would have told him. Angel didn't do this she knew that damn well.  
  
"Yes, but."  
  
"No buts. Don't ask, just move on. Leave if you're going to accuse him. He didn't do this. Stop being a pest. If you want to stay you can, but don't screw them. You won't make friends prying into the foursome's lives. Just leave them, leave Angel, alone. You mess about with them and you may find yourself dead. And I'm not saying they would kill you. I am the one threatening you. It's nice to see them all happy and if you fuck that up you will have a Sunnydale survivor to deal with. You want to interfere into all of their dealings: I could tell from all your questions this morning. You will get no where and as you seem to know no one else in this town you need friends. So just stop. It might take some getting used to but this is the good guys camp. Anyway in a few hours you won't have to deal with Spike and Xand."  
  
"Yes, they're going to Canada? Is it for business?"  
  
"No it's a long overdue vacation."  
  
"Oh," said Wesley dryly. He felt like a child that had just been berated by a parent, "How pleasant for them."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"You said you wouldn't laugh, you prick." Said Xander hitting Doyle hard.  
  
"Man, what kind of a question was tha'? How di ye expect me to answer?" the Irish man laughed.  
  
"It was a simple yes or no: am I fat?"  
  
"Is this why ye've been wearing such baggy clothes? Ye aren't fat. Maybe ye've gained a little weight but not enough to really notice. It's muscle ye've always had the same emaciated look of Spike en I maybe ye're bulking out. It's certainly not enough to have passersby make comments." The boy nodded his head for a moment. "What's the blonde said?"  
  
"Nothing, but he has noticed. I mean, he didn't raise a fuss when I put on a baggy shirt."  
  
"Wait! Spike was tactful? That is odd."  
  
"Please take me seriously. I know you think this is funny but it really isn't."  
  
"No ye're right it's not funny: it's ridiculous. So ye've gained a few pounds and yer tactless lover is being tactful. Wow call the feckin' papers!"  
  
"It's seventeen pounds and I woke up with it five days ago out of nowhere." Xander pulled the hem of his big tee-shirt up revealing a large stomach that was disproportional to the rest of his body.  
  
Doyle suddenly sobered and Xander nodded as if he had won an argument. "Xander?" Doyle asked slowly trying to formulate the statement he had to make. "Ye woke up like this five days ago and Spike hasn't said a word? Has yer stomach been upset? Have ye been queasy? Have ye been sleepless feeling yer insides moving?" Xander nodded repeatedly. "That's odd. . . ye see Angel said Spike's dad was a doctor. And if that's true Spike should be able to tell the difference between a fat stomach and. . . well, a six month pregnant stomach." Xander barked a single bark of laughter and then stopped when he saw Doyle's face. "I wish I could say ye were fat. But ye aren't." He saw something else pass over Xander's face. The boy didn't seem the least bit upset over the prospect which was odd. "What is it?"  
  
"I've been smoking for the last five days! I must be killing my baby!" said Xander suddenly retreating into the workings of his mind that mystified the Irish man.  
  
"I'm sure it's fine." Doyle spoke slowly not knowing what to say. "Ye're mystically pregnant with the baby of a vampire, I don't think yer smoking will hurt the baby. Ye aren't upset?"  
  
"Should I be?" the boy looked genuinely confused. "You mean 'cause I'm nineteen? Big deal. Spike and I are eternal and this is great. This is a gift."  
  
"Well yes but ye're a pregnant guy. It's ok to be a lit'le unsettled."  
  
"I'm not. . . I probably should be but I'm not. Do you think there is a demon midwife I could go to?"  
  
"I know one." Doyle laughed bitterly, it was a true wonder what he knew. Grabbing a pen he wrote down the address. "Ye could go right now, they take walk-ins en then ye wouldn't worry while in Canada about yer smokin' or what ye've been eatin'."  
  
Xander smiled. It was great that he had finally found a group that gave a damn about him. What the hell would he have done if he was by himself? "Commo," he said, "let's go see if they're done brooding. Then I'll sneak out if you don't mind. I don't want to tell Spike just yet. I mean what if it's one of those ghost pregnancies? You're body just makes you think you're knocked-up."  
  
Doyle couldn't help but laugh at the boy's logic process. Xander glared, "Sorry I shouldn't laugh." He tried to compose himself but lost to a fit of very manly giggles. 


	25. 25

Title: That Damn Happiness Clause  
  
Writer: Azure K Mello  
  
Disclaimer- Nothing is mine, not even my soul  
  
Setting: Somnambulist. Keep in mind that I am a strong believer in the fact that one little thing can change the course of history, hence cannon gets meddled with because life took a different path my cannon is not Joss'.  
  
Warning: SLASH Angel/Doyle. Spike/Xander. Don't like, don't read, don't flame. MPREG- I know it offends some people. I love the people who get angry and say, "It is impossible for a man to have a baby!" and get all uppity, it's also impossible for vampires to exist and take mortal lovers, but that isn't what they focus on.  
  
Section rating: R  
  
Part 25/?  
  
Find the rest here:   
  
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"Do you need money?" asked Angel before they walked into the office proper. "For the trip? You could consider it a wedding present."  
  
"I have money. This is me, Angel, do I ever truly need money? No, I'd just rather spend yours than my own. But this is my gift to Xander so I should pay for it myself."  
  
"Fine. Have a good time."  
  
"Angel? Thank you."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Angel had asked Xander to stay when he had said he had to go pick up some stuff. When they were all there he cleared his throat. "I've. . . we've been having dreams."  
  
"Dreams?" asked Wesley.  
  
"Killing dreams. Always the same. " He swallowed harshly. "I-I stalk them, toy with them, mark them while they are still alive. And before they can die from their fear, I feed on them."  
  
"Okay. So you've been having nightmares," said Cor with a peppy shrug. "It doesn't mean you..."  
  
"They're not nightmares. I've enjoyed them."  
  
"Oh." Cor took a quick step back.  
  
"That's what I don't get 'bout you, Peaches." Spike swung his leg up onto the desk. "You could have pretended to be all freaked out and now instead you've scared and alienated the girl. And why? Because you feel all this guilt if you lie but you would have been doing her a favor for god's sakes."  
  
Wesley ignored Spike completely which actually pissed Xander off more than if he had been snide to his lover. Surely it would be better for the watcher to hold the vampire in contempt than not even acknowledge him? "And you fear that these may be more than just dreams, that you are acting them out in some sort of hypnogogic state."  
  
"Hypnowhatic?"  
  
"Sleepwalking." Spike spoke in a bored voice to Cordy while considering if Xander would let him kill the man.  
  
Cordy laughed then. "Vampires can't sleepwalk. He'd take one step out of the front door and his p.j.s would burst into flame!"  
  
"Unless it were happening in the pre-dawn hours. - Which is when all these murders took place." Wesley was trying to be all "inside information guy" when he had no idea of what was going on and it was vexing Xander. The immortal boy *also* had no idea what was going on but he was man enough to admit it.  
  
"He's not doing it in his sleep because Spike's dreaming it too and I know that Spike hasn't been out of our bed all week," Xander said glaring at Wesley. "So why don't you stop accusing people?"  
  
"I did do it," Angel said softly.  
  
"No you didn't," said Xander without thinking, he had expected Wes to answer and so had gone with his instant negative answer.  
  
"No he didn't," agreed Doyle. "Like Spike: ye haven't left our bed in the middle of the nights. Ye're just somehow dreamin' it."  
  
Wesley was watching with his mouth agape. Well no questions who the couples were. He wondered how hurt Cordelia had been when her boyfriend left her for Angel. He had to warn the boy about Angel soul! They must have literally slept together. The boy obviously didn't know about the soul lose or he wouldn't be with the vampire.  
  
"I did it. I taught the vampire who's doing this all he knows. I molded him into the perfe-"  
  
The blonde couldn't resist interrupting his sire, "Oh please! Could you be any *more* melodramatic? For Chrissakes you'll upset Doyle and for what? To cast the blame on yerself? The only person responsible for all this is Penn! I don't buy all that crap! I mean I saw tha' anti-drug commercial where they say that you're dealer's distributor shot someone with a bullet you paid for. Well I'm sorry but you can't be held responsible for someone else's actions."  
  
"I taught him everything he knows." Angel stepped in front of Spike in a menacing fashion.  
  
Spike smirked. "Yeah but he still has free will. He doesn't have to do anything he doesn't want to and he doesn't need to impress a sire who isn't even there. So drop the fucking guilt routine." Angel went all pensive face and Spike turned to his mate who was drawing patterns on his arm. Xander was extremely pale and shaking a bit. Looking into his eyes Spike felt himself melt. He leaned over and caught the boy's mouth for a somewhat desperate kiss. "I'm fine, pet." His words were whispered for only Xander's ears. "It'll all be ok, my beautiful boy. We're getting out of here in a few hours."  
  
"Are you sure you're ok?" Xan asked in a matching whisper.  
  
"It's been about a hundred years since I last saw the man. I'm healed as much as I'll ever be. I'm just glad we won't be here when it all goes down. I really don't want to see him."  
  
"Can I bite your lower lip?"  
  
"Go on then."  
  
From where Wesley was sitting it looked as if they were sitting in total silence. The whole scene made him uncomfortable and he felt he must do something on behalf of the boys. "If I may say something?" Cordelia gave him a stern glare and he swallowed hard and changed his mind. "Who is this who's killing people?"  
  
"Penn. My oldest childe. He's doing this and we're going to stop him."  
  
"How exactly?" asked Doyle gently to his lover. He knew Angel couldn't kill his own childer.  
  
"With a nice chuck of wood through the heart." So maybe Doyle didn't know him that well. "I won't have him eating the populace."  
  
"So how do we find him? Do the dreams have a homin' beacon?" asked Doyle with a gentle smile.  
  
"No," said Angel with a matching smirk. The superhero jokes would never get old. "But Kate will find him. She's a good cop."  
  
"Yeah," agreed Doyle softly.  
  
"Are you going back into the clubhouse?" asked Angel referencing that talk about a club for guys who don't realize their worth. "I'm yours." He spoke in the same quietness as Spike had used.  
  
"Go have a chat with the policewoman. Spike help me with filing: ye go tonight and you can pull your weight until then. Didn' ye say ye needed to go out?" he asked Xander and the boy nodded. "Go then. Let's get a move on the day it's nearly two o'clock." 


	26. 26

Setting: Somnambulist. Keep in mind that I am a strong believer in the fact that one little thing can change the course of history, hence cannon gets meddled with because life took a different path my cannon is not Joss'.  
  
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Xander walked back in to the office two and a half hours later and was intently grabbed by the arm and dragged into a separate room.  
  
"How's i' go?" asked Doyle as he sat down on the desk, "Might I poin' out I'm shakin'?"  
  
Laughing gently Xander shook his head, "The baby's fine. I'm six months along. I need to take a few vitamin supplements, like vitamin D which is apparently made from exposure to the sun," they both laughed. "And get this: I'm to keep smoking. It's a mystical pregnancy so I shouldn't change any big things in my world. Apparently it would "upset" the baby and make it feel like it's world is altering."  
  
"Canada?" asked Doyle with concern.  
  
"Is a-go." Xander smiled. "I can't wait to tell Spike!"  
  
Doyle smiled at his. . . younger brother? Best friend? "I'm so happy for ye. What a'bout everyone else?"  
  
After thinking for a moment Xander said, "I know you can't keep it from Angel. . . what if I call you once I tell Spike? I would have you tell them when we left but Angel and Cor would call to congratulate, neither can keep their mouths shut." Again they shared a smile and then the younger man's face darkened. "Don't tell Wesley? And don't let them tell Wesley? Spike's really scared of him and his instincts generally aren't that far off from correct. So please just don't tell him. I'll work something out later."  
  
"Ok," nodded the Irish man. "Congratulations and enjoy yer honeymoon." He kissed Xander lightly on the side of the mouth and turned to leave the room to see what Spike had done to the poor filing system. But as he reached the door Wesley barreled through it.  
  
"I wanted to talk to you both." He straightened his spectacles as he pulled out notes he had written throughout the day. "I think you are both doing very destructive things to yourselves by being in the. . . relationships that you're both in."  
  
"He's still here?" asked Xander to Doyle who simply shrugged.  
  
"I'm serious!" said Wesley trying to sound stern.  
  
"You're dancing on my last nerve." Xander was short with the man. "Keep out of my business and stay the fuck away from Spike."  
  
"Or?" asked Wes challenging the boy.  
  
"Or else. . . nothing. You see if you kill Spike I die. I'm sure you only have the vaguest notion of a vampiric bond but suffice to say I can't survive without him. So while I may not be able to seek revenge keep this in mind: you kill him and you have the blood of an innocent nineteen year old on your hands."  
  
"He's a killer!"  
  
"Yes, well he hasn't killed a single person since we've been together because I asked him not to so cope with it."  
  
"Do you actually believe that?"  
  
"He wouldn't lie to me." Xander stood and started to walk out of the room without another word.  
  
Doyle went to follow him but they both stopped as the English man spoke to him. "He'll lose his soul if he has a moment of true happiness." His tone was weary as though he was tired of the subject too, like he actually pitied the boys.  
  
"Willow gave it to him as a gift not a curse." Doyle looked away angry that this man would try to ruin the one good thing he had.  
  
"He could lose it in other ways."  
  
"He wouldn't hurt me. I'm bound to him just as Xander is to Spike."  
  
"He's a demon they're all pure evil!" said Wes trying to make the boys see reason.  
  
Doyle turned to look at him full on in the face as his face morphed and he said softly, "I would advise that ye don't try to talk o' thin's ye have no idea about."  
  
Stunned Wes saw that Xander was paying very little attention and was in no way shocked by the man's appearance. "You're, you're."  
  
"A demon," finished Xander, "Can I leave you and Cor to do everything and steal my husband and get out of here?"  
  
In his human face Doyle said, "O' course. Go, take the blonde he's been nothin' but trouble when it came t' filin'. Call me when you have that talk."  
  
"Thank you." Xander opened the door and pointed, "Out," he said to Wesley and the man left. "Be careful with Penn about ok? And keep an eye out for Cordy? He's not good news."  
  
Doyle nodded and said softly, "I think it's good that you're taking Spike away."  
  
Xander just nodded and gave his friend a tight hug. "Call the cell if you need me. It works in Canada." 


	27. 27

Title: That Damned Happiness Clause (27/?)  
  
Find the rest here: Somnambulist. Keep in mind that I am a strong believer in the fact that one little thing can change the course of history, hence cannon gets meddled with because life took a different path my cannon is not Joss'.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
The plane was taxi-ing and Spike was sitting balancing his checkbook. Xander looked out at the runway. Snow was piled high at the sides of the strip. "Wow, I've never seen that much snow!"  
  
Smiling Spike leaned over him and looked out the window, "That's only about four feet, I hope we get a snowstorm while we're here. That way you can see what winter should look like." He kissed Xander's forehead, "Who ever would have thought that it would be a human that would convince me to go to Canada in December?"  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"Don't be silly! I'm excited, don't get me wrong, it's just that this is weirder than any trip I've ever taken."  
  
"In a good way?"  
  
"Well you're here with me right?" he asked with a gentle smile. As Xander blushed Spike tried to smirk to cover up for his melting heart. He was William the bloody, he couldn't turn to goo in public. "What shall we do first?"  
  
"Why don't we check in at the hotel and then go snow tubing?"  
  
"Snow tubing?" asked Spike incredulously.  
  
"It's the latest big thing, it's a snow sport without any effort of skill. It has the tube lifts that you hook your tube to and it drops you at the top of a hill and then they have big, bumpy slides you go down. There's tubing mountain twenty minutes from the hotel."  
  
"You thought this out." Said Spike with a smile. He loved it when Xander got excited.  
  
"It's gonna be cool. . . or cold. I bought you snow pants."  
  
"Be grateful I love you."  
  
"They're black and covered with zippers. . . I tried."  
  
"God I hate when you do that." said Spike looking away.  
  
"Try to placate you?" asked Xander sounding slightly put out.  
  
"No, when you're all thoughtful and make me feel squishy. I'm a master vampire this shouldn't happen to me. I don't get squishy feelings."  
  
Laughing Xander said softly, "I'm your mate. Blame it on predatory nesting instincts. That way you save face and I still get my cuddle bunny." He turned back to look out the window.  
  
"This is your captain speaking," said a French voice over the intercom. "It's negative ten degrees Celsius, that's negative fourteen degrees Fahrenheit. I hope you've packed warm clothes, this is Canada in December!"  
  
"It's a damn good thing I love you." Spike smiled bitterly while banging his head against his chair.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"How does Xander tink Spike got his money?" asked Doyle as he pulled on a coat. He had over heard Spike and Angel discussing funds earlier.  
  
"He doesn't question it. I think he believes Spike rifled it off corpse in the past and therefore doesn't bring it up as he knows Spike is touchy about the whole "evil thing". He's been weird and keeps judging his badness, ever since that Buffy incident at the funeral. I don't know if he's defending his evilness or wondering if he's hurting Xander with his evilness, either way it's an issue." They walked down the street looking for any sign of Penn. Angel knew his childe and knew that the boy would be looking for a young, wayward boy. Penn had enjoyed killing his family and had done it repeatedly via proxies, he was hunting for his brother. Thus they walked around the cheap liquor district looking for a pretty underage boy  
  
"So he didn't rifle it off corpse?" asked Doyle with a raised eyebrow.  
  
"Well, he got pocket money and fags off his kills. The rest of it came from poetry."  
  
"Poetry?"  
  
"Ever heard of William Idol?"  
  
"That's Spike? I thought that was all published postmortem by his da."  
  
"Replace da with sire and you're right." He smiled and shook his head, "It's still odd to read about things you did in a history book." He stopped and turned around, "This way."  
  
"What did you get out of publishin' it? In those days he wasn't exac'ly the favored son."  
  
"No, in fact we're hunting the favored son... I liked Will's poetry."  
  
"You're fuckin' me."  
  
"Yes?" Angel looked confused and then said, "Oh, I get it. No, I liked it, like it still. And don't say it sucks, when people say that they often wake up to find themselves dead." He grimaced, "I actually kind of encouraged that. He needed better self-esteem, he believed what people said and he didn't think much of himself. But when he killed them he got back the spark."  
  
"I thought that would be good: him not believin' in himself."  
  
"What fun was it to break him if he already was broken? No I built him up and loved and adored him to get him to be a first-class vampire. . . Then I proceeded to destroy him."  
  
"Sounds fun," said Doyle going gray.  
  
"I hope Xander and he are having fun."  
  
Doyle smiled, "I'm sure Spike is real ha'py right 'bout now." 


	28. 28

Title: That Damned Happiness Clause (28/?)  
  
Find the rest Somnambulist. Keep in mind that I am a strong believer in the fact that one little thing can change the course of history, hence cannon gets meddled with because life took a different path my cannon is not Joss'.  
  
Warnings: mega angst, discussion of abortions, allusions to rape (nothing too graphic). ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Xander?" asked Spike as they fell into their room laughing. "Are you all right?"  
  
The boy shook snow from his hair and smiled widely. His lips were tinged blue with the deep cold of the night. "Did you have a good time?"  
  
"It was fun, love," Spike smiled at him and at the thought of their night on the slopes. "Don't avoid the question."  
  
"Spike? I'm cold." Xander said in a gentle voice, playing on one of Spike's most easily exploited weaknesses. He watched his lover turn on the gas fire. He couldn't help but smile as Spike pulled him close and sank to the floor. He looked into the flames for a moment before he started to speak softly, "I know you've been considering your evilness a lot lately." Spike stiffened. "Oh, please," Xander laughed, "This is me, I can read you like a book." He felt the vamp smirk into his shoulder. "I know you're worried about upsetting me, or damaging me, but you're also worried about becoming soft. But I don't think you should worry. No matter what happens I will always love you. And as for breaking me. . . I'm not easily led and your being evil won't affect me. And you've been comparing yourself with Penn and that's just wrong. Even when you're at your evilest you aren't a sick fuck, you just revel in carnage and destruction. That's who you are, and I love you. You're almost childlike in your glee and passion for a good fight. But you would never. . . eat a kid, or kick someone when they were down, or rape anyone. . . you don't even really like torture that much. . . unless it's Angel." He smiled ruefully, "You may be evil but you're also chivalrous, you have great form.  
"I know you've been wondering if you're one of the white hats. I can't tell you, after all only a few days ago I beat the shit out of a girl for hurting a soulless killer. . . and I did kick her when she was down. I know about that girl in the alley." He felt Spike tense again. He felt a tear fall down his face. "Honestly, I can't understand how you could consider yourself either weak or evil because of your actions with her. . . The only thing that you could do that would make me think less of you is if you could watch something like that and walk away unaffected. So you killed the bastards big fucking deal, I would have done the same thing. And it's a good thing that you cared. That's why I love you."  
  
"How did you know?" asked Spike in a dazed voice as he thought back to the night three weeks ago.  
  
"While doing something covert it's best to turn off the preternatural link you have with your mate. I thought I was going to be sick with your pain. I wanted to come to you but I wasn't sure if you would hate me. So I just tried to soothe you through the bond but I don't think it worked."  
  
"No, I had a vague sense of someone giving a damn." He smiled weakly at his young love. And then he looked back into the fire and added, "She looked just like my Olivia." Xander couldn't find words to reply. It was very rare that Spike spoke of his siblings. The vampire hated that he hadn't been turned before the three younger children had died. If he had been turned sooner he could have saved them all from dieing from consumption.  
  
No words were exchanged for a few minutes and finally Xander said, "Are you evil? Yes, most likely. But you are a good man. And the one has no affect on the other. I think. . ." He smiled gently hoping that his words would make Spike happy, "I think you're gonna be a great dad to our baby."  
  
Spike stood up from behind him so quickly that Xander nearly fell backwards. "What the fuck is wrong with you? We're sitting here discussing something serious and you make some stupid joke like that?"  
  
"What would be wrong with me being pregnant?" asked Xander feeling instantly less confident in his news.  
  
"Shut up, Xander!" His words were harsh and Xander was taken aback as Spike swung his hand back to hit the boy. He caught himself in time and just looked at his own hand in disgust. "God, what have I. . .? I'm sorry." He slammed his way out of their room without taking a coat.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
~~Flashback~~  
  
Spike wandered around the seedy part of town looking for someone evil to eat. Xander didn't care about Spike's diet if the vamp didn't kill anyone. Down in this area there was always a would be mugger who could part with a few pints of blood. Spike smirked internally, save the damsel eat her assailant, oh yeah, he was a white hat through and through.  
  
The shriek was at least 15 blocks away. It turned his blood to ice. Spike knew screams of fear, the girl wasn't any older than twelve, he could tell from the pitch. He ran to her led only by the scent of her fear. When he arrived in the mouth of the alley he froze. He hadn't known what to expect, perhaps a mugging or someone beating up their girlfriend. But this was far, far worse than anything he would have imagined. The tiny girl lay bleeding on the concrete, her clothes were shredded, her hair matted with blood. Four men stood above her. All of them had their pants around their ankles. Spike went into a blind rage. In a blur of leather and black he had broken all four men's necks. He wouldn't bite them if he was paid. Leaning down he checked the girl over, profuse blood loss, possibly concussed. Sighing he picked her up and headed to the nearest emergency room.  
  
He sat in the waiting room hoping for some news of the girl who looked so much like his youngest sister. "Mr. Idol?" asked a kindly looking nurse. She smiled at him clearly embarrassed. Ushering him into a little room she handed him a small cup. "We've just done a rape test on her but we need a sample from you." He looked at her blankly and then at the cup. "It's protocol, sometimes we get perpetrators in here, they get cold feet and bring the girls in."  
  
He stared for a moment before saying, "There are some truly sick fucks in this world."  
  
Five minutes later she stood in front of his again and brought him into a different room. "Well I have good news and bad news. The good news is that you've been cleared in any wrong doing here. However-" She looked slightly embarrassed again and Spike thought it was better to put the woman out of her misery.  
  
"I'm completely infertile," he couldn't help but laugh at the look of shock on her face, "It's alright, I already know."  
  
He spoke to her parents, they thanked him, he wasn't sure why. He was allowed to see the girl. Her name was Nancy, she was eleven and had been on her way home from studying with her friends at the library.  
  
"You're a vampire." She spoke softly aware that others might have been listening, "I saw when you broke that guys neck just before I passed out."  
  
Spike studied her for a moment and then said, "Yeah, I am."  
  
"Are you a good vampire?" asked the eleven year old.  
  
"Yes," he said while internally seething. He pulled out one of Angel's business cards and wrote his phone number on it. "I work for a detective agency. We help the hopeless, here's the card and on the back is my number at home and my cell phone. If you walk somewhere after dark call me and I will escort you anywhere. Got that?" She nodded, "Good." He walked out of the room feeling like he might collapse.  
  
~~End of flashback~~  
  
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Xander stood slowly and picked up the phone to call the front desk. "Hi, yes. A guy is going to be storming out any minute. He doesn't have a jacket and he'll be too proud to come back here to get one. . . He has very blond hair and an angry facial expression. . . Thank you."  
  
Taking a fortifying breath he knew he had to make it through one more call before letting himself fall apart. The cell phone was in his jacket pocket, he didn't want to use the hotel line just in case someone was listening. It would be an awfully peculiar conversation for someone to have on record. "Doyle?" He asked when he heard the click of the phone being answered.  
  
"Xander? Did ye tell 'im." Asked the Irish man.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Ye going out t' celebrate?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Ye're staying in?" the boy could hear the man's leer through the phone line  
  
"No, Spike stormed out and I'm sitting here trying not to cry."  
  
"Oh god."  
  
"Don't tell anyone. I think. . . I think I'm gonna deal with this."  
  
"Angel's sitting right next to me with vampiric hearing."  
  
"Fine the two of you can't tell anyone."  
  
"Xand, you can't get an abortion."  
  
"Please don't go Irish Catholic on me right now!" the boy was getting slightly hysterical.  
  
"No, I mean, you're six months along."  
  
"Oh, yeah I guess I'll have the baby and put it up for adoption."  
  
"But ye were so excited." Doyle sounded disappointed. "Ye wanted this so bad."  
  
"Not as badly as I want him. I'm not losing him for a baby! He's everything to me." Xander lost his battle as he let out a sob.  
  
"Xander?" Angel had taken the phone from Doyle, "It's me. Look, I think there must have been a mix up. I can't imagine Spike not being thrilled at this."  
  
"Angel?" Xander spoke slowly as one would to an idiot, "When you get knocked up and your mate freaks out you can be the judge of whether it's a real freak out or not. But until that happens we'll be going with my judgment calls."  
  
Doyle was back on the phone, clearly he had taken it from Angel. "Do you want me to come up there?"  
  
"No, I have to weather this out alone."  
  
"What are you going to do?"  
  
"Wait for Spike to come back." 


	29. 29

Title: That Damned Happiness Clause (29/?)  
  
Find the rest Somnambulist. Keep in mind that I am a strong believer in the fact that one little thing can change the course of history, hence cannon gets meddled with because life took a different path my cannon is not Joss'.  
  
Warnings: mega angst.   
  


* * *

  
Spike came back into the room forty minutes later. It was pitch- black, Xander had never turned the lights on. The fire still crackled in the hearth. Xander was sitting on the bed with his back towards his lover. Spike watched the boy's whole body shack with the force of his sobs. Sighing Spike cleared his throat to let the boy know he was in the room. He felt so ashamed. So the boy had told a hurtful joke, that didn't give him the right to explode. Slowly he walked around the bed and dropped to his knees in front of his mate.  
  
"I'm sorry. I over reacted." His voice was a soft whisper.  
  
"It's fine. I'm sorry I misjudged the situation." Xander tried to stop crying.  
  
"How could you think that it would be funny?"  
  
"I didn't expect you to laugh. I thought you would be happy."  
  
"How could that make me happy?"  
  
Spike's question was asked in an even tone and Xander suddenly thought he was going to be sick. "You've been all worried about who you are and I thought that this would give you a definitive answer: a father."  
  
"But, Xander, you must understand," He placed his hand on the boy's stomach as he talked and his words trailed off. "What's that?" He poked Xander in one spot.  
  
Xander moved his hand slightly so that it was at a better place. "It's the pulse." Spike was stunned into silence. "I can't lie to you, Spike. I want this baby. I was so happy but. . . I can't make you want it. I can deal with not having my baby, I can't deal with you looking at me the way you were looking at me earlier. And I won't bring a baby into a home where it isn't wanted. That would be so fucking selfish. So I called around and found an agency that deals with occult adoptions and they seem really nice. If you like I can go away and come back when it's all over. And maybe someday you will want a baby. Ok? Spike, Ok? You don't generally go this long without interruption me when you're mad." He laughed bitterly, "I was so excited when I found out. I couldn't wait to tell you. I felt like a little kid with a kick ass art project. I thought you were gonna be *proud*." His words were sarcastic as he lost his fight and started to sob again. He fell off the bed and huddled into Spike's arms. He buried his head into his mate's shoulder.  
  
Wow, thought Spike, so this is what they mean when they say they feel like shit. He had wounded the boy so badly and what was his punishment? He got to rock the kid. He wiped at Xander's face with cool hands as he spoke, "Shhh, ok now, love." He rocked the boy gently, "I'm a complete and total prat. Shh, I'm so sorry, love, I fucked up. You're not giving your baby to anyone, we're gonna keep it and love it and make it feel special, ok? I thought it was a sick joke. And I got upset because we were talking about Nancy, the girl from the alley, and it was all so human. And then you brought up kids and I always wanted lots of kids but I gave up on that notion the night I died. So I got upset, because I'm a prat. Your baby's gonna be perfect."  
  
"Why do you keep saying your?" asked Xander through his tears.  
  
"Well who's the father?" Xander looked at him with stunned hurt in his eyes. "It's alright, Xan, I'm not upset. It's Doyle's right? From before the funeral? It can't be mine, I'm a vampire, we can't have kids."  
  
Hysterical laughter bubbled out of Xander, "Well I'm a guy so I can't be pregnant. And you're a vampire so you can't really exist. In reality I'm a sick boy who lives in a mental home and I'm strapped down so I won't hurt myself. This whole life is just in my head. But in this life you are most certainly the father!" Spike's face broke into a wide grin and Xander felt a weight lift off of his stomach. "I went to this midwife that Doyle knew and she said that it was because of our bond. The bond needs us to be happy for it to strive. Apparently I've been jonesing for this so badly that it made it happen. Are you sure this is ok?"  
  
"This isn't ok, i's a miracle." He kissed Xander possessively. "We'll 'ave to be careful not to love it to death, you're gonna be such a great da."  
  
"You won't do too badly yourself." Xander smiled and suddenly pulled a face as he placed Spike's hand under his sweater, "Feel that?" Spike nodded, "That's the baby kicking." Spike smiled. "I got all these "American Baby" magazines, I was a little wigged out at first. But the midwife said most of it won't apply as it's not a true human pregnancy."  
  
"Yes, that's true, it's also not an American baby, it's an English one." Spike pulled the boy up for another kiss.  
  
"And I'm supposed to keep smoking which I find weird," he pulled pictures out of his back pocket. "They did a sonogram," he ran his finger along a faint line, "that's the baby's spine, and that's the head and it's sucking its thumb. It's sucking its thumb, it has to be your baby! She asked if I wanted to know if it was a boy or a girl, I said no." Spike smiled at his babbling husband.  
  
The cell phone in Spike's back pocket started ringing, "It's Angel," he groaned.  
  
"He knows," said Xander. Spike shot him a look, "He knows because Doyle told him, Doyle knows because he's the one who pointed out I was pregnant."  
  
Nodding Spike sighed and picked up the phone. Xander sat in his lap and listened to only one side of the conversation. "Hello?. . . Angel! Guess what, mate? Xan's gonna 'ave my baby! We're gonna name him Benny! But look, we're gonna crash, he looks exhausted. Bye!" he hung up and turned the cell off, "Git." He muttered.  
  
"We are so *so* not calling the baby Benny."  
  


* * *

  
"I can't deal with it." Said Angel coming to a halt in their hunt. "I'm calling Spike and shouting, his mate is pregnant and I'm not letting him ride roughshod over Xander, he's my childe for Chrissakes and I won't let Spike's pigheadedness hurt him." Doyle watched as the man ineptly dialed the small phone, as he got steadily more frustrated the Irish man couldn't help but smirk. He took the mobile from Angel punched in the number in ten seconds and handed it back kissing Angel's cheek lightly.  
  
"Bless, he can save the world but he can't use a phone."  
  
"Hush," said the vampire. Doyle wouldn't swear it but he was pretty sure the man was blushing.  
  
"Spike? You have a lot of explaining to do. . ." He looked stunned and hung up, turning to his mate he said, "He's with Xander, they're going to bed, they're calling the baby Benny."  
  
Doyle shrugged as he turned back to the road, "Naught so queer as folk." He heard Angel snicker, "Grow up."  
  


* * *

  
Feedback? If I get lots of feedback you get fast updates. That isn't bribery, I just get all excited and "inspired" when people tell me what they think. For instance, this chapter got out quickly because oh Karen and Mera begging me so nicely, I skipped math work for this!! 


	30. 30

Title: That Damned Happiness Clause (30/?)  
  
Find the rest here:   
  
Feedback!!!  
  
Setting: Somnambulist. Keep in mind that I am a strong believer in the fact that one little thing can change the course of history, hence cannon gets meddled with because life took a different path my cannon is not Joss'.  
  
Warnings: mega angst. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The building loomed up and Angel was surprised he hadn't sensed it before. "I want you to go home." His words were soft and he didn't look at Doyle.  
  
"What?" asked the other man slowly, "Ye think I can't handle meself?"  
  
Sighing Angel leaned in so that his words whispered over Doyle's skin. "I know you can. On a purely intellectual level I know you're strong and fast and good. But some primal part of me can't stand you being in there. I don't know what he's capable of. If I'm busy watching you I may slip up. It's not your safety I'm worried about, it's mine. . . And I *really* don't want you to watch me kill my own blood."  
  
Doyle studied his lover for a minute and then nodded. He looked towards the ground. He didn't want Angel to see the hurt in his face. Angel wasn't being mean, he *did* believe in Doyle. The Irishman knew he shouldn't have been hurt and should have accepted it. Angel wanted privacy to kill his own childe. And Doyle couldn't imagine the shame that the dark vampire was feeling. But he still was hurt, that Angel would block him out. It hurt that Angel didn't trust him well enough to know that Doyle would not judge. Doyle loved every part of his vampire and could never think ill of him. And if his being there jeopardized Angel's safety then he would leave without a fight. He kissed Angel quickly and looked away before the vamp could examine him. "Call me when yer through." He heard Angel's uncomfortable sigh and with a slight smirk handed the vamp his own cell phone, "Someday ye'll learn to carry yours. I'll be at home."  
  
"Doyle?" Angel called after the man walked away, "Thanks."  
  
They both pretended that Angel was thanking him for the phone, "Don't mention it."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Xander woke to find himself cold. He was wrapped up in bed but something was missing. . . where was his blond? The feeling of being stared at was what alerted him to Spike's position. Turning he saw his lover sitting on the bed scrunched in on himself with his back against the wall. Xander wasn't positive but he could have sworn that when he'd fallen asleep he had been draped in vampire. "What cha doin'?"  
  
"Watching over you, pet, go back to sleep." Came the stilted reply. Spike's hand was shaking as he brought the lit fag to his mouth.  
  
"Can't sleep without you close." Mumbled Xander as he stretched against the pillows.  
  
"No," replied Spike to the obvious yet unasked question.  
  
"No?" Xander's eyes narrowed.  
  
"Protecting you."  
  
Sudden understanding hit Xander in a wave, "You didn't hit me."  
  
"I very nearly did. I nearly hit my *pregnant* lover. And fuck pregnant, forget that. I nearly hit my Xanpet."  
  
"But you didn't. You stopped yourself. You lost your temper."  
  
"I know someone else who loses their temper and starts hitting people and it's not Angelus." Spike's tone was quiet as though he had recently been crying.  
  
"Don't. You. Dare. Bring. Up. My. Father. In. Bed," said the boy looking away for the first time. Instantly contrite Spike wrapped around his boy. "You're nothing like him."  
  
"I'm sorry, shhh." Spike ran his hands over Xander's back in small circles.  
  
"No, I'm not shushing." Xander shook his head as Spike buried his face in his human's shoulder. "You believe that don't you? You honestly think you're like him? You *nearly* hit me. And, before you bring it up, when you knocked me out with the microscope I was busy being good and you were being evil so we were just playing our parts. Nearly, *nearly* hit me. You didn't, you stopped yourself. He mad my life bloody misery everyday for at least 17 out of my 19 years living under his regime. You reacted to anger the correct way for a vampire, violence is the rudder that keeps you on course. Moreover, you curbed your instinct the minute you caught yourself. You spanked the goddamned inner moppet and moved on. He was my father. That means he's meant to protect me and love me. While you acted out of rash anger he planned shit out. He did it because he could. I'm your lover whereas I wasn't human to him just a marketable resource that was his to exploit. You're lying here feeling sick as a pig 'cause ya nearly hit me and he never once even considered what he was doing to be wrong. You love me and he never did!  
"You're nothing like him. If he's what you're basing this whole midlife crisis, "Am I evil?" question off of then the answer is no. If he's what's evil then you've got a first class ticket to heaven. Do you honestly think I would tie myself to a wicked and abusive man? And quite frankly I find it offensive that you would compare what you did to his actions. It almost invalidates my life thus far if you think what you do is the definitive moment of my pain."  
  
Spike knew batter than to apologize. If he apologized Xander would start feeling guilty for laying into him. So instead he kissed a path to Xander's mouth. Gently he searched for asylum in Xander's mouth. He felt the body beneath his relax, "Can I ask you a favor?" Xander nodded and his eyes were clear of any and all traces of anger. "Make love to me?" he saw something flash over the dark god's features, "Or fuck me through the floor. Doesn't matter just remind me where I belong, who I belong to."  
  
Studying the man Xander wondered whether it was worth reprimanding his husband. The night was pretty much shot anyway and this wasn't the time to pull his punches. His tone was light, he wasn't mad and he stroked Spike's face as he spoke, "Don't beg."  
  
"I thought you liked it when I beg?" asked Spike with a ghost of a leer.  
  
"There is a big difference between, "Oh god! Pet, just there. Please! Xander, I'll die if you don't! Oh God!" and what you just did." His voice had been a scarily accurate replication of his lover's. "The first is raw need and what you just did wasn't. Do you honestly think I can deny you of what is yours to begin with? Because that's what it sounded like, as if you expect me to rip you apart. I can't deny you anything." Spike smiled at his words and his look made the boy beam in reply.  
  
As Xander kissed a path across his shoulder Spike's mind was going a mile a minute. It was all too intense. He was ready to burst then and there. Intensity was rarely a good thing where his boy was concerned. If Xander's mind were left to its own devices then the boy would dwell and feel guilty in the morning. And so the vamp pulled out the big guns. Panting slightly already the man said, "Xan? I love you like a fat kid loves cake." His looked at him for a minute and then burst out laughing. Smiling Spike knew that everything was safe again.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
This was hell; he was being punished. He was fighting his own sweet childe while the she cop watched and judged. Privacy! He had wanted to kill his son without half the fucking world watching him. He had failed, he had a monster and he still loved the boy. He had to kill him. There was no choice. Penn would never change and he needed to make some sort of amends to William. But he couldn't help but still love the boy he was now pummeling. "Go, Kate! Get out of here! Kate, go!" he screamed at the idiot lying in the corner. He didn't want a witness to what was essentially him cleaning up his own mess.  
  
"You know its name? Angelus, what happened to you?" Penn looked hurt. His god had fallen.  
  
"People change." His voice was low as he held back the violent sobs that were desperate to escape his body.  
  
"We're not people!" Penn shouted, "It's not that is it? I smell him all over you, Gelus."  
  
Lockley was watching in silent, horrified fascination as Angel spoke in full vamp mode. "It's not what you think."  
  
"You're keeping him as a pet? Please tell me you aren't sleeping with him?!"  
  
"I'm not," Angel assured him and looked at his own feet as he pinned the boy down to the floor. "He needed help, I'm his sire, I helped him."  
  
"You aren't his sire! He isn't your childe! I am!" Penn was screaming as he realized what was about to happen. As much as he struggled he couldn't get free. His voice dropped as he pleaded, "Gelus, I'm your childe."  
  
"And I'll always be proud of you," Angel comforted him, "I just can't let you go on."  
  
"Please!" begged Penn as a tear fell down his face.  
  
"You haven't failed me, childe. I failed you, and I'm sorry." He kissed Penn's forehead and put the stake through his heart at the same time. Standing he watched the breeze play with the ashes. Glancing over at Kate he said, "You should have left." He turned an exited the building via a sixth story window. 


	31. 31

Title: That Damned Happiness Clause (31/?)  
  
Feedback!!!  
  
Setting: Somnambulist. Keep in mind that I am a strong believer in the fact that one little thing can change the course of history, hence cannon gets meddled with because life took a different path my cannon is not Joss'.  
  
Warnings: mega angst.

* * *

Angel walked in without saying a word. Doyle was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee and the phone. Pausing Angel looked at the slump of his lover's shoulders. Doyle looked extremely tired; it was good of him to wait up. Angel slammed him phone down on the table. The legs bent with the force of his blow. He tried to pull out a chair as his knees felt like they might give out but it got caught on something on the floor. He tugged at it with so much strength that it flew out, hit the wall behind him, and broke into pieces. Silently he pulled out the one next to it which moved with ease. He sat down and said softly, "I'm sorry I didn't call. I couldn't get your phone to work." Even as he said it tears started falling down his face. "Kate was there. She wouldn't leave, She watched me -watched us- why wouldn't she fucking leave?" Standing, Doyle rounded the table and wrapped his arms around Angel's shoulders as they started to heave, "I couldn't even have you there." He dropped his head. "I'm so ashamed. He begged, and I. . . I so nearly let him go. But. He smelled Spike on me, got so angry. He cried. . . Everything thing he's ever done, ever person he's killed. . . it's all my fault. And then," a sob interrupted his words, "all alone. I made him into a sick, evil thing and then I left him all alone, not able to cope without a sire. My fault. His pain. His victim's pain. All mine." Doyle rocked him awkwardly, "He knew why I was doing it and the shock in his eyes. My own childe. I couldn't have you there. I didn't want you to see me clean up my mess. My god, Penn wasn't a mess, he was a beautiful childe who I broke. How can you touch me? Not good enough. So evil. Nothing good. And Will, I. . . I thought about bringing Penn here, letting Will have him. But, I. . . Will didn't need to see him, wouldn't have been healthy. Couldn't have let him hurt Penn, not even with all I let Penn do to him. Needed the cycle to stop. Better that I just do it. Take care of it. Take care of William. Take care of Will, kill Penn (my good boy), let the she cop witness it, maybe now she'll stay away, destroy my family. My childer, my world. Falling apart. All falling to pieces. Not good enough. Dirty. Evil. Don't touch. I'll hurt you. Not good enough, don't deserve you. Don't leave me. Won't hurt you. I'll be good. Won't break your mind. Keep you safe."  
  
"I know ye will," said Doyle softly placating. "Ye're amazin' to me. The best t'ing tha's ever happened fer me." Rocking slowly back and forth he whispered, "Proud of ye. Love ye. Come to bed now. Ye've been amazin' tonight. Don't need to be strong no more. Just come to bed."  
  
"Not good enough."  
  
"Hey! Yes ye are. Just ask yer childer! Ask Spike and Xander. Ask the grandchilde who's comin' soon. Yer world isn't fallin' i's getting' better. And feck the she cop. She's not good enough. Should've left and let ye do what was needed. I'm proud of ye."  
  
Angel turned into Doyle's embrace, "He wasn't my golden boy anymore."

* * *

"What's that?. . . I have great hair? Thank you so much!" Spike's voice woke Xander. "Yeah, yer daddy is pretty when he sleeps."  
  
"Who are you talking to?" he asked groggly.  
  
"Not you, pet, go back to sleep," Spike said as he rested his head on Xander's abdomen, "Sorry could you speak up? . . . Well, yeah he sleeps a lot yer daddy's human. . . Well, yeah he has bad taste in music, he just spent too much time around girls. . . Well if you're a girl you'll be my little princess and I'll school you in your music. What's that? . . . you want to listen to the Ramones? Can do, sweetheart." Xander felt the headphone's on his stomach and the vibration that started to get the baby to kick.  
  
"She's kicking, clearly she has better taste."  
  
"She's rocking out." Spike kissed his stomach.  
  
"Was that for me or the baby?" asked the younger boy.  
  
"Both. I wanta go down to the sauna, why don't you sleep a little longer and I'll meet you at the bar? This way I won't piss you off while you try to sleep."  
  
"So thoughtful," Xander said as he pulled Spike up his body, He kissed Spike gently, "But I'm up now." He paused as he sat up and then added franticly, "I didn't water the plant! Fuck it's gonna die and with it dies the pretense of domesticity I worked so hard to create!"  
  
Spike looked up from where he was now doing up his boots, "I'm gonna cry when you make me join the library."  
  
"That was a really nice plant!"  
  
Laughing Spike said, "Well call home and get someone to water the thing."  
  
"It's not a thing!" said Xander in a falsely high voice like a girl, "It's our baby!"  
  
"No," said Spike crawling back and placing his hand over the bump, "This is our baby. That is just an overpriced vegetable!"  
  
"We'll be discussing this in counseling!" threatened Xander with a laugh as he grabbed his cell, "Hey!" he said as someone picked up, "How are things in Dodge?" there was a long pause before he said, "Is he still asleep? . . . You ok? . . . We're fine. I just forgot to water the plant. . . thank you. So is there anything we can do? . . should we come home? . . . you sure? . . . I'll let you go then." Turning to Spike he said, "Angel killed Penn, he's not very well."  
  
"Well, that's to be expected. He said it wouldn't hurt but Penn was his favorite for so long. We're not wanted?"  
  
"He wants us to have a good time. Doyle told me he'd kill us if we came back. I think they need sometime. You ok?"  
  
Spike thought about it. Really thought before sighing, "I'm surprisingly unmoved. Bastard's dead. Always hated him. Not exactly dancing on his grave. . . don't know why. I'm fine." He kissed Xander's mouth. "Take your shower. Meet me in the bar in an hour. I think I might go swimming."  
  
"Ya wanna go some place nice tonight? My treat."  
  
"I'd like that, love, I'll even let you dress me."  
  
"Yea!"  
  
"I'm getting you a Barbie for Christmas."  
  
"My parents wouldn't let me have them so I used to steal Willow's. Their fun, she'd always make me be the boys when we played, the boy's don't get shoes, just stupid motorcycles that they couldn't sit on. It sucked."  
  
"Check, buy female Barbies not matter what gender the baby is." Spike laughed again as he stood, "I'll see you in a little bit."

* * *

This wasn't stupid. Angel needed some time alone. And besides, he was starting to freak Doyle out. The vampire was capable of being left alone for an hour. He was. Maybe with a little bit of time he could pull himself together enough to talk in full sentences. Doyle breathing over his shoulder wasn't what he needed. The boy was being silly. He was just worried.  
  
Spike and Xander's apartment was nice, lived in. Porn and books were scattered on the living room floor. Chinese food and blood sat side by side in the fridge. It was homey. He'd like to do this with his and Angel's apartment, there were too many weapons in their apartment, not enough comforts. He knew that Angel liked to over do the tortured routine at times but the man did like nice things. The whole place was filled with antiques but not any knickknacks. They didn't have a hippo on their shelves, unlike Xander. Doyle was a young guy and he was going to make their place fun if it killed them both.  
  
He poked through their stuff, he knew they wouldn't care. It was nice to have what was, essentially, a family. They took care of each other in an odd way. Right now he needed to get out of his own mind. And what better way to do that then explore the treasure trove that was the apartment? He liked their "guestroom". It used to be Xander's. When they moved in Spike had argued that the big bedroom was his as he was oldest. Xander hadn't agreed. They had tried to think of a game that Spike wouldn't be able to cheat at but the vampire cheated at Candy Land for god's sake. So Xander had given up. It didn't matter, within a month they had both been in Spike's bed. When Xander had redecorated he had both a round bed for this room with a faux fur bedspread. It always made Doyle laugh. The selves were covered in old snow globes from airports. The ones that say things like, "Welcome to Newark New Jersey!" He saw a photo album under the bed. Pictures are amazing things. They told a whole story. There was no way in hell that Spike would have a photo album. Doyle smiled, he wanted to see Xander from before he had known the boy.

* * *

Dundundun. . . (that was the scary music) what's in the photo album? Is Spike really ok? Should Doyle have left Angel alone? Tune in next time for more of our saga! 


	32. 32

Title: That Damned Happiness Clause (32/?)  
  
Feedback!!!  
  
Setting: Post Somnambulist. Keep in mind that I am a strong believer in the fact that one little thing can change the course of history, hence cannon gets meddled with because life took a different path my cannon is not Joss'.  
  
Warnings: mega angst.  
  
Note: as stated earlier, Spike's last name is Idol.

* * *

He remembered being angry when Xander had first arrived on the scene. He had hated how everyone thought he was so strong and wonderful. Angel and he had only been together a little while and to hear the vampire praise the boy had been grating. Doyle had grown up without a dad, with no idea who he was, alone. No one had called him strong and he resented the Xander kid for getting a title that Doyle felt he himself merited.  
  
And once he had gotten to know the boy he had felt guilty. Xander was strong. Much stronger than Doyle was. He had realized that it was worse to have Xander's da than having no da at all. Had realized that killing your own lover to save them was worse than having a girl who left you because of who you were. Realized that growing up on the Hellmouth was worse than growing up poor. Xander was stronger than anyone should ever have to be. And the word strong would never seem like a positive description anymore. There was nothing good about the strength that Xander had needed to exhibit to stay alive.  
  
But he hadn't known about this. And he sort of wished that he didn't know now. He wished to be blissfully ignorant. So why couldn't he stop looking at the pictures? At the evidence of his friend's strength? It was childish that he craved to not know about Xander's horrific past. He should have been adult, been willing to know about it so that he could help. But he didn't. He wanted to curl up and never think about Xander's past again. . . because he was a coward. Weak.  
  
He realized he was going to be sick with sudden clarity. And he ran out the room but only made it to the living room before losing the content of his stomach. He threw up into the plant Xander had been so worried about. For some reason he felt more guilty about vomiting on the plant than he did about looking through the pictures. He couldn't even think about them. His mind just instantly shied away from the images he had seen.  
  
Without thinking he dialed a number he knew off by heart. If asked he wouldn't be able to explain why he thought calling Xander would be a good idea. But. . . He needed. . . He needed to know why the boy had kept them.

* * *

Xander ran the towel over his head again as his mobile started to ring. He smiled upon recognizing the number. Spike said that they two of them were incapable of tying their laces without calling the other one to fill them in. But that was ridiculous. Xander had told him that he was a vampire and had no concept of how humans interact with their friends. Spike had just said that Doyle wasn't human. Maybe Spike was right but Xander didn't care. He was used to hanging out with girls, in high school he had always been on the phone to one of them. He had gotten used to it.  
  
So what if Doyle was calling him to tell him he had watered the plant? It was a comfort. And as he picked up he asked, "Was it dead?"  
  
"Well," the Irishman sounded hesitant, "It looked peak-ed when I came in. And th'n I threw up on it. It may be salvageable."  
  
Laughing Xander said, "Oh just throw it away. Spike'll be thrilled? Why are you chucking up?"  
  
"I'm so sorry, Xander."  
  
Doyle sounded serious and Xander felt badly. It was only a plant. "Hey don't worry about it.'  
  
"No, I mean."  
  
He waited for Doyle to finish the thought but then asked, "Are you ok?"  
  
"I went through yer apartment. Which I shouldn' have done. 'S not me place."  
  
"It's fine," Xander was baffled. Doyle had gone through their place hundreds of times. Why was he suddenly remorseful? He knew that Xander and Spike didn't care.  
  
"I found yer photo album. I di'n' think ye'd mind me looking through it."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"I'm so sorry."  
  
"And then you barfed in my potted plant."  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
"What are you apologizing for, Doyle?" asked Xander feeling tired. "You didn't do anything wrong. You were poking about, found something that wasn't even hidden, and now you're apologizing. I don't know if it slipped by without you noticing, but you aren't in those pictures. You haven't done anything to hurt me."  
  
"I still shouldn't have been going through yer stuff."  
  
"You've never apologized before what's making you do it now? Why did you really call, Doyle, say it. Whatever it is you know I won't be angry. I know you didn't call you apologize for killing my plant."  
  
"Why did ye keep them, Xander?" asked Doyle sounding so confused that Xander wished he could reach through the phone and give him a hug.  
  
He had no idea how to answer, "I couldn't imagine destroying them."  
  
"Have ye seen them?" asked Doyle disbelievingly.  
  
"No, would you describe them to me?" Xander asked in a cheery voice. "They are no less a part of me than Spike's claim mark or the life inside of me. It's who I am."  
  
"But those are good things!" argued Doyle.  
  
"No they aren't," said Xander slowly, "They're amazing things. My life went from being complete shit to be a fucking postcard. But that's still part of my life. I'm still exactly who you thought I was this morning. Sometimes I need to remember that part."  
  
"Why? Why would ye possibly want to revisit tha'?" asked Doyle. He didn't sound angry just really confused. He sounded young.  
  
"Sometimes I have nightmares and if I look at those I remember that it was hell and that I'm not going crazy. And in a weird way it makes me even happy. I can see that and then I can see Cordy and Spike bickering over which soap to watch. I can see you and Angel making moony eyes at each other while he pretends to brood. I don't know if I can explain it any better than that."  
  
"What does Spike think of them?"  
  
"He's not seen them."  
  
"Oh please!" Doyle laughed grimly, "Ye're telling me ye've managed to keep them secret?"  
  
Xander smiled, "I know it might be hard to believe at times, but Spike's a grown up and he respects my privacy." Doyle snorted. "You only ever see him when he's actively trying to piss off Angel. Spike can be extremely tactful when it suits him."  
  
Doyle felt sick when Xander used the word tactful. Was he being a total prat by calling? Should he have held his tongue? He couldn't think of anything to say.  
  
Easing the silence Xander said, "Look don't try to do me a favor by destroying them. On a purely practical level I don't know if they're the only copies. And if any ever surface I want a set of my own."  
  
"Ye could always say they were a hoax," offered Doyle.  
  
Chuckling Xander said, "To make them I would have had to of participated. I'd rather people thought I was raped and whored out by my father than have them think that I made tactless photography mocking rape, incest, and under age sex." When Doyle didn't laugh he said, "I thought we had a pact to laugh at each other's horrific pasts."  
  
"I didn't realize how bad yers was. I feel inadequate."  
  
"Don't go home angry, Angel will smell it. And from what you said earlier that wouldn't be good. Take a shower, eat something. Oh! Don't eat the Chinese food. That's Spike's science project he's been working on it for weeks. He's gonna see if he can catch dysentery."  
  
"Doesn't that scare ye?" Xander could hear the eyebrow being cocked even over the phone.  
  
"He has the constitution of a corpse. Besides, when he's doing medical research he doesn't go stir crazy during the day. Ya know, the hours we avoid going to work."  
  
"Medical research?"  
  
"He went to Cambridge Medical you know. Fiddled it, is still getting grant money, sometimes he works for it."  
  
"There is so much I don't know about 'im." Doyle finally laughed.  
  
"I'm serious. Calm yourself down. You should go back to the scrap book. Go twelve pages from the back and look at the pictures there. They're the ones you were looking for I'm sure."  
  
"Xander?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Ye know yer me best mate?"  
  
"I know."  
  
'And ye know that the sick cunt was a bastard tha' ye never did anything to deserve that?"  
  
"Are you trying to convince me or yourself?" He didn't pause for Doyle to deny it. "I know that this really fucks up your idea of me. I just hope that you realize that you just know me better now. I haven't changed. Nothing's changed. Just your perceptions. And as for whether or not I deserved what I got. I realized when I was about twelve that I hadn't done anything. All I did was have the misfortune to get conceived on prom night in the back of my grandfather's car. And maybe sometimes I need Spike to reconfirm that. But he more than proves it. Look at the pictures. You'll like them. Then go home and help Angel."  
  
"I ac'tually 'ave some errands. I'll talk to you later."

* * *

Spike had been swimming laps for a half hour. He felt good and he just couldn't explain it. Penn was dead and that wasn't the source of his happiness. He didn't feel anything about his "loving older brother's" death. And that was deeply confusing. He sank down to the bottom of the pool. And he sat cross legged on the floor, thinking. Trying to find the reason for his inexplicable good mood. He pictured Xander telling him about Penn. He pictured Xander worrying about a fucking shrub. He pictured Xander asleep as he spoke to their baby. Their baby. He felt a bubble inside of him and he was mildly surprised that he didn't float to the surface of the water. Their baby, not Xander's, not his, theirs. How had he managed to help form a life?  
  
He started to laugh aloud. The sound was odd under water. He was gonna be a dad. He was gonna be a role model. He had taught minions to feed, had taken them in hand, had been a role model. But that was nothing like this. A baby. Their baby. His baby. And it suddenly clicked in his mind. He didn't care about Penn dieing because it didn't fucking matter. It didn't fucking matter! A dead corpse had ceased to be. Meanwhile their was a being growing inside the boy he loved. A living, beautiful, innocent creature was being formed. So some sick old fuck was dead, what did it matter? Their was a life on the horizon that wiped any thought about death. With another laugh he shot up to the surface and shook his head like a wet dog. He needed to see his boy even if he had told Xander that he'd be an hour. Maybe this way he'd have time to ravage his love before they went to dinner.

* * *

Spike saw Xander at the bar and instantly bristled when he saw who he was talking to.  
  
"Should you be drinking? In your state?" she asked as she next to him.  
  
"It's fine. Mystical pregnancies, ya know." He thought it was tragically funny that he could travel as far as he liked and the demons would always flock him. He was a demon magnet. But she seemed nice. "Anyway, this mixed drink is a lot more mix then it is drink."  
  
"William must be so proud of you and the baby," she said warmly and say the confusion on his face, "The bond is really obvious." He just nodded still stunned that he could carry around the magical equivalent of a billboard and still forget about it.  
  
"You know Spike?"  
  
"Get away from him," said a cold voice behind them.  
  
"Hello, William. I was just chatting with your young man. He has the look. His beauty is practically effulgent."  
  
Xander looked between them and edge back slightly. And then it clicked. He had read a lot of William Idol in high school. William had been one of the few poets Xander liked. And he remembered the line from a poem dedicated to. . . "Cecily Adams!"  
  
"No one's called me that in a long time," said Halfrek.  
  
Shaking his head Xander motioned the bartender that he was taking his drink up to his room. "Come on, Spike. We have somewhere to be." 


	33. 33

Title: That Damned Happiness Clause (33/?)

Feedback!!!

Setting: Post Somnambulist. Keep in mind that I am a strong believer in the fact that one little thing can change the course of history, hence cannon gets meddled with because life took a different path my cannon is not Joss'.

Warnings: mega angst.

Note: as stated earlier, Spike's last name is Idol.

* * *

Spike couldn't wait until they got up to the room. He pushed Xander up against a wall of the elevator and kissed the boy for all he was worth. "Have I told you today just how proud you make me?" he asked when he broke away to let the immortal breathe. The boy just shook his head, panting for air. "So good, beautiful, clever, so strong, lovely, kind, funny, so brave, amazing. Sometimes I can't believe all this is real. And now you're giving me a baby." Spike didn't think he told the boy that he loved him frequently enough. He was a master vampire and what he felt for Xander sometimes made him feel weak. But Xander had been right on the plane, he was allowed to blame it on vampiric nesting instinct. Reaching down to unbuckle Xander's belt Spike said, "I love you so damn much."

Just as he leaned in to catch Xander's mouth again there was a ding and the elevator doors slid open. It wasn't their floor. A little girl in a bathing suit and water wings stood staring at them. Tugging on the hand of the man she was with she asked, "Daddy, why are those men kissin'?"

In a long suffering tone he said, "Because they want to, honey." Then addressing the boys with an apologetic smile he said, "We'll catch the next one."

"Ta," said Spike as he hit the door closed button and threw Xander back up against the wall again.

"What's gotten into you?" asked Xander with a laugh.

"You, many times."

Xander rolled his eyes at the pathetic joke, "Why are you so bouncy?"

Sobering momentarily Spike said, "I've never been this happy before, not in 120 years."

"Why are you so happy?" asked Xander softly.

Spike looked at him for a moment wondering if the boy was joking or if he'd gone mad. Running his hands over Xander's stomach he said, "Why?" he laughed, "Because you're having a baby, my baby. We're gonna be dads. I can't wait to watch you with our baby. You're going to be the sexiest dad ever. I can't believe you're pregnant, you're so fucking clever. Love you so much."

"I'm so glad you're excited." Xander smiled into the vampire's neck as Spike slid a hand into his trousers. He threw his head back against the wall panting, "I love you too."

The door dinged open again and Spike practically carried his lover into their room. Laying Xander down on the bed, he loomed over the prone man. He ran his hands over warm flesh as he stripped the boy. "Wanna make love to you. Where's the baby?" asked Spike as he hovered over Xander.

Xander looked confused for a moment and then smiled brightly, "She's in her own compartment. She's fine."

Spike scowled at the condescending smile gracing Xander's face. The boy thought he was cute. "That's good," he said nonchalantly, "'cause if the baby's born blind I don't want you accusing me of getting jiz in her eye."

Knocking on the wooden bedside table Xander said, "You shouldn't say those things!"

"Well kiss me and shut me up."

* * *

He brushed his teeth, took a shower, ate some cereal. And now He stood at the door staring at the photo album on the bed. He was afraid to go back in. Xander had told him what pictures to look for but Doyle didn't want to touch the thing. But he had to see them. The happy pictures he'd been promised. Steeling his resolve he walked in and sat down on the bed. He found the page without looking, feeling with his fingers. When he looked down he saw images that made him smile. The page was filled with pictures of three little kids in a blow up paddling pool. Willow's hair was so, so red when she was five, and Xander had curls down to his shoulders. He guessed that the other boy must have been Jesse.

Xander had huge eyes when he was younger. In one photo he was eating and ice pop and looking directly into the camera. He was beautiful even then. But his eyes were cold, he was only about 8 years old. Doyle wished that Angel hadn't killed Xander's father: he wanted to do it himself. As he flipped through the pictures he watched the kids grow up. There was a class picture with all of them in forth grade. The three of them were sitting in a row grinning. He saw a younger Cordelia sitting in the second row giving the trio a dirty look. There was one of a young teenage Xander sleep on a couch with Jesse. He guessed that Willow must have taken it. A series of Polaroids featured Xander sitting on Jesse's lap in stages of undressedness. He was being kissed to within an inch of his life. Some of the shots were slightly blurry due in part to the fact that they were taken at arm's length. Jesse had been holding the camera taking the pictures. In some of them it was clear that Xander didn't realize he was being photographed. But in the last one he had his head on Jesse's shoulder and was smirking into the lens like the cat who got the cream.

And then there were pictures from after Jesse died. Pictures of Prom where Cordelia was carefully ignoring Xander. He had Anya on his arm. Pictures of Willow with that Oz guy who brought the ring. Ones with Buffy and Angel talking in a corner. The picture made his chest contract. But Angel's eyes looked distant and he looked so fucking good in a tux. The were a few photos of the kids in the graduation gowns. And the last picture was much more recent. It was Spike, asleep on their blue couch, sucking his thumb.

Doyle smiled and felt finally strong enough to face his fear. He picked up his coat and walked out the door, towards the police station.

* * *

Angel felt the boy in his head. He felt Doyle's fear, anger, felt him throw up. He wanted to be with the boy. The feelings had quieted down, Doyle wasn't feeling distressed anymore just worried. Angel needed to be with him, but it was light outside.

He didn't know where Doyle was. But he didn't deserve to know. Maybe he'd kill him. Just like he killed Penn. Maybe that was why Doyle hadn't told him where he was going. Maybe the half-demon had been afraid to tell him. Was Doyle afraid of him? He was dirty, evil. He didn't deserve someone as good as Doyle. He was glad Doyle had gone away, now he couldn't hurt the boy. He wanted Doyle. He was lonely and cold. He wanted his childer, but they were all gone.

Before he had left Doyle had put Angel in bed. But now the vampire was laying on the floor. He didn't know how he got there. He was hungry, and angry, and he wanted his lover. Doyle wasn't coming back.

* * *

Leaning over his husband, Xander grabbed the phone and dialed the restaurant. The restaurant was too posh not to phone. A French accented man answered the other end. "Hi, yeah. I have a reservation for seven under the name of Idol?" He waited for the man to find it in the book, "Yes, I'd like to push it back until nine, is that at all possible?" He ran his hand over Spike's chest. "Thank you so much." He replaced the receiver. "It's 6:30 and I want at least three more mind blowing orgasms before getting up."

"Easy," replied Spike with a smirk.

A soft popping noise heralded Halfrek's arrival.


	34. 34

Title: That Damned Happiness Clause (34?)

Feedback!

Setting: Post Somnambulist. Keep in mind that I am a strong believer in the fact that one little thing can change the course of history, hence cannon gets meddled with because life took a different path my cannon is not Joss'.

Warnings: mega angst.

Recap: Angel just killed Penn Doyle found out about Xander's rape and Halfrek just turned up in Xander and Spike's hotel room.

* * *

Doyle felt ill as he pushed the door open. He didn't like this place; had seen far too much of it during his stint as a stupid, down-and-out drunk. He had made a real effort to never come back but here he was. "For Angel," his mind reminded him, "this is all for Angel. Yer mate, lover, world. Don't be such a fucking coward."

Spotting a girl he knew from his previous life he smiled bravely. "Hello there!" he called with false cheer. His knees felt weak. Everything in him wanted to run out of the building and never return. He was beyond the time in his life where being in the place was right. He didn't belong there anymore. He felt like a dog who had been badly abused, then loved, and then given back to his old owners: he was unsure of whether or not he would get kicked again. Angel had forced his to move up in the world. And now here he was at the bottom.

"Hey, Doyle! Long time. Did someone bring you in?" she looked behind him to see if he was being held but quickly realized that he wasn't cuffed.

"I wasn' arrested," he said softly looking at the police officer, "I'm not drunk. 'M not here to sleep it off in the tank."

Unsure of what to say to the seemingly sober man the young officer said, "So can I help you with something?"

"Actually I'm looking for Kate Lockley. I need a word wit' her."

The woman flinched at the slightly frightening edge to his voice. "Perhaps, if it's personal it would be better to see her after work?"

Sighing he said, "Ye may be right. But see, I just worked up the courage t' come here. So I don' really wanna leave now."

"She can be like that," said the woman with a slight smile. "Well, she's out right now but should be back in about ten minutes. Her desk is right over there," she pointed to a cluttered desk, "if you'd like to wait."

* * *

Halfrek was wearing next to nothing and even Xander had to admit she was stunning. But Spike was less than speechless. "What the in the name of bloody hell are you doing here?"

"Hello, William!" she said happily. "I thought now would be a good time to catch up. I mean, while you're away from that frightening sire of yours. After all, he is the reason we had to break up."

"Shut up, Halfrek, and leave," Xander was feeling desperate as he knew what she was about to reveal and it wasn't good.

"What do you mean?" asked Spike slowly.

She laughed softly, "I don't know if you remember, but at a party one night I told you that you were, "beneath me"." Spike laughed dryly, softly; she had no idea how well he remembered. "Angelus told me to say it. I was so frightened, William, I would have done anything just to stay alive. I hope you can forgive me," she laughed again, "I'm sure you don't even remember it. But it's always stayed with me: because I loved you."

Spike sat silently staring at her and Xander spoke softly, "Cecily? Will you grant me a wish?" The demon studied him for a moment and nodded. "Really? You'll give me a wish? Ya promise?" she nodded again hoping that he would word it badly and she could find a loop hole to take Spike away from him, or maybe just the baby.

"Xander, this is a bad idea," said Spike flatly, still a thousand miles away because of her announcement.

But having made the binding verbal contract Xander said, "I wish that (after this wish) you, Halfrek, could never be able to grant another wish that would result in any negative consequences. Were someone to get so much as a hangnail because of the wish it would be null and void. That's what I wish."

Spike looked up with something akin to awe on his face. And Halfrek just gapped. "You did say you would," Spike said to the girl.

"You don't know what you're asking," she said in a stunned voice.

"Yes I do, I'm wishing for you to become powerless." He smiled a cold smile, "Now do it."

Her face morphed even as she sulked and a deep, inhuman voice came from her, "Wish granted."

As her face settled back Xander smiled, "Now leave."

Smirking triumphantly she said, "I can't, I'm sure that someone would suffer indirectly from it!"

"There's a door right there! Fuck off." Xander watched her sulk out and then turned to Spike, "Honey?"

"You knew," Spike said softly, "you fucking knew."

* * *

"Doyle? Good, I'm glad you're here. We need to talk," said Kate as she caught sight of the Irish man.

"Yes, we do," he agreed. "So, ye found out his secret."

"You knew?" She looked around to be sure that no one was listening, "He's a vampire."

"Yes, and one o' the good guys. He's at the front o' a war here, Kate, don't let yer personal views cloud yer judgment."

"So what you're telling me to give him a chance?" she laughed sarcastically. "He's fucking evil. You should kill him."

"No, 'm not. I'm tellin' ye to stay away from 'im. Ye don't understand what ye saw, an' ye never will. So just stay away. Ye need help wit somethin' feel free t' come see us. But don't make this a war."

"Are you threatening me?" she asked coldly.

"No," he shook his head slowly, "I'm protecting me family."

"Family?" she almost laughed.

"What upset ye more, detective? That ye realized he wasn' human or that ye realized he was gay? He must have held that boy. Killin' his own childer must have been awful. Di' he cry on the boy? Tell him that he loved 'im? Ye haven't the haziest of ideas as to what ye witnessed tonight." He got up to leave, having mad his statement.

"And how do you know what I do or don't understand?" she said, angry that he would be so presumptuous.

He let his face slide into their natural planes and watched her through red eyes. "Ye know, I was like you. I grew up surrounded by people who taught me tha' demons were all wicked, vile creatures. I didn' know what I was, I was just a good human. I taught children fer chrissakes! I was a good, god fearing Catholic. An' ye know what I did when I found out I was a demon?" she shook her head, unable to look away from his face. "I wept. And then I drank. I lost over a year o' me life, hating meself. Because I was as ignorant and blind as ye. I couldn' go t' church anymore as I was a demon and God hated me. I couldn't go back to the school because I realized I was evil and shouldn' touch children for fear they caught it. The firs' person to ever not flinch when they saw me with this face? Angel. And the really interes'in' part? Angel hasn' judged anyone recently without knowing the whole story. He hasn't written off anyone and told their lover to kill them. Vampires? Inherently evil, and yet Angel has been less evil and condemnatory than the good human cop. Angel saved lives tonight. And is now sitting at home sick with grief and guilt. Stay away from us."

He turned away from her and stalked out of the precinct while still wearing his true face. And as he left he waved to Jane Davis, a detox cop. Kate saw the exchange and walked over, "Davis?"

"Yes, Detective?"

"You know him?"

"He used to be one of our fairly regular drunks. But he was also a third grade teacher, he taught my youngest sister. Good guy. It's nice to see him on his feet."

"Yeah," Kate agreed cagily. "He works for that detective I work with sometimes."

"Really? He would be good at that. He's a really calming, unassuming, nice guy. Always great with the kids or frightened people. But, there was always something about him that made it so that you knew that you shouldn't cross him. Something that made you feel safe about leaving your kids with him: like he'd do anything to protect them."

"But, Well," Kate laughed as though she regretted bringing it up, "What about his face. . . thing?"

"Oh, I think," said Jane slowly, "That's some sort of rash or hives he gets when he's agitated. It used to break out sometimes but, it's not as though it changes him."

* * *

"I'm sorry," said Xander ashamedly.

"For what?" asked Spike sounding genuinely interested. "For lying or for me finding out?"

"For you finding out," said Xander honestly. "I couldn't change the past. I couldn't undo the badness. But I didn't want to hurt you anymore."

Spike nodded slowly. His guilt at not telling Xander that he knew that Angel had killed Mr. Harris lessened. "Thank you, for trying to protect me."

Xander smiled as he realized that Spike wasn't angry. "Sometimes," he said softly, "I wish I could turn back time and stop him from threatening her. Could kill him before he ever saw you. I wish I could give you that life back. Because when you fight with Angel you have this fatalistic look in your eyes, as though it doesn't matter. Like you wish you had died back then. And I would give anything to make that look go away, because you can seem so small at times." Spike sat silently staring at him. And Xander took the silence to mean that Spike didn't believe him, "I'd be miserable; don't get me wrong. I could do it but it would kill me. But I would do it without thinking. You could die of consumption, or maybe it would have burned itself out and you could have had kids, or been published, I donno. You wouldn't have had to have dealt with Angelus, or Darla, or Penn and in known that I would think it was worth it."

"Wow," Spike said softly, "No one's ever being willing to let me go. Some people have kicked me out but no one's ever been like that," he looked up at Xander with pure shock in his eyes. "Don't ever do that, if you get that chance, don't turn back time."

Xander smiled thinking that Spike was just comforting him, knowing that the chance would never come up. "It's ok, I know that you had to go through horrible things. I'm not upset that you might have preferred death to me."

"I's not like that," Spike shook his head as he tried to organize his thoughts out loud. "A few hours ago I would have been lying. Now I'm not." He pulled Xander across the bed to him. "You made it worth it."

"'Cause of the baby?" hazarded Xander.

"No, the baby's lovely, but no. If I had known that night that someday I could be here I wouldn't even have gone to the party. I would have gone straight to Angelus and let him turn me. Nothing matters if I get you. Penn could have beaten me for three hundred years and I would have thanked him if I had known about this ending."

"But you said a "few hours ago"? What changed?"

Spike shrugged, "You'd let me go."

"But she loved you," said Xander feeling so confused and willing himself to understand.

"She let me die."

"She was scared. Angelus is scary."

"Yeah, but what did you say when you first met Angelus? Did you say, "Please, spare me kill my fiancée?" Did you?"

"No, but it was different, my friend was the slayer."

"We were the Victorians! Even the jaded among us carried talismans. She knew what he was and she never stood up for me. C'mon, Xand, think what was the first thing you said to Angelus?"

"I shoved a cross in his face, grabbed Willow away from him and ran."

Spike smirked and ran his fingers through Xander's shaggy hair, "After that?"

"I called him overbite, threw a jacket over him, punched him in the head, and kneed him in the face twice."

Spike pulled the boy down for a slow, loving kiss and pulled back again, "After that?"

"I told him that he was gonna die and I was gonna be there when it happened."

"Yeah, I know you did."

"Do you have a file with it written in?" asked Xander gently mocking the fact that his lover had researched him.

"No, Angelus told me. You scared him, too unpredictable, too willing to save everyone by dying. I repeatedly had to talk him out of going for you, had to keep repointing him towards Buffy. You're amazing, baby. She let me die, it doesn't matter if I could go back, she would never be who I wanted. You're brave, and good, love you."

Xander laughed, nervous about what Spike might say next, "Not brave, I was scared shitless, hell even Halfrek scares me. I'm a coward."

"If you aren't frightened you're an idiot. Those firemen who run into burning buildings thinking that everything will be ok aren't brave, they're idiots. You're only brave when you're scared. Like Frodo he was scared and he didn't want to do it, that's what makes him brave, he did it."

"Baggins? The hobbit?"

"I'm trying to relate on your dorky level." The vampire shook his head, "Work with me, Xan."

"Love you," said Xander as he rested his head on Spike's shoulder.

Spike glanced at his watch, "We have to leave for the restaurant in an hour and a half, come take a nice bath with me?"


	35. 35

Title: That Damned Happiness Clause (35?)

Feedback!

Setting: Post Somnambulist pre Expecting. Keep in mind that I am a strong believer in the fact that one little thing can change the course of history, hence cannon gets meddled with because life took a different path my cannon is not Joss'.

Warnings: mega angst.

Recap: Doyle told Kate off. Angel is somewhat mad after killing Penn. Xander told Spike that he would let him go if it meant that Spike wouldn't have suffered at Angelus' and Penn's hands. In turn Spike told him to never let him go.

* * *

Doyle found Angel on the floor of their bedroom, "Angel man, you ok?" He helped Angel up and sat him on the bed, "Hey," he said softly, "Angel," the man didn't look at him, "why were you on the floor?"

"You came back."

"O' course. Never leave you fer long."

"Thought you'd gone," Angel sounded stunned that Doyle _hadn't_ abandoned him.

"Just popped over to Xander's and t' the police station."

"To turn me in?" asked Angel in a small voice that sounded so young.

"No! T' threaten the she cop. Ye didn' do anyt'ing wrong," Triple M studied the vamp and slid into his lap. "Yer so pale. You need to eat."

"Not hungry," said Angel softly but Doyle could feel his lover's hunger reflected in himself and it strummed through his own body.

Leaning in the man cocked his head back, "Drink."

With a shake of his head Angel said, "It'll hurt you."

"Angel!" Doyle laughed, "What are ye talkin' about? This is us. You need to feed and I need to feel close t' you! Just bite me," the Irish boy rubbed against his mate, "Please, for me? Make me feel useful?"

"As a snack?"

Frustrated, Doyle shook his head. He knew that his lover wasn't in his right state of mind but it was upsetting to have the vampire acting so obtuse. It was unsettling to have Angel doubt him, he wasn't used to Angel acting unsurely. "As yer lover!" he nearly shouted. Biting his lip before he continued he calmed down and reminded himself to treat Angel with kidskin gloves, "I want to help you," he ran his fingers soothingly over Angel's face. "I 'ave no idea how t' help."

Looking up for the first time, Angel's eyes seemed to register Doyle's distress and he pulled the man closer. "Mine," he whispered burying his nose in Doyle's neck. Fangs descended against warm flesh, and his "Love you," was muffled by his lover's clavicle. His fangs slipped home with ease and slow grace.

The slighter man writhed in his lap, "So warm," the Irish man said happily as he could feel Angel's temperature rising.

Lapping at the wound, Angel felt safe. He took slow pulls from the vein as he stroked Doyle's back with blood heated fingers. All he could taste was Doyle: Doyle's love, fear, desire, and hope. His mind cleared as the liquid filtered through his system pulling the madness out of him and into its destructive heat. "Doyle?" he breathed between mouthfuls.

"Right 'ere wit' ye," he assured between gasps.

Finally allowing the blood flow to slow down, Angel stopped worrying the puncture wound. "Thank you. But I think I took too much. You've gone pale."

Eyes heavily lidded Doyle said, "'M fine. Jus' painfully turned on and the blood _isn't_ in me face. Didn't take too much. Ye feelin' better?"

"Before, I couldn't hear myself think. I could hear The Master, Darla, my demon, Dru, and Penn all loathing me. I made him, destroyed him, and killed him. . . twice. But your blood brought me back -emptied my mind- thank you."

With a smile Doyle laughed, "Anytime, fer ye."

Laying back down, Angel pulled his mate with him and stroked the man's face, "Make love to me?"

* * *

Sipping his red wine Spike asked, "So, what are we going to call the blighter?" He slid his foot up Xander's leg under protective cover of the table cloth.

"Behave," Xander chided, but he was smiling, "I haven't thought of any names. Too excited to consider something so concrete." He spooned his beuf bourginon slowly, "What do you think?" The foot continued its travels.

"I think this restaurant's very nice," the smirk made Xander melt. He had taken the vampire up on the offer of allowing Xander to dress him. The place was far too posh for a dress code. After all, if you charge fifty dollars for an appetizer you can't demand that people wear ties. While Xander was very casually attired he had dressed Spike to the nines. The blond was draped in black, from his velvet bolero jacket to his Italian leather shoes. He was preternaturally pale while his lips were stained dark from his wine, "Don't you think?" he purred as he moved his foot in small circles.

"What?" asked Xander dazedly.

"I lost you somewhere," Spike sighed with mock anguish.

"Your foot's on my crotch," Xander informed his mate.

"I like these shoes you and Cordy picked out."

Xander was flushed but still managed to squeak out, "Bonding with Cordelia means shopping."

With a smirk Spike said, "Bonding, bonds, bondage. We have cuffs back in the room, don't let me forget."

"Baby names!" Xander almost shouted. Clearing his throat he spoke a tad bit more softly as he said, "We need to pick names, Spike," and then warned, "I'm gonna scream when you make me come in my pants. We're gonna get kicked out of the nice restaurant."

"Bite your lip and don't make a sound. Drink your soup, love, you don't want it going cool."

Desperately, Xander shut his eyes trying to calm down, "I'm being assaulted by my lover's shoe."

"And you're loving it," Spike smirked triumphantly, "Focus, Xan, baby names."

Blood erupted from Xander's lower lip as he came with a shudder, "Bastard."

"That's not a good name: imagine his classmates during roll call. The kid needs three names. If he _is_ immortal, he needs to be able to easily change his identity and multiple names facilitate that." Xander's breath was slowly becoming normal, "I like James for a boy."

"I had a grandfather named-"

"I know," Spike smiled.

Xander replied with an eye roll. The thought somehow eclipsed his recent orgasm, "Of course you know, how silly of me. I loved him dearly. He wanted Mom and me to move to a farm with him and grandma. I used to spend every summer there. My grandma would fatten me up and he would let me ride the horses if I helped muck out the stables. It was awesome. They really loved me and liked having me there even though they hated my dad."

Nodding Spike said again, "I know," Xander turned his attention back to his rapidly cooling soup, "My father was a James," Spike confided as he played self-consciously with his food, "Let's go back to the hotel to talk?"

With a thought to his sticky pants Xander nodded. When Spike motioned for the bill he protested, "This is my treat: I'm paying."

"Yeah," Spike said slowly as though his sentiment should have been obvious to the immortal human, "but I put you through public torture during your treat."

The bill came and Xander thought for a moment before shrugging, "You pay," he noticed a white bag the waiter had brought over, "what's that?"

Focusing on the math of adding a tip to the phenomenal bill Spike sounded distracted as he said, "I assumed we wouldn't make it through pudding so I took the liberty of preordering vast amounts of chocolate things while you were in the loo."

Mouth open wide with wonder Xander replied with awe, "You're amazing."

* * *

The ten AM sun heralded Cordy's arrival. As she walked down the stairs she said, "Ok, so I gave you the day off yesterday for killing him but what's up?" she called a little louder as she said, "I hope your decent!"

"We're not!" replied Doyle as he rooted through the fridge. "We're naked and in the kitchen."

Leaning against the counter Angel watched his mug of blood warming in the microwave. He smirked as she squealed upon entering the room, "He did warn you."

"I thought he was joking!" she replied as she melodramatically covered her eyes, "Wesley's getting antsy. I told him that Penn done but he wants to talk to you."

The buzzer went off on the microwave and Angel happily stirred the blood with his finger. Cordelia tentatively opened her eyes just in time to witness the sight and pulled a slight "eww" face causing Angel to grin in response. Once he wouldn't have fed in front of her but she had tried to convince him that she was fine with it and Doyle made him feel so comfortable with himself that he no longer felt strange about it. "Tell 'im," Doyle sneered, "to go hunt a rogue demon." He bit into his apple. "We do need a word wit' you though."

"After I put on pants," Angel headed towards the bedroom and listened to Cordelia address his lover.

"Don't you want to get dressed?" Cordy asked carefully kept her eyes on Doyle's face.

Sitting down at the table the Irish man sized up the apple trying to figure out the place for his next bite. "Princess, I don't care what ye see. Ye've seen me starkers before."

"Why do I always catch you in the kitchen?" she laughed. Doyle shrugged but lovingly stroked the table causing her to blush. Angel walked in and sat next to him, "So what do you want to talk about?"

"You can't tell Wesley," Doyle prefaced the news, "Xander doesn't want him to know."

"Alright. Is Xander ok?" she asked with concern.

"He's going to have a child," Angel smiled with pride.

Shocked the girl swallowed a few times before speaking, "Who's crazy enough to let _them_ adopt?"

"No one, Cor," Triple M laughed, "he's preggers."

* * *

Meandering back to the hotel was pleasant even in the bitter cold. Xander practically forgot about the state of his pants when Spike dropped down into the snow to make a "snow victim" he would never make an angel but apparently the imprint of a corpse was suitably evil to not be considered "ponce-ish". At the hotel they took a long, hot shower.

While he rubbed his lover's back under the lovely spray, Spike asked, "What names do you like?"

"Rupert," said Xander softly, as though he was afraid Spike would laugh. He justified it quickly, "As a middle name."

Pulling the boy close Spike said, "Pet, he didn't even _call _when your mum died."

"He was in England. In fact, he was supposed to get back yesterday. I should call him. He left a week after I came out to LA, he said he had a lot to do there. I have heaps of explaining to do." He sounded worried and leaned gratefully into Spike's caress.

Grimacing Spike tried to think of a reply. He didn't want to endorse a watcher. But he had researched Giles and knew the man to be quite trustworthy. He had felt angry when Rupert hadn't contacted his boy and with the new information he was slightly thrown. "Well, I hate to talk for a watcher," he said, reaching past Xander to turn off the water, "but he cares a great deal for you. He's done some wicked and cruel things for love. If anyone will understand this it's him."

"We haven't done anything wicked or cruel," he stepped out of the shower and pulled Spike with him.

"Tell that to Buffy."

"She beat you to a point where anyone alive would have died! What I did wasn't wicked," Xander shook with remembered anger as he wrapped a huge towel around Spike.

"Right. But she would say that us being bonded is sick enough. We _are_ our wicked deed."

"You don't believe that?" Xander was scared and the assertion came out phrased as a question.

"Of course not," Spike's conviction soothed the boy and the vampire moved to wrap the towel around them both. "Ol' Rupes won't either. After all, he's been shagging the chaos mage for years."

"Ethan?"

"Tha's the one," Spike nodded as he rubbed their bodies dry with affectionate pats. Standing obediently still Xander was too shocked to move.

"How long is years?"

"Since they were 17. It's on and off. My sources say it's very on at the mo'."

"The trip to England?"

"I'm sure they had a lovely tryst. I mean, Giles _did _say he had a lot to _do_ over there."

"But he's evil!"

"You're not serious," Spike laughed but then saw the anxiety in his mate's eyes and said, "pet, _he's_ never eaten anyone."

"Yeah, but he has a soul."

"You can't defend me and attack him," Spike said warmly as he dropped the towel and led the immortal boy to bed. They instantly curled into one another, "It doesn't work."

With a sigh Xander asked, "Are they happy?"

Spike shrugged, "The mage wants to "move in". But your man won't let Ethan stay in Sunnyhell and won't leave the place. Says both options are too dangerous."

"Sad," Xander cuddled more firmly into Spike's side. He knew that they had made dangerous decisions to be together but Spike was the best thing he'd ever sought out.

Smiling tiredly Spike urged, "Ring him. Then I'll feed you cake for the rest of the night with the rather nice solid silver forks I stole from the restaurant. . . all 12 of them."

"You stole 12 forks? Why?"

"To go with the 12 knives, 12 spoons, 12 salad forks, 12 fish knifes, and 12 melon spoons. A good dinner set should sit 12."

"Spike!"

"Pet, I hardly think you should worry about the silverware."

"Oh, I'm not worried about the theft: I wanted to know, where did you fit it all? And why didn't you get the butter knives?"

"Didn't have a chance."

Laughing and shaking his head ruefully Xander rolled over to reach his mobile. Spike stroked his hip gently, "Don't molest me when I'm on the phone, babe."

"Would I do such a thing?" Spike looked shocked.

"You have in the past."


	36. 36

Title: That Damned Happiness Clause (36?)

Feedback! (I know, it's been forever)

Setting: Expecting. Keep in mind that I am a strong believer in the fact that one little thing can change the course of history, hence cannon gets meddled with because life took a different path my cannon is not Joss'.

Warnings: mega angst.

Recap: Angel's no longer crazy. Xander is going to call Giles.

* * *

"Giles, Hi. It's –it's me: Xander." His nerves made him stutter a little.

"Hello," the man knew everything, Xander could tell from his tone, "how are you?"

Pausing, Xander wasn't sure of what to say, "I'm fine. How are you? How was England?"

"Everything went well."

"Good. I just wanted to call you-"

Mercifully, Giles interrupted him, "Are you really ok? Because I've been hearing conflicting stories."

"What have you heard?"

"Willow says you've married Spike. Buffy says you beat her up."

"They're both telling the truth."

"You broke her ankle?"

"She nearly killed Spike. If he was human he would have been more than dead. And all he did to anger her was coming to _my_ mother's funeral. He nearly got dusted for comforting me."

"Oh dear."

"I know I shouldn't have done it but I was angry and scared." Spike kissed his shoulder reassuringly. "He's my mate."

"What?"

"We're bonded."

"To what extent?"

"I'm immortal and he's tamed."

Spike took offence at that, "Hey!"

Hearing the outburst Giles asked, "Is he there?"

"Yeah," Xander laced his fingers through his lover's, "Are you upset?"

The question was countered with another, "Are you happy?"

With a laugh Xander said, "I've never been this happy in my whole life."

"Then why would I be upset?"

The breath Xander had been holding unconsciously was finally released, "You have no idea how grateful I am that you mean that."

"I've read a lot about William the Bloody. He protects the people he cares about. You're safe. If you're happy then I can't find fault."

"Wow, that's. . . awesome. There's another, tiny, insignificant thing." Spike pulled Xander back as the boy spoke so that their bodies were flush against one another.

"Yes?"

"How much do you know about vampiric bonds?"

"Much more than watchers are supposed to."

"The bond's a living thing that needs us to be happy."

"I know that."

"Well, yeah, um I'm kinda, very, pregnant." There was silence and Xander called into the phone, "G-man, did I kill you with shock?"

"I'm not dead. Just. . . I'm so pleased for you. Don't call me that."

"Really? 'Cause I thought, y'know, it's one thing to say you're cool with Spike it's another to be fine with me having his baby."

Giles sighed, "No, Xander, I think it's wonderful. Where are you?"

"Right now? Canada."

"Oh! Did you hear about-"

"Yes. I heard. He's dead. I can't bring myself to care. He was never my father."

"I never realized you disliked him so much. I knew things weren't easy for you-"

Interrupting him a second time Xander said, "If I ever go to his grave it will be to dance on it." Spike licked his neck comfortingly, purring low in his chest.

"When do you get back into the country?"

"Ten days."

"Alright, I'll meet you at the airport. When's the baby due?"

"In twelve days. You'll come see me?" he was shocked.

"Of course, if that's ok."

"Yeah. I just didn't expect you to be so cool with this."

"My father disapproved of everything I did. It didn't stop me from doing anything. It just stopped him from being able to watch me. And he missed a lot of interesting things."

"Will you stay with us?"

"If you like."

"That would be good. Giles, another thing? Wesley is hanging around Angel. He doesn't like Spike or me being with him and he doesn't know about the baby. I'm worried."

"He's a fool. Not a bastard. He won't touch your child. He might say things but he won't harm the infant. You're baby is safe."

They said their goodbyes and hung up. For a few moments Xander basked in the knowledge that Giles didn't hate him. Rolling over, Xander nuzzled against his mate and felt safe. "Do you mind if he visit?"

"It's fine," Spike assured him as he ran his fingers through the boy's clean hair.

"But you hate watchers."

"Ol' Rupes is practically the baby's grandfather."

* * *

Angel was sitting at his desk when Cordelia came into the inner office. He'd been reading for hours while she'd been filing. He gave her a wane smile before turning back to his book. "Are you safe to be around?" she asked, "Or are you still brooding?"

"I don't brood. I sit pensively."

"I have a date tonight."

"Alright?" Angel hazarded not understanding how he was meant to reply.

Shaking her head she said, "I'm leaving early."

"Right," comprehension dawned. "And who is this guy?"

"Wilson Christopher."

Smiling again he said, "Should I check into him? Doyle can hack into criminal records."

"Don't you dare." He laughed and she continued. "There was a time when you would have meant that. It's good you're getting laid it makes you mellow."

Nodding in concurrence Angel said nothing. The lift doors creaked as Doyle stepped out. "Doin' alright?" he asked Angel who nodded again, "Good. I just had a vision."

"Are you ok? You didn't call for me."

"I'm fine," Doyle assured him but looked drawn around the eyes, "There's an egg hatchin' an eviol baby in about an hour."

* * *

The holiday went too quickly. It seemed that they were packing before they unpacked. And Spike was worried about something. Xander could tell because the vampire was unwilling to take his hand off the human. He put it down to nerves about seeing Giles. He could understand his mate's apprehension as Spike didn't have a good track record with watchers.

He didn't want to question the blond. Instead, he tried to lead away from the topic while in the cab to the airport, "What have we learned on our trip?"

"Um," Spike smiled, "You have an innate gift for skiing, chocolate tastes better when consumed in bed, silverware should not be put in the microwave, and snow coated in maple syrup is both nutritious and delicious."

"And sitting in the sauna feels best when?"

"After falling on one's arse repeatedly while trying to get down a double black diamond."

"Told you not to show off."

"I've skied a lot. All over Eastern Europe. That trail was poorly marked."

"Ok."

"Quiet, Xan. It'll be nice to be in our own apartment though, won't it?"

"Vampiric nesting," smirked Xander but he nodded, "I'm tired."

"Poor pet, we'll be home soon."


	37. 37

Title: That Damned Happiness Clause (37?)

Feedback! (I know, it's been forever)

Setting: Expecting. Keep in mind that I am a strong believer in the fact that one little thing can change the course of history, hence cannon gets meddled with because life took a different path my cannon is not Joss'.

Recap: The boys are going home.

* * *

They drank soda in the sky. Spike could tell that his boy wasn't happy about their altitude because of the way Xander keep glancing towards the plane's window so he said, "We never finished the name discussion. What about Jesse?"

"He wouldn't like that. He'd call it dwelling. What about Christopher? It's a nice name, the prince in Cinderella is name Christopher."

"Really? Only you would know that."

"Christopher Rupert, Windamehr Ladameir, Carl Alexander, Francois Reginal, Lanalot Herman, Gregory James."

"Alright so: James Rupert Christopher. Girl? I like Moira."

"Any reason?" asked Xander stroking Spike's hand.

"I had a dog called Moira. I was on the banks of the Thames with my brother and my sisters. I was thirteen and busy watching the three of them. And I didn't notice that some rotten bloody kid had kicked her into the water. She got caught on something and drowned. I fucking loved that bitch."

"Oh, I'm sorry. . . I like Joyce. Buffy's mom is such a mom."

"What about your mum? Jessica."

"No, she was miserable. I don't want to name her for misery. What was your mom's name?"

"Iris."

"Pretty."

Looking out the window Spike agreed with a nod.

"We should get more kittens. Not right away but I think the baby could use a pet and you ate all the kitten's you won. I mean Angel and Doyle still have Felix but he's theirs and I think Angel's finally getting over his cat fear."

* * *

Angel saw the man standing at the airport and smiled warmly. "Giles, how nice to see you. What are you doing here?"

"I came to pick Xander and Spike up."

"Typical!" Angel shook his head. "They get a ride and don't tell me."

Giles was mildly surprised that Angel was being almost capable of small talk. Buffy had told him of the Irishman and he wondered how the man had made such a difference in the vampire. Trying for a warm reply he said, "Xander can be absent minded."

"And Spike currently doesn't have a mind outside of Xander," rejoined Angel with an almost paternally fond smile. "They won't be through customs for a long time. Want to try find some coffee?"

* * *

As he ran his fingers over Xander's wrists, Spike smiled. Even in his sleep Xander instantly moved into the caress. The boy was wearing sweat bands that they'd bought at a street fair the night before. When Xander had started lactating blood and milk from his wrists Spike had been concerned but Xander had just laughed and assured him it was fine saying, "Would you rather I grew breasts? 'Cause personally? I don't think they'd look hot." And he'd stopped joking when Spike lapped at one of the weeping wrists, instead he'd wrapped his legs around the vampire's waist and fallen happily back into bed.

Now the smell of Spike's comatose lover played over his vampire senses and made him moan softly. Xander was so warm, vibrant, alive, sexy.

"Xander," he called in a singsong voice, "Xannnderrr, we're on the ground."

Eyes opening, Xander stretched before looking out the window and asking, "When did this happen?"

"About three minutes ago. Almost everyone else is off." Spike smiled and brushed hair off his boy's face. "C'mon, your watcher's waiting."

* * *

The vampire and watcher were still being friendly as they waited at the gate. Spike and Xander were among the last through. "We were worried you'd missed it," said Giles with a smile as Xander gave him a tight hug. The contact made him look slightly abashed.

Seeing Angel Spike grimaced, "We forgot to call."

"You did," Angel agreed.

"Well," said Xander, "it might not be such a bad thing because we didn't pack light. Giles are you still driving something tiny?"

"Yes."

"Okay, why don't you take Spike and half the bags and Angel and I can take the other half?" suggested Xander brightly. He sent his lover a pleading look that Giles caught.

Before the blond vampire could reply Giles said, "Wonderful idea. We'll see you back at your apartment."

* * *

"Is there a reason why we're leaving the watcher and the unrepentant evil vampire alone?" asked Angel as he placed the bags in the back; he wouldn't let Xander life things.

"Yeah, I wanted to ride with you," Xander smiled and punched Angel's arm. "Spike needs to realize that Giles isn't a threat."

Angel studied the boy for a moment before pulling him into a hug and saying. "You look so beautiful like this."

"Like what?" asked Xander, knowing what Angel meant but wanting a compliment. He'd never received them the way he got them here: meant and honest.

"Glowing," replied Angel.

Xander smiled, "I look sweaty and nine months knocked up."

Smiling into Xander's hair Angel said, "I'm sure it means nothing, but I'm so proud of you. And I'm so pleased for you."

"It means something," said Xander and Angel brushed a light kiss over Xander's mouth.

As they climbed into the car Xander asked, "What's happened since we left?"

"Cordy got pregnant with demon spawn." He started to pull out of the parking lot, watching Giles' car in his rearview mirror.

"Yea! We can be preggers buddies."

Angel shook his head, "There were twelve creatures inside of her. We killed the father, doing that killed his progeny."

"Oh."

Correctly reading the boy's mood Angel said, "It's not the same."

"No? Because here I thought I was about to birth an evil demon's spawn."

"Cordelia didn't want them, didn't know she was sleeping with a guy carrying demon come, her babies tried to possess her, it would have killed her to give birth."

"I'm gonna love my baby."

Angel tried to placate him, "And you'll be a wonderful father."

"My baby isn't evil."

"Of course not."

"Spike's evil but he's kind and loving."

"You have nothing to worry about," agreed Angel.

"I don't, right?"

Hearing the need for reassurance in the boy's voice the vampire said, "The baby will be wonderful. Don't be scared." Glancing in his rearview mirror again he said, "Giles doesn't look irritated yet, that's a good sign."

Xander leaned back in his chair, "Good."

"How long is he here for?"

"As long as he likes, I hope it's a few days. But Christmas is in a six days so I'm not sure. I hope it's a few days."

Angel smiled, sad that Giles -the boy's last connection to Sunnydale- would only stay a few days while Xander was having a baby. "How was Canada?"

"Wonderful. Freezing, but great. I even got Spike to snow tube, he said it was retarded as it was just sitting on your butt in the snow masquerading as a doing sport but then he got into it and wouldn't stop launching himself out of his tube when we were going downhill and landing on mine. He said it was his job to be evil." Xander laughed and rolled his head on his neck.

As they pulled into the underground parking lot Angel said, "Well, welcome home, Xander."

He watched his sire's eyes slide to his large stomach and Xander asked, "Are you and Doyle thinking about kids? I mean, none of us thought it was possible fifteen days ago."

Angel shook his head, "We talked about it but. . . not for a few years. There's plenty of time. We want four later."

* * *

The first five minutes in Giles' car were silent and awkward. Finally the watcher said, "Xander looks wonderful."

"He always does," said Spike but he felt like it was time to get the pleasantries out of the way and just say what needed to be said. "The baby will be here in two days. It doesn't seem like enough time."

He had been trying to think of a tactful way to ask his question but he couldn't think of a polite version and so Giles said, "Are you going to be a good father?"

"He's my mate. You can't take him away. If you try-"

"I'm not going to."

"I know you're a watcher-"

Angered by the words Giles asked, "What does that mean?"

"He loves you and if try to take him or the baby-"

"How dare you."

Ignoring the man's offence Spike pushed on, "It will kill him. If you try to get him to leave we'll both die. And if you steal his baby you'll be stealing his father figure too. It will be too much, he'll go mad. His father was a bastard. He thinks of you in the capacity of a caring adult. You hugged him as though you cared. I'm pleased if you're here for him but, if you hurt him in some way, I will hunt you down and not let you die for years. So if that's your aim I suggest you leave now. I can tell him that you got mad at me and left. You have no idea how important you are to him. You weren't just Buffy's watcher, he loves you and I need you to leave before you break that."

Silenced by Spike's honest words Giles finally said calmly, "I'm not here to take your child. I'm just here for a visit. I'm not going to hurt him. I've read the histories and know what you're capable of. Even if I did not care for Xander I wouldn't cross you. But that's not why I'm here."

"Okay," Spike let out an unneeded breath, "Good." They were pulling into the apartment's parking lot and he sighed. Home again.

Watching the vampire relax Giles realized he could place some reassurance behind his words. "I spoke to Wesley for you. I told him the situation and threatened his life. He wouldn't do anything but it's best to err on the side of caution."

"Thank you," said Spike as the watcher put the car in park next to Angel's machine.

Giles smiled, William the Bloody had just thanked a watcher. "You're going to be a wonderful father."

Spike was about to reply when he saw something out of the corner of his eye that made him jump out of the car, "Xander, don't you dare pick up that bag! That one's the heaviest. Take the carry-on bag."

Xander rolled his eyes and went to lift the big black bag but Angel stopped him with a smile, "Don't do it just to spite him. Go put the kettle on. Doyle got you new milk."

Rolling his eyes he muttered, "Yes, sire."

The key in the lock made the clicking noise of coming home. And as he flipped the light switch Cordelia, Doyle, and Wesley jumped up saying "Surprise!"

A round cake on the kidney shaped coffee table read "Hurray for Baby!" And, after blinking several times, Xander asked, "Is three people a surprise party or surprise get together?" Shaking his head he said, "Disregard that question." He smiled, "I'm gonna turn off the lights and you can do it again for Spike. This is so cool!" He darkened the room and walked into the kitchen to put the kettle on the burner.

Finding the lights off in the living room Spike called, "Xander, is there a reason why the light is off?"

"No, turn it on," called the boy from the kitchen.

"There are five pulses in this apartment and only two of them are inside of your body. So, when I illuminate the room, am I going to have to feign shock when all our nearest and dearest jump out?"

"Stop being difficult," said Giles behind Spike.

When the light came on Cordelia was tapping her foot, Doyle was flipping Spike off, and Wesley still said, "Surprise!"

"I'm shocked, really," Spike said dryly but happily received a hug from Cordelia.

"Hi, Giles," she said with a smile. This was her party and she was going to be a good hostess even if it wasn't her house. "You know Wesley and this is Doyle."

They shook hands and Doyle said, "It's nice to finally meet you."

Xander walked back in with the teapot and cups along with milk, sugar, honey, and lemon. "Put that down," said Cordy, "and come see what we've done."

She took Xander and Spike's hands and pulled them into their bedroom. Everything looked exactly how they'd left it, right down to the unmade bed, save for the closet light which was on and visible through the Venetian folding doors. Without thinking Xander moved to turn it off. The closet stretched eight feet along the wall and was four feet deep. Instead of seeing the clothing and stuff Xander was expecting when he opened the door, he saw that the bare bulb had a shade. The walls had been painted cream and a dark wood bassinette was sitting next to a rocking chair and a changing table cum dresser.

Spike whistled and Doyle said, "It's less of a nursery and more of an alcove but we figured you would want to keep him close at first."

"It's awesome!" said Xander excitedly. And, noticing gold symbols bordering the ceiling, he asked, "What are those?"

"Ancient demonic language," replied Spike.

"The first written language," explained Giles.

Clearing his throat Wesley said, "We thought that-"

"Credit where credit's due, mate," Doyle interrupted.

"Fine -I thought that- in this line of work, a few ancient protection spells wouldn't go amiss."

"The one who sits here shall be protected for ever and eternity," read Angel.

"Thank you," said Xander studying Wesley, "it's thoughtful."

With a sniff Spike said, "Was that chocolate cake? Who wants a drink with their cake? I'll do drink orders."

"Tea's made," added Xander and he sat down in the rocking chair and ran his hands over the varnished arms. Feeling the gaze on him he looked and met Spike's slightly lidded eyes, "Later," he promised and stood with a smile.

"Don't discuss sex in front of me," commanded Cordelia.

"Sorry," Xander blushed slightly. "Thank you, guys, so much. This is great."

Doyle hugged him and didn't let go, "Glad you like it."

"I did nothing," Angel announced.

"Of course you didn't, pillock. Help me with the drinks."


End file.
